MALE playing female? Is it frowned upon?

[Sisil String]

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people. 

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Sorry for the long dragged on personal novel. I just had to get it off my chest.

[Coffee Pancake]

Play whatever you like. That's the point.

Be as open about playing cross gender as you like. That's the point.

Lots of people do for almost as many personal reasons (and it's not limited to just guys playing girls).

Some people like to claim they can magically tell, or that it matters and it's hilarious because they can't and it doesn't.

Of course intentionally cat-fishing is bad, but if you're not playing SL as a dating app ... whatever.

[Fritigern Gothly]

Go back and be a female.
As the old saying goes: Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.

If someone has a problem with you being a female in SL, just because you feel more comfortable that way, then clearly they don't want to take the time to get to know you and/or they are not interested in in your wishes and your comfort. Either way, no matter how much it hurts get them out of your (second) life, those people will ruin your experience and you do not need that kind of fungus in your life, second or first.

EDIT: Urban SL myth or not, but it is generally assumed that the majority of female avatars on SL are Guys In Real Life (G.I.R.L.s for short)

 

Edited February 28, 2020 by Fritigern Gothly

[Coffee Pancake]

I know a few CIS Girls who intentionally leave their RL gender a little vague ..  tames down some of the overtly sexual approaches, and helps them stay under the radar and get underestimated (which can be fun all by itself).

AFAWK .. The actual demographics are very evenly gender split.

[Kweopi]

2 hours ago, Sisil String said:

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people. 

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Sorry for the long dragged on personal novel. I just had to get it off my chest.

from my point of view, be what you want to be, play how you want to play and if anyone is upset, there is an interesting option on SL that helps you to mute / block the idiots. I think it's a matter of perspective: women in sl are more interested  what the avatar looks like and not who the back person is, while men want to control both the avatar and the real person.
After all, it is your SL, you invest in it time / money, so play as you like.

[Orwar]

   It's not really frowned upon, unless it's used to catfish people. I have both a male and a female avatar, as I got bored of taking photos of my male avatar whose options in apparel are severely limited.

1 hour ago, Fritigern Gothly said:

EDIT: Urban SL myth or not, but it is generally assumed that the majority of female avatars on SL are Guys In Real Life (G.I.R.L.s for short)

   I don't know if this is true? It's something that used to be a thing in gaming communities back in the early 2000's, but with the whole gaming gender politic shenanigans in gaming media the past few years, I don't think there's anyone who doesn't know that girls and women do play video games. As far as SL goes, the amount of people using female avatars who've turned out to be men in RL, in my experience, has been fairly few and far between.

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

Do what truly makes you happy. Some won't like it, for whatever reason of their own, like the expectations of their RL environment. Don't take it on yourself, let it remain theirs.

Likewise, be careful not to project your own apprehension and fears of negative reception onto others.

You can't control others' reactions, only your own response to it. So if someone gives you grief, acknowledge your discomfort with it and then find something positive to replace it with. It might take some trial and error to find the right places for yourself, but they're there.

Dressing up avs is such a popular use of SL these days, you're more likely to fit in and have an easier time of socialising than someone like myself. Think of it more like that, all that you have in common. Good luck finding your circles

[Mollymews]

7 hours ago, Sisil String said:

I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life

as you not wanting to have an ongoing intimate relationship with some guy then just take what you do for what it is.  You like playing with dolls

anyone on SL asks then tell them that nobody let you play with girl dolls when you were little, and it traumatised you so you in therapy now as a grown adult and are making heaps of good recovery progress. At which point any random guy who doesn't like playing with dolls will have run away. And you don't want to play with them anyways when they get like that

and after a bit, about half of them random guys will come back, sneak in your IM and try chat you up, when they get over themselves

 

 

Edited February 28, 2020 by Mollymews
progess nt process

[Talligurl]

It's your SL do what you want, don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

[Rhonda Huntress]

8 hours ago, Sisil String said:

Should I go back and play as a female

Yes.

 

8 hours ago, Sisil String said:

Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

If you are going to be a girl, be a girl.  Don't constantly bring up the fact you are a guy. 

And KC Couture has the best shoes at the best prices.

[Caroline Takeda]

Your World Your Imagination!

[Dano Seale]

In life I love beautiful, sexy women, being with, looking at, dreaming of, so that's how I made my 'girlie' avi'. Back in our 1st incarnation, she was made purely to take over from Dano when his shift as a dancer/stripper ended because....money! I'll admit that way back then I also used her to further my new found fetish for "cartoon sex" as I term it, short version...she was a bit of a sl*t!  Male, female, animal, mineral or vegetable, she'd do it. Didn't bother me I the least that any girls she was rolling around with were probably men, she looked like a girl and so did they = result!

Having recently returned to the game/sim and with the power to rebuild her, she's now 10 times hotter than the original. However, time has moved on and I find myself a lot more mature (for "mature" read - "grumpy old sod!") with no inclination at all to get back into all that subterfuge and sexual emoting stuff! This being the case, she now sports a profile bearing a pretty broad warning that she's driven by a man, along with another warning that if IM'ing her for sex? Then it's going to cost a fair amount up front! If they still want to follow through? Fine by me, money's always useful.
Basically, be what you want to be, as long as you're not stringing anyone along in RL it's all fine in my eyes. If I feel like pursuing someone further than the "cartoon sex" stage...I'll bring Dano out of mothballs and be my true self! We're all a long time dead, so get on with it!

[cheesecurd]

It’s only really a concern to those working as escorts with voice, a separation of SecondLife and real life let’s you do whatever you want.

Outside of that more “real life involved” sexual atmosphere, nobody cares. Regardless of your voice or avatar or anything else, do what you want to do and be who you want to be.

Hell, I play male and female avatars all the time, though dominantly female. And people always say they can tell I’m a guy, and then also say they can tell I’m a girl when I play as a guy, little do they know that there’s 2 people using this account and they’re both wrong and right at the exact same time.

[NewLuden]

Ay man, just do what you want but be honest with people. 

If they ask, tell em but no real reason to change doing what you like. Me and my group of friends we all play males and female AVs. 

Just do what you like and if people have a problem, block them. 

Second Life is literally full of people playing things they can't be in real life or just creating things they like to see. 

There is nothing wrong with it or nothing special about it. 

Just do your thing. 

[Selene Gregoire]

13 hours ago, Sisil String said:

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people. 

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Sorry for the long dragged on personal novel. I just had to get it off my chest.

As long as you are not being intentionally deceptive, you're fine. If you are asked, be honest.

Just be yourself. 

An old friend used to log in as female. When asked why his reply was simple. He prefers watching women walking (from behind) to watching men walking. pfft Men! 

 

ETA: You could put a little blurb on your profile, like some other men do, to that effect.

Edited February 28, 2020 by Selene Gregoire

[Selene Gregoire]

10 hours ago, Kweopi said:

women in sl are more interested  what the avatar looks like and not who the back person is,

Utter bs. I care more about what the person is like than what the avatar looks like and I am not the only one. I'm not saying there aren't a lot of shallow people in SL (there are). I am saying that many of us are not that shallow. You could have the most beautiful avatar in all of SL but if you have an ugly personality, you won't get the time of day from me.

[Selene Gregoire]

5 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

And KC Couture has the best shoes at the best prices.

[Maitimo]

On 2/28/2020 at 4:00 AM, Sisil String said:

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people. 

I keep taking breaks because I don't like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Sorry for the long dragged on personal novel. I just had to get it off my chest.

Generally speaking the only people who get upset by it are those who are in RL, male, straight, and looking for a SL/RL relationship.  I have gradually shifted my avatar since last year to being almost entirely female (more of a very femme femboy) and I don't hide the fact that I am male in RL (it's in my profile at least twice). The only people who have thought I'm a freak are guys who didn't read my profile and were trying to get into my panties. 

Voice isn't nearly as common as you might think and a lot of people, particularly those of us who have been on SL a long time, don't use it. So it won't be seen as unusual if you don't either.

Do what makes you happy, and if being female makes you happy, go for it. Anyone else who doesn't like it probably wasn't worth knowing anyway.

One decision you will have to make is whether to be up-front and disclose your RL gender or not. In your case it's not really a major decision because you're not seeking a romantic or sexual relationship, but the reactions are different when people know you're a guy in RL. Not worse, just different. In particular, other women are sometimes less likely to open up to you about personal things when they know you're a guy, although in my experience that effect is lessened if you're a gay guy. I guess it's a trust thing. Gay guys are "safe" because they won't be sexually interested.

[Maitimo]

16 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Utter bs. I care more about what the person is like than what the avatar looks like and I am not the only one. I'm not saying there aren't a lot of shallow people in SL (there are). I am saying that many of us are not that shallow. You could have the most beautiful avatar in all of SL but if you have an ugly personality, you won't get the time of day from me.

You're right, but I get @Kweopi's point though.  In my experience, most women are more interested than men in two things. 

Does the avatar demonstrate that care and interest has gone into decisions about how it looks? The positive reactions from women here, earned by men such as @Orwar and @Conall DeCuir who post regularly on "How does your avatar look today" are evidence of that. Women are on the whole not so interested in avatars that look like they are fresh out of Newbie Island and collected their wardrobe at Freebie Galaxy. Men are less likely to care, as long as she looks female.

What's the person's personality like? The catch with this one is that you don't learn a person's personality immediately, you have to get to know them first. And which guy are they going to try harder to learn their personality (all other information being initially absent)? A guy who looks like Noobie McNoobface? Or a guy who looks like Conall?

The thing with SL, is that a person's avatar really does demonstrate a lot about a person, just by the way they choose to make it look. I don't mean how much money has been spent on it or whether it's fully mesh or whatever. In SL we choose exactly how we look, down to the tiniest detail, and that says a lot about the personality of the person driving the avatar. Cookie-cutter or something different? Business-professional or rebel? Sexual or modest?  Whatever your SL style is, there's a RL reason somewhere in your personality for that choice and regardless of how much (or how little) money you can spend), your personality shines through in every aspect of your avatar's appearance.

 

[Maitimo]

As an experiment, I've temporarily removed references to my RL gender from my profile. I'm curious to see what changes.

[Selene Gregoire]

6 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

You're right, but I get @Kweopi's point though.  In my experience, most women are more interested than men in two things. 

Does the avatar demonstrate that care and interest has gone into decisions about how it looks? The positive reactions from women here, earned by men such as @Orwar and @Conall DeCuir who post regularly on "How does your avatar look today" are evidence of that. Women are on the whole not so interested in avatars that look like they are fresh out of Newbie Island and collected their wardrobe at Freebie Galaxy. Men are less likely to care, as long as she looks female.

What's the person's personality like? The catch with this one is that you don't learn a person's personality immediately, you have to get to know them first. And which guy are they going to try harder to learn their personality (all other information being initially absent)? A guy who looks like Noobie McNoobface? Or a guy who looks like Conall?

The thing with SL, is that a person's avatar really does demonstrate a lot about a person, just by the way they choose to make it look. I don't mean how much money has been spent on it or whether it's fully mesh or whatever. In SL we choose exactly how we look, down to the tiniest detail, and that says a lot about the personality of the person driving the avatar. Cookie-cutter or something different? Business-professional or rebel? Sexual or modest?  Whatever your SL style is, there's a RL reason somewhere in your personality for that choice and regardless of how much (or how little) money you can spend), your personality shines through in every aspect of your avatar's appearance.

 

You know, if other women want to be that shallow that is their problem, not mine. They'll be stuck with the kind of men they limit themselves to. Just as shallow, vindictive and unfaithful as the women who seek them out.

When you base your interest in another human being mostly on appearances, you are not the kind of person I want to be around. I've already had "friends" like that in RL in my younger days, thank you.

If you can't be bothered to invest the time to get to know another human being, I can't be bothered either.

I get her point, I just abhor being lumped in with women like that. They make my skin crawl.

Quote

In SL we choose exactly how we look, [...] and that says a lot about the personality of the person driving the avatar.

I have said the same thing more than once on the forum. But it doesn't say everything or even enough.

Quote

 down to the tiniest detail,

Nerp. There is very little in SL that reflects me. There is a time and place to dress skimpily and it's not every time I log in.

I'm no different in SL than I am in RL. I'll keep my jeans and t-shirts for everyday wear and my dresses and slacks for work or going out.

 

ETA: The two guys you used as an example, one is on my ignore list, the other one, no, thank you.

Edited February 29, 2020 by Selene Gregoire

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Selene Gregoire said:

ETA: The two guys you used as an example, one is on my ignore list, the other one, no, thank you.

   Wait, wait. Did you just say 'no thank you' based on whichever one of us isn't blocked's appearance?

1 hour ago, Selene Gregoire said:

You know, if other women want to be that shallow that is their problem, not mine.

 

[Selene Gregoire]

17 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Wait, wait. Did you just say 'no thank you' based on whichever one of us isn't blocked's appearance?

 

No. The no thank you was based on personality. Nothing more and nothing less. Same with the one that is on ignore. Which is which? I'm not going to say.

[Adam Spark]

I have friends who have female avatars yet make no bones about the fact that they are male. I don't pretend to understand, but I highly respect the honesty.

Be what you want. You owe no explanations. Just be honest.

[suzyst]

On 2/28/2020 at 4:00 AM, Sisil String said:

 I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

 

Then do it. You're obviously not out to hurt anyone and your rl is no ones business.

There is a DJ I suspect may not be a real elf, but she does do great sets. There's a Dragon I have doubts about too, but he made a great viewer for photography. Both enhance my experience of SL so I'm not going to complain.

There are thousands of furries, demons, lycans etc. wandering around who probably wouldn't survive close scrutiny, but there is no great outcry about them being decietful. Get out there and have fun