(Rant?) I just want a dance.

[Pussycat Catnap]

1 hour ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

The rant continues ....

 

So ... I went out with Maybie.  Met a girl and danced.  Nice time. So far so good.

This weekend I saw the girl again and we got together for another dance.  At this point I want to make sure she knows I'm not leading her on so I want her to know about Rhonda.    Well that was a  train wreak.  She was intimidated by Rhonda because "she looks too much like a man" and basically didn;'t want anything to do with me

So maybe it's not the profile.  Maybe I'm too butch.  I have Maybie for dressing cute and girlie but most of the time I am Rhonda.  So Rhonda I will stay.

I have noticed that a LOT of Sl female avatars have these hostile 'zombie eyes' in CERTAIN WINDLIGHT settings...

It was extremely common with classic heads, but I do see it sometimes with mesh heads if the nose is more raised away from the eyes (ie, a non-Asian face).

I do NOT see it in your screenshots

Maybe it's just her windlight setting...

Would be extremely curious to see what your avatar looked like on her screen...

 

Both of your avatars have the same ethnic features so it's also not that (and I don't begrudge people who are only attracted to certain ethnicities because attraction is what it is).

 

Try dressing Rhonda is something 'anime / loli' cute and seeing what happens.

 

That noted, we can also post all the usual comments about the avatar not being the person behind the screen... but it also does play a large role... I've certainly distanced myself from people who had avatars I found extremely unappealing. But I've also let the avatar slide when it was clearly not a representation of the person (as in... I can find it easier to get past the visual when it's a furry or a tiny or something crazy than when it's more human-like but clearly 'off' in a manner that hits one of my triggers).

 

[Rhonda Huntress]

43 minutes ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

Try dressing Rhonda is something 'anime / loli' cute and seeing what happens.

LOL

I don't do cute.  That's what I have Maybie for

 

 

[Pussycat Catnap]

16 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

LOL

I don't do cute.  That's what I have Maybie for

But...

... It's for SCIENCE !!!

Eliminate the variables and such. Keep Rhonda as is, except dressed in a sailor moon hentai outfit with bunny ears on - very scientific and such.

 

[Alwin Alcott]

/me sighs ... me, nor my alt(s) ever get a IM ...

[Raspberry Crystal]

7 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

The rant continues ....

 

So ... I went out with Maybie.  Met a girl and danced.  Nice time. So far so good.

This weekend I saw the girl again and we got together for another dance.  At this point I want to make sure she knows I'm not leading her on so I want her to know about Rhonda.    Well that was a  train wreak.  She was intimidated by Rhonda because "she looks too much like a man" and basically didn;'t want anything to do with me

/me mutters something about lipstick lezbians, flippin' femmes and blah blah blah.

 

So maybe it's not the profile.  Maybe I'm too butch.  I have Maybie for dressing cute and girlie but most of the time I am Rhonda.  So Rhonda I will stay.

Yeah ... this is too butch?  I can do butch, bitc, and this is just a tip of the iceberg.

/rant

/wrists

/ing prices!

Anyway, I think she's beautiful and she makes ME happy.  That's what matters

 

Rhonda does look beautiful! Absolutely stay as you are.

Mind you, I never go dancing, it all sounds too complicated

[Scylla Rhiadra]

7 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

/me sighs ... me, nor my alt(s) ever get a IM ...

And I never send an IM -- at least, not to men I don't know, because my experience has suggested that it is too often read as sign of aggressive sexuality (i.e., I'm actively looking for a romantic or sexual partner), and frankly I just don't want to deal with that.

On the other hand, I'm quite happy to IM one of my more usual male dancing partners, and inform them that they are taking me dancing. I can do that because there aren't as many questions about expectations, and we've established a rapport and know each other reasonably well.

I'd be interested to know how men read an invitation to dance from a woman, especially from one they don't know. Obviously, that's going to vary widely from individual to individual, and according to context (location, the way both are dressed, etc.), but I'd imagine it would be possible to produce a few very tentative generalizations.

[Seicher Rae]

11 hours ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

But...

... It's for SCIENCE !!!

Eliminate the variables and such. Keep Rhonda as is, except dressed in a sailor moon hentai outfit with bunny ears on - very scientific and such.

 

I would so pay to see that.

[Seicher Rae]

8 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

/me sighs ... me, nor my alt(s) ever get a IM ...

If we were on the same place, I'd IM you, because I'd recognize you from the Forum. I'd read your profile first though. (Which I haven't done so I have no idea what is there.) If the profile was basically "stay away! I'm grumpy!" then I might not IM you. Or I might, and just preface it with "Just wanted to say hi, I recognize you from the Forum..."

Geez, I IM people all of the time. I wonder if I'm causing all sorts of unknown (to me) drama and anxiety?  

 

[Seicher Rae]

4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'd be interested to know how men read an invitation to dance from a woman, especially from one they don't know. Obviously, that's going to vary widely from individual to individual, and according to context (location, the way both are dressed, etc.), but I'd imagine it would be possible to produce a few very tentative generalizations.

I hafta say, that while I just now wrote that I IM people willy nilly (actually no, I don't), I have never just opened up with "Hey there! Wanna dance?" And while I may IM people, and chat, it is rare it ever gets to the "Wanna dance?" And now I'm feeling all paranoid about my social skills, both in getting and giving dance invitations and the lack thereof, and questioning what I thought was giving good chat but then why doesn't it result in dancing and...  :::goes to cry into coffee, thus making it weaker, which totally ruins the rest of my day...:::

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Seicher Rae said:

I hafta say, that while I just now wrote that I IM people willy nilly (actually no, I don't), I have never just opened up with "Hey there! Wanna dance?" And while I may IM people, and chat, it is rare it ever gets to the "Wanna dance?" And now I'm feeling all paranoid about my social skills, both in getting and giving dance invitations and the lack thereof, and questioning what I thought was giving good chat but then why doesn't it result in dancing and...  :::goes to cry into coffee, thus making it weaker, which totally ruins the rest of my day...:::

Awwwwww . . . ! There there!

Yeah, I really have no idea what's running through people's minds, except at a few places I occasionally dance (Fogbound is an example) which I've frequented long and often enough that I can more or less expect that 3 out of 4 IMs from a guy will be from someone with "expectations" about what dancing (or for that matter, often, just my continued conversation) means. But even if my 75% guesstimate is correct, I can never assume that that's always the case, because I have met men there who just wanted to talk or dance. Most of those IMs do not lead to an invitation to dance, but that may be because couples dancing tends to much less frequent generally at the places I dance.

I don't think I've ever traumatized anyone? Maybe I'm not trying hard enough!

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 hours ago, Raspberry Crystal said:

Mind you, I never go dancing, it all sounds too complicated

Yeah, I think sometimes it kinda is?

The etiquette of clubbing and dancing is weird and very individual, maybe.

I have this utterly reprehensible thing I've done occasionally, when I've agreed to meet one of my more frequent dance partners at a place. I'll arrive, and he'll sometimes immediately conjure up the pink and blue poseballs, jump on the blue one, and then just . . . wait. For me to jump in. Without saying a word to me.

I have to admit that this kind of annoys me? I know it shouldn't, but I want to be asked to dance, even if the understanding is that that is why I've even showed up there in the first place.

And on a couple of occasions, maybe only when I'm in a somewhat sour mood -- and this is truly indefensible; don't expect me to try to justify it -- I've informed my prospective dance partner that he needs to ask me to dance, and (this is the awful part) to ask me in public chat.

No, I'm not proud of myself.

[Beth Macbain]

If I ever actually see any of you people out and about, expect an IM that says something along the lines of "hai bb.. u wnt sxy tym?"

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Beth Macbain said:

If I ever actually see any of you people out and about, expect an IM that says something along the lines of "hai bb.. u wnt sxy tym?"

 

And you should probably expect a response along the line of ". . . Yeah, alright . . ."

 

[BelindaN]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Yeah, I think sometimes it kinda is?

The etiquette of clubbing and dancing is weird and very individual, maybe.

I have this utterly reprehensible thing I've done occasionally, when I've agreed to meet one of my more frequent dance partners at a place. I'll arrive, and he'll sometimes immediately conjure up the pink and blue poseballs, jump on the blue one, and then just . . . wait. For me to jump in. Without saying a word to me.

I have to admit that this kind of annoys me? I know it shouldn't, but I want to be asked to dance, even if the understanding is that that is why I've even showed up there in the first place.

And on a couple of occasions, maybe only when I'm in a somewhat sour mood -- and this is truly indefensible; don't expect me to try to justify it -- I've informed my prospective dance partner that he needs to ask me to dance, and (this is the awful part) to ask me in public chat.

No, I'm not proud of myself.

Oh Oh.....…….now that Scylla....is swinging too far towards RL practices...…….  😜

Jumping on a dance ball with a friend I find is usually instant, because you've done all the preamble "earlier", then we chat.

Clubs are weird though. I can go a long time without IMs. Sometimes I get bombarded, but not often. I rarely get through a session without one or two IMs, but then I go hunting on the beach, and beaches generate more IMs than clubs.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

7 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

Oh Oh.....…….now that Scylla....is swinging too far towards RL practices...…….  😜

Jumping on a dance ball with a friend I find is usually instant, because you've done all the preamble "earlier", then we chat.

I did say that it was utterly indefensible! I mean, you're absolutely right: it has already been established that we are there to dance together, even if he hasn't formally "asked" me.

But I do get in these (fortunately rare) moods where it feels a little as though I'm being taken for granted? And then, I want to observe the traditional forms, probably for the sole and entirely unnecessary reason that it makes me feel wanted?

Don't tell my feminist friends: I'll be drummed out of the club.

7 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

Clubs are weird though. I can go a long time without IMs. Sometimes I get bombarded, but not often. I rarely get through a session without one or two IMs, but then I go hunting on the beach, and beaches generate more IMs than clubs.

Yep, my experiences even at places where I do get, often, a large volume of IMs is highly variable. I haven't figured it out. It's a bit like Rhonda's issue, maybe? It might relate to what I'm wearing, which can vary from a sort of punkish look (short dyed hair, leathers and Docs) to something more elegant and feminine?

It's almost worth testing that out.

Do people dance at these beaches? I rarely go to one.

[Rhonda Huntress]

11 hours ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

But...

... It's for SCIENCE !!!

Eliminate the variables and such. Keep Rhonda as is, except dressed in a sailor moon hentai outfit with bunny ears on - very scientific and such.

 

 

41 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

I would so pay to see that.

God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Rhonda Huntress said:

 

God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

I'm just about to log in.

Wanna dance? 😉

[Dano Seale]

I'm going to start this post with a 'disclaimer*'. In my previous posts regarding Rhonda and her 'look', my opinions were based strictly on a straight male debating asking a straight female for a dance and the quite scary facial look being pretty off putting! However, having read further comments and seeing that Rhonda is more of a 'femdom' kind of girl with a lesbian bias...her 'look' is probably very appropriate. If the femdom thing was part of her profile (I've never checked), and I was into that thing, then I'd say her look was 'to be expected' and it wouldn't bother me asking her to dance if I thought we could get to know each other better!
(Just wanted that off my chest).

Onto Scylla's wonderings about how men might react to a woman asking him to dance. No idea....never been asked! lol
To be fair, Outside of my old dancer/stripper experiences, I'm not the biggest club go'er, so there's that. However, I've always believed in RL as well as in SL, that any '1st contact' is purely based on attraction/sexual attraction, therefor it's hard not to think there's an ulterior motive behind any first move....for and by either sex!
 

[Beth Macbain]

8 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

 

God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

 

[Seicher Rae]

14 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

 

God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

And I, being an avatar of my word, coughed up the Lindens. This SO made my morning.

[Dano Seale]

35 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

If I ever actually see any of you people out and about, expect an IM that says something along the lines of "hai bb.. u wnt sxy tym?"

Expect my response to be something along the lines of - "Hi...um...do you speak English by any stretch of the imagination?"!  

[Lyssa Greymoon]

23 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

 

God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

29 minutes ago, Dano Seale said:

Onto Scylla's wonderings about how men might react to a woman asking him to dance. No idea....never been asked! lol

Oh, poor lamb!

Well, don't look to me. I'm a wallflower.

30 minutes ago, Dano Seale said:

However, I've always believed in RL as well as in SL, that any '1st contact' is purely based on attraction/sexual attraction, therefor it's hard not to think there's an ulterior motive behind any first move....for and by either sex!

Is physical attraction necessarily the same thing as sexual attraction?

I can certainly imagine wanting to dance with a very attractive person, but that doesn't necessarily imply that I'm interested in sex. Flirting, of course, is different, but then flirting is frequently a kind of "safe" way of expressing attraction or even desire. I flirt all the time, but I'm not looking for sex.

[Selene Gregoire]

58 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And on a couple of occasions, maybe only when I'm in a somewhat sour mood -- and this is truly indefensible; don't expect me to try to justify it -- I've informed my prospective dance partner that he needs to ask me to dance, and (this is the awful part) to ask me in public chat.

No, I'm not proud of myself.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a dance partner to behave like a gentleman. Nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I expect my dance partners to behave gentlemanly and ask me to dance in public chat.

I'm not lowering my standards just so others will approve. If you can't say what you want to say to me in public chat, you damn sure don't need to be saying it to me in private IMs.

[BelindaN]

46 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Do people dance at these beaches? I rarely go to one.

Yes they do. Beaches are good hunting grounds...……(I hunt for decent chat) 

Because beaches are frequented by spidermen……….guys who lay on loungers scoping the girls, and by girls just hanging around...…...then IM's are usually inevitable.

Many beaches have dance floors, and few are busy, so yes you can dance or cuddle, or just chat, and so on...………..

So I favour beaches over clubs, although clubs have their place in the scheme of things. 

But my most interesting connections have been away from all that on the Wilderness sims. Interesting in terms of educated chat. I've also come across some barking mad guys in the wilderness sims.