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13 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But can't dancing also just be . . . dancing?

It can, and in my case it would. And the person I'm dancing with might feel the same and that's fine.

But I can't necessarily assume that my dance partner's partner sees it the same way. And if they are not there to ask whether it's okay, I'd rather not get involved.

Edited by Lewis Luminos
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God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

I'll let you in on how we men think.  Note, there may be 0.01% of men who this doesn't apply to (and it applies to gay men as well, just change the target's gender), but pretty much any man who is not

The rant continues ....   So ... I went out with Maybie.  Met a girl and danced.  Nice time. So far so good. This weekend I saw the girl again and we got together for another dance.  At

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1 minute ago, Lewis Luminos said:

And if they are not there to ask whether it's okay, I'd rather not get involved.

Fair enough. I think I'd assume that the dance partner knew what he was doing, but I can see your point.

I do wish, more generally however, that dancing wasn't so often seen as Step 2 in the Virtual Mating Ritual.

I just like dancing.

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2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Fair enough. I think I'd assume that the dance partner knew what he was doing, but I can see your point.

I do wish, more generally however, that dancing wasn't so often seen as Step 2 in the Virtual Mating Ritual.

I just like dancing.

I totally agree; I will happily dance with some of the regular guests at my club, without any expectations of anything more, and that's lovely. Particularly if they're alone and everyone else is paired up. But like you said, dancing is often seen by others as Step 2, and while neither I nor Madison (my SL partner) would be concerned, I can't assume the same about anyone else.

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1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But can't dancing also just be . . . dancing?

I don't see why not. However, the guy I am seeing sees himself as my one and only dance partner and I have no desire to disrespect him. 

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Hm... Between the two? I'd probably pick Rhonda.

She's a very handsome woman although a little intimidating, but that's what draws me in looking at her. I'd feel more confident in her being able to hold a convo on deeper levels than the cute little blonde Maybie.

Rhonda strikes me as a woman who would part from you with a bow while you gave her a curtsey, in a fog.. She would leave you with a faint whisper of "We'll always have Paris.."

 

 

.....*COUGHS*.. Sorry.. I may have romanticized this a little bit..  I've been reading a lot of romance related manga and novels..  But, y'all get my point, right?  

Edited by HarleyHorrow
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25 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I don't see why not. However, the guy I am seeing sees himself as my one and only dance partner and I have no desire to disrespect him. 

Yep, that's totally understandable, Kali. That's an understanding you have with your partner, and I get it completely.

But I assume that if someone asked you to dance, you'd reply with something like "Thank you, but I only dance with my partner."

But were I dancing with someone who is partnered, I'd assume that he knew that that was alright with his SO. I might be wrong, of course, but I'm (personally) not going to assume that someone is trying to cheat on their partner unless there is good reason to think so. And if he starts hitting on me, that's probably going to end the dance anyway, because I'm not interested in that.

Edited by Scylla Rhiadra
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1 hour ago, HarleyHorrow said:

Hm... Between the two? I'd probably pick Rhonda.

She's a very handsome woman although a little intimidating, but that's what draws me in looking at her. I'd feel more confident in her being able to hold a convo on deeper levels than the cute little blonde Maybie.

Rhonda strikes me as a woman who would part from you with a bow while you gave her a curtsey, in a fog.. She would leave you with a faint whisper of "We'll always have Paris.."

 

 

.....*COUGHS*.. Sorry.. I may have romanticized this a little bit..  I've been reading a lot of romance related manga and novels..  But, y'all get my point, right?  

Nice.

I like you. You have excellent taste, and style.

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2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But can't dancing also just be . . . dancing?

Well, I've never had a partner who thought so when catching me dancing with another girl except my mother or sister.....here or in RL! (and have the scar's to prove it!).

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Just now, Dano Seale said:

Well, I've never had a partner who thought so when catching me dancing with another girl except my mother or sister.....here or in RL! (and have the scar's to prove it!).

Well, then . . . don't dance with anyone other than your partner!

Duh!

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3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well, then . . . don't dance with anyone other than your partner!

Duh!

Didn't you read my very overtired and rambling post last night at all? I like to help out! Ain't my fault nobody understands my inner helpful nature.  🤨

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Just now, Dano Seale said:

I like to help out! Ain't my fault nobody understands my inner helpful nature.

I can quite see that now. Poor misunderstood you!

Selflessly volunteering your body to those in need! WHAT a philanthropist! 😉

 

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4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I can quite see that now. Poor misunderstood you!

Selflessly volunteering your body to those in need! WHAT a philanthropist! 😉

Ah!...Someone who actually GETS me. I think I'm in love!  😍

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18 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But forget dancing to celebrate: I don't want to have to deal with your irate significant other.

Meh! I don't have those anymore, too much grief. My ex-SO would probably pay you to take me dancing these days....then threaten you with a gun if you still refused! Meeting a partner in SL, falling in love, moving Countries to be with one another, only to have it fail at the "7 year itch" stage (6 really)….can have that kind of effect on a girl it seems!  😄🙄

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For what it's worth ...
[TMI incoming]

My partner, Clover Jinx, is taking an extended break from SL.  We still see each other in real life (in fact we just had dinner together with our husbands tonight) so  it is not like I have been abandoned or anything. 

We are polyamorous.  Kind of have to be since our husbands are involved too :)  However polyamorous does not mean open relationship.  If you want to know more details, just IM me.  The short version is we communicate and I will tell her who I am seeing and if it bothers her, stop.  There are people here that I could set up house with and she would say "Oh, good."  There are people here I could say I liked a post they made and she would hiss.  Besides, I have had other subs with Clover more than once.  I got the title Brat wrangler from one of those times.   Also, yes, I am her Mistress and I could always play the domme card and say I'm doing it and that's that but ... why?  I don't want another love interest.  I just want to dance with someone at times.

If you want to know how Clover feels, feel free to ask her either here on these forums with a PM or in world.  She may stop by here at times but that could be in a few days to a few weeks. Maybe months.   She has her own life and right now that does not include SL.

All of that said, even if she was still in SL, it would not matter ... well, other than the fact I would not be looking for a dance partner.  She does not have a problem with me dancing with someone for the night.

 

OK ...
It was sort of a rant as I said before.  But even still I have come to realize I have several options

  1. Just go ahead and dance with my alt Maybie. -- I would be doing this at times anyway.
  2. Dance at femdom places and be as forward as I want.  -- shut up and dance with me!
  3. Dance at women only places and, again, be as forward as I want.  -- I don't know why and maybe it has changed but wow, the music universally blows at lesbian places.
  4. Phone a friend option.  Just pull up the friend list and ask.  -- my most reliable option.  I need to remember that friends want you to call upon them.

 

Thank you all for the responses and thank you for not taking any of this too seriously.

BTW, while I am up on the soapbox ... if you know of any places that play 90's alternative (Foo Fighters, Jane's Addiction, Eve 6, Tonic ... that sort of stuff) PLEASE let me know.

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26 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I don't want to have to deal with your irate significant other.

i met a person once who after a whole 5 minutes wanted to be my significant other on SL

i said to them: umm! ummmm! nah! you can be my insignificant other tho

it went down into bleepity bleep bleepness from there. I cracked up and started laughing because their bleepity bleeps were quite inventive.  After a bit, they sighed and said: Why you not offended ?! Which cracked me up even more. And it all turned out ok

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Dropping back in here to comment on a few things I missed yesterday.

On 2/19/2020 at 6:59 AM, Marth Coberts said:

I don't go dancin' myself (even my SL avi has 2 left feet, lol) but with my experience and all my furry avis I get a lot of compliments on my Phoenix, with all the feathers and swishy parts and is generally kinda showy.  My red fox, who wears the same exact outfit, does not get nearly as many comments.

As a sometimes-furry myself, I get this. I often compliment others on their avatars and the ones I do tend to be the more unusual or more thought-out ones. A swishy phoenix will get my attention, a red fox not so much. Foxes are ten-a-penny in most Furry clubs. 

On 2/19/2020 at 11:33 AM, Dano Seale said:

B) Rhonda is tall, don't know how tall but over a certain height, say 6'5" and upwards, the suspicions kick it that she's driven by a man! Many guys in female alt's often forget or just refuse to drop their girl to a respectable height and it tends to be a warning sign 

Interesting - my avatar is intentionally close to 7ft tall, regardless of whether I'm presenting feminine or masculine (I change only my skins, not my body or shape). I am deliberately this tall, for quite a few reasons. First, I'm supposed to be an elf (of the Lord of the Rings type), not a human. Second, I regularly present a "femboy" appearance with a young-looking, feminine face and flat chest and being tall removes any doubt that I might be an underage avatar. Third, despite my appearance, I'm male, in both RL and SL. In SL I consider myself a cross-dresser, somewhat gender-fluid, non-binary. Some people have begin to refer to me as transgender but that's not as accurate because I don't consider myself to be female, I don't even want to be. Boobs? Um, no thanks.  There should be no need for suspicion though; my profile makes it clear in at least two places that I'm male in RL. 

I'm certain that all of this is why I get compliments on my looks but never a dance invitation. Straight guys and lesbians aren't interested because they want someone who actually is a girl rather than just looking like one. Straight women and gay guys want a man who looks like a man and doesn't prance around in frocks and heels. Ironically, I got more IMs from interested straight men (who thought I was a girl) when I was still using a male body and wearing only mens clothes. 

I've met Rhonda in-world on a few occasions and I can confirm that she's definitely shorter than me. 

On 2/19/2020 at 5:36 PM, Beth Macbain said:

What is SL famous anyway? Aren't we all just big wonderful nerds sitting at computers being big wonderful nerds? 

I was very intimidated by Lindens and Moles for a while, because they are the gods and demi-gods of SL (and for some reason, @Abnor Mole still intimidates me) but they're really all just guys and gals with jobs doing job-type things.

I used to be intimidated by Lindens and Moles but since moving to Bellisseria, and meeting some of them "off-duty" at events there, that feeling has lessened somewhat. We also had a couple of Lindens visit Fantasy Gay Pride last year. Funnily enough, the first Linden I ever met in-world was @Patch Linden; he was sitting quietly in Luskwood and IIRC he was a black, or black-and-white, cat. Must have been around 2007 or early 2008 (I stopped being furry around mid-2008 and didn't return to it until years later). Patch is also the only Linden I've ever had a regular (not customer-service-related) conversation with. 

On 2/19/2020 at 11:37 PM, LittleMe Jewell said:

Anyway, that old memory popped into my head as I was perusing the RL info part of your profile: "Proud Grandmother"

I've noticed the "Proud Grandmother" on Rhonda's profile before, and always assumed that "Brat wrangler" was referring to her kids/grandkids. It was only when I saw Clover with a "Brat" tag over her head that I realised I was completely mistaken!

10 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I find it maybe a bit odd myself that partnered status is necessarily a disqualification in a dancing partner.

I get, of course, that a great many people use dancing as a way to meet potential sexual and/or romantic partners; in such cases it makes sense that you'd stay away from someone who listed a partner.

But can't dancing also just be . . . dancing?

I too would avoid asking someone to dance if they are partnered in SL, unless there was something else in their profile to indicate that dancing with a stranger is okay. Not because I'd want it to be anything more than just dancing, but really just out of politeness and respect for the people involved, and their relationship. I have a large circle of friends in RL, mostly gay guys but a few straight ones too. I'll flirt with them as long as they're single, but as soon as they're not, I stop. It's not my place to be flirting or dancing with someone else's boyfriend. 

6 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

My partner, Clover Jinx, is taking an extended break from SL.  We still see each other in real life (in fact we just had dinner together with our husbands tonight) so  it is not like I have been abandoned or anything. 

...

It was sort of a rant as I said before.  But even still I have come to realize I have several options

  1. Just go ahead and dance with my alt Maybie. -- I would be doing this at times anyway.
  2. Dance at femdom places and be as forward as I want.  -- shut up and dance with me!
  3. Dance at women only places and, again, be as forward as I want.  -- I don't know why and maybe it has changed but wow, the music universally blows at lesbian places.
  4. Phone a friend option.  Just pull up the friend list and ask.  -- my most reliable option.  I need to remember that friends want you to call upon them.

Thank you all for the responses and thank you for not taking any of this too seriously.

BTW, while I am up on the soapbox ... if you know of any places that play 90's alternative (Foo Fighters, Jane's Addiction, Eve 6, Tonic ... that sort of stuff) PLEASE let me know.

@Rhonda Huntress, I sincerely hope that Clover is okay. And you too.

Can't help with 90s music I'm afraid, my thing is more 80s and classic rock, but I hear you on the music really blowing at lesbian places; its the same at places for gay guys too. The music at Bellisseria events is usually pretty good though, and the people are super-friendly. 

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17 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I find it maybe a bit odd myself that partnered status is necessarily a disqualification in a dancing partner.

I get, of course, that a great many people use dancing as a way to meet potential sexual and/or romantic partners; in such cases it makes sense that you'd stay away from someone who listed a partner.

But can't dancing also just be . . . dancing?

THIS.

I love to dance.  I love couples dancing.  But it's well-known that I don't dance with anyone other than my partner, and although he's given his go-ahead for me to dance with other folks because he does get that "dancing is just dancing," he's still uneasy with it so I haven't bothered.

Edited by Ajay McDowwll
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On 2/18/2020 at 10:25 PM, Cindy Evanier said:

 Try taking Rhonda out as a blonde for a while and test if its the hair.  I have long thought people form an initial opinion on my avi because of her blonde  hair.  

Aren't 103% of SL avatars blond anyway?

This is interesting because from the sound of the OP, I get more approaches than her, when on Pussycat - which I would not have expected.

My profile as it is right as I type this - with most of the sexual stuff currently gone - isn't getting them. But when I have all the adult, nudity, and XXX stuff in there I get random IMs, and I also get random people sl*t-shaming me either in IMs or in group chats (one dude in the Bellisseria group who's last name has 'hax' in it decided his entire response to dismissing everything I'd been saying in a conversation a week or two ago could basically be pointing out that my profile pic at the time was a sex-pic - which is about half of what I'll get when "in that phase").

So... I'd examine if there are differences in the profiles of the two avatars.

Right now, as I type this, because I could swing back at any moment, my profile is about things like SL sailing, being educated, coming from a rough background, having certain politics, my SL and RL hobbies, and some music lyrics.

- these things all tend to be turn offs it seems, even for getting conversations about those very topics.

 

If instead I fill it with info about RLV, XXX clubs, and so on... I get all takers making a try... but usually with only one-word "hi" posts...

- I suspect the right blend is somewhere in between these extremes.

 

Edited by Pussycat Catnap
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The rant continues ....

 

So ... I went out with Maybie.  Met a girl and danced.  Nice time. So far so good.

This weekend I saw the girl again and we got together for another dance.  At this point I want to make sure she knows I'm not leading her on so I want her to know about Rhonda.    Well that was a  train wreak.  She was intimidated by Rhonda because "she looks too much like a man" and basically didn;'t want anything to do with me

/me mutters something about lipstick lezbians, flippin' femmes and blah blah blah.

 

So maybe it's not the profile.  Maybe I'm too butch.  I have Maybie for dressing cute and girlie but most of the time I am Rhonda.  So Rhonda I will stay.

20200223_002.thumb.jpg.35116a3d9310f1bf157ae500ad44b6f7.jpg

Yeah ... this is too butch?  I can do butch, bitc, and this is just a tip of the iceberg.

/rant

/wrists

/ing prices!

Anyway, I think she's beautiful and she makes ME happy.  That's what matters

 

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10 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

She was intimidated by Rhonda because "she looks too much like a man" and basically didn;'t want anything to do with me

That's weird. I used to get IMs from guys who thought I was a girl even wearing a male skin (with facial hair!!) on a Signature body with a male head, and you certainly are not more butch than me, either then or now.

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