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So, let's start with the usual suspects.  Me, the tall redhead on the left and my alt Maybie, the short blond.

20200218_015.thumb.jpg.44fae3f8340d024f25625e25f9025fc5.jpg

 

So here's the thing ... I can't get a dance partner when I go out alone.  Well, I *can* but it never ends well if I approach the man.  I won't approach a woman unless there is some obvious group or comment in her profile that would show her as wanting same sex attention.  However it seems most women who would like a woman to dance with have brought their own.  If I don't make the first move I may as well be a bar stool because no one IM's me.  Very rarely I get "hi" from some guy and even if I say hi back, it's silence ... OK, so let's say I do IM a guy and ask him to dance with me.  For some reason that means we are going out exclusively and I should put him in my profile immediately. Friend request comes before the 3rd song and him leaving in a huff calling me a tease, *****, ***** or ***** for good measure follows shorty after.

I just want a dance and a chat.  Is that really so much to ask?  A little talking, hopefully a laugh and to spend a little time listening to music.

 

Part 2.

Maybie, on the other hand, gets offers.  She also asks others to dance with no issues.  If she does not say anything -- well, talking in local chat so people know she is not AFK -- she will have a dance/chat partner within 30 minutes.  Men and women both approach her.  Very few pressure her beyond the occasional friend request at the end of the night.  Even when I let them know she is not my main.

I guess I'm saying that I am jealous of my alt.  But what I want to know is, why the big difference?  Is Rhonda too imposing?  Is it just having a partner in my profile but not Maybie's?  Or is it that she looks (and acts) a bit more meek and submissive?  Then again it may just be my perception since I am on Rhonda for hours often by myself but Maybie goes right to the venue and says hello to everyone.

Anyway.

What do you think?  Which avatar would you approach if you saw them both at a club? Or am I just paranoid?

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God, I can't believe I'm doing this .. I am such an attention whore.  It's like I'll do anything for a LOL.

I'll let you in on how we men think.  Note, there may be 0.01% of men who this doesn't apply to (and it applies to gay men as well, just change the target's gender), but pretty much any man who is not

The rant continues ....   So ... I went out with Maybie.  Met a girl and danced.  Nice time. So far so good. This weekend I saw the girl again and we got together for another dance.  At

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36 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

What do you think? 

where's Quinn when you need him...

(btw very long time ago seeing him around

i think there's nothing wrong with you appearance .. good looking. (sorry for saying it this way ... too few experience with telling women they look nice ;)  )
(i'm also always single dancing .. but the only place i go sometimes is the Kartel breakfast)

Edited by Alwin Alcott
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   I'm not sure. What you experience might be just a general combination of all of the above, tall vs. short, partner vs. no partner, A confident look vs. a more submissive demeanor. And a bit of it might just be a perception thing. I also consider the possibility that your expectations might influence your demeanor and thus, at least partially, drive the results... maybe.

   The two different names, as well, can influence someone's perception of you. /me growls "Rhonda Huntress."  /me purrs, fluttering her eyelashes ".....mmmaybie."

   However, as I know you, I may not actually be qualified to make any of this postulation.

   I'm no help, no help at all.

 

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I have the experience of five alts now. My latest, Cordelia, is deliberately aristocratic, and gets fewer IMs than the others.

When I get IMd by a female they usually want more than a dance. Guys follow the same pattern as Rhonda mentioned.

So just having a dance with a stranger rarely happens. It's easier to dance alone and just chat with avis who's profile isn't psycho-babble.

Your alt, Rhonda is blonde and cute.......you are striking. Just be your alt for a while and go with the flow. That's what I'm doing. Those who have met my alts and know, generally don't pick me..........so I have alt envy as well.🤨

Edited by BelindaN
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My hat is in with appearance.

 

I don't go dancin' myself (even my SL avi has 2 left feet, lol) but with my experience and all my furry avis I get a lot of compliments on my Phoenix, with all the feathers and swishy parts and is generally kinda showy.  My red fox, who wears the same exact outfit, does not get nearly as many comments.

Same results for my pink Wolpertinger that shows a lot of skin (fur?) versus my more conservatively dressed Umbreon with friggin' gold-plated Cyborg arms, in the same order.

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I go dancing a lot, but this is a mystery I have never quite been able to figure out. I think there are probably a lot of different factors at work.

An important part of it is undoubtedly appearance. So far as I can recall, Laskya has never been asked to dance by a man, or even approached in IM. She's fully meshed-up and not bad looking, but there's no question that she's not as attractive as Scylla. Part of that is by design, and partly simply because I've not spent as much time or money on Laskya. I just don't think men find her as enticing as whoever else is around.

On the other hand, I can take Scylla to a place like Fogbound one night, and get four or five IMs from men, and again another night, and get no attention at all. So go figure.

An important difference for me is that I usually prefer singles over couples dances anyway. When I do want to dance with someone, I have a modest stable of men friends I can call upon. I almost never dance with men I don't know. And, although I am sure that there are lots of men who wouldn't misread an invite from me to dance, my experience is that enough do to make this a course of action I avoid.

 

Edited by Scylla Rhiadra
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1 hour ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Which avatar would you approach if you saw them both at a club? Or am I just paranoid?

Oh, and to answer this.

Rhonda is drop-dead gorgeous and sexy, but I suspect that some men might think she looks intimidating.

Maybie, on the other hand, shades more to the "cute" side. I bet she seems more accessible.

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Rhonda Huntress is famous. Famous in the SL sense. You might not think this yourself but you are

people don't approach famous people as easily as they do people they see as non-famous

how famous people don't get approached so easily, at least by me

i have seen Strawberry Singh (before Linden) out and about inworld on a few occasions.  We have the same taste in jewellery and frequent the same shops, but I have never opened a conversation with her. Because famous, and because Strawberry was shopping so I just be quiet

is the same when I see others who are famous.  Like if I saw Rolig or Qie or Whirly inworld, I would never open the conversation.  Unless I was on their parcel and they was standing right in front of me and all by themselves and I couldn't avoid them without being impolite.  Otherwise I just be quiet until they acknowledge my presence. If not then is ok and I slip away and hope I never interrupted whatever they may have been doing

the most famous people I ever met in all SL in all time was Philip Linden and Torley Linden.  They were having a chat about philosophy, so I just stood by the side and listened. Then Torley says Hi and Philip says Hi, so I say Hi back and then end sit on a log next to Philip and never said anything more while him and Torley were chatting.  Just listened. Famous people make me nervous

i did end have having a little chat to Philip Linden after Torley logged off, which was quite nice. But if they had never said Hi to me first then I would never have said anything at all. I wouldn't have sat down either if they hadn't

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Let me answer your question with your own quote but a bit re worded.

 

 

2 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Rhonda is too imposing. Having a partner in your profile but not Maybie's. She looks (and acts) a bit more meek and submissive.   Maybie goes right to the venue and says hello to everyone.

 

And now my part. 

 

I don't dance in clubs but I would approach your alt more likely. Nothing wrong with you (you are great you are one of my favorite person on this forum) but 

mans  boys are afraid of tall, strong looking woman's how are not looking like prey 

she is having a joke in her name Are we going to have slex? maybie

 

Sorry if it's a bit jumbled I just finished work and I need some sleep.

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I think hair colour may be at least one factor. I am either blonde or red-head, about equally, and while I never actually get asked to dance, I do get far more compliments on my appearance when I'm blonde. 

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Rhonda, you can dance with me or the social clique / “family” I belong to any time you see us on 🙂 Fun friends are hard to find and you definitely qualify.

Here is my perspective; shorter, shapley females with longer hair get more attention. Bonus for blondes.

My experience has been (at least in SL) that many male avatars are (a) constantly competing to be the Tallest and (b) like to have the male-female height differential one sees in popular media.  When my avatar was taller and my hair bobbed, I got much less attention from male avatars. Conversely, when I lowered my height (to remain size-compatible w my longtime Partner), went to to long hair and made my figure more “athletically” curved - I got much more attention both inworld and on Flickr.

Old Me - 14 faves

Fashiowl !

New Me - 120 faves

Home

Keep in mind; I don’t take the difference very seriously. Changing my appearance for modeling assignments is a “work thing”. The only part I get excited about is when Skye seems happy with how I look. The things we do for love somehow never manage to feel like impositions 🙂

So...


Its not scientific and I only have assumptions as to why the behavior skewed that way - but it was a step-change in my avatar visibility.

Anyway, both your avatars reflect the beauty of your personality. Its just that too many people wander around with blinders on or expect a superficial or trendy standard of beauty.

giphy.gif?cid=4d1e4f29c27666255081a78714

 

Edited by AmandaKeen
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2 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

OK, so let's say I do IM a guy and ask him to dance with me.  For some reason that means we are going out exclusively and I should put him in my profile immediately. Friend request comes before the 3rd song and him leaving in a huff calling me a tease, *****, ***** or ***** for good measure follows shorty after.

Some thoughts and questions: Names do matter (says the main with a mischievous name). Height is relative to other avs - you have your avs posed in a way to highlight differences, but those might not be as obvious when they're on dance balls. How tall is Rhonda compared to most of the men at the places you frequent? Are the poses and facial expressions you picked for the photo typical of what they'll be using when standing around talking at a dance venue? Rhonda's is very much don't mess with me and Maybie's is far more vulnerable, playing up to someone else's strength.

About the quoted bit, one thing I've noticed is that some (perhaps many) of those who log in looking for slex just assume that if you're logged in, you're also looking for slex. They don't seem to fully grasp that this is far more than an interactive porn site. If you're here, you want it. If you IM them, you want it now. And if you refuse them, you're their default sexist degrading insults. But it's just their assumptions and lack of understanding of how diverse SL is.

Most entertaining was the guy who tried to pick me up while I was... shopping for a sword. In full pirate gear, Victorian-era captain frock coat and all. But he was inworld for sex so I must be too. 🤷‍♀️

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I'd dance with you anytime - When it comes to couple dances I'm mostly a ballroom or latin guy, taking shameless advantage of the ability of SL animators to make me a better dancer than I'll ever be IRL (IRL I can waltz or twostep fairly well, and manage an acceptable but mediocre foxtrot - most of the latin repertoire is beyond me)

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2 hours ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

   I'm not sure. What you experience might be just a general combination of all of the above, tall vs. short, partner vs. no partner, A confident look vs. a more submissive demeanor. And a bit of it might just be a perception thing. I also consider the possibility that your expectations might influence your demeanor and thus, at least partially, drive the results... maybe.

   The two different names, as well, can influence someone's perception of you. /me growls "Rhonda Huntress."  /me purrs, fluttering her eyelashes ".....mmmaybie."

 

I think this is it. A petite blonde called Maybie will be perceived differently to a tall redhead called Huntress. I think both of them are fabulous, but I can see why people might find it easier to approach Maybie.

I know we shouldn't judge on appearances.

Edited by Amina Sopwith
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9 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

.

I know we shouldn't judge on appearances.

But we do: it’s how we’re made. Even the people screaming at us not to judge by appearances have their own preferences and personal filters in place.

We all like what we like...

...I like Key Lime pie!

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7 minutes ago, AmandaKeen said:

But we do: it’s how we’re made. Even the people screaming at us not to judge by appearances have their own preferences and personal filters in place.

We all like what we like...

...I like Key Lime pie!

Yes, true. Perhaps it's a bit different in a world where we choose exactly how we look and what we're called...we have control over that so people may think we want to be perceived in a certain way.

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I don't dance at all SL or RL. It's just not my thing; I do however like watching people dance and it just gives me the right kind of energy.

I usually just sit in a corner all by myself and although I have very clearly stated in my profile that I do not want to be approached with any form of romantic interest in mind, I almost never wear skimpy clothes, I also do have a collar with my partner's name on at all times, a ring and everything I CANNOT get ignored regardless of whether I have a babyface on or a mature one. lol

So my issue is the exact opposite and I've always wondered why. Could it be the past I've had working as an escort? Although I highly doubt I was ever that famous. Could it be that my partner box is empty because my man's not keen on partnership boxes lol guess there can be just as many answers as there are questions.

shrugs

 

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(Time to stop lurking!)

Ok, my opinion for what it's worth as I see it. A) Rhonda has a partner on profile - that can be an instant "yeah, nah!" reaction. Nobody wants the hassle of said partner turning up and the s*** hitting the fan! It can also be a lot more work convincing/seducing a woman that already has a partner and let's be honest, most guys are all about sex in SL!
B) Rhonda is tall, don't know how tall but over a certain height, say 6'5" and upwards, the suspicions kick it that she's driven by a man! Many guys in female alt's often forget or just refuse to drop their girl to a respectable height and it tends to be a warning sign (along with how many times the word "lesbian" is mentioned in their profile! but that's just my way of scanning a prospective 'possible for sex' partner). 
I know if I see a "partner" in there I'll generally move on to someone else, whether that's for sex chances or just pure people/avatar watching.

Maybie, on the other hand?...No partner on profile, probably blows into a club throwing herself around the dance floor like a little blonde ball of pre-sexual tension! lol, I don't know how you play her but maybe you use her to just 'blow off steam' or a release from whatever Rhonda may have been doing? She's short, sexy and blonde and looks more approachable IMO, even though myself, I'd focus on Rhonda more if I saw them out together...but then, yeah, that 'partner' thing hmmm....!
AmandaKeen's post gives a perfect example of the (average) male mindset, in life as well as probably in SL. Her first pic' - looks like 'Nora', editor of her college newspaper, active feminist who doesn't give BJ's because she's vegan! But...she also gives of a slight impression that maybe, just maybe, you're reading her wrong and with a few drinks in the right setting, she could turn out to be a real tigress!
Below her is 'Daisy Duke' (was my teenage crush lol). Gorgeous, sexy, stunning. Looks like the next big thing in porn who just hasn't moved to California yet to be "discovered"! A real "dream girl"...who would terrify 9/10 guys thinking of asking her to dance! Beautiful avatar and possibly the same in RL personality wise (not speculating elsewhere).
…..And yet, I can't help myself scrolling past her to the blonde, jiggly boobed funster below her! Moral of the story? - Blonde's have more fun! lol.

*Disclaimer: 
My original sojourn into SL was back in the dark ages of 2006-08, where all that mattered was dancing/stripping to earn 'spendables'...and sex, with whoever, wherever!  I'm only recently back in game after an 11 year break ….and a much changed man. My opinions here are based on the experiences of my original avi', along with my newer penchant for just 'people watching'. The complexities of discovering and dealing with "mesh" and "BoM" along with the cost of a new, updated "appendage", has destroyed my SL sex drive! Damn shame I say, however, I stand by my two main points - the visible on profile 'partner' thing and possibly your height, is what I believe is putting most people off. 

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30 minutes ago, Dano Seale said:

(Time to stop lurking!)

Ok, my opinion for what it's worth as I see it. A) Rhonda has a partner on profile - that can be an instant "yeah, nah!" reaction. Nobody wants the hassle of said partner turning up and the s*** hitting the fan! It can also be a lot more work convincing/seducing a woman that already has a partner and let's be honest, most guys are all about sex in SL!
B) Rhonda is tall, don't know how tall but over a certain height, say 6'5" and upwards, the suspicions kick it that she's driven by a man! Many guys in female alt's often forget or just refuse to drop their girl to a respectable height and it tends to be a warning sign (along with how many times the word "lesbian" is mentioned in their profile! but that's just my way of scanning a prospective 'possible for sex' partner). 
I know if I see a "partner" in there I'll generally move on to someone else, whether that's for sex chances or just pure people/avatar watching.

Maybie, on the other hand?...No partner on profile, probably blows into a club throwing herself around the dance floor like a little blonde ball of pre-sexual tension! lol, I don't know how you play her but maybe you use her to just 'blow off steam' or a release from whatever Rhonda may have been doing? She's short, sexy and blonde and looks more approachable IMO, even though myself, I'd focus on Rhonda more if I saw them out together...but then, yeah, that 'partner' thing hmmm....!
AmandaKeen's post gives a perfect example of the (average) male mindset, in life as well as probably in SL. Her first pic' - looks like 'Nora', editor of her college newspaper, active feminist who doesn't give BJ's because she's vegan! But...she also gives of a slight impression that maybe, just maybe, you're reading her wrong and with a few drinks in the right setting, she could turn out to be a real tigress!
Below her is 'Daisy Duke' (was my teenage crush lol). Gorgeous, sexy, stunning. Looks like the next big thing in porn who just hasn't moved to California yet to be "discovered"! A real "dream girl"...who would terrify 9/10 guys thinking of asking her to dance! Beautiful avatar and possibly the same in RL personality wise (not speculating elsewhere).
…..And yet, I can't help myself scrolling past her to the blonde, jiggly boobed funster below her! Moral of the story? - Blonde's have more fun! lol.

*Disclaimer: 
My original sojourn into SL was back in the dark ages of 2006-08, where all that mattered was dancing/stripping to earn 'spendables'...and sex, with whoever, wherever!  I'm only recently back in game after an 11 year break ….and a much changed man. My opinions here are based on the experiences of my original avi', along with my newer penchant for just 'people watching'. The complexities of discovering and dealing with "mesh" and "BoM" along with the cost of a new, updated "appendage", has destroyed my SL sex drive! Damn shame I say, however, I stand by my two main points - the visible on profile 'partner' thing and possibly your height, is what I believe is putting most people off. 

Welcome back Dano. Nice first post.

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