Is "Mass blocking" a strategy? Also a rant

[Raspberry Crystal]

2 hours ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

I don't think they want to actually get to know anyone in SL, they just seem to want to block everyone...

 

My reading of the situation was that they didn't want to IM the same person twice and they were 'tidying up' a crowded scene by de-rendering. The empty alt thing for forum posting, forums (in general) can be a bit aggressive and our accounts are linked so a wrong move could end up back-firing in-world. It does feel a little like treating socialising as an admin job though.

I think it takes a long time to get the nuances of SL, especially lack of meaningful responses to communication. Posting here and asking for insight seems like a reasonable strategy.

I have no idea what happens in clubs as I tend to avoid them, but groups are a good way forward. If they are lively , you can read without joining in for a while to get the vibe. It's normal for all this to take longer than you might think.

As for culture, in our part of the world, talking to random strangers is the norm (north of England and not in a city). 

[HeathcliffMontague]

5 hours ago, Conall DeCuir said:

You are complicating your whole inworld experience.

This. Folks seem to do that a lot. New and old(er).

[Syo Emerald]

Maybe the coffee hasn't awoken me enough, yet, but do I read that right? She wants to block people, because they don't engage in small talk with her? 🤨

And I thought blocking and derendering was a measurement against the annoying, offensive and hostile.

[AyelaNewLife]

8 hours ago, xTornTwilightx said:

I want to make sure yall know that I'm not "rage-blocking" but simply cleaning up the game experience.

No you're not. You're making the "game experience" messy and complicated (or rather, more so than normal) for no real gain.

Blocked and derendered people do not disappear. They will still be there in world, standing or sitting or walking around, talking in nearby or group chat. All you're doing is removing your ability to properly perceive your surroundings and act accordingly. Do this for long enough and you'll start bumping into people, sitting on occupied furniture, talking over conversations, and generally being a pain for everyone around you purely because you chose to close your eyes to half the world. In a limited number of cases, usually harassment-related, these negatives are worth the benefit of shutting out an aggressive abuser. But you gain none of the benefits of blocking, and all of the downsides.

The viewer logs your IM history and displays it automatically. Between that and the Notes tab on profiles, you have ample tools to make an "avoidlist" if you so desire. If you truly don't to IM people who sent a one-word response to your one-line opener, then go ahead, that's your prerogative. But there's no need to block people to do so.

To answer the title; mass blocking is not a strategy, in the same way that cutting off your hand because you had an itchy finger is not a strategy. It's just raw petulance. Grow up.

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

8 hours ago, xTornTwilightx said:

For you detectives out there who brought up my profile... maybe this is an alternate account I only played for an hour =P

We can only work with what we see. Sometimes profiles give useful information and we can feedback how we'd react to them inworld. It's your choice to not give us this information (did you catch that I acknowledged it as a possibility in my post or did you speed on by?) but it will affect how some of us relate to you. An example, I understand your initial post was made in frustration and that's carrying over into your replies and all the more so because we aren't telling you what you seem to want to hear. Without any further information, as in a profile, this frustrated sarcastic and seemingly demanding side is all we know of your temperament.

I can fill in with some details you've given, six weeks inworld, 20s in real life, impressed with your distant very famous relation, seemingly prone (as most in their 20s are) to think of your experience as all there is, inexperienced enough to realise that there are thousands of "actual players" who are elsewhere doing whatever it is we do like seeing to our shops, exploring our anything-you-want-it-to-be world alone or with friends, all sorts - if you can imagine it, there's probably a version of it somewhere inworld. You don't seem to want to get out in the virtual world to join us, but instead want people where you are to do it your way. Or maybe that's just coming from the inexperience and frustration. This is why information from a profile would be useful here. It gives us an idea of what you've tried and what you're interested in.

I find myself hesitating to offer advice because my impression is that it will be tossed aside. So I'll keep it brief - if what you're doing isn't working, try a different approach. This might mean leaving the venues you've found where people aren't talking to you and look for other places (you haven't been everywhere with people in six weeks, SL is too big for that) and ways of talking (like groups). We are in no way limited to who's in a room with us in SL and many of the most interesting and interested people are out doing interesting things.

[xTornTwilightx]

2 hours ago, Raspberry Crystal said:

My reading of the situation was that they didn't want to IM the same person twice and they were 'tidying up' a crowded scene by de-rendering. The empty alt thing for forum posting, forums (in general) can be a bit aggressive and our accounts are linked so a wrong move could end up back-firing in-world. It does feel a little like treating socialising as an admin job though.

I think it takes a long time to get the nuances of SL, especially lack of meaningful responses to communication. Posting here and asking for insight seems like a reasonable strategy.

I have no idea what happens in clubs as I tend to avoid them, but groups are a good way forward. If they are lively , you can read without joining in for a while to get the vibe. It's normal for all this to take longer than you might think.

As for culture, in our part of the world, talking to random strangers is the norm (north of England and not in a city). 

This person gets it. It feels "administrative" no matter what I do. But with derendering/blacklisting i feel like im at least making progress.

 

24 minutes ago, Bitsy Buccaneer said:

We can only work with what we see. Sometimes profiles give useful information and we can feedback how we'd react to them inworld. It's your choice to not give us this information (did you catch that I acknowledged it as a possibility in my post or did you speed on by?) but it will affect how some of us relate to you. An example, I understand your initial post was made in frustration and that's carrying over into your replies and all the more so because we aren't telling you what you seem to want to hear. Without any further information, as in a profile, this frustrated sarcastic and seemingly demanding side is all we know of your temperament.

I can fill in with some details you've given, six weeks inworld, 20s in real life, impressed with your distant very famous relation, seemingly prone (as most in their 20s are) to think of your experience as all there is, inexperienced enough to realise that there are thousands of "actual players" who are elsewhere doing whatever it is we do like seeing to our shops, exploring our anything-you-want-it-to-be world alone or with friends, all sorts - if you can imagine it, there's probably a version of it somewhere inworld. You don't seem to want to get out in the virtual world to join us, but instead want people where you are to do it your way. Or maybe that's just coming from the inexperience and frustration. This is why information from a profile would be useful here. It gives us an idea of what you've tried and what you're interested in.

I find myself hesitating to offer advice because my impression is that it will be tossed aside. So I'll keep it brief - if what you're doing isn't working, try a different approach. This might mean leaving the venues you've found where people aren't talking to you and look for other places (you haven't been everywhere with people in six weeks, SL is too big for that) and ways of talking (like groups). We are in no way limited to who's in a room with us in SL and many of the most interesting and interested people are out doing interesting things.

I'm definitely trying new locations and I've even swapped up my avatar a good deal. The profile thing is left out on purpose. I'm trying to avoid personality or chat "coaching."  I have a profile, I have a semi-unique avatar. Its not too advanced to say one thing applicable to either. I'm not blaming anyone mind you. To each their own. But if I need to tweak my profile to perfection for someone to say literally one thing to me then odds are I'd be carrying that conversation on my back the whole time and that's not worth the bother.

 

1 hour ago, AyelaNewLife said:

No you're not. You're making the "game experience" messy and complicated (or rather, more so than normal) for no real gain.

Blocked and derendered people do not disappear. They will still be there in world, standing or sitting or walking around, talking in nearby or group chat. All you're doing is removing your ability to properly perceive your surroundings and act accordingly. Do this for long enough and you'll start bumping into people, sitting on occupied furniture, talking over conversations, and generally being a pain for everyone around you purely because you chose to close your eyes to half the world. In a limited number of cases, usually harassment-related, these negatives are worth the benefit of shutting out an aggressive abuser. But you gain none of the benefits of blocking, and all of the downsides.

The viewer logs your IM history and displays it automatically. Between that and the Notes tab on profiles, you have ample tools to make an "avoidlist" if you so desire. If you truly don't to IM people who sent a one-word response to your one-line opener, then go ahead, that's your prerogative. But there's no need to block people to do so.

To answer the title; mass blocking is not a strategy, in the same way that cutting off your hand because you had an itchy finger is not a strategy. It's just raw petulance. Grow up.

Over half the profiles I read I don't message and there's no chat history for that. Also sometimes chat history deletes itself sometimes. But yeah I'm aware sitting might get awkward. We'll see how it goes.

 

I can't imagine I'm the only one to find the "ghost town" nature of SL to be a problem. Apparently this isn't a common strategy. I'll admit outright blocking people is a bit over-the-top but simply derendering people seems like a no-brainer.

[Skell Dagger]

1 hour ago, xTornTwilightx said:

I can't imagine I'm the only one to find the "ghost town" nature of SL to be a problem.

By derendering people you're only exacerbating that "ghost town" nature for yourself.

1 hour ago, xTornTwilightx said:

I'm trying to avoid personality or chat "coaching."

This reads more as if you're conducting a survey or scientific experiment than trying to interact genuinely. Why on earth would you avoid showing personality when you're attempting to find people to become friends with? That's clinical, not sociable. You're over-thinking things, and I'm not sure (because you're posting here using an alt) whether that's simply because you don't yet have enough experience of how many people regard Second Life and how they interact in it or not.

1 hour ago, xTornTwilightx said:

if I need to tweak my profile to perfection

Perfection happens in a moment, not in a person.

1 hour ago, xTornTwilightx said:

But with derendering/blacklisting i feel like im at least making progress.

You're turning Second Life into a ghost town for yourself - as I've already mentioned - but there's something else you're doing as well by blocking left and right:  you're causing future administrative problems for yourself, viz.:

Quote

Let's say you meet me at a venue in SL. You tell me you like my outfit. As several people have already mentioned here: with a compliment about looks there's only so much you can respond with. I would say something like "Thank you so much!" and that would probably be it. What would you expect in return? "You look nice, too?" (What if you don't look nice, to my eyes? Would you prefer me to offer a false compliment? But that's by the by; we'll stick with this little scenario for now.)

You think, "Oh, well that conversation was a bust. Skell Dagger goes on the blocked list. Boring bloke!" And you go about your merry little way in Second Life.

Several months down the line you purchase a specific avatar customisation item and need some help with it. So you enter the support group for that avatar customisation item and ask for help.

Nobody responds. You ask again. You get a response or two from other group members, but they might not offer you (or even know) the solution that you need. So you ask again, getting increasingly frustrated. Finally, you give up and leave the group...

...because - several months ago - you had blocked the CSR and Manager of that store (me) because he only said "Thank you!" in response to a compliment. And - while you had been repeatedly asking for help - he had been responding with the solution in that support chat window, but you were not seeing what he was saying because you had blocked him.

You might have blocked a CSR, or a store owner, or someone else who could have helped you tremendously. All because their response to "I like your outfit" (or any other opener you care to choose) didn't result in a long conversation.

(Placed into a quote block to avoid a wall-o-text that you might be tempted to skip.)

You might dismiss this response with something about curating your Second Life experience, and that's perfectly fine. We all do that everywhere (well, when places don't curate it for us, thereby leaving us in a filter bubble wherein we don't even encounter alternative viewpoints and people who might spark new thoughts in us) but I want to leave you with the following, which is the most pertinent thing that I initially buried in the middle of this reply but then decided to cut and paste at the end (and embolden, just for good measure) -

Sure, SL can be clicquey and it can be difficult to make long-lasting friendships. You know where I've had the best luck in making friends? In groups, not in one-to-one conversations. Chatting randomly in a group about everything under the sun is what finds you your kindred spirits, not wandering around taking potluck stabs at reading profiles here and there.

Find where the chat happens naturally in text - in Second Life groups - and just observe. Join in when the conversation piques your interest. And keep an eye out for those whose conversations you seem to regularly respond to. Those are the ones you naturally gravitate towards.

Edited February 15, 2020 by Skell Dagger

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

1 hour ago, xTornTwilightx said:

I'm definitely trying new locations and I've even swapped up my avatar a good deal. The profile thing is left out on purpose. I'm trying to avoid personality or chat "coaching."  I have a profile, I have a semi-unique avatar. Its not too advanced to say one thing applicable to either. I'm not blaming anyone mind you. To each their own. But if I need to tweak my profile to perfection for someone to say literally one thing to me then odds are I'd be carrying that conversation on my back the whole time and that's not worth the bother.

Torn, you've really quite thoroughly missed every point I had hoped to make.

[Sylvia Tamalyn]

Am I the only one who is kind of hoping to get a preemptory block? 

[Rolig Loon]

Several months ago we had a long, rambling thread in this forum about how each of us preferred local chat over IMs, or vice versa.  It got pointlessly noisy after a while but the big takeaway was that there is no consensus on which mode was better.  There are IM people and there are local chat people.  For my part, I find IMs from strangers intrusive, so I tend to ignore them or give curt responses.  I have friends who feel the same way about strangers who want to start a one-on-one conversation that anyone within 20 m can hear.  There's no accounting for taste. Just live with it and don't expect everyone else to share your preference.

[Solar Legion]

Chat logs do not "delete themselves" - the location gets changed or the files themselves can be overwritten by new data, accidentally.

Back up the logs every once in a while and you will not have an issue.

While a profile can give you some clues regarding the user and how they approach things, do be warned that some use their profile as a filtering medium. meaning the profile itself is written in such a manner as to pre-screen some types away

[Qie Niangao]

1 minute ago, Solar Legion said:

Chat logs do not "delete themselves" - the location gets changed or the files themselves can be overwritten by new data, accidentally.

I often forget which viewer I was using when the chat was logged, because I intentionally have them log to different directories. (That may be superstitious; I've never tried to use the same directory for different viewers; it just feels "wrong" even though, on reflection, I bet they all log exactly the same way.)

[Solar Legion]

3 minutes ago, Qie Niangao said:

I often forget which viewer I was using when the chat was logged, because I intentionally have them log to different directories. (That may be superstitious; I've never tried to use the same directory for different viewers; it just feels "wrong" even though, on reflection, I bet they all log exactly the same way.)

That is - honestly - part of why I do not use more than one viewer (operating system being another reason). It is also why I avoid using any viewer release that is not a proper, full release.

I'd put that into the Pet peeves thread but it happens so infrequently .... I do understand why some devs would release a Public Beta (some having been pressured into it by their user base) but I will never understand why a wholly separate download channel is not employed for such releases.

[Lindal Kidd]

12 minutes ago, Qie Niangao said:

I often forget which viewer I was using when the chat was logged, because I intentionally have them log to different directories. (That may be superstitious; I've never tried to use the same directory for different viewers; it just feels "wrong" even though, on reflection, I bet they all log exactly the same way.)

I think you are wise to keep them separate.  I haven't tried the experiment, but I recall someone once saying that different viewers should never be set to use the same cache directory.  Don't know about chat logs, one way or the other.

[Selene Gregoire]

Someone pays me a compliment (as a conversation starter) and I thank them for the compliment. When did it become my burden to do more than say thank you for a compliment? Why should I have to be the one to carry the conversation you started?  It doesn't work that way. You end up making the assumption the other person doesn't want to talk to you when the reality is you've dumped the whole thing on them, expect them to do your part and then you wonder why they don't talk to you. It's not a conversation when it is one sided.

I've had people I've never met or spoken to, compliment me inworld. I've thanked them for it and then waited to see what came next because RL experiences have taught me those situations aren't always safe.  More often than not all I get is silence. Which tells me (from decades of experience) they were after only one thing. That isn't going to happen and it will get you avoided like the plague.

[Selene Gregoire]

1 hour ago, Lindal Kidd said:

I think you are wise to keep them separate.  I haven't tried the experiment, but I recall someone once saying that different viewers should never be set to use the same cache directory.  Don't know about chat logs, one way or the other.

 

See also:

 

[Pussycat Catnap]

3 hours ago, Solar Legion said:

Chat logs do not "delete themselves" - the location gets changed or the files themselves can be overwritten by new data, accidentally.

Or you can forget that you forgot to set it up to save them after moving folders around on your hard drive and reinstalling the viewer...

 

[Pussycat Catnap]

2 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Someone pays me a compliment (as a conversation starter) and I thank them for the compliment. When did it become my burden to do more than say thank you for a compliment?

IKR...

To me... expecting me to give you something because you yelled "nice a** ho" to me as I walked by...

Is not going to end well...

 

[Solar Legion]

27 minutes ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

Or you can forget that you forgot to set it up to save them after moving folders around on your hard drive and reinstalling the viewer...

 

heh, there's that too!

[LittleMe Jewell]

On 2/13/2020 at 9:35 PM, Wulfie Reanimator said:

As a Scandinavian who's been to America: Yeah that's pretty spot-on.

It's very weird and awkward when a stranger tries to start a conversation in public, but many Americans seemed really chatty.

My husband is one of those really chatty people.  He'll start up a conversation with anyone anywhere. It feels creepy to me, but that is probably because I am just more comfortable not talking to anyone.

[Seicher Rae]

This is a weird thread.  OK, I've skimmed through the 3 pages, so that probably didn't help make sense of things, like reading every third page of a book. Anyway. Huh. In ten years I've blocked a handful of people. I generally unblock them after a while. I get a little OCD about having a few things in a category, or list, or box. Like, you know, having two cookies left in a little plastic channel in the cookie sleeve. NO! That's wrong. All the cookies or none of the cookies! So yeah, my block list is empty, I think. Apparently the OP is going for the other end, ALL of the cookies avatars! (This paragraph is actually much cleverer if you read it a few times. Squinting might help.)

There's only one or two places where I actually read local. So usually I could be standing right next to you and I still would probably IM you to talk. If I ping you in IM, it is never with just that dreaded "hi" that hangs there. (Ugh) But I might say, "Nice boots." Usually I'd say more but honestly, if that is all I type, a "Thanks" is all I hope to get, and I don't hold my breath for those. I've never had anyone yell at me for giving them a compliment, and sometimes a conversation starts from there, usually not. And often I don't feel like more conversation than "Nice boots." 

I read profiles. It says I read profiles on my profile. It says, on my profile, what I do if I see something interesting on another person's profile. I IM them. :::gasp::: So, I really don't get this zomg too much real life too soon stuff if the other person has GoT on their profile, why not comment on it? RL too much too soon is someone telling you their age, marital status, street address, recent episode of gout, all within two minutes of "Nice boots." Nobody is ever rude to me when I comment upon something specific on their profile. They may not effuse, either.

And yeah, if someone new, with a totally blank profile starts a banal conversation with me, I'll be polite, blunt and not encourage further conversation.

[Seicher Rae]

3 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

My husband is one of those really chatty people.  He'll start up a conversation with anyone anywhere. It feels creepy to me, but that is probably because I am just more comfortable not talking to anyone.

My ex was like that. For example, the UPS guy comes to the door, he hands me a package, I say thanks and sign for it if I have to, and the UPS guy leaves. If my ex opened the door he'd know the UPS guy's life history and be invited to a BBQ at the guy's house.

[Janet Voxel]

10 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Someone pays me a compliment (as a conversation starter) and I thank them for the compliment. When did it become my burden to do more than say thank you for a compliment? Why should I have to be the one to carry the conversation you started?  It doesn't work that way. You end up making the assumption the other person doesn't want to talk to you when the reality is you've dumped the whole thing on them, expect them to do your part and then you wonder why they don't talk to you. It's not a conversation when it is one sided.

Well said!

This happens all too often.

[Arduenn Schwartzman]

On 2/13/2020 at 10:27 PM, xTornTwilightx said:

I'm just tired of messaging 20 people over the course of an hour to maybe get a decent conversation out of someone

I really don't want to be mean, but I have an inkling that the feeling is mutual.

Sounds like you're looking for someone who's on the same level with you. Depending on your (inner) character, that could be easy, but it could also take a long time. (Just like IRL.)

[Marigold Devin]

On 2/13/2020 at 9:27 PM, xTornTwilightx said:

I've been on SL about six weeks. I've really enjoyed the dress up and the handful of cool people I've met. What always keeps me on the verge of quitting however is the complete lack of what we'll call actual players.

We've all been there. You see someone that looks interesting, read over there profile, and decide to shoot them a message. Most of the time it goes like this:

"Hey, I love those boots! I noticed you're a GoT fan, my distant uncle is George R.R. Martin! I've actually talked to him a lot about the series, he's a wonderful guy!"

"thanks" with no further reply.

I'm curious as to whether or not you can get away with just blocking all of these people. I know one out of every 50 or 100 times they'll shoot a message back 45 minutes later like, "Sorry i was really busy with work stuff, what does your uncle think about the hbo series?" but honestly it'd be a small price to pay. Its wonderful how the chat saves your last conversation but I rarely even open it before loading and reading their profile. Also saving render time would be absolutely amazing.

So the first question, is there a block list cap?

As far as "me" goes. I'm a girl in her twenties and mainly play my girl character. I also made a boy character and got him all dressed up (I was surprised how fun it was). The boy is much less proficient at meeting people. Also a small percentage of girls can get outright mean to him. I've gone back to my girl. I think both avatars are fairly "top tier" in appearance and I have a nice little short-and-sweet profile for each.

I've played around in almost every sim busy enough to have people in them besides the pure-adult ones. I doubt that's the problem. Also I often get the suggestion to get immersed in some tertiary aspect of the game and meet people that way. The problem with that is its not intrinsically fun for me and at that point I might as well do something like, learn to play a musical instrument irl and meet other musicians. SL seems to mostly exist as a "dress up and chat" platform and its odd how adverse people are to it. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that half the people in the busy sims are just bots run by the Sim owner to boost numbers.

I would blame myself more if it wasn't for the five or six people I've met that have been amazing at chatting. Some I've talked to for hours. I've even asked them "What is wrong with me? Am I ugly?!?!" Even when I finally get someone to respond with more than "thanks" it feels more like a Q&A than a conversation.... I'm just tired of messaging 20 people over the course of an hour to maybe get a decent conversation out of someone =(

Sorry for the long post, and thanks in advance for any answers or recommendations.

I'm coming into this thread quite late (as is often the case).  

You sound like so many people, needing some kind of instant gratification - and I am not having a pop at you for this in any way. It is just that a lot of people who are properly established in Second Life will not be able to deal with what may come across from you as new person enthusiasm.  

Also, I have found in my own Second Life, that the level of chat I get will depend very much on the venue I am attending. For example, a place that looks very sociable but is in fact geared up for couples would probably see me getting involved with 0-1 avatar (whoever would be brave enough to approach me to ask me for a dance), and I might also be engaged in one or two more private message conversations at the same time, but rarely has this been the case.

On the other hand, a coffee shop venue, where there may be a live band or a quiz night has always provided me with more than enough company, with the very sociable open chat that always ensues with a quiz night, and also private messages from individuals that are like-minded.  

As for blocking anyone, I fail to see how it would be relevant to block anyone, just for not engaging in conversation. It seems a tad juvenile, even spiteful, especially if you are (IF you are) the type of person I have come across who actually says "you are blocked/muted" before blocking/muting.  

The most idiotic blocking I received was from a sailor I met as a ghosted avatar on the Blake Sea sims. He was grateful I had helped him to find his stuck avatar, and we got him back inworld, but then he asked to go on my friend list, and I was fine with that, but he seemed to think then I should be contacting him on a regular basis, and after a week, when NEITHER of us had approached the other for any kind of interaction, he sent me a private message to say he was throwing me off his friends list AND muting me. Why?  I mean, I laughed in real life. Just purely idiotic.