Is "Mass blocking" a strategy? Also a rant

[xTornTwilightx]

I've been on SL about six weeks. I've really enjoyed the dress up and the handful of cool people I've met. What always keeps me on the verge of quitting however is the complete lack of what we'll call actual players.

We've all been there. You see someone that looks interesting, read over there profile, and decide to shoot them a message. Most of the time it goes like this:

"Hey, I love those boots! I noticed you're a GoT fan, my distant uncle is George R.R. Martin! I've actually talked to him a lot about the series, he's a wonderful guy!"

"thanks" with no further reply.

I'm curious as to whether or not you can get away with just blocking all of these people. I know one out of every 50 or 100 times they'll shoot a message back 45 minutes later like, "Sorry i was really busy with work stuff, what does your uncle think about the hbo series?" but honestly it'd be a small price to pay. Its wonderful how the chat saves your last conversation but I rarely even open it before loading and reading their profile. Also saving render time would be absolutely amazing.

So the first question, is there a block list cap?

As far as "me" goes. I'm a girl in her twenties and mainly play my girl character. I also made a boy character and got him all dressed up (I was surprised how fun it was). The boy is much less proficient at meeting people. Also a small percentage of girls can get outright mean to him. I've gone back to my girl. I think both avatars are fairly "top tier" in appearance and I have a nice little short-and-sweet profile for each.

I've played around in almost every sim busy enough to have people in them besides the pure-adult ones. I doubt that's the problem. Also I often get the suggestion to get immersed in some tertiary aspect of the game and meet people that way. The problem with that is its not intrinsically fun for me and at that point I might as well do something like, learn to play a musical instrument irl and meet other musicians. SL seems to mostly exist as a "dress up and chat" platform and its odd how adverse people are to it. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that half the people in the busy sims are just bots run by the Sim owner to boost numbers.

I would blame myself more if it wasn't for the five or six people I've met that have been amazing at chatting. Some I've talked to for hours. I've even asked them "What is wrong with me? Am I ugly?!?!" Even when I finally get someone to respond with more than "thanks" it feels more like a Q&A than a conversation.... I'm just tired of messaging 20 people over the course of an hour to maybe get a decent conversation out of someone =(

Sorry for the long post, and thanks in advance for any answers or recommendations.

[Wulfie Reanimator]

I think the cap is around 500?

That said, what do you hope to achieve with blocking them? It's not like they're talking anyway. You have a separate blacklist for derendering things, you can use that instead if low FPS is the issue. 

[missyrideout]

Five or six people you genuinely vibed with ain’t bad! After a while I think we develop a keener sense of what to look for in a profile, a look, a venue and maybe the hit rate goes up? But sometimes (often, I may not be as hot as I think I am...) I will spend the evening in a club and not  click with anyone. Avatar age may also be a factor. 

[Lindal Kidd]

Hi, @xTornTwilightx!

A belated welcome to Second Life!

Yes, you'll find a lot of people who are unwilling (unable?) to respond well to an initial greeting and carry on a conversation.  Some are busy, some are AFK, some may just not resonate with your cheery, upbeat approach.  Keep trying...eventually you'll find at least a few like minded souls.

I'd add to the people who've suggested you get involved with some activity in SL.  Whether that's Gorean roleplay (please, no!  I'm kidding), or Bloodlines (still kidding!) or attending a Victorian art gallery viewing in Caledon, or playing Get the Freight Out or getting into racing at a yacht club.  There are tons of possibilities; you're sure to find something that's fun.

Also, join some groups with whom you have a common interest.  A group may not get together physically (some do, though), but the group chats can be very entertaining.

As Wulfie implies, I would not block someone simply for being a dud, personality-wise.  Only block people who are actively annoying.

Edited February 13, 2020 by Lindal Kidd

[Rolig Loon]

I suspect that you would have the same sort of response rate from random people that you meet in RL too, so it's not just a SL thing. I think most people don't easily get chatty with perfect strangers.  There can be lots of reasons. 

If you read through these forums, for example, you'll be surprised by how many people self-identify as shy or introverted. SL gives us a chance to be safely anonymous, so some people just enjoy being quiet. 

There are also many people who have had bad experiences in RL (or SL) with abusive partners or with stalkers.  The last thing they want to do is open up to a total stranger.

Then there are the people in SL who do not speak English as a first language.  For them, conversation can be a slow, sometimes embarrassing experience. 

SL residents know that there are also trolls, griefers, scammers, and other annoying people out there, as there are anywhere on line. It makes sense to be a bit cautious.

The list can go on and on.  In RL, we have the advantage of cues from body language to tell us when someone is looking grumpy or off in a fog, but we can only guess when we are in SL. And we certainly can't tell when someone has walked away from the keyboard to get a sandwich, answer the phone, or use the bathroom. 

Making friends here is sort of like meeting people when you move to a new town. The good news is that once you meet a few people that you can connect with, you can often meet their friends and feel like part of the gang.  Most of the people I am closest to in SL are people who I met when I was a newbie 13 years ago.  So there's hope. Just start exploring, watching for people who seem to have common interests, and relax.

[Garnet Psaltery]

34 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

I'd add to the people who've suggested you get involved with some activity in SL.  Whether that's Gorean roleplay (please, no!  I'm kidding), or Bloodlines (still kidding!)

Pfft.  There are some very nice people playing Bloodlines, such as me, though I'm not going to try to recruit you.   If you're a musician then there are plenty of groups and events that might interest you. When are you generally around?

[Qie Niangao]

1 hour ago, xTornTwilightx said:

"Hey, I love those boots! I noticed you're a GoT fan, my distant uncle is George R.R. Martin! I've actually talked to him a lot about the series, he's a wonderful guy!"

[...]

Also I often get the suggestion to get immersed in some tertiary aspect of the game and meet people that way.

I realize the George R.R. Martin thing is just an example, but I suspect it's representative of an issue -- an issue easily addressed by that "tertiary aspect of the game" thing: Some of us really, really, really do not want to make a new acquaintance starting with a conversation about real life topics. Some folks are fine with it and see this platform as a kind of 3D social network, but some of us take months before we're really comfortable talking about any RL subject (beyond maybe the weather, as long as it's not too location-specific). It's not that we have dark secrets to hide; it's just not what we want from Second Life, at least not with strangers.

So maybe it would help to somehow improve the probability of sampling from the "SL as Social Network" crowd. I can't help you there: I avoid it like the plague.

[Rolig Loon]

8 minutes ago, Qie Niangao said:

Some folks are fine with it and see this platform as a kind of 3D social network, but some of us take months before we're really comfortable talking about any RL subject (beyond maybe the weather, as long as it's not too location-specific).

That's a really good point. Even my closest SL friends know very little about my RL, and I would never get into a conversation with a new acquaintance who wants to talk about RL stuff. This is not fakebook. 

[Jordyn McGregor]

I feel your pain.  I'm a conversationalist also and have pretty much given up trying to meet people to talk to.  Now I just log in, play Barbies with my avi and then log out.

[LittleMe Jewell]

2 hours ago, xTornTwilightx said:

SL seems to mostly exist as a "dress up and chat" platform

Possibly for many people, most especially the younger ones, in my view anyway. However, not all of us are here for those reasons.  While I do spent a lot of time shopping and playing Barbie-dress-up, I also spend quite a bit of time working on my building skills, decorating my homes and doing hunts.  I'm not a social person in RL or SL.

[Selene Gregoire]

2 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Possibly for many people, most especially the younger ones, in my view anyway. However, not all of us are here for those reasons.  While I do spent a lot of time shopping and playing Barbie-dress-up, I also spend quite a bit of time working on my building skills, decorating my homes and doing hunts.  I'm not a social person in RL or SL.

 

We're not anti-social, just not real sociable. 

[Tari Landar]

I don't give a rat's left nut about fashion. If someone sends me a message commenting on something I'm wearing (not likely, I make it a point to only change once or twice a year, if even), positive or negative, odds are good they're probably going to get a "thanks" from me , if I comment back at all (which I make a concerted effort at doing, even if it's an hour later when I'm not afk, not building, not otherwise busy, whatever). If someone asks a question about something I'm wearing, which is even less likely, I'll do my best to answer, but that's not necessarily indication that the person on the other end wants to have a conversation about it, either. I most definitely don't want to discuss fashion lol.  Fashion isn't my thing, I'm not in sl to play barbies and dress up, I wear clothes because I'm not comfortable wandering around in sl in my pixel birthday suit, and that's pretty much the only reason lol. 

Context is important and maybe the context some people use to send messages to others isn't of any ACTUAL interest (directly, indirectly, at that very moment) to the person they're sending that message to.

I try to converse with people who converse with me, but the assumption that we're all, or even mostly, here for the same thing right out the gate is more than a bit, wrong. It also often leads to "where are all the people, why doesn't anyone want to talk to me" kinds of questions. Even people who might share some interests aren't all in sl for the very same thing at any given moment. I don't use social media the same way lots of others do either, and people who think everyone does bother me...the same way people who think everyone is in sl to always be social or play dress up bother me (not tremendously, but enough). I mostly use sl for creative and exploration purposes, really. My social activities, those unrelated to those two purposes, are mostly reserved for the forums. (ie: I talk mostly to creators and those that want to be inworld, and that's about the end of my social iworld involvement, lol)

Sometimes a "thanks" or even non-reply at all, is the best way to end what would likely be an otherwise awkward discussion for at least one of us. It's not usually my flavor of awkward or odd (ie fashion, which I find incredibly boring), so I'll nope myself right out of it on my own terms. If that bothers people, maybe they should find something better to chat me up about. 

 

[Beth Macbain]

24 minutes ago, Tari Landar said:

... stuff ...

I think she was just using the boots as an example of an attempt to start a conversation, not suggesting that everyone should start every conversation with a compliment about 15 year old system clothing...

Welcome to Second Life, @xTornTwilightx! We are a bunch of weirdos with varied and strange ideas of appropriate social interaction. Good luck!

[Tari Landar]

51 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

I think she was just using the boots as an example of an attempt to start a conversation, not suggesting that everyone should start every conversation with a compliment about 15 year old system clothing...

I didn't say it was  a suggestion, lol. But it was what was mentioned, and it's often used as an icebreaker. In some threads, it actually has been suggested to be used as an icebreaker (something the person is wearing, that is). I'm simply explaining why that may not always be nearly as successful of an icebreaker as some people think.

I feel awkward when people try to talk to me about clothes out of the blue, I really do. I hardly think saying "thanks" to what I assume the person thinks is a compliment they are giving me, is rude. Some people seem to think it is, or not replying at all is rude. It's quite the opposite for me. When I say it, I'm trying to be polite and avoid awkwardness, not be rude. 

 

[Bree Giffen]

I like conversation in SL. I can talk about RL but not specific things that could show my location. I tend to keep quiet unless talked to though. I did try being very outgoing on one avatar and it was fun. What I learned was that the super beautiful didn't speak much. The plain/ugly/weird avatars were more willing to chat. 

[Conall DeCuir]

I have always problems to answer to anything what isn't a serious question and someone who compliments me on my boots or anything else i wear/create will get max a "thanks" back. Mentioning something about a RP Setting i am eventually involved in is equally tricky. I am often very much in thoughts, maybe already in IMs, am reading, photoshopping and need a bit time to mentally come back when i get an IM and when i do not know how or what to answer, i best say nothing. I am not really anti-social but selective-social and i am just not into small talk. Give me a reason to answer and a conversation might start if ........ i find it interesting. It's a bit a hit and miss. 

[Bree Giffen]

Could this be a cultural thing? I was watching a video of differences between France and America where they said that Americans can start chatting with people standing next to them and are good at making small talk. I heard in the Scandinavian countries people never talk to each other. 

[Pussycat Catnap]

5 hours ago, Qie Niangao said:

I realize the George R.R. Martin thing is just an example, but I suspect it's representative of an issue -- an issue easily addressed by that "tertiary aspect of the game" thing: Some of us really, really, really do not want to make a new acquaintance starting with a conversation about real life topics. Some folks are fine with it and see this platform as a kind of 3D social network, but some of us take months before we're really comfortable talking about any RL subject...

Yeah the moment I hear some RL info too soon, I tend to back off.

The uncle part...

But I actually do like to engage on 'RL topics' of interest to me... just not to be told who you are or are related to or what not...

 

That noted yes, in RL I will often engage in conversation with folks I meet just standing there.

In SL I can too, but it can vary.

Sometimes I get the vibe that the next comment out of them is going to be a pickup-line... or something racist like "you ethnic types are so exotic"...

Or I just get a weird vibe.

 

Older residents like myself have a weird combo of having become extremely jaded by a lot of bad experiences AND also desperate to meet new people because everyone we knew has left...

It's kind of a catch-22...

 

Or I may be AFK, come back 3 hours later... and think... "too late to respond to that..."

Most of the time people are telling me their opinion of me... and that's a seriously personal red-flag for me even if it's a compliment...

If people just out of nowhere tell me an opinion on my avatar I tend to not reply or at most give a one to two word reply... because so often those are the people who are headed in a bad direction... Just like the dudes on a street catcalling you...

 

 

 

Edited February 14, 2020 by Pussycat Catnap

[xTornTwilightx]

6 hours ago, Wulfie Reanimator said:

I think the cap is around 500?

That said, what do you hope to achieve with blocking them? It's not like they're talking anyway. You have a separate blacklist for derendering things, you can use that instead if low FPS is the issue. 

Oooo i didn't know about the second blacklist, that would be perfect! I'm not trying to block communication, I just want to not render their avi and also not click them again and read their profile. I'll have to find that feature.

Thanks for the awesome replies everyone. I might have ranted a little too hard. I know that people play for different reasons. There's not really dedicated chat places, or at least the ones aren't used for chatting. I just hate that out of 30 people in a sim, 10 of them are either going to have creeper profiles or ones that I don't vibe with ("I am mistress blah blah bow to me"), 7 are going to be afk, 3 are going to be strange monster people and I get a bit judgey if, lets say, your hips are five feet wide, 7 will not want to chat, and 3 will be really nice. 

I'm not angry at people for not chatting and I really understand language barriers. Think of it like I'm trying to create my own English-only chat-server across the game.

[Wulfie Reanimator]

40 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

Could this be a cultural thing? I was watching a video of differences between France and America where they said that Americans can start chatting with people standing next to them and are good at making small talk. I heard in the Scandinavian countries people never talk to each other. 

As a Scandinavian who's been to America: Yeah that's pretty spot-on.

It's very weird and awkward when a stranger tries to start a conversation in public, but many Americans seemed really chatty.

[Cinos Field]

It I ever do this, I can tell you exactly why: because you IM'd me despite me being right there in front of you, possibly already chatting in public.

Generally from what I've seen, a lot of people have a preferred approach. Either local or IM. And those of us who do might generally budget out attention towards that. There only a limited amount of attention one can pay, after all.

[Rachel1206]

7 hours ago, xTornTwilightx said:

I've been on SL about six weeks. I've really enjoyed the dress up and the handful of cool people I've met. What always keeps me on the verge of quitting however is the complete lack of what we'll call actual players.

...

Find ppl with whom you share interests, is my best advice. Be it art, music, sailing - or interests in reading, science etc - but it takes a little to get to know the places and where.

Normally open good chat ( voice and text) can be found in The London City sim (http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/London City/47/71/24)

Also using destinations guide is a good thing, Featured Events and Editor's Picks ( for example Burrow Coffee), here you meet ppl, who like to explore and often like to share the experience.

[Rolig Loon]

55 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

Could this be a cultural thing? I was watching a video of differences between France and America where they said that Americans can start chatting with people standing next to them and are good at making small talk. I heard in the Scandinavian countries people never talk to each other. 

There certainly are cultural differences, plenty of them right here between one part of the United States and another. When I was in graduate school, I remember a friend from South Carolina complaining about how difficult it was to get people in the north to open up.  When my daughter moved to North Carolina almost 30 years later, one of her first complaints was about how intrusive southerners were, always dropping in without warning or stopping to chat just because they saw her outside.  We have different cultural expectations from north to south. In my part of the world now, it may have a lot to do with the strong Scandinavian history ... or maybe it's just the weather.  

[Amanda Crisp]

Welcome to Second Life!

One thing to consider when messaging people “in the blind” is that SL is home to many amazing people as well as people like me whose social skills are “different”. Some people WANT interaction, but when they’re spoken to they kinda freeze up like a deer in the headlights.

Its also possible that the interesting profile might belong to a character being used as a ‘Bot to fluff a venue’s traffic numbers (we have no small number of those) and doesn’t have anyone actually monitoring its chat-stream.

Another thing I’ve encountered while DJing is the avatar who goes clubbing in SL, but keeps their attention fixed on the Skype/Discord Voice convo they have going with their clique of similarly-fixated friends. They’re not interested in text conversation with the rest of us and that might explain a few of the “terse” answers.

Finally, you have the Phobic-Paranoics who might have a deep-seated fear that “every female avatar who speaks first and won’t Voice is probably a guy in RL” (I’ve been told that by several perpetually-single male avatars). Its best to leave that lot to their Bubble IMHO.

Personally, I just mute the rude or annoying ones and move along.  Joining SL Groups that match your interests are a great way to find friends to interact with, and back in 2005 I found the SL Partner I’ve had ever since then by just going shopping (for hair, not a Partner) 🙂

I wish you only good things as you explore the grid and if I can help at all, feel free to ping me 🙂

 

Edited February 14, 2020 by AmandaKeen

[Alwin Alcott]

8 hours ago, xTornTwilightx said:

I'm curious ...

i am too... why would anybody reply to you about their likes while your profile is blank, totally empty?..
no pic
no groups
no payment info
no description
no interests
no picks
no info anywhere....

you perhaps don't realize but that gives a lot of people all red lights and alarms to avoid  getting involved.
i'd block and derender you instantly if you come in with so much noise.