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The Anti-Valentine's Day Thread


Scylla Rhiadra
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11 hours ago, Jackson Redstar said:

But V Day especially is a moronic, shameless attempt into guiltiling men to blow a few bucks (or a few hundred) to make the SO feel all romantic like. At least in SL you can play V Day  with your SO for very little money, so there's that at least! lol

You raise a point that I consciously, and maybe foolishly, decided not to make in my OP. Valentine's Day, at least in its traditional trappings, and as mostly reinforced by the popular media, is enormously gendered.

I want to gently push back against the narrative that you are implying here, and that has much more crudely and obnoxiously been advanced in another post above: that Valentine's Day is all about pleasing and appeasing women.

If there is any "truth" to the idea that the holiday is all about men essentially "buying" love and sex from women with extravagant presents and an ostentatious show of romantic passion, it's because that's what we are all being sold in the popular media. And it does no one, male or female, any service.

The conventional notions of V-Day reduces women to utterly passive objects, the helpless recipients of purchased tokens of love. I say "helpless," because the paradigm is still that it is the man who is the active agent here: women can only sit around and hope that they are given tokens of love -- flowers, chocolates, cards, etc. And that model also includes the unpleasant fiction that it is the woman's prerogative to fly off the handle if she isn't sufficiently "rewarded" for her affection -- because Hell, apparently, hath no fury like a woman who didn't receive a box of assorted (and mostly icky) chocolates for Valentine's Day.

And of course, another part of that passive model associated with women in this context is the idea that men not merely have to "buy" sex by presents (cf. the post already alluded to above), but that women must actually turn themselves into sufficiently "sexy" objects of desire as part of the implied "exchange." Hence, the more modern tradition of buying women lingerie for Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong: I love receiving lingerie from my partner, because it is an index of his desire for me. But in the context of the passive model thrust upon women by this holiday, there is instead a sense that one is "dressing up" for one's lover, as a reward for his largesse.

Now, I'm pretty certain that, just as Valentine's Day can be an occasion for a great deal of real angst and anxiety for women, so too is it for many men, precisely because they are forced into the role of active agent -- a role that really should be shared by both partners. So I do feel for men, especially those who are shy, suffer from low self-esteem, etc. As for the money thing: if you don't want to spend it, don't. If your lover is upset because you haven't showered them with prezzies, then that's their issue, not yours.

The point is that Valentine's Day reinforces really unhealthy attitudes towards gender roles. It's a crappy holiday for both women and men for that exactly reason.

Edited by Scylla Rhiadra
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24 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

... don't think that Valentine's Day is a "feminine celebration" at all.

But surely it must be ? Are you telling me St. Valentine might have been a man, who by his belief, would never abuse it for money ?  Saints are not about money, right ?

Right ? :|

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3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

If there is any "truth" to the idea that the holiday is all about men essentially "buying" love and sex from women with extravagant presents and an ostentatious show of romantic passion, it's because that's what we are all being sold in the popular media. And it does no one, male or female, any service....

The conventional notions of V-Day reduces women to utterly passive objects, the helpless recipients of purchased tokens of love. I say "helpless," because the paradigm is still that it is the man who is the active agent here...

And of course, another part of that passive model associated with women in this context is the idea that men not merely have to "buy" sex by presents (cf. the post already alluded to above), but actually turn herself into a sufficiently "sexy" object of desire. 

I'm reminded of the apparent trend for sugar relationships in SL (at least, wannabe babies...there don't seem to be enough parental counterparts to go around). I know it's always existed in RL and SL but I wonder if any of this relates to the apparent rise in demand within SL.

I do actually subscribe to "mean with money, mean with love". I've honestly never seen an exception to that. Doesn't mean you have to shower your partner with expensive gifts, just that, as the Beatles sang, I may not have a lot to give but what I've got I'll give to you. I've never seen a stingy, grasping person who was otherwise loving, giving and emotionally available. But I do feel sorry for anyone, male or female, who's never experienced love or sex that was good enough for them to want to do it for free.

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Chorus :

And I don't think I'll ever change,'cause that's never longlasting
and I don't feel like it either
And I don't intend
I'm good for nothing
Something you know all about
But I can love you
Like no one else can do.
Edited by TDD123
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1 hour ago, Eva Knoller said:

Reading about elementary school kids feeling left out of the card swap makes me sad. Kids can be very cruel. As much as people like to scoff at the “everyone gets a trophy” way that we coddle kids nowadays, I am happy that my son’s elementary school requires kids to bring in a card for every child in the class if they are doing cards. 

I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day in either life. I’ve been with my husband for twenty years, and we don’t need a specific day in order to show love. And I am single in SL because I would like to remain married in 1st Life. 😄

OH YEAH! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

EXACTLY THIS!

In RL I'm way stronger being in a stable relationship. :):)

In SL I'm way stronger being single. NOT alone, by a long way, but FREE. 9_9

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I don't think most people even know what it's about...it's lost it's original meaning.  But, Saint Valentine is a Catholic saint and the stories "vary" upon search.

To me, it's kind of like Halloween which was originally All Hallow's Eve and Easter and even Christmas have lost a lot of their meaning and are more secular and sweets orientated and/or feast orientated.  

But, I like occasional sweets and feasts and am glad we have them.

There are worst things to worry about in this world everyone...don't sweat the small stuff.  

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3 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

I don't think most people even know what it's about...it's lost it's original meaning.  But, Saint Valentine is a Catholic saint and the stories "vary" upon search.

To me, it's kind of like Halloween which was originally All Hallow's Eve and Easter and even Christmas have lost a lot of their meaning and are more secular and sweets orientated and/or feast orientated.  

But, I like occasional sweets and feasts and am glad we have them.

There are worst things to worry about in this world everyone...don't sweat the small stuff.  

Ah but sometimes it's good to sweat the small stuff and to forget about the horrors and atrocities going on.

But I do wonder if Trump sends Valentines, and what sort of "hand job" he gets in return for his gifts!!! (bad bad Marigold).

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Just now, Selene Gregoire said:

Didn't make it halfway through the first page before regretting reading the thread.

Thanks for reminding me of all the things everyone else has (or had) that I've never had or received.

 

I was so very bent out of shape about Valentine's Day because of how I chose to react to something someone said in all innocence on Sunday. This thread has put it all right again, not least because lots of different opinions - and humour - have prevailed.

The thread was certainly not started to bring anyone down. Certainly not especially started to bring YOU down. 

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7 hours ago, Syn Anatine said:

I've never liked Valentines.

Funny little anecdote; my grandma always used to tell me I need to buy my parents something for valentines. She never did understand that it was for lovers and not those you love.

 

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Personally, I think your grandma was a very wise woman.

I don't.  Grandma is right, of course, as far as the exact meaning of Valentine's Day.  But many people DO look at it as a way to remind people you love that you do love and think about them.  My mother would always be hurt and upset if she didn't get cards from us kids on Mothers' Day and Valentine's Day.  If you don't believe me, just look at the categories of V-Day cards in your local Hallmark store.

I say...send a card to those people in your life you love, especially if you know they are the sort to expect it, or need it.

Or not.  (It occurs to me that we need a Charles Dickens to write a story analogous to A Christmas Carol, about Valentine's Day.)

 

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4 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

 

I was so very bent out of shape about Valentine's Day because of how I chose to react to something someone said in all innocence on Sunday. This thread has put it all right again, not least because lots of different opinions - and humour - have prevailed.

The thread was certainly not started to bring anyone down. Certainly not especially started to bring YOU down. 

Wtf is this bs? Who said the thread was started to bring me down specifically? Sure as fek wasn't me.

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3 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Wtf is this bs? Who said the thread was started to bring me down specifically? Sure as fek wasn't me.

You certainly intimated it, and I was attempting to console you. My bad. 

Edited by Marigold Devin
because I obviously have far too much time on my hands.
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10 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Didn't make it halfway through the first page before regretting reading the thread.

Thanks for reminding me of all the things everyone else has (or had) that I've never had or received.

I don't really know what to say here, because you've had enough adversity to last ten lifetimes and it's hard to say something that respects that and isn't cliched. Perhaps just a reminder that you are enough, as you are, with inherent human worth, and relationships aren't a stamp to verify your humanity. You. Are. Enough.

Plus I can take the piss out of Gor again if you want. 

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