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LexxiXhan

Connecting with one of my dearest exes's current crushes.

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To what purpose? 

ETA: Sorry, that probably sounded a bit brusque, which wasn't my intention. But I think it's worth asking yourself what outcome you're hoping for and what it is you want.

Edited by Amina Sopwith
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4 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

To what purpose? 

Supporting my ex. We are very close, and she has good taste.

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Nope.

When it's over it's over and I move on.

 

Then again, this might shock some who have ideas about me, but I've been in a single stable relationship since 1995; so the above is just how I was before then. I did cut out of my life everyone who had ever so much as hinted at being more than just a friend or associate back in 1995 though - moving on and all that.

 

 

Edited by Pussycat Catnap
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No, I do not, and it strikes me that this is a way of keeping hold of the ex, and owning his world.  Seeking out his current crush and befriending her is creepy.

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the relationships are (or should be) independent.  Ex + crush.  Crush + you. You + ex

if the Crush or Ex feels that you (and/or your ex, and/or the crush) are making these into something other than independent, then one or all of the three relationships are doomed

 

 

Edited by Mollymews
and/or
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59 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

No, I do not, and it strikes me that this is a way of keeping hold of the ex, and owning his world.  Seeking out his current crush and befriending her is creepy.

Yes. If someone was doing that, it would be totally creepy.

 

42 minutes ago, Mollymews said:

if the Crush or Ex feels that you (and/or your ex, and/or the crush) are making these into something other than independent, then one or all of the three relationships are doomed

Fortunately, that isn't anything like the scenario I'm describing. I'm not seeking any kind of romantic or sexual connection with either my ex or her crush. I'd liken it more to being introduced to her prospective partner and discovering a cool person to connect with. Like playing wingperson.

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1 minute ago, LexxiXhan said:

I'd liken it more to being introduced to her prospective partner and discovering a cool person to connect with. Like playing wingperson.

the question here is, does the Crush want you to connect with them ? Like form a Crush + You relationship that has nothing to do with Ex

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14 minutes ago, Mollymews said:

the question here is, does the Crush want you to connect with them ? Like form a Crush + You relationship that has nothing to do with Ex

I would say this is moot as I wouldn't be pursuing a more intimate or frequent friendship with the Crush than the connection we already have. Nor would I wish to muddy the waters of a blossoming relationship. My ex is pleased and reassured that her Crush and her Ex have good social chemistry and similar/complimentary viewpoints and experience. Our differences and overlaps help to affirm each other and we all have background consciousness of boundaries and compatibilities in poly contexts.

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when the Crush is ok with a relationship with You then is fine

you OP does ask a question tho. We all do this, right ?

the answer to this question is No, we all don't do this. Some of us do, some of us don't

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I also didn't give much context, other than what's in the title. I'm amazed anyone responded at all, so I appreciate getting a few different insights. I do see the wisdom in what you were saying, and there are all sorts of things to learn about perspectives. Thank you.

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Nope she shout me out complitly. And she was absulute right to do so. I can be a bit toxic. 

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On 1/27/2020 at 3:19 AM, Pussycat Catnap said:

I've been in a single stable relationship since 1995; so the above is just how I was before then. I did cut out of my life everyone who had ever so much as hinted at being more than just a friend or associate back in 1995 though - moving on and all that.

 

 

You are my hero ❤️ loyalty is severely underrated these days

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Nope.   Even with RL exes, I honestly care not as to who they move on to/with no matter how we ended our relationship, I just go my merry way assuming they are doing better since I seem to attract the broken.

 

(Course.. The first RL person I dated as a teen ended up stalking me both online and RL, IDK if they still are.. I try not to think about it.  I prefer not knowing,  They confirmed that they were after I got into my most recent relationship and that was three years ago going on four.)

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