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shane Foresight

What's Love got to do with it?

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Well of course love has a lot to do with it, but so do some many other things, so i thought i would post my thoughts and experience.

I have been in sl for over 10 years and over that time i have seen different types of relationships, some good many not so good, in as mush as they develop at a very fast rate and just as fast they dissolve.

However i can only really comment on my own relationship, which i have had in sl for 9 years, the key to our long relationship has always been communication, making sure that we understand what each wants, being response to changing needs and treating each other with respect.

One of the key factors to our long relationship in sl is that we have an open relationship, this was very much a mutually agreed decision and one made with an understanding of what ou relationship is and being very secure in it.

We have seen many couples who come from an insecure base with their relationship and as a result trust gets eroded and suspicion and concern that one partner may leave to be with someone else they meet.

While you may be thinking that an open relationship in sl means that one is just looking to get their rocks off with someone esle and remain in the relationship....for us this is not the case, although of course this is a factor it is not the only factor.

We had seen many relationships dissolve due to one partner being on less than the other yet expect the partner who is on to effectively not socialise or leave their sim, in our experience this just does not work, people have to be given the freedom to explore and to do things in sl when alone, when you are both on you spend time together.

Again this comes back to trust and feeling secure, there should be no issue for your partner to do what they will with others, it makes for a more complete and fulfilled experience.

That being said, again this is about communication and setting expectations at the beginning of the relationship and when i mean at the beginning i do mean at the beginning, as clinical as this may seem, like a prenup, it is a way to determine comparability and to determine clear boundaries and to assess if this is the relationship you really want.

Many people come together only to find out they have different expectations which they have kept to themselves which for many can result in a very difficult and hurtful end.

So why place this post and what is it i am wanting to really say.....well here it is

  1. When you meet someone you like and consider a more formal relationship in SL, have the conversation and assess what that looks like
  2. Ongoing communication, relationships can become stale very quickly, have these conversations, are you happy, is there anything we would like to change or try.
  3. Take it slowly, for the right person it is worth it
  4. lastly, start your relationship with trust, it is easy to be cynical and to think all people will cheat or lie, however while some may end that way, do not start with this in your mind

well that is some of my thoughts on the subject, for what it is worth

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Interesting insights and perspective. 

But did you honestly need to copy and paste this into so many threads, as well as have it with its own thread?

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2 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

Interesting insights and perspective. 

But did you honestly need to copy and paste this into so many threads, as well as have it with its own thread?

I don't think they'll be spamming the forum again for a while. Whistling.gif.706fda9026bbec8c2f41ac52afccc5dc.gif

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I hate this post. Yes, hate is a strong word, but I really do. First of all of course because of the spam.

But then you also got awful statements like this one:

11 hours ago, shane Foresight said:

Again this comes back to trust and feeling secure, there should be no issue for your partner to do what they will with others, it makes for a more complete and fulfilled experience.

Closed relationships DO NOT LACK TRUST AND FEELING SECURE. They are not incomplete and do not lack a "fulfilled experiance".

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Not everybody is looking for a relationship either. It's just one perspective.

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Thank you for your comments and responses and yes i did post this same post into a number of threads which were discussing similar topics, after all why wouldn't I want to share my views after all that is what a forum is all about.

 

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5 minutes ago, shane Foresight said:

Thank you for your comments and responses and yes i did post this same post into a number of threads which were discussing similar topics, after all why wouldn't I want to share my views after all that is what a forum is all about.

 

As a former school teacher I will just rhetorically ask: What if everyone did that?

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53 minutes ago, shane Foresight said:

Thank you for your comments and responses and yes i did post this same post into a number of threads which were discussing similar topics, after all why wouldn't I want to share my views after all that is what a forum is all about.

 

Hardly "all about" though, isn't it? Internet forums would be pretty tedious if it was only people posting their own views without stopping to read or consider other people's. Perhaps that's all you want to do, but those of us who read are in the right to point out that your approach of spamming the forums with the same essay isn't on.

You want readers, right? You'll get more if you post in a way which serves the readers instead of just yourself. You might even get some interesting conversation on the subject, and that's the lifeblood of any forum.

 

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1 hour ago, shane Foresight said:

Thank you for your comments and responses and yes i did post this same post into a number of threads which were discussing similar topics, after all why wouldn't I want to share my views after all that is what a forum is all about.

 

Because that is just spam. You weren't even really engaging into the discussions in those threads, you were simply making a copy & paste posts, which ment your text wasn't even matching the threads it was posted in, or contributed to them in any meaningful way. Its a monologue and quite a pity you thought it was more important than anything else.

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Depends on the relationship for open or closed but having someone that I dont have to share with SL is very nice

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8 hours ago, shane Foresight said:

Thank you for your comments and responses and yes i did post this same post into a number of threads which were discussing similar topics, after all why wouldn't I want to share my views after all that is what a forum is all about.

 

Hmmm, you might want to research a bit more about forums and forum etiquette

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11 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Leave me out of it!

You were my first thought when I saw the thread title :)

Took me until this morning to figure out wording for a suitable reply: "Lion memes!" Wish I'd been quicker, that would have been a good laugh for the forum regulars.

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Thank you all for your comments, the good .....the bad....the indifferent........and those with some advice......yes i do have a lot to learn about posting in forums.......Here i am thinking that a forum was a place where one can share their views....not a place where the views you share must be the same views of those who read them.....To have a specific view on a topic does not make it the wrong view or the right view...it is just ones opinion or observation, as seen through the eyes and experience of the person writing it.  I premise this next comment by saying, this is not specific to the people who commented on the last of my posts......why is it that people are so quickly triggered when they read , see or hear something that they don't agree with and then feel compelled to write a vitriolic response....as if to have taken an affront at the mere fact that someone shared a view different than theirs....... or perhaps this is just the sign of the times......."I am glad i have a thick skin"......turns to think of the next topic i can write about in order to trigger those that may find offence in the smallest detail.

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7 hours ago, shane Foresight said:

Here i am thinking that a forum was a place where one can share their views....not a place where the views you share must be the same views of those who read them.....

It is, but you don't need to repeat yourself so often.

 

I can confirm it is a copy-paste job at the very least, proof being Dark Mode. The bright white boxes threaten to burn a hole through my retinas into the void that once held my soul.

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5 hours ago, shane Foresight said:

.Here i am thinking that a forum was a place where one can share their views....not a place where the views you share must be the same views of those who read them.....To have a specific view on a topic does not make it the wrong view or the right view...it is just ones opinion or observation, as seen through the eyes and experience of the person writing it.  I premise this next comment by saying, this is not specific to the people who commented on the last of my posts......why is it that people are so quickly triggered when they read , see or hear something that they don't agree with and then feel compelled to write a vitriolic response....as if to have taken an affront at the mere fact that someone shared a view different than theirs....... or perhaps this is just the sign of the times......."I am glad i have a thick skin"......turns to think of the next topic i can write about in order to trigger those that may find offence in the smallest detail.

You're going to troll the forums because a couple people here replied with disagreements to your essay and some others addressed your spamming? If you want attention, why don't you just participate in the discussions?

It will help though, if you read what's written instead of making up stuff like you did in that first highlighted line. Or do you just find the latter more entertaining? We like to talk and share here, so if a troll or provocateur comes along that will be the street corner we gather on to talk. We'll also talk with those who want to really have a conversation. Doesn't much matter in the end which one it is. Your choice how you want to use this resource.

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On 1/23/2020 at 5:36 PM, shane Foresight said:

Well of course love has a lot to do with it, but so do some many other things, so i thought i would post my thoughts and experience.

I have been in sl for over 10 years and over that time i have seen different types of relationships, some good many not so good, in as mush as they develop at a very fast rate and just as fast they dissolve.

However i can only really comment on my own relationship, which i have had in sl for 9 years, the key to our long relationship has always been communication, making sure that we understand what each wants, being response to changing needs and treating each other with respect.

One of the key factors to our long relationship in sl is that we have an open relationship, this was very much a mutually agreed decision and one made with an understanding of what ou relationship is and being very secure in it.

We have seen many couples who come from an insecure base with their relationship and as a result trust gets eroded and suspicion and concern that one partner may leave to be with someone else they meet.

While you may be thinking that an open relationship in sl means that one is just looking to get their rocks off with someone esle and remain in the relationship....for us this is not the case, although of course this is a factor it is not the only factor.

We had seen many relationships dissolve due to one partner being on less than the other yet expect the partner who is on to effectively not socialise or leave their sim, in our experience this just does not work, people have to be given the freedom to explore and to do things in sl when alone, when you are both on you spend time together.

Again this comes back to trust and feeling secure, there should be no issue for your partner to do what they will with others, it makes for a more complete and fulfilled experience.

That being said, again this is about communication and setting expectations at the beginning of the relationship and when i mean at the beginning i do mean at the beginning, as clinical as this may seem, like a prenup, it is a way to determine comparability and to determine clear boundaries and to assess if this is the relationship you really want.

Many people come together only to find out they have different expectations which they have kept to themselves which for many can result in a very difficult and hurtful end.

So why place this post and what is it i am wanting to really say.....well here it is

  1. When you meet someone you like and consider a more formal relationship in SL, have the conversation and assess what that looks like
  2. Ongoing communication, relationships can become stale very quickly, have these conversations, are you happy, is there anything we would like to change or try.
  3. Take it slowly, for the right person it is worth it
  4. lastly, start your relationship with trust, it is easy to be cynical and to think all people will cheat or lie, however while some may end that way, do not start with this in your mind

well that is some of my thoughts on the subject, for what it is worth

This is kinda long but you can share views here but sometimes you won’t get the responses you were hoping.   I have had some open relationships in SL especially when my partner is not in SL when I am.  I never had any issues except when their RL schedule changes.

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