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Hey you know what, it's completely chill...it's 2019 going on 2020. People need to just realize, we are all human and second life is a good way to express yourself for what/who you wanna be, that isn't really 100% possible in the real world. 

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I see no issue with you exploring another side of yourself through SL. That's what we're all here for, after all. I've only ever used male avatars for photography and RP purposes, but again.. Judgement free zone here. It's 2020, dollface. Don't stress about what others think of you. If they don't like that your SL gender doesn't match your RL gender, then they can move along down the road.

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I play as both really i have one female and one male alt. Im a girl in rl and i hate i when others flip there ***** over it. Logs your not planing to hurt or use anyone you should be fine. Im a roleplayer and being one thing can be very boring over time i think so. Thats why i have animal avis as well as like elfs,kitsune,ect its more fun that way sl is a place you can be what you want and such some people just get hurt dude to them being over attached. when you clearly tell them your not after nothing. sl is just game some others need to chill.

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When you meet someone virtually, meaning not face to face, its only natural to form a picture in your mind of what you think the other person is like- how they look, their personality, etc... And then when you meet them in person or hear their voice or whatever, that image you've created in your mind is often destroyed. And this can kinda shake you a bit and bring out a variety of emotions. It's one of the challenges of online dating in any form. I get that....

With Second Life, most of us don't have an expectation of ever meeting the person behind the avatar. SL gives us freedom to express who we truly are and experiment with a plethora of other possibilities. I think that's one of the things that's truly great about this virtual environment. I'm sure there's quite a few older-than-middle-age, typical "housewife"-type women who log on here and feel the freedom of diving head first into the BDSM lifestyle that they would never have the courage to consider in real life. I'm sure there's plenty of hardcore straight manly men who log on and can't wait to take their blond bombshell avi shopping for their next sexy dress or pair of stilettos. I love the freedom SL gives us to simply be who we are without apology. No one should apologize or feel guilty or awkward for that in SL. There's enough of that in RL...

Personally, I'd much rather be friends with and date men who are women behind the screen. I'm making some generalizations here, which isn't fair, but soooo many of the men (men IRL) I've interacted with in SL, especially those who have been looking for a date, simply have one thing on their mind. And that's not what I'm looking for. I've found it much easier to interact with women in-world and I tend to be more defensive and skeptical if I know the person I'm talking to is a man. I'd much rather date a man who was a woman behind the avi. But its not something that's easy to find.... I'm not about to go around asking guys in-world if they happen to be a girl in RL! 

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1 hour ago, PandoriaMoonshadow said:

And then when you meet them in person or hear their voice or whatever, that image you've created in your mind is often destroyed.

A.k.a. Immersion Bubble-burst.

Not everyone uses SL as a 3D social chat-room. Some of us take the platform title a little more literally: *Second Life*; not part of our *first life*. There are many, many reason why people don't like to mix the two, but this immersion bubble-bursting is among them.

Especially when when the voice you hear in your head when people write are vastly different from the voice that comes through when they speak. It's a lot like the first time I heard Mike Tyson open his mouth. Bahahaha! Seriously?

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2 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

A.k.a. Immersion Bubble-burst.

Not everyone uses SL as a 3D social chat-room. Some of us take the platform title a little more literally: *Second Life*; not part of our *first life*. There are many, many reason why people don't like to mix the two, but this immersion bubble-bursting is among them.

Especially when when the voice you hear in your head when people write are vastly different from the voice that comes through when they speak. It's a lot like the first time I heard Mike Tyson open his mouth. Bahahaha! Seriously?

Yes!! haha! 

That's why I almost always refuse to voice. It just ruins the illusion I create for myself and therefore some of the fun and intrigue. Drives me nuts when I walk around shopping and hear people with voice on. Totally the Tyson effect! 

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Posted (edited)
53 minutes ago, PandoriaMoonshadow said:

That's why I almost always refuse to voice.

This, and stalker-hackers can find you through the voice APP if you talk on it. I leave voice on so I can hear others, but if someone says they can still get your I.P. address just by having it turned on, I will go voluntarily SL-Deaf, permanently.

Edited by Alyona Su

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2 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

This, and stalker-hackers can find you through the voice APP if you talk on it. I leave voice on so I can hear others, but if someone says they can still get your I.P. address just by having it turned on, I will go voluntarily SL-Deaf, permanently.

Woah 😲 Did not know that! Even better reason to not voice! Thanks for the info!

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13 minutes ago, PandoriaMoonshadow said:

Woah 😲 Did not know that! Even better reason to not voice! Thanks for the info!

I won't go into details other than to say in long story made short format: Once upon a time and to this day, your I.P. address is leaked through the SL Voice app and you can be found through that and RL-stalked. Personal experience talking here. The end.

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Posted (edited)
33 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

I won't go into details other than to say in long story made short format: Once upon a time and to this day, your I.P. address is leaked through the SL Voice app and you can be found through that and RL-stalked. Personal experience talking here. The end.

I don't doubt that this happened, but you can't find an individual person if all you have is an IP address. They need many other general details to find you, which are pretty easy to keep to yourself, especially if you don't use your SL alias anywhere else. (Unlike me, since I use my profile picture literally everywhere so it's easy to find lots of info about who I am and what I do. Very stalkable.)

Edited by Wulfie Reanimator

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8 minutes ago, Wulfie Reanimator said:

I don't doubt that this happened, but you can't find an individual person if all you have is an IP address. They need many other general details to find you, which are pretty easy to keep to yourself, especially if you don't use your SL alias anywhere else. (Unlike me, since I use my profile picture literally everywhere so it's easy to find lots of info about who I am and what I do. Very stalkable.)

This is true, hence why I say "long story made short" LOL Let's just say that it is amazing what bread crumbs we *all* leave laying around all over the place that can be pieced together to paint a rather accurate picture of things.

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As I've said in other threads before this I used to play as a male character back when I first joined SL. It was a liberating experience and for the most part I enjoyed it. But too many people started pushing for RL info, especially in RP circles. Of course I didn't want to catfish but not saying anything and avoiding questions just added fuel to their fire and gossip and OOC drama started spilling out even beyond SL itself. It's ridiculous but apparently some people really don't have anything better to do.

Honesty is an ideal strategy but not always doable. The longer the lie goes on the harder it gets to tell anyone. As hard as this concept may be to grasp not everyone who plays as a different sex is intentionally out to trick anyone; it's more about the experience. Actors don't come on stage and say "I'm pretending to portray a murderer but I'm not a murderer in real life!" We suspend belief when it suits us but people seem to have a real issue being able to do that or even separate what they see from what they expect here.

Add to that being honest from the start can and often will alter how others will react to you. I'm speaking from experience. My original account didn't have that disclaimer but my house hunting alt for Bellisseria and occasional RP character did; by saying that I was actually a RL women behind the man the immersion for ME was gone. Guys don't talk to you like "one of them" if you aren't one of them. It's subtle perhaps but the feeling of authenticity immediately vanishes (despite the fact for you it was never authentic, but the experience was as close as you could get without having a RL sex change or something equally as drastic perhaps).

It never ceases to amaze me how divisive this topic is and has been for years. I personally don't care what sex you are behind the avatar, I really don't need to know. I enjoy the mystery and take the avatar at face value. I don't look at horse avatars and expect a RL horse behind the keyboard; why do people expect any different with genders? 

As for the group it sounds like a great idea. Of course you're not likely to attract those who are actively "hiding" their RL gender but Suum cuique (to each their own). ;) 

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1 hour ago, RaeLeeH said:

I don't look at horse avatars and expect a RL horse behind the keyboard; why do people expect any different with genders?

I'm sure there are psychological reasons why people equate human shaped avatars with how they appear, but really, what you said ^^^.

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tfw using my necroposting powers

 

OP, I'm the complete opposite: Female avatar in world, IRL total dude, with testiculars and testosterone and all that fun jazz. 7 years ago some folk woulda cared about a dude playing a girl avatar or vice versa, but nowadays I've not noticed anyone that has. One of Theodore Geisel's quotes is 'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.'

 

I'll look up that Group thing, too

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On 12/22/2019 at 1:58 AM, Lindal Kidd said:

This is not at all what I thought it was going to be from the post title...

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Yeah I was thinking the same thing. I was already to post all about it.

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If we think better, the only way to don't be a FAKE it's make a complete REPLICA of your self in RL ...doesn't matter the gender...I mean...REALISTIC REPLICA : age, appearance, everything...in other words, it means WE ALL ARE FAKES...if you change something of your body just a little bit you are faking...kkkk...in this way everyone in SL should be like they are in RL...not much fun, don't you agree? The gender issue is for closed mind people,just avoid them, but it's better don't lie,even more if you start dating someone...you'd better tell it soon... but maybe the "girl " you want to date could be a guy...LOL..both swapping..That's a perfect couple ! SL is about fantasy and creativity, if you can be a cat or dragon, why not swap gender? Enjoy your SL as you want.

Edited by RicDelMoro
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Sorry...I can't resist : Can you prove you are really faking your gender and you are a woman in RL ? Maybe you are faking to be a woman but you are a man faking to be man...

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On 2/24/2020 at 5:58 PM, RicDelMoro said:

If we think better, the only way to don't be a FAKE it's make a complete REPLICA of your self in RL ...doesn't matter the gender...I mean...REALISTIC REPLICA : age, appearance, everything...in other words, it means WE ALL ARE FAKES...if you change something of your body just a little bit you are faking...kkkk...in this way everyone in SL should be like they are in RL...not much fun, don't you agree? The gender issue is for closed mind people,just avoid them, but it's better don't lie,even more if you start dating someone...you'd better tell it soon... but maybe the "girl " you want to date could be a guy...LOL..both swapping..That's a perfect couple ! SL is about fantasy and creativity, if you can be a cat or dragon, why not swap gender? Enjoy your SL as you want.

That reminds me of the Bruce Willis movie 'Surrogates'. Everyone was a Ken and Barbie -ized version of themselves. And shock and horror!, the black guy was an old white dude and the hot chick sex pot was a sweaty fat dude (of course). No cybernetic dogs, no cat girls, no giant blue aliens. Bog standard Ken and Barbie. What a waste of a great technology.

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On 12/27/2019 at 2:02 AM, Matty Luminos said:

It just takes a while for new groups to get noticed by the system

It can take up to 24 hours for things to "percolate" through the system according to LL.

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On 1/1/2020 at 3:50 PM, BluBerryDarling said:

I see no issue with you exploring another side of yourself through SL. That's what we're all here for, after all.

No, we all are not. Many may be but just as many are not. 

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You sound awesome. I actually wanted to play as a male but when I logged on I was shocked at how expensive the items are for males vs. Females! Also, I’ve found most freebies and gifts are geared towards women. I’d love to shop with you and see what places are out there for AV males- I’ve asked and most people on SL seem to be very rude when I ask. Also I don’t think you are cat fishing-this is a game. People can’t harp on you for being in a sim and striking up a conversation. If you were in a RL dating site that would be different. Friends are those that support you no matter what anyways.

Hope you find some amazing SL friends from you post.

If I don’t hear from you all the best!

Autumn

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