Jump to content
LexxiXhan

What does an SL relationship mean to you?

Recommended Posts

I already gather there's a wide range of ways SL residents engage romantically, platonically and sexually with each other, along with those who choose to form families with various interconnections between roles, ages and dynamics. I'm also aware that this addresses, successfully or not, a wide range of needs and motivations for users as people behind the avis, whether it's a healthy exploration of pixel sex, enhancing rl lifestyles with social creativity and expression, finding solutions to connections we either lack or find difficult to maintain in rl, journeying our authenticity in ways that aren't possible in rl, attending to our mental health, or any numbers of reasons I'm not aware of.

So an ideal would be a wide range of considered responses, where no-one invalidates anyone else's authenticity or life experience, and if questions need to be asked of a response, those asking are prepared to take a breath, and consider the other person as a whole person, with a history of socialisation and environment that has led them to where they are now. Someone who was once a child, just like all of us, and has experienced a reality very different to our own through a lifetime of experience, learning, or adverse conditions, and is also prepared to state their truth knowing others may find it contentious, affirming, or community-building.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Β Β  Depends.

Β Β  Some relationships are 'SL only' (although they never really are); but neither of us will have any expectation on bringing it to RL, or expect exclusive rights to each other. Others I've had have striven for something beyond SL, although I've yet to have one go so far as to meet up. I'm not in SL to look for that though, I'm here to enjoy myself, and just take things as they come.

  • Like 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Orwar said:

Β Β  Depends.

Β Β  Some relationships are 'SL only' (although they never really are); but neither of us will have any expectation on bringing it to RL, or expect exclusive rights to each other. Others I've had have striven for something beyond SL, although I've yet to have one go so far as to meet up. I'm not in SL to look for that though, I'm here to enjoy myself, and just take things as they come.

That addresses something about the level and expectation of SL relationships you choose to engage in. Thank you.

I'm interested in what those things actually mean to people and how it fits in with their rl existence and needs, whether simple or complex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also appreciate that everyone is allowed to respond in the manner and degree that they're comfortable with, that posting a topic also means relinquishing control and seeing where it goes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What does my SL relationship mean to me? Well it means having a best friend I am completely loyal to and do just about everything with. Not just in SL, but in other platforms as well too. We do a lot of gaming outside of SL together. Yes there are the romantic aspects and love and all that mushy fun stuff. Honestly if it wasn't for our geographical locations and some RL obligations we'd have probably hooked up in RL already by now being perfectly honest. It means also running the risk one day things may not work out the way we hoped. I may wake up one day and she met someone else in RL and that's the risk we take. The reward for it regardless of what the future holds and how it works out is I got to create some really great memories  and moments with a person who of all the souls I have ever encountered has the biggest and most forgiving heart of them all. She certainly could see past all my BS and rough edges. lol I have a saying I like to use that goes like this. Even the sun shines on a dog's arse some days. Well the day we met the sun was shining real darn bright then. I had to wear shades even. lol 😎

Β 

  • Like 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SL relationships are full time relationships to me. period

I didn't look for one specifically when I joined but I have had the opportunity of meeting the right man for me at the right time.

We share everything, absolutely every single thing outside and inside SL. We talk daily and we make it work even though we are on almost opposite timezones. There's a certain comfort and security knowing you can share so much and that the other person is not playing any games with you.

I've had several relationships from either SL or other virtual worlds taken to RL and even meetings in person and all went okay so far.Β 

As far as availability goes, I am exclusive to my man in both worlds and I take our bond extremely seriously. That's a personal choice.

My feelings are just as real in any worlds.

  • Like 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am of those who keep RL and SL separate. I have no desire to meet someone here who will be a part of my RL beyond interactions within SL. I have met someone who has the exact same boundaries as I do. While other relationships I have had always end up testing the boundaries. My relationship with my current partner reinforces them. I am sometimes asked why I have a partner if I am not looking for anything outside of SL, but he isn't looking either, and it is a nice feeling being in SL and knowing there is someone here who supports that, when there are so many who try to break you down and cross your boundaries.

Edited by Talligurl
  • Like 14

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Much like RL relationships, my SL relationships have all been extremely different. With some, there have been boundaries galore, with others there have been few ground rules. The one I'm in now doesn't really have any boundaries at all.Β 

In SL, I've been in a long term monogamous relationship, I experimented with poly for a minute, I've been 1/2 of a swinging couple, part of a completely open couple with no restrictions, and one right now that is open and potentially possibly moving into RL at some point. Each and every man I've been involved with has been different and wonderful in their own ways (except the one that turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath) so whenever I enter into anything new, I try to go in with my head, heart, and eyes open.Β 

People are people. Respect, communication, and trust are essential whether it's with a man sharing my space in SL or RL.Β 

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Velk Kerang thank you for such a straight up and thorough reply.

Β 

12 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

a person who of all the souls I have ever encountered has the biggest and most forgiving heart of them all

wait...why would she need such a forgiving heart? πŸ€”Β  😁

Β 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, LexxiXhan said:

@Velk Kerang thank you for such a straight up and thorough reply.

Β 

wait...why would she need such a forgiving heart? πŸ€”Β  😁

Β 

Your very welcome. :)

Why wouldn't she have one? lol She didn't need it for me if that's what your asking. lol I stays out the dog house. Lmao!!!!😜😁

To answer you though I just have known her to be more understanding and forgiving with people for things that anyone else would have told them to go kick rocks for. So I have to give her props because she always tries to look for the best in side in people. Where as me I am more likely depending on the person going to look at them and go all right what's your angle now? lol 😎

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In the 1990s there was a British sitcom called Goodnight Sweetheart. The main character, Garry Sparrow, found a time portal which took him back to 1940s London. He was able to travel between the two, and he made a relationship with a girl he met in the past. He also had a relationship in his present day life.

This concept is a science fiction version of what SL provides.

I'm good in RL now although that wasn't the case growing up. Like Tali, I don't mix the two. When I logged on to SL the first time I had no plans, beyond exploring this Wonderland, as an alternative to YouTube and Pinterest, and ebay, and the rest.Β 

But here I discovered real people, chatting in real time. I bought my first cheap avi after a couple of days without intention to stay. MP was a challenge to understand, but buying stuff was immediately addictive.

At NCI Kuula I got chatting to a mesh girl avi and we got on as if we were sisters. She took me under her wing, bought me my first AO, plus other things, took me into her family group and gave me an apartment. All of that still exists. She is my oldest friend and confidante. She was hugely important to who I am in SL, and yet her RL is a mess. Trusted friendship here in SL does cross over into RL, even when it isn't planned. We share with each other what we want to share. My SL in those early days would have been an empty shell without her. Thats how important she was and still is to me.Β 

Other gf relationships cover a broad spectrum. I value each and every one. Some are IM chat buddies. Some are photographers and we collaborate occasionally. Some are "sisters" and confidantes. Some are more than that. ;)

In every case my gfs demand nothing from me beyond what we do together.

The guys I've met, almost always want exclusivity, and that's a deal breaker for me. So although I've had relationships with guys, it's a very different dynamic, and rarely lasts. It usually ends with them demanding too much, me refusing, and them walking away. Only three guys friend all the Newell girls, and they are the ones who take us as we are.

Finally, and this comment crosses over into the thread about who has made the most impact on me in RL..... that person is me. By exploring who I am here, and in pushing boundaries I would never go near in RL, I truly have found the real me in RL. That is the magic of SL.Β 

Yes there are weird and socially inept people in world, but there are good people here. People I would be happy to call friends in RL. People I would love to meet for a coffee, and put the world to rights. SL makes the world a smaller place, and a better place.

What was the question again????

Β 

Edited by BelindaN
  • Like 7
  • Thanks 3
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've knownΒ people who've met on Second Life and gotten married in real lifeΒ but these people were few and far between. On the whole I don't take SL dating or even online dating very seriously at all (unless it moves to RL which is rare af). So when an SL friend comes to me crying that their SLΒ bf/gf "cheated" on them I'm generally just like lol ok. Now I'm wondering if there's actually any RL couples that originally met on SL who've split up because one of them "cheated" on the other in Second Life...

Edited by charlottevics
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cheating here is allegedly common. That's why I don't seek monogamy because basically I want to be free to do as I please here. And there's the concept that if you use an alt, it's not cheating.

If I get a hit from anyone with a partner on their profile I always ask if the partner would approve and I wouldn't get involved, even casually without their knowledge.

I saw a guy for a long time (in SL terms) until it emerged he lived with a girl (platonically?). When that emerged, I had to pull back. If she IMd me to say it was ok, I would have resumed, he knows that, but he hasn't told her, or she doesn't approve.Β 

I don't seek jealousy and drama, and that's why I stay free of monogamy.

Β 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
39 minutes ago, charlottevics said:

Now I'm wondering if there's actually any RL couples that originally met on SL who've split up because one of them "cheated" on the other in Second Life...

Β Β  Yes, I have seen that go down. But to be fair, they should never have moved it to RL to begin with.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, BelindaN said:

Cheating here is allegedly common. That's why I don't seek monogamy because basically I want to be free to do as I please here. And there's the concept that if you use an alt, it's not cheating.

If I get a hit from anyone with a partner on their profile I always ask if the partner would approve and I wouldn't get involved, even casually without their knowledge.

I saw a guy for a long time (in SL terms) until it emerged he lived with a girl (platonically?). When that emerged, I had to pull back. If she IMd me to say it was ok, I would have resumed, he knows that, but he hasn't told her, or she doesn't approve.Β 

I don't seek jealousy and drama, and that's why I stay free of monogamy.

Β 

In my book even if it's an alt it's still cheating. I have had no problems cutting someone loose for making that mistake with me in the past. lol More often then not most people don't want to be honest and upfront about what they really want to do. If they were there would be less problems and certainly no cases of jealousy and drama. It's the lying and sneaking around that creates all that in the first place. Now me, I exercise the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid.) method of relationships in SL when it comes to that. First if your going to lie then at the very least have dragons in the story. lol Second accept the bye. No need to explain. Just pack your crap and go. lol I personally been rocking a monogamous relationship on SL and we got no jealousy and we got no drama. We simply just do not create it. We both do as we please and being married on SL certainly does not hinder that in any type of way, shape, or form. So I'd say it depends on what the person wants to do in their SL as to whether or not monogamy would be a good fit for them or not. Regardless of the type of relationship anyone has I always think honesty is the best policy where emotions are concerned. At the end of the day regardless of the type of SL someone has there is no real reason for anyone to get unnecessarily hurt. We are all here to have fun and enjoy ourselves anyway. ;)

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

In my book even if it's an alt it's still cheating. I have had no problems cutting someone loose for making that mistake with me in the past. lol More often then not most people don't want to be honest and upfront about what they really want to do. If they were there would be less problems and certainly no cases of jealousy and drama. It's the lying and sneaking around that creates all that in the first place. Now me, I exercise the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid.) method of relationships in SL when it comes to that. First if your going to lie then at the very least have dragons in the story. lol Second accept the bye. No need to explain. Just pack your crap and go. lol I personally been rocking a monogamous relationship on SL and we got no jealousy and we got no drama. We simply just do not create it. We both do as we please and being married on SL certainly does not hinder that in any type of way, shape, or form. So I'd say it depends on what the person wants to do in their SL as to whether or not monogamy would be a good fit for them or not. Regardless of the type of relationship anyone has I always think honesty is the best policy where emotions are concerned. At the end of the day regardless of the type of SL someone has there is no real reason for anyone to get unnecessarily hurt. We are all here to have fun and enjoy ourselves anyway. ;)

I love the answer Velk and have nothing to add except a little humour...

If you can get all six of these right... you're ready for a SECOND LIFEΒ MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP...

Β 

8s2hhmvlme711.jpg

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Orwar said:

Β Β  Yes, I have seen that go down. But to be fair, they should never have moved it to RL to begin with.

I don't know. There are some success stories.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Amina Sopwith said:

I don't know. There are some success stories.

Β Β  Certainly - but the 'they' I refer to in this case had a very rocky relationship in SL to begin with. If you catch your bride cheating on you on your SL wedding day, maybe don't quit your job and move out of state to be with her in RL a few months later.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, Orwar said:

Β Β  Certainly - but the 'they' I refer to in this case had a very rocky relationship in SL to begin with. If you catch your bride cheating on you on your SL wedding day, maybe don't quit your job and move out of state to be with her in RL a few months later.

Well yes, that's a bit daft. I'd be interested to know the thought process. Deeply in love with the fantasy and the idea of the person? Sounds like someone with very little to anchor them and their sense of self outside of SL and the SL relationship.

I never saw the point of SL weddings anyway, but I've always seen marriage as a legal contract. I loved my white dress, don't get me wrong, but it was a pretty perk. I've never worn anything so beautiful to make any other legal commitment.Β 

I've noticed that while people still form relationships and so on on SL, the overwhelming number of "my God this person is my soulmate, nothing has ever been so perfect, we are so absolutely madly crazily in love forever" profile sentiments does seem to have dropped significantly. I think this is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but I do wonder why. Maybe the rise of internet dating? I always thought it was interesting that SL was full of absolutely incredible people having grand passions while internet dating was full of freaks and weirdos.Β 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Well yes, that's a bit daft. I'd be interested to know the thought process. Deeply in love with the fantasy and the idea of the person? Sounds like someone with very little to anchor them and their sense of self outside of SL and the SL relationship.

Β Β  To say that he was desperate would be an understatement. To say that she had problems with her confidence and sexuality would likewise be understatements.

26 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

I never saw the point of SL weddings anyway, but I've always seen marriage as a legal contract. I loved my white dress, don't get me wrong, but it was a pretty perk. I've never worn anything so beautiful to make any other legal commitment.Β 

Β Β  I just see it as anything else in SL: People do it because they either can't in RL, or because they just want to experience it in SL. The problem arises when people take it too seriously, or throw themselves at it without thinking it through.

Β Β  If I find the right girl in SL some day, I may well go through a marriage ... A dark, epic marriage that will be more akin to a funeral, with possible hints of Devil worship and ritualistic sac-- I mean. The cake is going to be awesome, black and baroque! And I already have a collection of hearses to serve as the carriage!

Β 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Orwar said:

A dark, epic marriage that will be more akin to a funeral, with possible hints of Devil worship and ritualistic sac-- I mean. The cake is going to be awesome, black and baroque! And I already have a collection of hearses to serve as the carriage!

... marks Orwar off her list of potential grooms...

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

... marks Orwar off her list of potential grooms...

Β Β  ... Wait, I was on a list?

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
49 minutes ago, Orwar said:

Β Β  ... Wait, I was on a list?

Oh, I’m sure you’re on quite a few lists!

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

Oh, I’m sure you’re on quite a few lists!

   Hit-lists? 😧

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...