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Beth Macbain

How are you feeling today?

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@Beth Macbain I get it if you have to go.  But Damn! I will miss you.  And let me echo what Scylla said:

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

this thread has served an enormously good purpose. Whether or not you continue to contribute to it, you can, you should, feel really proud of what you have gifted people with here. Even if you walk away, do so with a feeling of accomplishment.

This has been a wonderful thread, helped so many of us through very hard times and that's to your credit. 

Hugs!!!!! | Diabetes Dad

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He tried to pull that crap on me not long ago. I promptly tossed him into my iggie bin, slammed the lid shut, padlocked it and threw away the key. Sure I peek once ina while. It always ends with me rolling my eyes at the pathetic bullying attempts and moving on. People like that are not worth giving the time of day to unless they are a danger to themselves and/or others. 

Water off a duck's back. @Beth Macbain Three deep breathes in through the nose and slowly out of the mouth. Just let it flow off and away from you like water off a duck's back. 

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In the spirit of The Show Must Go On... back to our regularly scheduled programming and

An Update on the Food Delivery and How That Affects How I am Feeling!

My delivery list was huge. Since my food stamps have gone to next to zero ($16/month), I have to pay out of my own, still below poverty level, income. I decided to shop for a massive amount of stuff that will go in either my freezer or my pantry. I let both dwindle in anticipation of moving apartments. In for a penny in for 10 billion pounds. I am amazed that I got just about everything on the list. There were a lot of substitutions, but reasonable ones. They were out of a salted caramel brownie mix (sigh) and Starbucks canned espresso... because necessities. But they did have the lemon Oreos, and ground coffee, and canned soups, and meat and cheese and even milk. I got my eggs, but we were limited to 2 dozen (I wanted 3 because I live on eggs). I think they had bread, but I have plenty of flour and sourdough starter and yeast, and so I bake my own.

Alas, no toilet paper in sight, which is kind of ironic with getting a huge food delivery.

I really probably couldn't afford all of this. I'm hoping the cost averages out over time, which was the goal of stocking up.

I'm very very sad they don't deliver wine.

The sun is shining. The wonderful river rapids outside are making their gorgeous noise. I have been so, so, so depressed. So depressed that I lied to my therapist yesterday during our phone appointment (since face to face ain't happening). I lied because I honestly just didn't want to and didn't have the energy to talk about being depressed, so I told her I was "ok" and "status quo" and not that I have spent a few days curled up in bed wanting to drink myself into a coma. Today, with sunshine and food, I'm still depressed but less so. I just hope I can be an adult with the junk food I bought to last for weeks and not eat all of it for dinner tonight.

 

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Posted (edited)

....

sorry, me double posting

Edited by Panteleeva
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It sucks when you want to post in a thread but don't feel you should because you had to put the OP in the iggie bin.

I'm exhausted and if this stay at home order doesn't lift soon, I'll kill him. I need for him to be working away from home. He's driving me up a wall with his insistence that he knows everything better than I do and he has to tell me how to do everything. Things I have been doing for decades

Mothers please, please, PLEASE teach your boys to clean up after themselves and to not expect the other half to do ALL the housework (full time unpaid job) AND hold down a physically exhausting full time job.

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24 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

It sucks when you want to post in a thread but don't feel you should because you had to put the OP in the iggie bin.

I'm exhausted and if this stay at home order doesn't lift soon, I'll kill him. I need for him to be working away from home. He's driving me up a wall with his insistence that he knows everything better than I do and he has to tell me how to do everything. Things I have been doing for decades

Mothers please, please, PLEASE teach your boys to clean up after themselves and to not expect the other half to do ALL the housework (full time unpaid job) AND hold down a physically exhausting full time job.

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You can post to a thread without acknowledging the OP at all, I do it all the time, including to Beth's special buddy's post yesterday. If the OP is an adult, she will ignore you as much as you ignore her. ("She" assuming I know who you are talking about.)

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Okay, you guys have made me feel much better. Also, the lasagna that's in the oven right now.

Mods, please don't close the thread. The fact that you haven't already tells me that you know me better than I know myself. 

That's kinda creepy. Stop that. 

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2 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Okay, you guys have made me feel much better. Also, the lasagna that's in the oven right now.

Mods, please don't close the thread. The fact that you haven't already tells me that you know me better than I know myself. 

That's kinda creepy. Stop that. 

Plenty of garlic with that lasagne should ward away some of the cockwombles :D  welcome back Beth 

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I guess the reality is that all of this is getting to me more than I realize - "all this" means being stuck at home for weeks and weeks and weeks, not anything going on here on the forums. 

Now I just have to wait for the lasagna to cool off enough to eat (so about 3 more hours?) so I don't burn my mouth again!

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@Beth Macbain welcome back! The Hugs Blog - Hug Gallery

yes, let it cool, we don't want you to burn your mouth again.

IT is wearing me down too, IT being this whole plague siege we are living through. I would more than likely not go out anyway, but somehow not being allowed to is a strain....  and I'm very depressed that I am no moving forward with my retirement, I was really looking forward to it, and now I'm worried that with an economic collapse, selling my house might not make the money I was counting on to retire.  I don't want to be stuck here for another fire season, that was really horrible last year, and that combined with the second virus wave is way more than I can handle. So my mind has gone to that dark place where only the worst case scenarios seem possible.  And I need to go to the ATM and get some cash so I can order some cannabis.... I guess that won't be too bad.  I'll just bring some disinfectant spray with me and I'll wear my kerchief mask.  Hope they won't think I am robbing the bank

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1 hour ago, Beth Macbain said:

I guess the reality is that all of this is getting to me more than I realize - "all this" means being stuck at home for weeks and weeks and weeks, not anything going on here on the forums. 

Now I just have to wait for the lasagna to cool off enough to eat (so about 3 more hours?) so I don't burn my mouth again!

/me nods at the first part. "Same"

/me is noting your progress on the advanced eating techniques 

:)

 

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1 hour ago, kali Wylder said:

I would more than likely not go out anyway, but somehow not being allowed to is a strain.... 

Just like when I have to leave the car at the mechanics. I'm at home. I have nowhere to go, but all of the sudden because I can't go anywhere I get all claustrophobic and deprived because I am stuck at home.

Brains are weird.

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Posted (edited)

 

 

Edited by Marigold Devin
I don't care any more.
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I'm sad but okay today. John Prine was really the first COVID death that had a "face" for me. 

His music is pretty much the soundtrack of my family. Some of my earliest memories are of his music. His first album came out when I was two, and my mom and older siblings were immediately smitten. His music was always playing in our house. I'm pretty sure my first concert was a John Prine concert when I was 4 or 5 years old. 

We all had tickets to see him in May before all this sh*t started, and now he's gone. 

My whole family is mourning today. 

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Posted (edited)

When we first started this work from home stuff, my employer sent out an email with some misc. advice on things to do to make it easier/smoother.  Some of it was really the same advice they give for maintaining focus and productivity in the office --- including a recommendation to 'schedule your email time'.  In order to better focus on tasks, the suggestion is that you don't constantly monitor email and jump to it constantly. Instead, schedule time a few times a day, to process email.  Additionally, they highly recommend that we get up and walk around periodically and even go outside now and then for some fresh air.

Then, today, they send out an email telling us about this new 'wellness check' thing they are starting.  Sometime, during local business hours, we will get an email with a link that will be asking about our wellness -- a nice check-in thing.  EXCEPT if we do not go to the link and answer the questions WITHIN 3 MINUTES, they will then send a text to our cell.  Again, if we do not respond WITHIN 3 MINUTES, they will initiate phone calls to our cell, home, & office numbers.  If we do not respond WITHIN 3 MINUTES, they will escalate to our manager.

So, roughly a 10 minutes time span for touching base and verifying we are doing okay -- after being told not to constantly monitor email and to get up and go outside multiple times per day.  Couldn't they have lengthened those times just a tad?  Given you 10-15 minutes for responding to a contact attempt?  Heck, we give our on-call people 15 minutes to respond to pages before escalating those.  If they are only contacting us every few days or weekly to check in, is a total of 30 or 60 minutes going to make that much difference over a total of 10 minutes?

Oh, and they'll be doing those wellness checks multiple times, randomly, throughout this entire pandemic, until things are fully back to normal -- i.e. weeks, or possibly months.  Yeah, worrying about noticing the emails and text messages is a great way to keep stress down. 

*major sigh*  

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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1 minute ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Yeah, worrying about noticing the emails and text messages is a great way to keep stress down. 

God forbid you need a shower or a poop

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4 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Oh, and they'll be doing those wellness checks multiple times, randomly, throughout this entire pandemic, until things are fully back to normal -- i.e. weeks, or possibly months.  Yeah, worrying about noticing the emails and text messages is a great way to keep stress down. 

And I thought my 8am video check-ins were bad... 

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5 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

God forbid you need a shower or a poop

When working from home, I tend to sleep up until about 5-10 minutes before work start time.  I then go pop through the shower at lunch time and then actually eat lunch while working.

So yeah, going to be worrying through those showers now.

 

 

3 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

And I thought my 8am video check-ins were bad... 

The really comedic/frustrating part of this is that all of the Engineering groups do 15 min scrums every day or every other day.  So my manager already knows, every single day, whether or not I'm doing okay.

 

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9 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

The really comedic/frustrating part of this is that all of the Engineering groups do 15 min scrums every day or every other day.  So my manager already knows, every single day, whether or not I'm doing okay.

I feel like this is an attempt to make sure people are at their computers working disguised as caring. 

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Normally I would just fade into the woodwork, but since I have been posting about clinical depression and sometimes suicidal ideation, just in case anyone notices or gives a dam*, I'm letting you know that I am actually going to step away from the Forum for a while as I've been saying for days that I should do. I'm ok-ish, not suicidal or close to it, just wanted to let you know that. No Forum reading or posting until... dunno. Stay safe out there. ♥ 

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1 minute ago, Beth Macbain said:

I feel like this is an attempt to make sure people are at their computers working disguised as caring. 

Of course it is. 

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1 minute ago, Seicher Rae said:

I'm ok-ish, not suicidal or close to it, just wanted to let you know that.

We are here if you need us... and even if you don't!

If you need a private talk, I'm here for that, too. 

Take care of yourself! 

HUGS

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@LittleMe Jewell Yeah, I do hate it when the corporation gets bright ideas; it really sucks. Ours is actually behaving fairly decently compared to yours. They've given us all these links to stress relief exercise sessions, strictly voluntary, so I signed up for stretches 4 days a week.  The first one I did on Monday and I'm still feeling it in my thighs, gonna have my second one at noon today.  And my boss is letting me take long lunches, flexing my hours.  these little things do help.  Yours sounds like a nightmare.

On another topic,  I'm so sad about losing John Prine.  I loved his sense of humor and his sensitivity

I saw him play with Arlo Guthrie back when I was putting my Ex through grad school.

and @Seicher Rae take care, and remember you can come back anytime, no questions asked, we'll be here, hugs!

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