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1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

I really need to stop reading the news.  These days, it pretty much just pisses me off all the time.  I just want to go out and slap people and scream & yell at them - mostly the politicians, but quite a few everyday folks also.

I realized today that I've been stress eating, mostly junk food.  Maybe if I can restrict my reading of the news....................

I am finding the opposite — I feel like throwing up in disgust much of the time. 

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Absolutely broken.  I have just had confirmation that my wonderful, amazing,  perfectly imperfect partner lost his battle with cancer this morning.  We almost made it to 11 years in this mad crazy wor

My dad passed away today, in his sleep, at the hospice. I'm in that shock phase now, numb and unable to think.

So, quick update number 2...  My daughter is negative for covid-19!!! the super quarantine is lifted and we can go grocery shopping! Back to your regularly scheduled bickering.. 

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11 minutes ago, Eirynne Sieyes said:

This Vimeo by a top doc treating Covid at New York's Cornell Medical Center was amazing. Lots of info that put my mind at greater ease. A must see:  https://vimeo.com/399733860

 

 

I have seen that and felt the same relief,  but since then there is more data suggesting it can stay airborne and spread if ppl are just breathing or talking or singing, like the choir group in WA that practiced distancing and did not cough, but many got it and some died.

Edited by Pamela Galli
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Really I hate feeling compelled to monitor everything, I know I shouldn’t, for my mental health, but I keep gleaning information that I hope will help my super high risk husband stay alive. Six weeks ago everyone thought I was overreacting but no more. 

Edited by Pamela Galli
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I've cut out social media entirely.

The nature of my job means I have my finger of the pulse of what we're doing as a nation (UK) to deal with this outbreak, certainly more so than the vast majority of people. And Facebook etc is full of people, often well educated people, spouting utter nonsense and media-distorted half-truths. Huge numbers of people that simply refuse to stop yelling "floppy hair man bad" at everything that happens. Even when I resist the urge to realign people's perceptions with reality, it's just so draining...

So screw that. They can moan about how the government is sitting on a mountain of tests that it's refusing to run (what in the heck), or endlessly repeating the refuted lie that the original strategy was to push for herd immunity, or how ibuprofen either makes the disease better or worse depending on the day of the week... their delusion won't change reality. And my self care is frankly more important.

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4 hours ago, Pamela Galli said:

I am finding the opposite — I feel like throwing up in disgust much of the time. 

I wish I reacted that way sometimes.  Most often I turn to food for comfort. Been buying Ice Cream and I never do that.

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32 minutes ago, AyelaNewLife said:

I've cut out social media entirely.

The nature of my job means I have my finger of the pulse of what we're doing as a nation (UK) to deal with this outbreak, certainly more so than the vast majority of people. And Facebook etc is full of people, often well educated people, spouting utter nonsense and media-distorted half-truths. Huge numbers of people that simply refuse to stop yelling "floppy hair man bad" at everything that happens. Even when I resist the urge to realign people's perceptions with reality, it's just so draining...

So screw that. They can moan about how the government is sitting on a mountain of tests that it's refusing to run (what in the heck), or endlessly repeating the refuted lie that the original strategy was to push for herd immunity, or how ibuprofen either makes the disease better or worse depending on the day of the week... their delusion won't change reality. And my self care is frankly more important.

Yeah, I've been avoiding FB too.  I don't need to get into fights with strangers.  I don't need to get in fights with friends that I disagree with.  I am far better off when I don't see the arguments.  I don't need to get riled up seeing my friends fighting either.

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33 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I don't need to get into fights with strangers.  I don't need to get in fights with friends that I disagree with.

Okay, that just leaves fighting with friends you agree with.

Put up your dukes, Kali!

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53 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

Yeah, I've been avoiding FB too.  I don't need to get into fights with strangers.  I don't need to get in fights with friends that I disagree with.  I am far better off when I don't see the arguments.  I don't need to get riled up seeing my friends fighting either.

I  shut down my FB ages ago and reopened one under a pseudonym so I could follow local businesses, NPR, things like that...and zero personal friends/acquaintances, etc. It was a good move. But, yeah, never read the comments for NPR, as that'll get you boiling in no time. Even following the local places is depressing, though, as they were forced to shut & god only knows what will happen to them or their employees. Some will be OK, like the local maple syrup and dairy (that yes, makes wonderful "maple creamees" a New England thing). It has been great to follow the maple boiling stuff and a local group who takes pictures of the area while maintaining social distances. But everywhere is kinda grumpy and depressing now.  Even a lot of the humor things are getting, if not on my "nerves"... less funny, or something than they were even a week ago.

Edited by Seicher Rae
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After my meltdown of yesterday, today I am feeling a lot better. The crying did release a lot of tension I didn't realize I was holding onto. I fell asleep around 10 last night and did not wake up until 5 this morning, I have not slept that long of a stretch for a very long time. I know I needed it. Today has been alright, I kept busy and  stayed away from the news and Social Media.

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4 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Pretty much 

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Dear Cindy. I’m know I’m a perfect stranger to you but allow me to light a little candle and stand there with you in the Dark Forrest. Allow me to be silly and Try to make you a touch less sad. Let me mend the butterfly’s broken wing because it is meant to fly. 

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17 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

Our state is asking everyone who isn't in the high risk category to donate whatever supplies they have to hospitals, even the ones that aren't necessarily medical grade. They are using them to cover their medical grade ones so they can (try) to keep them cleaner and re-use them so it's less about whether Tom, Dick, or Harry catch or transmit the virus and more about making sure the doctors, nurses, and front line people have adequate supplies. 

And we know they don't since Jared opened his big, ugly, stupid, hateful, evil pie-hole whining about how the federal supply of PPE isn't supposed to be for the states. WHAT. THE. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF?????????

...eats the whole damn cake...

It's got nothing to do with Jared. Each of our States should have had all this preparedness equipment to begin with. It is part of their job and is  budgeted. But the monies were spent on other projects. (Like who could have possibly imagined this!!!) So the Fed is pitching in and procuring supplies.

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7 hours ago, Marut72 said:

Dear Cindy. I’m know I’m a perfect stranger to you but allow me to light a little candle and stand there with you in the Dark Forrest. Allow me to be silly and Try to make you a touch less sad. Let me mend the butterfly’s broken wing because it is meant to fly. 

I don't know how to reply to this without sounding like a *****.   Thanks for the kind words but there is nobody who can fix this

Edited by Cindy Evanier
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Today is a weird kinda day.

My friend is feeling  a bit better (and ty, folks, really), after reconnecting with a couple of other friends in sl, one in particular, which I am thrilled about. Since our rl contact is limited to phone calls and discord, and we don't tend to hang out in the same places (or at the same times) in sl, I'm glad she's found a couple connections again to  help her.  We're both ill atm anyway, so even without this virus, our rl contact would be limited. Though I'm still perplexed at why she hangs out where she does, I've been there, the company is not that stellar, and a pretty big portion of the staff are more cliquey and jerkish than the guests. I'm not a huge people gathering place kinda person, for lots of reasons. I loathe most clubs because..gestures...and spankers...and, stupid people. So my understanding of why she'd want to hang out there is limited only to knowing that her need to be around people, without being around people, is stronger than her desire to be liked by people, so she deals with people being colossal failures of social cognition (or douchecanoes of epic proportion if you want to be all Tari about it) simply to have company, bad as it may be (and that much I get). It's the choice of venue that perplexes me, lol. And that's the last of my bashing the place, without actually bashing the place, because at least one poster here actually works there, and those folks happen to fall into the category of not being a-holes (and without saying names, I shall thank you for her, because she won't, lol, so thank you).  So, on that, we are headed in the proper direction. I'm grateful there are people in the world that understand this too, because without them, it would be tremendously difficult to help steer her in the right direction when she struggles to do so herself....Also....I've got the whole mama bear thing, and the need to protect those I care about is quite strong, even when they don't want he protection, or need it, lol. 

Another good note, my new furnace is going in today, so I will finally have heat in my house again, real heat, just in time for it to get warm again outside, or as we like to call it Sprummallter..that wonderful time of year when you get all four seasons in a single week, or, like now...a single day. The back yard is also mostly drained, just a mud pit atm, the crock and pump are in place (and electrical done outside, new GFI and all that, which I did a couple days ago). We just need to finish putting pipe in the rest of the yard so it will stop looking like 40 days and nights of flood back there every single time it rains. I like having lakefront property, but I don't need the lake that close, a little distance is good for our relationship, thanks. 

I still feel like complete and utter crap though. It isn't the virus, it's really not that severe consistently (though even if it were there is literally nothing to be done about it beyond what I'm already doing). I just have no immune system to speak of, so even a simple cold turns into a much bigger ordeal than it needs to be. I'm rather fed up with it to be honest and it's making me cranky, especially at other people and their asshatery, and making my GAFs fly out the window faster than I'd like them to. This is also part of why I am not logging in much, or going near people if I do, because my fingers will speak faster than the filters in my brain can say ....nope, don't do it.  I will, without a doubt, offend someone, and I won't feel bad about doing so. 

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I have always tried to keep a positive attitude, even more in SL and these forums, but I must be honest and admit and I cannot keep that spirit anymore. Even though I stopped reading or watching the news a week ago, you end up hearing the numbers; even more when some of my coworkers have  lost their parents...I dont even feel like logging into SL and enjoying my new home and community, which is something I have always loved.

I just wonder when all this madness is going to stop, how many more of our people we are going to lose. They survived the civil was and the dictatorship, and this is the ending they are having...

Older members of my family havent left home in a home, we bring them everything and leave all kind of stuff in the door, so I guess they will be safe, but after a month at home, I beginning to feel tired since I need to keep positive for my family.

Maybe it's just that, fatigue, I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was, and maybe writing these words will make me feel a bit better and act as some kind of relief... And maybe my next post will be happier.... 

 

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On 4/3/2020 at 7:09 PM, LittleMe Jewell said:

I really need to stop reading the news.  These days, it pretty much just pisses me off all the time.  I just want to go out and slap people and scream & yell at them - mostly the politicians, but quite a few everyday folks also.

I realized today that I've been stress eating, mostly junk food.  Maybe if I can restrict my reading of the news....................

I have stopped listening to and reading the news. I cannot stand any more of it. That's not to say I am not keeping in touch with the latest statistics and feelings of friends and people in society generally.

The social distancing thing is proving to be 'challenging' for some people, and I fear they have given up already. I actually had a woman walk into my two metre of space yesterday as I took my 1.6 mile daily outdoor exercise to go to my brother's to be his care giver. The woman said she thought the social distancing was nonsense and it was better if we all just mixed and caught whatever the virus was and "get it over with". Now that was a woman I could have slapped very hard indeed, but I refrained and gave her a full explanation of why social distancing is so important. Needless to say, she was of the generation whose mothers believed in chucking their kids into a "measles party"! 

Some people do not live and learn!

However, on the plus side, I have no doubt in my mind that this particular woman will be socially distancing herself from me forevermore after I told her straight how I felt about what the whole of society needs to do to rid the world of this particularly nasty and dangerous virus.

Edited by Marigold Devin
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I am feeling generally like things are going to get better. Or The Power That Is Bigger Than All of Us is just easing up on me slightly, because, as well as the COVID-19 thing we are all having to deal with, there is the regular sh1te stuff going on, plus my love life hit the skids, because of both of us being clumsy and getting too tangled up with misunderstandings. That remains ... fragile, if not broken altogether. Time will tell on that one.

Tiny personal triumphs have lifted my spirits somewhat, and for these I am grateful.  A letter I wrote to my local weekly newspaper was printed. I won £25 on the premium bonds. BBC iPlayer has the boxed set of an adaptation of Enid Blyton's Malory Towers. And someone who I met in their professional capacity has turned into quite a good friend, helping me with some difficult situations. They have promised we shall get together for a cuppa when this COVID-19 has run it's course, and she has promised also a home-baked cake. I cannot wait. 

And I have been laughing at a thread I completely missed (because I didn't understand the title for over a year!!!) - the Grant and corrupt a wish game. Brilliant stuff. 

 

Edited by Marigold Devin
can't get my words out properly today - someone else's hangover
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This is my third night in a row with less than 3 hours of sleep. My heart is in my throat and I am being a *****.  I don't like it.  I do have one commitment later this morning and after that I'm thinking it's time for a NyQuil coma or something.

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2 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

This is my third night in a row with less than 3 hours of sleep. My heart is in my throat and I am being a *****.  I don't like it.  I do have one commitment later this morning and after that I'm thinking it's time for a NyQuil coma or something.

I think a lot of us are having sleep issues, or at least I know I am. I'm also being a biotch, which is a manifestation of my depression (not the only one). I wish I had something wise to say, something that would fix things, but I don't. I'm not sure anyone does right now. 

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My depression is deepening. I'm becoming less verbal. I'm doing fewer things. I'm having a hard time even doing things like logging into SL...because it is so haaaaaard. I'm forcing myself out of bed, otherwise I'd still be in bed. Being out of bed, typing, is a huge effort right now. And this is me ON medication. Yippee. For the most part the Forum is annoying me, and I don't need to be bi*chy at people. I should step back. Sigh.

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12 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

I think a lot of us are having sleep issues, or at least I know I am. I'm also being a biotch, which is a manifestation of my depression (not the only one). I wish I had something wise to say, something that would fix things, but I don't. I'm not sure anyone does right now. 

 

7 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

My depression is deepening. I'm becoming less verbal. I'm doing fewer things. I'm having a hard time even doing things like logging into SL...because it is so haaaaaard. I'm forcing myself out of bed, otherwise I'd still be in bed. Being out of bed, typing, is a huge effort right now. And this is me ON medication. Yippee. For the most part the Forum is annoying me, and I don't need to be bi*chy at people. I should step back. Sigh.

 

3 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

This is my third night in a row with less than 3 hours of sleep. My heart is in my throat and I am being a *****.  I don't like it.  I do have one commitment later this morning and after that I'm thinking it's time for a NyQuil coma or something.

I thought it was nicely put, Seicher. 

Sleep deprivation is the biggest b1tch of them all, the root cause of everything else in my opinion. Can live without most things, but not sleep. If I could not have my wish corrupted on the grand and corrupt a wish thread, I would wish for more sleep for all those who need it in this thread, so everyone could reset and process properly once again. 

I have no advice. It's a Sunday too. We should all be allowed to loll around doing b4gger all anyway, without consequence. 

I have resorted to ice cream. We are on lock down, I cannot justify going to a shop just for bloody ice cream, but luckily I needed fuel top up and I am on a pay-as-you-go key/card system for both, and happened by the ice cream freezer in the store, and could also salve my guilty conscience because one of my 81 year old neighbours actually was out looking for someone to buy something for her too (toilet rolls and sticking plasters). Nice timing it was. 

Edited by Marigold Devin
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In the US, we are not just dealing with the virus disaster but the avoidable results of catastrophic and often deliberate mismanagement by those with power. The first is hard to bear but the latter is much worse. It is terrible that people are dying, but unendurable that so many of them could have been saved. Even now, nine states have no lockdown orders. Georgia just reopened the beaches they closed just the other day. It is all madness, or spite, and that is what is so hard to endure. 

For those not listening to Gov. Cuomo’s daily briefings, they are inspiring. Gov Cuomo has begged for national rolling deployment* of medical resources for when states are peaking, instead of individual states bidding against each other AND FEMA, then when the peak is over, being left with a glut of equipment. This makes perfect sense, but the admin says no, states are on their own. 

*“Calling New York a hot spot in the fight to stop the spread of the coronavirus, the governor urged President Donald Trump to consider a “rolling deployment” of ventilators and medical personnel first to this state before moving to other regions.

“We can take the equipment, we can take the personnel, we can take the lessons to the next area in need,” Gov. Cuomo said.”

 

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I am trying a new sleep tactic, by pretending I meant to wake up, and having little tasks to perform, instead of lying there ruminating. Last night at 2am, I soaked in a tub of hot water. At 4:30 I logged into SL and fixed a toaster a customer had requested. Each time, I was able to go back to sleep for a bit. 
 

I used to easily sleep through the night with the aid of a cannabutter cookie, but I can’t do THC at all because it makes me ruminate. By the time the first covid patient arrived in this country I had already ruminated the Apocalypse we are in now. I don’t want to go there anymore, however prescient.

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