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Absolutely broken.  I have just had confirmation that my wonderful, amazing,  perfectly imperfect partner lost his battle with cancer this morning.  We almost made it to 11 years in this mad crazy wor

My dad passed away today, in his sleep, at the hospice. I'm in that shock phase now, numb and unable to think.

So, quick update number 2...  My daughter is negative for covid-19!!! the super quarantine is lifted and we can go grocery shopping! Back to your regularly scheduled bickering.. 

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5 hours ago, LexxiXhan said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs, if they are welcome.

I'm missing my brother, who I lost to suicide a little over a year ago. He's been in my mind every hour of every day sindce that phone call, and then there are days like today, where the grief just crushes me out of the blue. This coming sunday would have been his birthday, and a whole bunch of musicians from our hometown, that I used to play in bands with, are putting on an event in his memory and raising money for a mental health charity. Last night his best friend messaged to check in on me, to see if I could make it and take part, but I'm stuck where I am.

Its been 5 years since my husband died. went to work had a heart attack...  I will say you learn to live with the loss but you never get over it and it will for your lifetime hit you and bring you to your knees. I have learned to let this happen.. for my own sanity.  Now, I remember him in good time more than seeing him on the table at the hospital. Suicide is hard to understand.. So many questions or what could I have done..    There needs to be more charitable organizations designed for mental health. It is EXPENSIVE as hell and if you do not have health insurance people just wont get the help.   hugs to you. 

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3 minutes ago, Tarina Sewell said:

Its been 5 years since my husband died. went to work had a heart attack...  I will say you learn to live with the loss but you never get over it and it will for your lifetime hit you and bring you to your knees. I have learned to let this happen.. for my own sanity.  Now, I remember him in good time more than seeing him on the table at the hospital. Suicide is hard to understand.. So many questions or what could I have done..    There needs to be more charitable organizations designed for mental health. It is EXPENSIVE as hell and if you do not have health insurance people just wont get the help.   hugs to you. 

We need a "hug" button. We need an "agree" button. We need an "I hear you and am here" button.

:::hugs:::

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4 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

...forces a hug on you whether you like it or not...

...grins and bears it.

4 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

This is another instance of where our available reaction emojis are inadequacy, because I both love this story, and am heartbroken for you, and for the loss of someone who sounds like quite the lady. 

My EMB (emergency backup mom) was a character, to be sure. She'd been ready to go for years (as is my actual mom) and this was the sort of speedy exit she wanted.

I visited with my actual Mom yesterday and I recounted the supermarket shopping trips we'd sometimes made together.  EMB was loud, like an airport PA system, but intelligible. We'd often go our separate ways, as our tastes in food were quite different. I remember standing in aisles, looking at nutrition labels while hearing something like "Maddy, you should get potatoes or a loaf of pumpernickel. You need more meat on your bones!" from three aisles over. I'd turn down the frozen food aisle to see Mom's exasperated expression as she tried to hide in a freezer.

I don't think anyone else found all this as funny as I did, especially the young woman at the deli counter who once endured a rant over the paucity of sesame seeds on the buns she'd just baked. After waiting till EMB was safely out-of-sight, I cooed over the very same buns, offered an apology, and slipped the woman a tip. I believe she called me a "saint". The buns really did want more seeds, but I can't describe how delicious objects of derision can be, particularly when you tip more than they cost.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I visited my emergency backup mom the day after Thanksgiving. She chided me, as she has for more than thirty years, for not wearing a dress, and for not padding my bra enough. Since she moved to assisted living, many of my visits have included doing pirouettes (often in front of her friends) while she noted how trim I am and how bigger boobs would be just the ticket (to what event, I don't know). The things I do to keep people happy.

She was injured in a fall over the weekend. Surgery was ruled out and she was scheduled for hospice care. I called around to that part of her circle of friends that wasn't well known to her son, while he made calls to the family, encouraging everyone to visit while they could.

I visited in the evening, wearing a dress, heels, a strand of pearls and my most padded bra. She was unresponsive until I leaned over, grabbed her hand, and told her I was wearing a dress. She opened her eyes. I did a pirouette, then grabbed her hand again and leaned in. She looked at me and said "You're a good girl." I pointed to her son, who was standing across the room and said "You've got a good boy, too." She rolled her eyes and looked away.

She passed away in her sleep overnight. It seems her last words were "You're a good girl" and her last conscious act was to roll her eyes at her own kid (27 years my senior). She was quintessentially herself in that one brief moment.

Though I'm not particularly fond of her son, he did say he'd like to keep in touch. I explained that would mean enduring my endless retelling of her last words and actions.

"I can live with that".

So can I.

   /me hugs you all up, for as long as you need.

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I'm feeling somewhat better today.  The antibiotics are working on the toothache and it's now a dull ache and no longer throbbing. Dreading and also can't wait for Friday and the root canal.  Emotionally I'm on the roller coaster, getting the feels way too easily for my comfort level. I both love and hate thinking about people that are gone from my life and/or hearing others speak of this.  I am avidly reading some threads here that I'm not up to joining, but may get there eventually. Looked at my wish list on marketplace and there is nothing on it.  Looked at gifts I've received and learned that it's been two years now since "someone" left me.  Still hurts even though I've moved on; I miss that level of intimacy that we shared.

 

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15 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I'm feeling somewhat better today.  The antibiotics are working on the toothache and it's now a dull ache and no longer throbbing. Dreading and also can't wait for Friday and the root canal.  Emotionally I'm on the roller coaster, getting the feels way too easily for my comfort level. I both love and hate thinking about people that are gone from my life and/or hearing others speak of this.  I am avidly reading some threads here that I'm not up to joining, but may get there eventually. Looked at my wish list on marketplace and there is nothing on it.  Looked at gifts I've received and learned that it's been two years now since "someone" left me.  Still hurts even though I've moved on; I miss that level of intimacy that we shared.

I absolutely do not envy you the upcoming root canal, but I do envy the anesthesia and pain killers you'll get afterwards. If I were ever to become a junkie, my drug of choice would be nitrous oxide. I love that stuff. 

My Big Giant Love had to leave SL in 2015. Seeing any reminders of him still hurts like hell even though I've moved on. I love and have loved others, but Hugh was... he was just something special, and I completely understand about that intimacy being missed. 

Freaking holidays. 😢

I cry so often these days it's like my bladder is behind my eyeballs, as my grandmother used to say.

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39 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

I absolutely do not envy you the upcoming root canal, but I do envy the anesthesia and pain killers you'll get afterwards. If I were ever to become a junkie, my drug of choice would be nitrous oxide. I love that stuff. 

My Big Giant Love had to leave SL in 2015. Seeing any reminders of him still hurts like hell even though I've moved on. I love and have loved others, but Hugh was... he was just something special, and I completely understand about that intimacy being missed. 

Freaking holidays. 😢

I cry so often these days it's like my bladder is behind my eyeballs, as my grandmother used to say.

Me too! about the nitrous I mean, it's the only good thing about dentists!  I wish there was a way to HEART and CRY with you for this post. Whoever mentioned that the reaction emojis are inadequate was right. 😢😢😢 ♡♡♡

 

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11 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

Me too! about the nitrous I mean, it's the only good thing about dentists! 

The best dentist visit I ever had was a couple of years ago when the dentist finished with me, but forgot to turn off the nitrous. He came back like 15 minutes later and I was still just lying there inhaling as deeply as I could. He wanted to talk to me about my teeth, looked at me and said, "You're high as a kite," started laughing, turned it off and left again so I could come down.

Absolute bliss. 

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21 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Absolute bliss.

I was left alone for what seemed like over an hour once, I think they forgot about me.  Heaven! I'll never forget my first time.  My dentist had very colorful blue and green paisley wallpaper and I swear the vines were growing!!

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4 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I was left alone for what seemed like over an hour once, I think they forgot about me.  Heaven! I'll never forget my first time.  My dentist had very colorful blue and green paisley wallpaper and I swear the vines were growing!!

Man, I really want to go to the dentist now... lol!

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4 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I visited my emergency backup mom the day after Thanksgiving. She chided me, as she has for more than thirty years, for not wearing a dress, and for not padding my bra enough. Since she moved to assisted living, many of my visits have included doing pirouettes (often in front of her friends) while she noted how trim I am and how bigger boobs would be just the ticket (to what event, I don't know). The things I do to keep people happy.

She was injured in a fall over the weekend. Surgery was ruled out and she was scheduled for hospice care. I called around to that part of her circle of friends that wasn't well known to her son, while he made calls to the family, encouraging everyone to visit while they could.

I visited in the evening, wearing a dress, heels, a strand of pearls and my most padded bra. She was unresponsive until I leaned over, grabbed her hand, and told her I was wearing a dress. She opened her eyes. I did a pirouette, then grabbed her hand again and leaned in. She looked at me and said "You're a good girl." I pointed to her son, who was standing across the room and said "You've got a good boy, too." She rolled her eyes and looked away.

She passed away in her sleep overnight. It seems her last words were "You're a good girl" and her last conscious act was to roll her eyes at her own kid (27 years my senior). She was quintessentially herself in that one brief moment.

Though I'm not particularly fond of her son, he did say he'd like to keep in touch. I explained that would mean enduring my endless retelling of her last words and actions.

"I can live with that".

So can I.

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it's been a day, so..

Sometimes I like to think I can mess w the heads of the people who try to mess with my head & sometimes I just wish I owned a plush shiny foxtail buttplug, a disco rink, & 3 types of social discourse xx

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I had a bad night physically but it's sorting itself out now so I don't need hugs or anything.  :)   The rain is light, it's not freezing, and I think I can manage to walk to the polling station, where I can cast my vote to help save the lives of the suffering poor (not joking).  That will certainly improve my day.

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I'd like to lighten the mood, but life is a terminal condition, and we all go through the mincer at times. And the more love you put in, the more grief comes out.

My Mother is on a terminal slide right now. We haven't had the sweetest relationship. She was a spoilt child who became a bully. And with an entourage if guys in tow over time.... y'know....blonde, good looking etc etc. 

But when the chips were down she was always there. A rock in adversity. Who knows when she will go. You never see it coming. But the clock is ticking.

Just to up the mood..... I was at the dentist having a crown fitted. So the mouthful of plastic, and the injections. I hate the one in the roof of my mouth. So he's almost done and is reshaping the crown to fit, when, under his breath he says.......and right in my ear.... "Oh *****!"

My immediate thought was...

"Oh *****!" :)

Note: a word starting with S, ending in T.

Edited by BelindaN
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   I only made one of the endbands today. I decided to anchor it in every section, so I had to stop to count the pages all the time. Of course, as I get to the end of it, I find that I'm a page short, so apparently some of the anchorings aren't actually in the sections' centers. Oh well. Could have made the other endband now, but since we just had a Yule lunch, I've decided not to move another inch today.

image.png.741346eed46eea9981dab3d946b0e439.png

   And yes, the edge is supposed to be rough, and yes, that does make the endband appear more irregular - it's on purpose!

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I think I could have been a book binder. I'm good with my hands......🤔, and can focus in intricate work, and love the smell of books anyway......and glue.....

Although my specialism is leather, and umm, neoprene rubber mostly.

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Well its not quite midday and the mood is so so

Plus points - I went to buy some more christmas decorations and got to the till to find it was 25% off and a free cappucino  \o/ 🎄

Minus points -  I got to the Polling Station to vote and the heavens opened.  There was no disabled parking and I got completely drenched.  (Blaming BoJo The Clown for that too) 😠🌧️

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