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The Men Who Have Made a Difference in Your Life


Scylla Rhiadra
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OMFG, @Seicher Rae, I owe you an apology. I'm sorry. I absolutely flew off the handle. I'll be the first one to argue that a thread goes in whatever direction it goes, and anyone can post anything they want, and here I am acting like a... word we can't say on the forums... 

My recent propensity for arguing about anything with anyone recently is giving me a heads up that it's time for me to take a forum break, and probably visit my doc to talk about a medication adjustment. 

Again, I am sorry. I was absolutely out of line.

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Just now, Beth Macbain said:

My recent propensity for arguing about anything with anyone recently is giving me a heads up that it's time for me to take a forum break, and probably visit my doc to talk about a medication adjustment. 

 

There isn't any medicine for my disease yet but I absolutely understand what you mean.  Be well soon.

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2 minutes ago, LyricalBookworm said:

My response to @Seicher Rae's post was simply me trying to offer understanding and kindness to someone who I thought needed it.  My father taught me that. I won't apologize for it. I was also taught that you offer understanding through mutual vulnerability. You give something of yourself to show trust even if it can only be through words. My message was about kindness, not a movement.

If my post was interpreted any other way, it really was interpreted wrong I'm sorry to say. 

I really have been trying to overcome anxiety I have which is why I began posting in the forums. Now I think I'm out and will stick to the word game threads.

If you read backwards you'll see that Beth apologized and I accepted. I don't think anyone took what you said any differently than what you've stated your intentions were. You're good. ♥

I will say that anxiety and forums and social media in general may not be all that compatible, at least speaking from my (and only my) experiences. You have to do what takes care of you and eff the rest.

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11 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

If you read backwards you'll see that Beth apologized and I accepted. I don't think anyone took what you said any differently than what you've stated your intentions were. You're good. ♥

I will say that anxiety and forums and social media in general may not be all that compatible, at least speaking from my (and only my) experiences. You have to do what takes care of you and eff the rest.

I saw that after I posted. I'm sorry. I'm glad all is well now.  😊

It took me forever to figure out what to say. Take care everyone.

Edited by LyricalBookworm
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I know for sure that my dad made a big difference in shaping who I am today. He was a political prisoner fighting against a communist government and then because he wasn’t going to stop and The Soviets would surely and eventually silence him for good, he left the land he loved at 50! so that I would have a happier life. I’m so grateful to him and all that he was. Especially his struggle with alcoholism. It took a while for me to be at peace with addiction but it’s because of him why I don’t complain and embrace everyone in second life and real life. The freakier, the most unloved, and kinkier the better. 
 

PS: thank you for this thread and an opportunity to remember. 

Edited by Marut72
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1 hour ago, Marut72 said:

but it’s because of him why I don’t complain and embrace everyone in second life and real life.

That's a pretty powerful gift. Your dad sounds great -- and courageous.

1 hour ago, Marut72 said:

 

PS: thank you for this thread and an opportunity to remember. 

Thank you so much for sharing it it with us. I'm glad you took that opportunity. 🙂

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2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

That's a pretty powerful gift. Your dad sounds great -- and courageous.

Thank you so much for sharing it it with us. I'm glad you took that opportunity. 🙂

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read. I don’t respond to many things but it’s nice to share and be heard. (Thank You)

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I come from a family of a lot of women.  So just the few we did have.  

My Dad was a Social Worker/Psychologist by day and a professional Comedian at night.  Though he only worked perhaps Friday nights at clubs like The Comedy Club and others here in the L.A. area and a little bit of radio and television.  He was the most understanding and caring person aside from my Mom I've ever meet.  And, he always made us laugh yet he was not afraid to cry.

And, he was a "family man".  He always loved being around his family.  Country Roads by John Denver was his favorite song.  

And, the other few men we had too...my uncles and my brothers-in-law.  I couldn't have asked for more...though I did always want a brother too and often wondered what it would have been like to have a brother.  

When my Dad died and my Mom was widowed at 46, we were kind of like the story and movie "Little Women"...my sisters and I began to call our Mom, "Marmie" because of the movie "Little Women".   All her cards and everything always said "To Marmie".  So much to say about her...I think she was the 8th wonder of the world.   She passed away a few years ago.  

Edited by FairreLilette
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@Marut72's post reminded me of my aforementioned Grandpa again.

My grandpa actually was a 100% communist, "taken over"  when back then in '46 the Communist party and Social Democrats in East Germany united and became the SED ("Socialist Unity Party of Germany"), which then ruled over East Germany like a dictator. And he did believe in the idea of actual communism, a truly egalitarian society without private property of production means or land, where money would be obsolete. However, with this strong creed of his, he was way too left-wing for the party line, even was short of being thrown out of the party several times (which would have given him troubles, making him a pariah of sorts).

Anyway, one of the mottoes he lived by was "What ever you got for free, give away for free" - and that he lived by indeed: Whenever he shared his knowledge and skills with others (no matter if it was us grandchildren or other folks), he would refuse any offer of money or other reward, instead he used to say "I got it for free, so I give it for free." He never even thought of making a profit from what he learned: the entire concept of profit seemed to be foreign to him. But not only that: Whenever one of his acquaintances took some written-off stuff home from the steel company they worked at, he would even accuse them of theft: In his eyes, there was no such thing as depreciation of things within just a few years. Heck, he even used tools that he had bought when he was like 18y old, and which were still good because of the care he gave them.When I later tried to tell him that electronic things are considered worth half their price as soon as they left the shop and arrived at the buyer's home, he declared that concept as absolutely crazy.

 

That said, I mentioned before that he taught and encouraged me to think for myself, to form my own opinions, to question everything instead of just accept given answers. This though became both a blessing and a curse, because it led to things I never would have envisioned myself: When I had a look at my Stasi files in mid-1992, I had to learn that I not only was under surveillance by several IM's since my teenage years for being "politically inconvenient" - I even was destined to be sent to an internment camp if the GDR had existed a few years longer. But still I never even thought of leaving the country for good: I even demonstrated for a "better GDR"  back then at the Monday demonstrations in Leipzig for a while, when the motto there still was "WE are the people!" (I stopped attending these demonstrations when the motto became "We are ONE people!")

Edited by ThorinII
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8 hours ago, Conall DeCuir said:

Many evenings, when walking the dog a last time, it was father and son alone-time. Such a walk could take up to 2 hours.

This is really lovely, Conall. I used to go for walks with my dad when I was, I guess, in my early teens; we'd also take shopping trips together. It's odd how something so silly and mundane has impressed itself upon my memory. They were wonderful times with him.

Your dad sounds like he was a terrific father, and a good man. I'm not surprised you are proud of him. 🙂

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11 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

Your answer instead was a weirdly long mansplaining about what International Men's and Women's Days are and what they mean. Like, ooohkaaaay? and not sure why you bothered to quote me to lead into a tangential.

I am probably as bemused by your characterization of this as "mansplaining" (by which you mean, I assume, "condescending"?) as you seem to be by my response to your post. I thought I was essentially agreeing with you, and developing the point a little further.

I'm sure that's my fault: I evidently didn't communicate what I was trying to get at very well.

Apologies for that: condescension or "mansplanning" was definitely not the effect I was going for.

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8 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I am probably as bemused by your characterization of this as "mansplaining" (by which you mean, I assume, "condescending"?) as you seem to be by my response to your post. I thought I was essentially agreeing with you, and developing the point a little further.

I'm sure that's my fault: I evidently didn't communicate what I was trying to get at very well.

Apologies for that: condescension or "mansplanning" was definitely not the effect I was going for.

Perhaps the definition of mansplaining has changed somewhat over the years. Condescending is part of it, but I usually use it to mean I just got told (lectured) about something I already know about and have given no indication that I need a lecture nor have asked for one. Hm. Condescendingly telling a woman something she already knows. Heh, and this isn't mansplaining because of your query "(by which you mean, I assume, "condescending"?)", otherwise this could get into irony.  And no, I didn't take it as agreeing with me, just you going off on a riff about the International Days.

BUT, communication glitches happen, especially in text.

Yes, I will also admit to getting a little frustrated in this thread as time went on. Also, I've noticed a tendency of folks (so far just women) to mansplain in the Forum, often to me, which I don't get why. So I might be a tad twitchy about it.

Anyways. We're good.

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8 hours ago, Gadget Portal said:

I enjoy that a thread about International Men's Day shows us the need for an International Men's Day. 

I'm not sure that individual instances of crappy men -- fathers, partners and spouses or whatever -- actually constitute an attack on the "male gender." The point of International Men's Day (and by extension, this thread, I suppose) is not to assert that all men are wonderful merely by virtue of being men -- just as being born a woman doesn't make one a good person. That would be silly and reductive. But it can be treated as an opportunity to celebrate men who do deserve celebration.

I was largely hoping for positive stories here, in some measure because I wanted to address the hoary old myth that there's some kind of "battle of the sexes" going on. We're all on the same side: we want to be treated well and fairly and, mostly, we want others to be treated the same way.

Most of the stories here are positive, and I've enjoyed them, but I totally get the ones that aren't. The voices here that speak of abuse and disfunctional relationships are, I take it, authentic and genuine, and I understand the need to articulate that pain. These stories are all another part of the "big picture." The valuable thing, as Maddy has noted, is that those telling these stories were able, by dint of their own efforts, to overcome. And that's surely, in the end, more important than pretending that we live in a Rainbow world where one's personal crappiness means less than that one belongs to one identifiable group or another.

In short, I have read no stories here that aren't life-affirming, one way or another. And I think that to read a story about an abusive father or partner as somehow representing an attack upon all men is more than a little silly.

So, that said . . . do you have a story Gadget? I ask quite seriously (you know that I'm never facetious, right?): I'd love to hear it.

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