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The Men Who Have Made a Difference in Your Life


Scylla Rhiadra
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3 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

The thread thing went from a nice celebration of the men in our lives to abusive fathers, and then abusive mothers, and it pisses me off that we can't have one freaking positive thread without it going dark. I'm not minimizing any abuse that anyone went through. Some parents should have never been allowed to procreate.

But that's not what this thread was about. 

I took my story out. I don't want my folk's beautiful story associated with this. 

Ah, ok, then I read you correctly the first time. I edited my first response because I wasn't sure what you were on about. Now I am.

I don't see this thread as having gotten dark, and like many a thread there are tangents (and I've seen you post to tangents or in threads with tangents). But ya gotta do what you feel comfortable with...  :::shrugs:::

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10 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Ah, ok, then I read you correctly the first time. I edited my first response because I wasn't sure what you were on about. Now I am.

I don't see this thread as having gotten dark, and like many a thread there are tangents (and I've seen you post to tangents or in threads with tangents). But ya gotta do what you feel comfortable with...  :::shrugs:::

I can assure you that if the thread was about the abuse posters received from their parents as children (or adults for that matter), I would not come in the thread talking about how fabulous mine were. It wouldn't be appropriate. In fact, it would be pretty vulgar and grotesque of me to do so. 

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5 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:
17 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Ah, ok, then I read you correctly the first time. I edited my first response because I wasn't sure what you were on about. Now I am.

I don't see this thread as having gotten dark, and like many a thread there are tangents (and I've seen you post to tangents or in threads with tangents). But ya gotta do what you feel comfortable with...  :::shrugs:::

I can assure you that if the thread was about the abuse posters received from their parents as children (or adults for that matter), I would not come in the thread talking about how fabulous mine were. It wouldn't be appropriate. In fact, it would be pretty vulgar and grotesque of me to do so. 

As I said, ya gotta do what you feel comfortable with. :::shrug:::

You are entitled to type your story and remove it as you see fit, as is anyone else. You are also entitled to your opinion as to others who don't share your exact ideas about what a thread is and isn't about, or of people who comment to extraneous comments others have made (tangentials) as is anyone else.  You have also stated you enjoy fighting in social media. I don't get the same enjoyment so you'll not get me participating in that here. But you can keep insulting me all you want if it makes you happy.

Edited by Seicher Rae
to finish a sentence that was left dangling
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One does have to admit that which I harp on constantly all the time: Words have meaning and the title of the thread is "The Men Who Have Made a Difference in Your Life" (emphasis mine). So, as dark and non-positive as it may be, a bad experience can also make a difference in one's life.

The one missing word is in here, if the thread were better titled as ""The Men Who Have Made a Positive Difference in Your Life". So as thread authors we live and learn, right? :)

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1 minute ago, Alyona Su said:

One does have to admit that which I harp on constantly all the time: Words have meaning and the title of the thread is "The Men Who Have Made a Difference in Your Life" (emphasis mine). So, as dark and non-positive as it may be, a bad experience can also make a difference in one's life.

The one missing word is in here, if the thread were better titled as ""The Men Who Have Made a Positive Difference in Your Life". So as thread authors we live and learn, right? :)

Yes. I've said this as well. "A" difference doesn't mean "positive." Although I also stated in my original post that I believe the intent was "positive difference" and that I kept my original comment to be a net-positive. 

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4 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Not sure how stating my displeasure at the direction a thread takes is an insult towards you, but I can shrug, too. 

31 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

In fact, it would be pretty vulgar and grotesque of me to do so. 

I guess you meant that in the positive way. I mean, you could have just pulled your comment because that felt like the right thing for you to do for whatever reason,  but you chose to make a dramatic pony gif rage quit-ish comment, complete with snarling comments directed, in part, to comments I have made. (Thus ensuring that your so-called negativity would get more play in the subsequent comments.) Yeah... words have meaning, etc.

 

 

Edited by Seicher Rae
to substantially rewrite
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   My father is the kind of man who will lift a biker right off the bike at the scruff of their neck when they ride down the pavement. He's the kind of guy who finds a mobile phone or a wallet, and opens it to find 'mom' or 'darling' in the address book, or some form of identification, so that he can call them to let them know what he found the phone and that he'd like to make sure that it gets back to its owner. He's the kind of guy who will stop the car when approaching an accident, and get out to make sure that everyone is all right and that help is called for. He's the kind of guy who gets everyday hero awards in the newspapers, and then puts the cut-out in a drawer with no intention of ever showing it to anyone else (until his curious son digs it up in search for adventure and asks what it is). He's the guy who, despite being a single father, would never hesitate to pull back from work to come along on school trips as a chaperone, who every kid in every class my sister or I ever went in knew as the guy who would never let anyone be left behind, who made sure that everyone got home safely.

   It may be that I've gotten to watch him do all those things in person, but I never saw any other man with the amount of moral courage to match him.

   My grandfather on my mother's side was a great man. Everyone who ever met him respected him, not only because of his social status or profession, but because he was quick to befriend and generous to his friends. He had a temperament, but he never let it out on anyone unjustly. He was big and strong, and adored his firstborn grandson as if I were the son he'd never had. He spoiled me with affection, and always knew how to make me laugh, and taught me how to be a gentleman. He led an interesting life, and even had a Nobel prize diploma on his wall for his services to the UN, and I always loved it when he told me about the places he'd gone and the experiences he'd had.

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12 minutes ago, Orwar said:

It may be that I've gotten to watch him do all those things in person, but I never saw any other man with the amount of moral courage to match him.

I'll just echo what Seicher said above: it's lovely to hear from a man in this thread about his positive experiences with men. That was certainly the original intent of the thread, so thank you for sharing.

Your dad and grandfather sound wonderful. I love that your dad accompanied you on school trips: that kind of thing was something I loved as a kid myself.

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4 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

I guess you meant that in the positive way. I mean, you could have just pulled your comment because that felt like the right thing for you to do for whatever reason,  but you chose to make a dramatic pony gif rage quit-ish comment, complete with snarling comments directed, in part, to comments I have made. (Thus ensuring that your so-called negativity would get more play in the subsequent comments.) Yeah... words have meaning, etc.

 

If it were a thread where posters were talking about their abusive childhoods, and I came along with my stories about how fabulous my parents were, it wouldn't be grotesque and vulgar? Yes, it would, just like jumping into a thread about depression and telling people they just need to exercise and and avoid medication is grotesque and vulgar. 

Words do have meaning. It hurt me that a thread that was finally, finally, positive took only 3 hours to turn into yet another thread about bad men. Is it stupid of me to be hurt over crap on internet forums? Perhaps, but it is what it is. 

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My father was my rock. Without him i might have hung myself by the age of 13, and while my mother was unpredicteble, he always remained calm and put up with everything she threw at him. When i begged him to divorce, promising i would take over the complete household, he shook his head and told me that he had given his word when he said YES, and he wouldn't go back on his word ever. He then added, that he would kill me should i ever raise my hand against her. 

He had a lot of wisdom and skills and he shared it all with me. He taught me to press clothes, cook, clean windows, manage the household, fix the car, removate the house, the electrics, how to handle animals ... and a bit later, he educated me about sex, girls and women :) and I will be forever thankfull about that. Many evenings, when walking the dog a last time, it was father and son alone-time. Such a walk could take up to 2 hours. 

He was the one who was voted for to speak for all the other parents at my school, he was the one who spoke for all the men at his work. He also got hold of the abusive father of my friend. My friends stood straight when he appeared, not because of fear but because he was respected. I know they all envied me. They didn't had such fathers. None of them. 

Against my mother he raised only one time his voice in anger. That was after i tried to run away but was to slow. He found me much to soon.

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I forgot to mention a RL fella who made a massive difference in my life, though not in the way my father, my ex-husband, and my pseudo son have. My mind was in a different space when I crafted my first post here.

That fella would be the president of the company that hired me out of engineering grad school at the age of 19. Within five years, he had cleared a path for me to form my own little design team, with autonomy to select and pursue projects. That long, magnificent run ended when the company was acquired by a behemoth and my style was deemed incompatible with their culture. By that time, I was within sight of financial independence and confident enough to take the risks to get there.

Now I am there. I worked hard, I was lucky, and I had the help of people who believed in me, most of them men (because of the paucity of women in engineering).

Thanks, guys!

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
As I said in another thread, I really can't write in RL.
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17 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Words do have meaning. It hurt me that a thread that was finally, finally, positive took only 3 hours to turn into yet another thread about bad men. Is it stupid of me to be hurt over crap on internet forums? Perhaps, but it is what it is. 

I'm sorry you feel this way.  I know I have contributed to the count of negative postings, and, really, I've been far more open about my real life than usual.  Whatever the arguments for or against the addition of negative postings in this thread, I believe mine would not have been allowed through if it had not been for a flare-up in a longstanding condition.  I'm not going into that here as it's irrelevant (and anyone can work it out from a close examination of my inworld profile) but I did need to say that perhaps some others had similar jolts to the system that opened their mouths more freely.

Edited by Garnet Psaltery
Font for my eyes.
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31 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

If it were a thread where posters were talking about their abusive childhoods, and I came along with my stories about how fabulous my parents were, it wouldn't be grotesque and vulgar? Yes, it would, just like jumping into a thread about depression and telling people they just need to exercise and and avoid medication is grotesque and vulgar. 

Words do have meaning. It hurt me that a thread that was finally, finally, positive took only 3 hours to turn into yet another thread about bad men. Is it stupid of me to be hurt over crap on internet forums? Perhaps, but it is what it is. 

You asked what you said that was insulting. I told you. You ignored that bit.

As far as you repeatedly stating it would be grotesque and vulgar to go into a thread about abuse and state you had a different experience, no, it actually wouldn't. It would be just fine. What would be questionable would be going in and stating that because you had a specific experience that differed from others that others were wrong to post their realities. Someone saying, for example, "I had a wonderful set of parents, and reading about others who had crap parents, just makes me more grateful for my blessings" would be just fine, nice even. So, your whole bleated premise is wrong on that matter.

And, no, other people stating here what their own experiences were/are, good or bad, is not the same thing as someone stating "this is what worked for me, everyone else's methods are "junk"(about depression, though why you had to go to THAT thread is beyond me).

I see that other people have continued to post positive things on this thread (as well as others with differing experiences). If you had chosen the less dramatic and insulting and over-reaching way of simply removing YOUR post because YOU were uncomfortable, the positive participation would have had that much more room to progress. Instead...

Edited by Seicher Rae
wretched verb/subject agreement
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6 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

I'm sorry you feel this way.  I know I have contributed to the count of negative postings, and, really, I've been far more open about my real life than usual.  Whatever the arguments for or against the addition of negative postings in this thread, I believe mine would not have been allowed through if it had not been for a flare-up in a longstanding condition.  I'm not going into that here as it's irrelevant (and anyone can work it out from a close examination of my inworld profile) but I did need to say that perhaps some others had similar jolts to the system that opened their mouths more freely.

You make an excellent point about this thread possibly being a trigger for some, and if that's the case, I apologize. It's not my place to say what is or isn't a trigger, or how people should respond to their triggers. Perhaps it was even a trigger for me to see something that focused on the good guys turn into something about the bad guys. 

Perhaps I'm just grumpy because I haven't eaten since last night. Perhaps it's that it's the freaking holidays and I miss my dad more than ever and wanted to say something nice about him without it getting lost in another sea of men-are-bad posts. 

Regardless, triggers work both ways. I'm sorry that I was triggered, and I'm sorry that my being triggered triggered anyone who was triggered by the topic. 

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10 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

I see that other people have continued to post positive things on this thread (as well as others with differing experiences). If you had chosen the less dramatic and insulting and over-reaching way of simply removing YOUR post because YOU were uncomfortable, the positive participation would have had that much more room to progress. Instead...

Who knew My Little Pony would be so triggering...?

By the way, the thread had already turned for the worse with you accusing Scylla of mansplaining something-or-other to you so if you want to point fingers about people being dramatic and over-reaching, perhaps turn that finger back at yourself. 

No, I didn't like, and still don't like, the negative posts in an otherwise positive thread, but what got me to use the 'abandon thread' gif was you telling another woman that she was mansplaining to you. The thread had already turned ugly. 

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The thread asked for folks to note men that have made a difference in their lives and there was no specifications about positive versus negative - any such thoughts are personal interpretations only.

Many of us are the way we are because we managed to make a positive out of a negative experience.  I'm pretty sure I was in college before I viewed any male figure in a positive light.  However, even though pretty much all of my earlier experiences with male figures were not positive in and of themselves, much of the strength that I have now came from those experiences. 

Thus, in a sort of warped view of things, one could say that those early negative experiences ultimately made a positive difference in my life.

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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15 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Who knew My Little Pony would be so triggering...?

By the way, the thread had already turned for the worse with you accusing Scylla of mansplaining something-or-other to you so if you want to point fingers about people being dramatic and over-reaching, perhaps turn that finger back at yourself. 

No, I didn't like, and still don't like, the negative posts in an otherwise positive thread, but what got me to use the 'abandon thread' gif was you telling another woman that she was mansplaining to you. The thread had already turned ugly. 

Oh ffs. Your gif wasn't "triggering" but your comments were insulting.

My comment about Scylla was TO Scylla, and was a brief one at that. It had nothing to do with anything turning dark, and it was made well after the so-called dark posts. Sorry you don't like the word "mansplaining" applied to a woman, but if the stiletto fits... In my opinion that was what she did, and she's quite able to comment upon that herself with or without pony gifs and insults from the peanut gallery.  You do like arguing, don't you? I see that you are fine apologizing for "triggering" someone else, but not the actual person you've been throwing yourself against. Yes... :::shrugs:::

Edited by Seicher Rae
words matter only if you actually type them in
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3 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Are you serious, Scylla? Just look at Tari's walls of text. Running into one of those things is horrifying. She's our very own Richard Grossman.

You should always wear a helmet around me, that way I can't be blamed when folks get noggin damage.  Not that I'd claim responsibility for it anyway :D

I told you people I earned that trophy years ago.

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2 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

  You do you. Write what you write. Eff 'em if they have issues with it.

I'm getting better with the white spaces, sometimes, but other times, eh..don't much care lmao. I try to care, really, but some days my give a damn is focused on more important things, like toothpick towers and the squirrel that literally just chased the amazon prime dude out of my driveway (yes...a squirrel, poor lil fella...the squirrel, that is)

I honestly stopped caring about the complains of WOT years ago. It's clearly not something I intend to change, no matter what intentions I may think I have (or anyone else might encourage). So, I roll with it. 

Eventually I'm going to get to a point where I can no longer type at all. The world may rejoice when that day comes, and I'm cool with that, but until that point, I'm going to be as  nonsensically verbose as I damn well please :D 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Oh ffs. Your gif wasn't "triggering" but your comments were insulting.

My comment about Scylla was TO Scylla, and was a brief one at that. It had nothing to do with anything turning dark, and it was made well after the so-called dark posts. Sorry you don't like the word "mansplaining" applied to a woman, but if the stiletto fits... In my opinion that was what she did, and she's quite able to comment upon that herself with or without pony gifs and insults from the peanut gallery.  You do like arguing, don't you? I see that you are fine apologizing for "triggering" someone else, but not the actual person you've been throwing yourself against. Yes... :::shrugs:::

If you didn't want anyone else seeing your comment to Scylla, perhaps you should have sent it to her privately. 

I do like arguing, yes, and despite your protestations, you do, too. You came at me claws bared after I posted a My Little Pony gif. Freaking MY LITTLE PONY

So I'll see your "shrug" with a "whatever." Go ahead and have the last word if you must, and be sure to use all your claws.

Women, amirite?

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56 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

You make an excellent point about this thread possibly being a trigger for some, and if that's the case, I apologize. It's not my place to say what is or isn't a trigger, or how people should respond to their triggers. Perhaps it was even a trigger for me to see something that focused on the good guys turn into something about the bad guys. 

Perhaps I'm just grumpy because I haven't eaten since last night. Perhaps it's that it's the freaking holidays and I miss my dad more than ever and wanted to say something nice about him without it getting lost in another sea of men-are-bad posts. 

Regardless, triggers work both ways. I'm sorry that I was triggered, and I'm sorry that my being triggered triggered anyone who was triggered by the topic. 

It seems I haven't explained properly; such is the state of my mental faculties just now.  I didn't actually mean that people were triggered by the thread itself (although they might have been) but rather that an illness or some such may have led to them being freer with their thoughts.

Oh dear, I need a lie-down (and I actually do).

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