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The Men Who Have Made a Difference in Your Life


Scylla Rhiadra
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Lol @ this thread, I will play.

My Father, whom through the vilest of behaviours, possibly mental health conditions, 
(nothing totally disgustingly yukky, but certainly very very life threatening), now lies forever forgotten.

There was never time for outright hatred, which was so thoroughly deserved.
There was never time for self pity from the family he sought to erase.
We endured due to a love that nothing could ever cause to falter.
The deepest love for family which transcends millennia.

Some joy *could be gained from eliminating him from our thoughts so very long ago.
But those would be precious seconds wasted.

I will say a single thank you, for providing a perfect example of how not to lead ones life.
and no, I will never, ever visit your grave.

Hug your mum today! 8^) ❤️

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16 minutes ago, Maryanne Solo said:

Hug your mum today! 8^) ❤️

Well, yes, always, right?

Maryanne, I'm so sorry that your father was like this, and that you and your family had to endure what you obviously did. I suppose that what Maddy said, above, is relevant: that you made it through, and have accomplished what you did, is owing to your own efforts and your own merits. And for that, you deserve recognition, not merely for making your own destiny, but also for overcoming so much.

Have there been no men in your life who have been positive influences, though?

If not, I'm doubly, triply sorry.

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Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

If not, I'm doubly, triply sorry.

No reason to be sorry whatsoever. ☺️

I laugh out loud at what I am capable of achieving. I will smile for eternity at the joy of every single day.
We deal with our hand of fate and although it has been complicated at times, my life is much easier than many many others.
Which  is why I spend my (current) time assisting students with cognitive disabilities I suppose.
Life is bliss. I made it that way. 🥰 

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My Dad who adopted me accepting me without question knowing the abusive history and health issues that I came with. He was the first and only parent I've ever known except for my Godmother who has been there for me almost my entire life. He was my best friend, my nurse, my cheerleader and teacher. He was my entire world. He was unconditional love, strength, kindness, intelligence, patience and bravery. When I lost him ten years ago, my heart broke. It will never fully recover nor ever be the same. He was and will always be everything. He was an incredibly beautiful person. ❤️

My hubby here. He is someone my dad would of approved of. He accepted me without question from the outset as my dad did. He is patient, loving and super gentle with my sensitive little soul. He is quite simply the love of my life and soulmate. He is someone I never thought existed for me. The unconditional love he constantly shows to me makes me feel so completely safe, accepted and cherished. He is my best friend. The incredible intelligence and bravery he possesses is beyond words. He has taught to me to not worry about those who don't like or accept me. They simply don't matter. He makes my world a beautiful place just by being part of it. I'm forever thankful that he has graced my life. ❤️

My longtime rl friend Juan. Him and I have been friends going on 18 years. He has helped me through so many hard times in my life and his acceptance and friendship mean so much to me. Over the years, he has become part of my family. A wonderful brother that I will forever cherish. ❤️

I forgot to mention a sweet old male kitty who has passed on. His name was Tuppence. He was a sweet natured cuddle monster who loved without question. He was my lap kitty although he was too big for my lap. He also was very brave. He was a fierce hunter of bugs and protected me from them. My little hero. ❤️

Edited by LyricalBookworm
I forgot to add my furbaby on the list. ❤️
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What a wonderful topic :D

I'll start with rl first.

My sperm donor...I didn't like him,I didn't really know him, and he didn't like me. But, without his contribution, I would not have come to be. So, for that and that alone...I can recognize he had some level of importance in this world. (way to make it about myself, eh?)

My grandpa who was the first male figure in my life and my absolute best friend in the world until the day he passed away. I've talked about him here before, I don't think anyone wants to read it. But, the day he passed away, we were playing the way we always did. He was carrying me on his back when his heart actually completely exploded (this might be a bit gruesome, I apologize in advance). Despite what most research, and even folks in the medical field, will tell you...this doesn't actually cause the human body to just drop on the spot. I remember this day vividly, not just because of how sad it was, but because as an adult I can recognize that he had the wits about him to get me down, off his back and safely on the ground, plus get himself away from me so I didn't see what was about to happen...all the while he was as close to dead as one can get. I can't honestly look back on that day just for the sadness, which it very much had, but because he loved me so very much he protected me up until his very last breath, his very last second on this earth...and that brings me an odd amount of solace. He was also super into shenanigans and he's the reason I'm a hellion (or so my mom says)

 

My father, he was actually my stepfather, but we forgot to bring the step. He and my mother raised me, but he had a far greater role in my upbringing than I think most people (including him)realize. He taught me to question everything, believe in myself even when others do not, and to push every limit and every button I possibly can. He never accepted I can't, he had no qualms with handing me a hammer, rusty can of nails, some hunks of wood, and telling me to go to town, starting at the age of barely five. He taught me how to hunt, shoot, and generally take in all of the earth that I could. One could presume he knew what the future would hold, now that I think back on all of the "enjoy it all while you can" sort of moments-even if unspoken at the time. He was an amazing grandfather, father, friend, role model....and generally amazing. 

 

My second stepfather, I met him after my parents had gone as far as they could with their relationship and had split. I didn't get to know him nearly as long as I would've liked, around 14 years. He was an amazing man in every way possible. With him, too, there was no step...just family. He took us in as if he'd known us all our lives. He got to be the grandpa (papa) to my kids that my own father's passing caused him to miss. He picked pieces up when they fell down, he offered a shoulder, a hand, whatever necessary, whenever it was needed. He helped my mom in ways I can't even begin to explain, all the while also trying to help her work on some other family issues that aren't relevant here. He took on the male role model figure in my nieces' lives as well. He and my mom took them in, to raise them, give them a good home, give them everything we all wanted them to have...and he did a fabulous job. He had every intention of being their papa forever, and if life weren't as evil as it so often is..he would still be here to do just that. We like to joke that he's always around the house (here and my mom's) because we have issues with lights turning on and off, things being moved, doors, cupboards, weird noises...all the things that if you say them most people say you're crazy (I am, so, thank you)...we always say "it's just papa saying hi". An ironic, but related bit...We have had a very large box of his clothes sitting in my living room since, about a month and a half after he passed, in 2017. My son who has a very strong attachment to papa has had every intention of wearing those clothes, eventually (some didn't fit, in other cases...he just wasn't ready). A few weeks ago my son took one of the pairs of jeans out, and it fits perfectly, almost as if it's tailored to fit. Inside the pocket was a casing, a casing that went to a gun papa taught my son to shoot with, a gun that now resides somewhere safe, a gun that my son hasn't had the heart to even look at since. He smiled, tucked it back into the pocket, and now it hangs off a chain from his lamp in his room. "It's just papa"

 

Hubby...sigh...this could go on for days. We started off as friends, having met elsewhere in another game. We quickly grew to close friends, and we remained that way for a very long time-neither one wanting to rock the boat. I'll shorten that one to...obviously, now we're more than friends :D  He is my absolute rock in every single way possible. He is my safe space, my home, my better 3/4, my frackel (you're not supposed to get that), everything good thing I have ever wanted but never imagined could possibly exist. Through him, his love, his support, I can do anything at all that I want to do. He calls me on my ***** when I need it, and lets me get away with it when I need that too. He loves me in ways I never knew possible, and for reasons I never knew existed too.There is nothing I could ever do, or say that would make him turn away from me. We've been through some rough times, as anyone that has ever tried the whole "onine to rl" or "long distance" thing can tell you it's definitely not for the weak, but we've had so many amazing moments. He got me to go up into the Sears(it is NOT willis you fools!) tower, facing my absolute fear of that building and that height...he even made me go in the glass box (he knew I needed that). I'm still terrified, don't get me wrong...but I did it digging my nails into his arm, tip-toeing my way around so as to not crack the glass, or have to look down at all, lmao. He has seen me at my best, my worst and everything in between, yet his love remains unconditional. He truly gets me...even when he doesn't understand me...he gets me. No one on this planet has ever truly gotten me 100% (some come damn close...and loads try). We honestly rarely ever argue and it's always about stupid crap, never about US (as in, someone did something, or pissed the other off), it's really weird, and foreign to me...given the past before I met him. I know a lot of people say "we never fight", but may just be exaggerating a little bit..I can honestly say, we never have. We have had arguments but, we're lucky if they last fifteen minutes, lmao. I can't tell you why that is-both because I don't understand it all, and because the bits I do understand are NSFW. He's taught me to be a better me, while also giving me the room to screw up along the way..and also letting me teach him to be a better him and allowing for that same room to screw up. He helps me see, when I can't, in more ways than anyone wants to read about. He pushes me to do things that the world, and my health, suggest would be unwise (except play in traffic, he doesn't let me do that... being mostly blind and all that jazz, I appreciate that).  He's a huge part of why I have so many degrees that will really not even serve me all that well, since I won't be able to put them to good use pretty much anywhere, lol.  He helps me see things that don't even exist, let alone can be seen by the naked eye. He presents me with a world unlike any other, a world where I am free in all ways, but also safely nestled in his warmth at the very same time. Even though I make his chi chis sweat (I'm a human heater) he's my cuddle bear at night and he doesn't mind when I need that security. He's the one who scrubs my back because not only can I not see it, I have t-rex arms and can't reach it 😛  Sigh..I should shush. I loves me some him, I could literally write a novel (and I have one half started too)

 

My son...my only boy, my mama's boy. This boy (his nickname is actually boy, lmao, but he's not a little kid anymore) has brought me such great joy. He gave my girls a life lesson that not everyone gets very early on in life...that sometimes other people need help, but they might not know how to ask . You see, they spent his first three years of life, talking for him. It wasn't out of pure necessity, he just didn't have anything at all to say to anyone but me, no one else understood that. The girls always knew what he wanted though, and would gladly speak up for him, always. He has the heart of both a lion and a meek little mouse..which heart you'll see, depends on the situation. He's the first one to ask if someone needs help, no matter who that person is or what the help entails. In fact, one of the idiot hoodlums that lives not far from here (and has always been a total douchecanoe to everyone) had his car break down up the road. Despite the fact that this "kid" is an asshat of epic proportions, and nearly tried to kill him just last week with that same damn car, my son went over and helped him get the car running again. He recently redid  a huge portion of flooring that was bad at my mom's, and replaced a toilet, and fixed some other lines and plumbing too...all without even being asked (or having any inkling what he was doing, lmao, good thing we learn on the fly) He has always inspired me to seek out knowledge in as many ways as one can. He is ALWAYS learning, and teaching me something new (lately a lot about cars, and tanks, and battleships, lol), always trying new things, always pressing for more...of everything. He's really just a superb human being, and I am grateful that I got to have a front row seat and watch him turn from a clump of incomplete cells...to this superb human being. :D 

 

In sl I have had many friends that were/are males, some I would consider as close as family, at one point or another anyway. Some I have since parted ways with, but I will never forget. Some I still talk to, although very infrequently, some have sadly passed on in rl. Each and every one of them has had an impact on me, mostly in positive ways. There is one  whose name I will not mention, but he is truly an amazing person, has gone through so much hell (rl and sl) and keeps pressing forward damn whatever gets thrown his direction. He is an absolute hero-and I tell him that all the time. He does actually read these forums, and participates (used to post), so I know he'll see this. He's going through some stuff, a lot of stuff, and has had to let sl take a back seat for a bit, but he still reads the forums (and enjoys it, we talk about them all the time, lol). He knows I'm just a flashlight away :D

 

I even think quite fondly of many of the male members of this forum (avs and people behind them), even if most of them will never know.  I know for a fact that at least a couple of them dislike me greatly-so they don't get to know how great of people I think they are 😜 Others, I'm not certain the notion of me thinking fondly (not fondle people, not fondle) of them would go over all that well...and I'm cool with that. Others might want to know, but it's a bit tricky to explain without being creepy, or making this even longer. Just know...I appreciate you all, even if you hate me, don't know me, just dislike me, roll your eyes when you see my name, couldn't possibly care one way or the other...whatever have you. If you participate in these forums, you've had an impact on someone (me), and most likely a positive one, though even the negative ones can provide fruit for thought, processing and growth, right? 

Edited by Tari Landar
white spaces Tari..white spaces
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In RL, both my Dad and my grandpa.

My Dad (who died in '13, age 73), because unlike my mother he was never authoritative or violent, but rather like a big buddy. He taught us (me, and my brother who unfortunately died in 1987) some self-defense and some dancing, he taught us to be always respectful toward others, and to honestly apologize for own mistakes. He always traveled with us on our school school trips, and was respected by my (and my brother's) class-mates. However, he also could get loud when someone *really* pissed him off.

My grandfather (who died age 88 in '02) - because he "presided" over the family, being a "natural authority" without being actually authoritative. He always showed respect towards his wife, called her "my love"; and referred to her as his "better half" or as his "government", depending on who he spoke with.

He allowed me to read books that were indexed, and encouraged me to think for myself, to form my own opinions, to not just accept given answers but to question everything and look it up at the original sources if necessary (which though later gave me troubles in Civics, because I regularly discussed with the teacher). Being a hunter, he also taught those of us who were interested everything in that regard, and taught each of us kids to repair our bicycles by ourselves, to ride - and repair - a motorbike, and to understand the traffic signs (which later helped me with the driver's license). He always was glad when one of his grandchildren was interested in a subject he knew about, and encouraged us to follow that interest.

When Grandpa was angry though, he would just look at his (really big) hands, shake his head with a sigh, then he would give us a stern look above his glasses, and say "Do feel slapped in the face". It still makes me gulp remembering that, because when he did say that, it was almost too late for an apology.

After the "Wall" came down, both of them encouraged me to go get my Abitur and go to university, they encouraged me to start writing (I mean, more than just an occasional poem or short essay), and to use my knowledge for tutoring others. :)

 

ETA: Also, a former stepson of mine:

With the help of his elder sister, his mother and me, he managed to change from a special school which he attended back then because of Dyslexia, to a normal school. Simply because he was so determined to learn how to spell, that he actually memorized all the words, both hand-written and printed, and stubbornly learned to write them without mistake. He made it through 10th grade with a note 3 ("C" -grade for you Americans), managed to get an an apprenticeship and later a job as butcher - and last I've read was that he became a foreman in his job.

Edited by ThorinII
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9 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:
9 hours ago, Maryanne Solo said:

Hug your mum today! 8^) ❤️

Well, yes, always, right?

Well, no actually. This is one of my pet peeves (should this be in that thread?): The holy sanctity of mothers just because a woman had sex once and it took. I mentioned above that my father was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't mention that I have since forgiven him for the crap he dished out. My mother was worse, while without a physician's diagnosis, I believe she was a malignant narcissist. If I had been married to her, I would have been a drunk too. I have not since forgiven her. It annoys the crap out of me when I read things about mothers always being angelic. (End of my thread derailment.)

Edited by Seicher Rae
I've been too much in lurv with parentheses
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11 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Well, no actually. This is one of my pet peeves (should this be in that thread?): The holy sanctity of mothers just because a woman had sex once and it took. I mentioned above that my father was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't mention that I have since forgiven him for the crap he dished out. My mother was worse, while without a physician's diagnosis, I believe she was a malignant narcissist. If I had been married to her, I would have been a drunk too. I have not since forgiven her. It annoys the crap out of me when I read things about mothers always being angelic. (End of my thread derailment.)

I can completely understand this point of view. I'm so sorry you went through what you did. You are an incredibly brave and strong person. 

I also had a less than stellar birth mother. My mother who was a narcissistic religious nut job thought from before birth that I was evil. My first nine years on earth (before I was adopted) weren't very pleasant. I was relieved that my dad who adopted me wasn't married.

I hope that your life is in a better place now. That you are in a better place. I hope life is being kind to you. You deserve that. 

There are beautiful fathers and mothers out there as well as horribly bad ones that don't deserve a hug. We all have our experiences that shape this view. Let's just remember to be kind to ourselves and others who truly deserve that kindness because one never knows! We might be a person that makes a positive difference in another's life. This world needs more kindness.❤️

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19 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Along with him, Doctor Martin Jischke, one of my engineering professors. 

@Lindal Kidd I always imagined that Martin was an interesting person to watch in a classroom. I knew him only later in his career, after he moved into administrative roles. He had an engineer's respect for precision and the value of basic research, and a genuine belief that the heart of a university was in teaching.  He could be imposing at times, but he had a genuine smile and could dispense good advice. The best he ever gave me was to never commit anything to writing that I would be embarrassed to see on a billboard on the way to the airport.  I lost touch with him over 20 years ago as we each moved on to other things.

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1 hour ago, Seicher Rae said:

Well, no actually. This is one of my pet peeves (should this be in that thread?): The holy sanctity of mothers just because a woman had sex once and it took. I mentioned above that my father was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't mention that I have since forgiven him for the crap he dished out. My mother was worse, while without a physician's diagnosis, I believe she was a malignant narcissist. If I had been married to her, I would have been a drunk too. I have not since forgiven her. It annoys the crap out of me when I read things about mothers always being angelic. (End of my thread derailment.)

This is fair enough. As I've said above in a response to your first post here, there are no inherent virtues in being a man or woman, or, for that matter, a mother or father. There are good ones, and bad ones, in both flavours.

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10 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:
20 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Along with him, Doctor Martin Jischke, one of my engineering professors. 

@Lindal Kidd I always imagined that Martin was an interesting person to watch in a classroom. I knew him only later in his career,

Geez, did "everyone" here go to Purdue? I didn't know Dr. Jischke, though.

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9 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

I appreciate you all, even if you hate me, don't know me, just dislike me, roll your eyes when you see my name, couldn't possibly care one way or the other...whatever have you.

I'm at a loss, honestly, to understand why anyone could dislike, yet alone hate you.

Bill you for prescription glasses because of eye strain, yes. 😉 But dislike you? Nah.

Thanks for the lengthy but really quite wonderful description. I am delighted that you are surrounded by so many wonderful people (men or women)! I enjoyed reading about them, a lot.

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10 hours ago, LyricalBookworm said:

My Dad who adopted me accepting me without question knowing the abusive history and health issues that I came with. He was the first and only parent I've ever known except for my Godmother who has been there for me almost my entire life. He was my best friend, my nurse, my cheerleader and teacher. He was my entire world. He was unconditional love, strength, kindness, intelligence, patience and bravery. When I lost him ten years ago, my heart broke. It will never fully recover nor ever be the same. He was and will always be everything. He was an incredibly beautiful person.

My hubby here. He is someone my dad would of approved of. He accepted me without question from the outset as my dad did. He is patient, loving and super gentle with my sensitive little soul. He is quite simply the love of my life and soulmate. He is someone I never thought existed for me. The unconditional love he constantly shows to me makes me feel so completely safe, accepted and cherished. He is my best friend. The incredible intelligence and bravery he possesses is beyond words. He has taught to me to not worry about those who don't like or accept me. They simply don't matter. He makes my world a beautiful place just by being part of it. I'm forever thankful that he has graced my life.

My longtime rl friend Juan. Him and I have been friends going on 18 years. He has helped me through so many hard times in my life and his acceptance and friendship mean so much to me. Over the years, he has become part of my family. A wonderful brother that I will forever cherish.

I want to be careful about how I say this, because I'm not a rainbow unicorn, and I know that it is entirely possible to love, and not be loved back, and to look for support and find instead abuse.

I don't believe that "all we need is love." But I do think that when you respond with a richer, deeper strain of love to someone who does care for and value you, genuinely, for who you are, then you can deepen and strengthen that connection beyond what we generically refer to as "love."

It doesn't always work in the real world, sadly. But my sense of you is that you have a lot of love to give -- and from your own account, you've been rewarded for that.

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30 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

@Lindal Kidd I always imagined that Martin was an interesting person to watch in a classroom. I knew him only later in his career, after he moved into administrative roles. He had an engineer's respect for precision and the value of basic research, and a genuine belief that the heart of a university was in teaching.  He could be imposing at times, but he had a genuine smile and could dispense good advice. The best he ever gave me was to never commit anything to writing that I would be embarrassed to see on a billboard on the way to the airport.  I lost touch with him over 20 years ago as we each moved on to other things.

 

19 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Geez, did "everyone" here go to Purdue? I didn't know Dr. Jischke, though.

Holy cow!!!

No, I met him at the University of Oklahoma...unless there are two Martin Jischkes out there.

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37 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:
10 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

I appreciate you all, even if you hate me, don't know me, just dislike me, roll your eyes when you see my name, couldn't possibly care one way or the other...whatever have you.

I'm at a loss, honestly, to understand why anyone could dislike, yet alone hate you.

Are you serious, Scylla? Just look at Tari's walls of text. Running into one of those things is horrifying. She's our very own Richard Grossman.

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1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

This is fair enough. As I've said above in a response to your first post here, there are no inherent virtues in being a man or woman, or, for that matter, a mother or father. There are good ones, and bad ones, in both flavours.

Yes, I read that. (And of course my second comment had to do with something else you said.) I didn't respond to your first comment to my first comment because what you quoted me saying and what you answered were two, completely different subjects. I mentioned that the title of the OP was men who have made "A" difference, and that could mean differences for both good and bad. Your answer instead was a weirdly long mansplaining about what International Men's and Women's Days are and what they mean. Like, ooohkaaaay? and not sure why you bothered to quote me to lead into a tangential. 

Edited by Seicher Rae
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11 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

Just know...I appreciate you all, even if you hate me, don't know me, just dislike me, roll your eyes when you see my name, couldn't possibly care one way or the other...whatever have you.

Ah, heck, Tari. Yup, my eyes froze up at the wall o text (yup, even with you going back and inserting white space...thank you for that, by the way), but in my short time returning to the Forums I have found you to be worth reading. So I just made a mental note to go back and read you when I had time, and I did and ♥. (I was otherwise occupied frantically mashing BOAT buttons to get a Linden home and couldn't be distracted for long. :) ) (And I got one.)  You do you. Write what you write. Eff 'em if they have issues with it.

pusheen kinda like you.gif

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5 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

???

Not even. :)

 

The thread thing went from a nice celebration of the men in our lives to abusive fathers, and then abusive mothers, and it pisses me off that we can't have one freaking positive thread without it going dark. I'm not minimizing any abuse that anyone went through. Some parents should have never been allowed to procreate.

But that's not what this thread was about. 

I took my story out. I don't want my folk's beautiful story associated with this. 

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3 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

[...] that we can't have one freaking positive thread without it going dark.

This is how people go, it's the MEEEETOOOOOOO effect. One bucks the trend, others follow. To which I will leave everyone with this:

"If I try to be like you, who will be like me?"

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