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Making SL more welcoming to males


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1 minute ago, Beth Macbain said:

Click my butt if you must from across the room without speaking to me, or knowing me, but it's a sure-fire way to end up on my block list.  

 

This belongs in the thread about normal in SL but weird/creepy (funny) in RL.

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This is totally not my experience at all. I am a man and have been using a male avatar since 2006. Talking to people isn't hard if you engage with them in local chat first. Get involved in the ac

I see this has gone back down into the weeds of interpersonal disputes, so it's musical thread lock time. Fortunately, the thesis of this thread has given me inspiration. Time to lock this thread now

I'm kind of surprised that this thread hasn't been locked yet.  Far too much here for me to respond to all of what I wanted to respond to (I tried to do some before I went to bed last night but my int

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5 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I'll put it this way, you've been far more "lucky" than I have. I haven't hung out in SL clubs in over 12 years, mostly due to such places being seemingly overrun with guys that are only looking to get laid.

Oh, well, yes. There's that. But mostly the come-ons are respectful, or at least not disrespectful -- even if they are generally rather uninteresting and unimaginative.

I'm not interested in sex here either, and I make that clear in my profile. But others certainly are, and I'm fine with being approached (as much as I'd prefer not to be) so long as they're not obnoxious about it. And they very rarely are, happily for me.

7 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I came to SL for a memorial for an AW friend and ended up staying to keep from being so isolated from the rest of humanity, even though it has been my experience that most of humanity aren't the sort I'm comfortable being around. I also stayed because I couldn't keep the RL other half from seeing the far better graphics of SL as compared to AW even though I tried. Things were pretty rocky for us back then but we've managed to stay together for 20 years now.

Well, what every brought you here, we're all glad you stayed.

And 20 years? That's an accomplishment, these days (and longer than I've ever managed). So, well done. 🙂

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7 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

I actually do have a spanker... and a boob slapper, and a hair puller, but that's because I'm a big pain ho with gentlemen who have proven to me that they can handle that level of maturity, respectability, responsibility, and trust, but it also helps me weed out guys (like this one) who are of the mindset of "It's there, so I can touch it." The subway gropers, if you will. 

Click my butt if you must from across the room without speaking to me, or knowing me, but it's a sure-fire way to end up on my block list.  

 

I think it's probably a question of context?

As it was described above, I had a very difficult time banishing from my mind the sound of Beavis and Butthead giggling in accompaniment to the butt-slapping.

Edited by Scylla Rhiadra
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17 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Oh, well, yes. There's that. But mostly the come-ons are respectful, or at least not disrespectful -- even if they are generally rather uninteresting and unimaginative.

I'm not interested in sex here either, and I make that clear in my profile. But others certainly are, and I'm fine with being approached (as much as I'd prefer not to be) so long as they're not obnoxious about it. And they very rarely are, happily for me.

Well, what every brought you here, we're all glad you stayed.

And 20 years? That's an accomplishment, these days (and longer than I've ever managed). So, well done. 🙂

Yup, you're lucky. I can't remember the last time I got a "respectful" come on, if there is such a thing. Like Lyrical said, each time, no matter how politely/nicely/delicately I worded the refusal, it got me nothing but a barrage of abuse and each time they all started with "hi"/"how are you". It's rare for me to run across the ones who just want to be friends. It's why I treasure my friendship with Par so highly. He's one of those rare gems. That and he always makes me laugh even when I'm so mad I could spit or so sad the tears stream down my face. He and my RL other half have a good bit in common in that respect.

I didn't think I would ever succeed in making a relationship last more than 10 years so yeah... it's definitely an accomplishment for me. Thank you. :)

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19 hours ago, Erwin Solo said:

You can do it self-service.  The forums have an "ignore-user" button that functions much like the in-world mute button, but with more options. I've learned to never argue here; they just all pile on--whether alts or separate people, I'll never know.  

...me and my army of alts simultaneously screech, "No, we don't!"

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On 11/15/2019 at 5:37 AM, Lureo said:

Playing SL as a male is hard.

- If you need a nice avatar you have 10% of items than female

- If you want to talk with a female. You are disadvantaged. Female hate males and prefer females. (hate is maybe exagerate but at least you are not welcome) As a male I am always feeling that I disturbe.  if you approach a female she already think that the male want to ***** and try to make the conversation hard telling you that you didn''t start correctly because stating a conversation with hi is not good you need to start with more words. As male you need to be the best and do all the leading. You have not the right to be starter and to be learner. Rarely female start a conversation with male. As a male if you don't start you never talk with a female. If you go in some place people are really strange. I was for example in Franks and pleople are afk most of the time. When they are alive they are really strange and talking a strange language. then they block you.

Yes Second Life is a game for female and male are not welcome.

 

- Your first point is correct, however if males shopped more it would shift. I am guilty of seeming not interested in looking for outfits sometimes and then complaining when I can't find many. We need to show there is a market by buying.

- While I have come across the silly "I won't talk to guys/sorry for IM'ing you I will talk to your girl instead" kind of thing, many girls won't think twice about it and just talk to you if they know you are decent about it. How are you going about it? Are you IM'ing a female you see in the parcel? IM'ing anyone out of the blue, just saying hi, will often seem weird, even guys want you to get to the point. Would it hurt to just say hi back? No. But at the same time, would it hurt to just say hi everyone in local and see what happens?

Your biggest problem relates to your last sentence. Its a common issue and you are not alone. Second Life is a virtual world, and not a game. I think the biggest issue a lot of folks have when finding their way in Second Life is they approach it as a game. Approach people the way you would in the real world. In a real world setting, if you meet a girl, you wouldn't grab her wrist, pull her off to a corner where nobody can hear and whisper hi would you? No. So why IM if all you have to say is hi?

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14 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Perhaps just directing people to the knowledge base.

Oooooooooo, I never knew that was there.  

When I started here I was using the SEARCH the forums area and when I'd type in things like "mesh head" it brought up about 50,000 plus threads that no one would have the time to go through....I was having difficult finding any information with forums SEARCH.  I can Google things like 'Second Life what is the Aditi Grid' for example.  So, I use Google to find a lot of information on SL and it's very helpful.  

Anyhow, I was assuming the KNOWLEDGE BASE was the forum SEARCH.

Learn something new everyday!  Thanks!  

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7 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

Click my butt if you must from across the room without speaking to me, or knowing me, but it's a sure-fire way to end up on my block list.  

Not necessary.  I have an avatar scanner.  Free for everyone on my MP.  Primary use of scanner is for people to learn the creator of clothing they see in the wild, and might potentially want to buy.  Beyond that, what one is wearing does provide some information on the sports in which one participates.  Some women wear the most interesting things, many of which would appear to be intended to make SL more welcoming to males, which, after all, is the topic of this thread. 

My impression is that all genders, by and large, go out of their way to make SL more welcoming to males. SL is profoundly welcoming to males, in my experience.

Edited by Erwin Solo
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20 minutes ago, Erwin Solo said:

Not necessary.  I have an avatar scanner.  Free for everyone on my MP.  Primary use of scanner is for people to learn the creator of clothing they see in the wild, and might potentially want to buy.  Beyond that, what one is wearing does provide some information on the sports in which one participates.  Some women wear the most interesting things, many of which would appear to be intended to make SL more welcoming to males, which, after all, is the topic of this thread. 

My impression is that all genders, by and large, go out of their way to make SL more welcoming to males. SL is profoundly welcoming to males, in my experience.

Sorry that the point flew over your head.

I don’t care if someone inspects me from head to toe to see what I’ve got attached. I do care, however, if a stranger takes it upon himself to spank me just because I’m wearing a spanker.

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On 11/16/2019 at 6:26 AM, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I thought so too . . . except that I'm not sure why it would be useful to hear if there is a "slapping" sound?

Probably you're right, though. Spankers (and whoopee cushions) sound like about the appropriate level of sophistication.

Hey so don't laugh... but spankers actually work as great icebreakers.

Picture the scene; you're standing/walking/sitting somewhere minding your own business, when suddenly your spanker activates. Cue the sound effect, the text in local... and start a two minute timer. Because once that timer is up, you'll know if the spanker-person is a creepy lecher you'd rather avoid, or if they're simply playful/flirty.

It speeds up the "is this guy/girl to be avoided or are they okay?" phase, and skips the awkward introduction phase of a conversation. Honestly a win-win.

Edit: And if you run into one of "those types" that mashes the spanker like it's an arcade game, you don't even need to talk to them before blocking them!

Edited by AyelaNewLife
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8 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

Sorry that the point flew over your head.

I don’t care if someone inspects me from head to toe to see what I’ve got attached. I do care, however, if a stranger takes it upon himself to spank me just because I’m wearing a spanker.

I honestly don't understand this. Most spankers have a "whitelist" mode, where you can specify names who can activate the spanker, if you don't want strangers using it. But if you have yours set to public access... why would you get annoyed if people use it?

(YMMV depending on brand of spanker, of course. And obviously there are those that take things too far; and yeah they can "go forth and multiply".)

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3 hours ago, AyelaNewLife said:

I honestly don't understand this. Most spankers have a "whitelist" mode, where you can specify names who can activate the spanker, if you don't want strangers using it. But if you have yours set to public access... why would you get annoyed if people use it?

(YMMV depending on brand of spanker, of course. And obviously there are those that take things too far; and yeah they can "go forth and multiply".)

If you are interested, you might type keywords like these into your favorite search engine: psychology today female competition.  Perhaps vary the words depending on your interest.  For example, adding the word "academic" changes the mix of articles.

One of the common competitive techniques is to articulate and support norms of low-availability in public discourse to reduce competition, and then provide substantially more availability in private to gain competitive advantage.  

Like many behaviors, observation in arranged social experiments provides significantly different results than those gained through direct questionnaires (e.g., the broader narrative here).  The key point is not that people are dishonest in questionnaires--though there does seem to be a level of 'spin' in questionnaire responses--rather it seems that the subconscious drives much of the behavior. 

This relates to the thread topic, "Making SL more welcoming to males," in that a certain level of discouragement (sometimes articulated in this thread) is just part of a social ritual. 

Edited by Erwin Solo
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4 hours ago, AyelaNewLife said:

I honestly don't understand this. Most spankers have a "whitelist" mode, where you can specify names who can activate the spanker, if you don't want strangers using it. But if you have yours set to public access... why would you get annoyed if people use it?

(YMMV depending on brand of spanker, of course. And obviously there are those that take things too far; and yeah they can "go forth and multiply".)

Ditto. If I see an avatar wearing clickies in a public place, Imagonnaclickem. LOL Not always, but when I'm in a mischievous mood, I figure well, if they're wearing it, then there is a reason, may as well give them their money's worth, right?

Edited by Alyona Su
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5 hours ago, AyelaNewLife said:

I honestly don't understand this. Most spankers have a "whitelist" mode, where you can specify names who can activate the spanker, if you don't want strangers using it. But if you have yours set to public access... why would you get annoyed if people use it?

(YMMV depending on brand of spanker, of course. And obviously there are those that take things too far; and yeah they can "go forth and multiply".)

Beth has a point, but you also bring up a good one. Who can resist a big, red random button on the wall? On the other hand, I know if it was me that had attached a spanker that I would then forget I had done so and would be walking around cluelessly with one on. I do it all of the time with projection lights, much to my (and probably others') annoyance. A playful spank in that situation would leave me utterly confused (assuming I had the sound on and/or saw the local chat, which is a big assumption) and then I'd die of laughter. Key word there was "playful."

Ah, personal boundaries... ain't they grand?

Edited by Seicher Rae
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5 hours ago, AyelaNewLife said:

But if you have yours set to public access... why would you get annoyed if people use it?

I walk out of my real life house every single day with my butt. Having a butt doesn't mean that anyone can touch it, grab it, or slap it. Same in SL with the spankers. Just because it's there doesn't give anyone the right to touch it, or me. 

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