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8 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

That's obviously a great attitude to have. I'm just saddened because it would seem that, even when you're open about being an RL male at the first appropriate moment, you still never get anything other than hostile homophobia or harassment. That you've never had them simply politely excuse themselves and wish you well, not once.

'Lesbian' is the first word in the first page of my profile. Perhaps it cuts down somewhat on random dudes seeking sex, but every time a dude IMs me, I groan and go, like someone else said above, "Not again,' because almost always they wind up getting pissed with *me,* even if I try to be nice to them. Actually, I have had them get madder when I tried to be friendly instead of just telling them no, because they wasted precious time and energy on me.~

I have often thought I needed an old-school titler with something like 'HARDCORE ***** MAN-HATER' but I doubt that would be 100% effective, and would probably generate attacks from MRAs...

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8 hours ago, Gadget Portal said:

Just turn off your AO, wear a system avatar, and bump into them 2 or 3 times as you say hello. All women in SL like that.

Needs more huge 'attachment.'

Edited by Caerolle Llewellyn
remembered how touchy the Forum censors are...
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3 hours ago, Caerolle Llewellyn said:

'Lesbian' is the first word in the first page of my profile

I like lesbians they are generally good company. 

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7 hours ago, KirinGale said:

OP, so many people have responded, so IDK if my comment will have weight -- but here it goes:

There is a particular form of socialization that is unique to SL -- it has its own dialect (complete with slang, abbreviations, etc), unlike other modes of online or in-person communications. The things you are describing are not implicit to women on SL -- anyone who has been here a while generally expects a more nuanced approach to discussion. My RL bf, who has been on SL much longer than myself, can attest to the fact bland "Hello"s, "Hi"s and "What're you up to?"s do not reflect well on the messenger.

Sure, "Hi, how're you?" is a perfectly acceptable greeting on other platforms or settings, but not in SL. Many have explained that that phrase bears a heavy connotation of sexual solicitation on this platform. Most user experiences would dictate that it doesn't allude to nor elicit an interest in general discussion -- it is a pick-up line here, unless spoken in local chat or IMs with a close friend.

Not everyone is interested in dating or finding romantic hook-ups in SL, and in order to tread water more easily to figure out if a person is actually interested it's good to make general discussion first. Pick a topic about their avatar, the sim you're on -- make note and comment on something they've posted in their profile -- anything that is not a generalized or shallow greeting. 

Thank you for your comment ..all have weight to them now and will for long times ahead.It makes complete sense to me everything you mentioned. I will be adapting it to my NEW way of interacting with people in second life..Thank's again..I hope you continue to enjoy second life and with your friend also...smiles

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I don't know why this thread exists. 
A lot of women made negative experiences with "Hi, how are you" - the most logical step would be, to simple not do that. Yet you have guys coming in in random interwalls questioning it, and lowkey demanding to be threated differently despite not making an effort to BE different than the bazillions of "Yeah I didn't read your profile and I can't be bothered to think of ANYTHING so I go with the most bland, most boring, most overused phrased in SL" and be offended if threatened with the same indifference they've shown in the first place.

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8 hours ago, miaminightmare said:

As someone who predominantly runs around on feminine avatars and has that girly squeaky voice that refuses to go away, I'll add my two lindens.

I have extreme social anxiety and tend to mind my own business when I'm out and about. There are some occasions where I'll say hello to someone to simply ask what they're wearing because I like it and want to know where it came from, but most of the time I'm just wandering around and eyeballing everything.

Most of the time I'll say something back if I receive a message, but it depends on the situation and what they said. What I've experienced in the past determines how I'm going to react going on, and if I don't feel comfortable or it's plainly obvious what they're after, I'm not going to respond. There's also been some extremes, where my response was just to log off for the night because it straight up spooked me. The last time I went shopping for goth clothing I was approached by a man demanding I be their RL girlfriend and then immediately threatened suicide right after.

I tend to also not reply when I'm out at events that have adult themes to them, such as Kinky or XXX, because it's pretty much the same "Hi -> Flirt/Intimate Question" routine. Same for any adult themed stores.

because it's pretty much the same "Hi -> Flirt/Intimate Question" routine. Same for any adult themed stores.

I don't agree with the word [Hi }and having it associated with flirting ...please for goodness  make a different between it.

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15 minutes ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I don't know why this thread exists. 
A lot of women made negative experiences with "Hi, how are you" - the most logical step would be, to simple not do that. Yet you have guys coming in in random interwalls questioning it, and lowkey demanding to be threated differently despite not making an effort to BE different than the bazillions of "Yeah I didn't read your profile and I can't be bothered to think of ANYTHING so I go with the most bland, most boring, most overused phrased in SL" and be offended if threatened with the same indifference they've shown in the first place.

I never said..it was the only approach I used...there are many more I know that and I use them in the appropriate place with the appropriate person that I ((intend)) on following up on a different road..shying away from a simple ..yes simple Hi ..how are you ?

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12 hours ago, Skell Dagger said:

Let's take a look at what you tagged this post with, shall we?

tags.png.f14537b4bd2862ed45303ebb769fe925.png

 

friendships

all

one of a kind

old style

loyal

partnership

thought

exploring

guidelines

first time

conversation

ALL...the ones you missed..in case you had a point to make ?..I'll come back later to check on your answer still about those you outlined and hopefully to the rest...as they were all put together under one roof..smiles to you politely...and  adds ( Hi..how are you ? )

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This is what matters:

Your opening line.

Your username and display name.

How your avi looks.

What's in your profile, especially your picks. No picks is also a measure. 

Then what you go on to say.

I go out hunting for a most elusive prey. It's hard to find in world. That prey is interesting and engaging conversation.

When I get a hit, the points above matter. 

That's how it works.......

 

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26 minutes ago, Krave4it said:

ALL...the ones you missed..in case you had a point to make ?..I'll come back later to check on your answer still about those you outlined and hopefully to the rest...as they were all put together under one roof..smiles to you politely...and  adds ( Hi..how are you ? )

Of course he had a point to make and you have deliberately? missed it.   Why did the word doms need to even be a tag for your post? Or any of the other words Skell highlighted.

 

Edited by Cindy Evanier
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1 hour ago, Krave4it said:

because it's pretty much the same "Hi -> Flirt/Intimate Question" routine. Same for any adult themed stores.

I don't agree with the word [Hi }and having it associated with flirting ...please for goodness  make a different between it.

The -> means that's what's next. As in, hi leads to this. I'm not dumb.

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14 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

 

furry_002.thumb.png.39b823d29754c325262281c8cc256284.png

Rawr.

 

Is there any avatar type you don't look good in?! You are making it really difficult for all of us!

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1 hour ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Of course he had a point to make and you have deliberately? missed it.   Why did the word doms need to even be a tag for your post? Or any of the other words Skell highlighted.

 

Because the post is spam. Surprise!

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6 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I don't know why this thread exists. 
A lot of women made negative experiences with "Hi, how are you" - the most logical step would be, to simple not do that. Yet you have guys coming in in random interwalls questioning it, and lowkey demanding to be threated differently despite not making an effort to BE different than the bazillions of "Yeah I didn't read your profile and I can't be bothered to think of ANYTHING so I go with the most bland, most boring, most overused phrased in SL" and be offended if threatened with the same indifference they've shown in the first place.

 

6 hours ago, Krave4it said:

because it's pretty much the same "Hi -> Flirt/Intimate Question" routine. Same for any adult themed stores.

I don't agree with the word [Hi }and having it associated with flirting ...please for goodness  make a different between it.


You get what I'm saying?

 

6 hours ago, Krave4it said:

I never said..it was the only approach I used...there are many more I know that and I use them in the appropriate place with the appropriate person that I ((intend)) on following up on a different road..shying away from a simple ..yes simple Hi ..how are you ?

I didn't say it was YOUR only approach. What I am saying is, that guys come here often to complain that women react negatively on "Hi how are you" and then not accept the reasoning the very same women give them. Because the answer is as simple as the question. It bothers us. Why do we have to explain ourselfs and discuss this over and over again? That gets tiresome after a while.

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This conversation has occurred so many times over the years on so many forums I'm beginning to think no one knows what search is, much less how to use it.

 

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1 hour ago, Selene Gregoire said:

This conversation has occurred so many times over the years on so many forums I'm beginning to think no one knows what search is, much less how to use it

 

But, but, but... that's a different subject. And if the OP search for this subject then the elite-greater-than-thou types would come out of the woodwork scolding them for reviving a nerco'd thread. 

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13 hours ago, Caerolle Llewellyn said:

Needs more huge 'attachment.'

I even scripted mine to make a 'boing' sound on each collision. 

I know it's working great because I get nonstop IMs from women. I don't even need to read them. 

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Why do I immediately think about sex when a random guy says " Hi, how are you?"  It's because I've been a female gamer long enough to know that a guy doesn't randomly come up to me and talk to me without having a motive.    I've had guys come up and tell me that I have the voice of a phone sex operator,randomly send me unasked for d*ck pics,give me a theme song with a very NSFW name, been stalked in game and had friends and guildies contacted saying I'm a bad person, because I'm "mean",  had to sit through a 5 minute lecture because " just because you have boobs doesn't mean you get dibs on loot", etc. 

I've tried putting myself on a Friends wall at a dating agency, at the encouragement of a friend, and that was disastrous.  The guys who contacted me weren't interested in being friends.  One took me to his "dungeon" and said that I could dance for him, as he had a dance pole in there.  I had a guy I met at a club send me the Mama Allpa hud because " we'd make beautiful babies together".  This was 2 days after I met him and I hadn't talked to him much since that meeting in the club.  I've had random guys message me and straight up ask me if I wanted to F. 

So, experience tells me that guys usually have a motive, especially in SL, when they ask a woman they've never met before " Hi. How are you?"  I'd be polite (because I was raised that way) and respond, but I'd be leery until finding out what the guy really wanted. 

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On 11/10/2019 at 9:23 PM, Krave4it said:

I was not saying I know what women are thinking. Iam as a man wondering why woman do think It's about sex when I just say Hi ?

 

Because it usually is. 

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9 hours ago, Krave4it said:

in case you had a point to make ?..I'll come back later to check on your answer still about those you outlined and hopefully to the rest...as they were all put together under one roof..smiles to you politely...and  adds ( Hi..how are you ? )

tenor.gif?itemid=5634718

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Well I haven't had the experiences that some of you have had in regards to the "hi, how are you".    Maybe because I don't really go anywhere so I haven't had the chance to get jaded.   I have actually had some pretty decent conversations with some guys that started out with "hi, how are you".   My usual response when asked that is "fine, how are you doing"  yup I am pretty boring!  😁

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On ‎11‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 7:07 AM, Krave4it said:

yes ..I can imagine that...smiles...that's where I find it hard to chat with people here in sl...I like chatting and getting to know people from all around the world and especially the different culture 

Let me give you a small advice. Fill in your profile. I have peeked at it and, -but for a little bit in the first life tab- it's otherwise, completely blank. Write in there something about you, likes and dislikes, what  you do enjoy doing in SL, whatever, add in some picks to  places you like and you might see women being more willing to start a conversation with you. Also, perhaps to hide the adult groups in your profile might help. Truth is that guys with an empty profile and adult/sex related groups in their profile are 9 out of 10 times only looking for sex. If you are not one of them, try to stand out from the others

Edited by Amelia Mitchell
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15 hours ago, Krave4it said:

 

I don't agree with the word [Hi }and having it associated with flirting ...please for goodness  make a different between it.

what you pretend you don't understand is that approaching someone in IM is personal, intimate. If you are in a club or shop and you talk on the local chat then it is not intimate. if you send me an IM it is like whispering in my ear. Imagine that you are approaching a woman in the real world: in a way she reacts when you greet her and hears everyone else, in another way when you whisper to her ear.
In which case do you think she'll hit you with her purse in your head?
me.. hmm. lets see..I'm not going to think you want  sex, but about asking for money. Lately, I have met more beggars than sexually obsessed.

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