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Just now, Krave4it said:

May I ask you something seriously here...if you meet someone in sl...do you start your conversation with ...Hi im not after you for sex but I simply wanted to start a simple get to know you conversatios ?

Nope, nor did I suggest that approach. There are endless ways to start a conversation that indicate your interest isn’t sexual. I gave you an example.

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1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Nope, nor did I suggest that approach. There are endless ways to start a conversation that indicate your interest isn’t sexual. I gave you an example.

Let's admit though that a conversation does start with a nice HI ..followed by How are you ?..can we agree on that..smiles

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Just now, Krave4it said:

Let's admit though that a conversation does start with a nice HI ..followed by How are you ?..can we agree on that..smiles

No, we can’t agree on that. You’ve already determined it doesn’t work well and there are threads here explaining why. I don’t think, in my eleven years here, I’ve ever used that approach. 

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7 minutes ago, Krave4it said:

yes ..I can imagine that...smiles...that's where I find it hard to chat with people here in sl...I like chatting and getting to know people from all around the world and especially the different culture 

I think what’s probably more off-putting is the poorly timed IM. Local chat has a lot less of the I’m hitting on you vibe.

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1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

No, we can’t agree on that. You’ve already determined it doesn’t work well and there are threads here explaining why. I don’t think, in my eleven years here, I’ve ever used that approach. 

If I understand what your saying ..and please do correct me if I'm wrong..your saying you have never opened up a conversation by saying Hi..how are you ?

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2 minutes ago, Lyssa Greymoon said:

I think what’s probably more off-putting is the poorly timed IM. Local chat has a lot less of the I’m hitting on you vibe.

 

3 minutes ago, Lyssa Greymoon said:

I think what’s probably more off-putting is the poorly timed IM. Local chat has a lot less of the I’m hitting on you vibe.

True ..I do agree with you..local chat could be better..but when your in a sim with many people around and local chat is non stop boiling up and I want to talk to person next to me ,I felt it was easier to send an IM..I guess maybe I'll continue in the local chat in the near future seeing that it could be seen as you put it...thank you for that suggestion.🙂

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its not the "hi how are you" part i dislike, its what comes after... "how old?" and its not how old in sl they are after but RL age (FAIL!!) and "what are you looking for?" (Bigger fail!!).

im new user support in an official gateway(with the tag to show it on) and partnered. still i get about 10-15 a day(on a slow day) IMs that after the first interrogation questions comes to the point .. sex me... or simply they tp out and send a tp to some seedy adult place...

and you wonder what we think of men???

i can handle it but new females landing where i work gets swamped with sexIMs as soon as they land - i KNOW this is true cos i test it from time to time by making a new avatar. 

ok so not all men are sexual predators and hi how are you can sometimes lead to an interesting conversation but im sorry to say its very very rare...

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Hi, how are you does instantly put me on alert for the s e x questions or the silence after I reply because I know I just got a ticket in the lottery of a guy IMing every female avatar in the place waiting for one to bite.   (10 years of experience)   

Now if someone IM's me with a different opening sentence maybe a few more words, the reason why you messaged me.  Make me laugh.  Be original.  Indicate you have bothered to check my profile and worked out something about me or a common interest.  Just anything other than  Hi, how are you?  (or worse:  Hi HRU)

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9 hours ago, Krave4it said:

why woman do think It's about sex when I just say Hi ?

I am not a woman in RL but I often present femme in SL and 90% of the time when a guy IMs me with "Hi, how are you", I reply with "Fine, thanks", and the next questions are where do I live and how old am I in RL. To these, I answer them (sometimes truthfully), then also immediately add that I am actually a guy. This nearly always ends in the other guy calling me a sicko, or a pervert, or just blocking me without any further word. That proves without doubt that the other guy was only interested in sex. And it happens almost every time that a conversation begins with "Hi, how are you?"

The other 10% where it doesn't end that way is when the guy replies with "Thats OK, I think shemales are hot". In that case it ends with me blocking him.

I have never experienced a "Hi, how are you" ending in a mutually interesting conversation. Not once, ever.

9 hours ago, Krave4it said:

You say "the immediate thought is what does he want "...well he want to say Hi ..and have a meaningful conversation .

The guys who want to have a meaningful conversation will never, ever begin with "Hi, how are you". They begin with "Hi, I saw such and such in your profile" or something similar to that. In other words, they state the reason for IMing me right there in that first initial IM. And neither that IM nor any part of the following conversation has anything to do with RL. (Except in my case, sometimes when they enquire about my missing arm).

6 hours ago, Krave4it said:

May I ask you something seriously here...if you meet someone in sl...do you start your conversation with ...Hi im not after you for sex but I simply wanted to start a simple get to know you conversatios ?

6 hours ago, Krave4it said:

If I understand what your saying ..and please do correct me if I'm wrong..your saying you have never opened up a conversation by saying Hi..how are you ?

 

No, never, to either of these. I always say "Hi...I saw such and such in your profile..." (or whatever the reason was for me IMing them in the first place).

Edited by Matty Luminos
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21 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

I am not a woman in RL but I often present femme in SL and 90% of the time when a guy IMs me with "Hi, how are you", I reply with "Fine, thanks", and the next questions are where do I live and how old am I in RL. To these, I answer them (sometimes truthfully), then also immediately add that I am actually a guy. This nearly always ends in the other guy calling me a sicko, or a pervert, or just blocking me without any further word. That proves without doubt that the other guy was only interested in sex. And it happens almost every time that a conversation begins with "Hi, how are you?"

The other 10% where it doesn't end that way is when the guy replies with "Thats OK, I think shemales are hot". In that case it ends with me blocking him.

I have never experienced a "Hi, how are you" ending in a mutually interesting conversation. Not once, ever.

The guys who want to have a meaningful conversation will never, ever begin with "Hi, how are you". They begin with "Hi, I saw such and such in your profile" or something similar to that. In other words, they state the reason for IMing me right there in that first initial IM. And neither that IM nor any part of the following conversation has anything to do with RL. (Except in my case, sometimes when they enquire about my missing arm).

 

No, never, to either of these. I always say "Hi...I saw such and such in your profile..." (or whatever the reason was for me IMing them in the first place).

I thank you for your thought on this subject and also appreciate your honesty.I have started a conversation with Hi and how are you cause there wasn't anything to be read in a profile...another time I did read the profile and without bombarding the person with full of questions I started with Hi ..how are you ? wanting to follow up with ..the reason I was messaging in the first place....and I was told by this woman ...do I have F... me written all over my forehead ? I stayed polite and excused myself from having messaged followed by ..I only wanted to know where in Canada you come from as I have lived their myself!..I didn't close the conversation right after she kinda told me to go F.. myself for the simple reason that I did understand and still do understand that many women will think Oh ! and he probably wants sex !!...I must say ladies that I have seen many woman who answered to this simple thought I had about  "what women think " only with the thought of { if a man says Hi to me, immediately you think they all want to make love to you "..I find it somewhat sad that men and women have lost a connection between them without involving any sexual thoughts to it.Yes I ..... said.... both.. Men and Woman/not only women. I do apologize to all of you for the bad experiences you may of had from all the jerks in and out of Second Life...smiles to you all..without thinking of nothing more then a smile to you all.

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1 hour ago, Matty Luminos said:

I am not a woman in RL but I often present femme in SL and 90% of the time when a guy IMs me with "Hi, how are you", I reply with "Fine, thanks", and the next questions are where do I live and how old am I in RL. To these, I answer them (sometimes truthfully), then also immediately add that I am actually a guy. This nearly always ends in the other guy calling me a sicko, or a pervert, or just blocking me without any further word. That proves without doubt that the other guy was only interested in sex. And it happens almost every time that a conversation begins with "Hi, how are you?"

The other 10% where it doesn't end that way is when the guy replies with "Thats OK, I think shemales are hot". In that case it ends with me blocking him.

Do you ever get a "sorry mate, didn't realise, have a good one"? 

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2 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

You guys really like stuffing that troll, don't you? 😁

Troll | Definition of Troll by Merriam-Webster

 

https://www.merriam-webster.com › dictionary › troll

2 : a person who intentionally antagonizes others online by posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content Internet trolls In the late 1980s, Internet users adopted the word "troll" to denote someone who intentionally disrupts online communities.— Calling another a Troll to me is offensive ...please do show me after reading the meaning of TROLL...where and when you believe I have been all this to you and every other person here..thank you and do take care.

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3 minutes ago, Krave4it said:

Calling another a Troll to me is offensive ...please do show me after reading the meaning of TROLL...where and when you believe I have been all this to you and every other person here..thank you and do take care.

I called you a troll, because to me your thread seemed very staged. Like, not a question coming from an honest place of curiosity, but something done with the knowledge and intention to get some feathers ruffled in the forum. That, to me, is a troll. A person, who makes threads and comments with the goal of causing a stirr for their own entertainment.

The explaination that this must be a troll thread seemed more likely to me, than the possibility, that someone would sincerly start a thread with "all women...", continue their stance that all women are incapeable of thinking anything else and that they are (obviously) at fault, because no matter what their overwhelming experiance has been, no male avatar should ever be subjected to the assumption, that he too, only intents to get in a womans pants.

I now see from your reply to Matty, that this is based on a personal experiance you (recently?) made. That could explain the weird feeling I had about this threads style. Its oddly specific. So... I'm sorry for the troll assumption. Personally I answer every IM I get, no matter what they say (ok, except for begging and bots ofc). My first thought at "hi how are you?" from a male avatar is not directly "oh, he wants sex", but more along the lines of "oh, another one". Mainly because the majority of those conversations end up being kind of fruitless. A bit of a personal anecdote here: When I joined SL, it actually took me a while to get used to answering "how are you". I always felt unsure how to reply, as I heard the person asking doesn't really want an indepth reply or even an honest one. I'm a perfect example of someone comming from a culture that is not tuned to small talk, I guess. And often enough, the conversation just dripples out after the lonly "hi how are you" has been answered, instead of getting a conversation rolling.

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1 hour ago, Krave4it said:

[...] I started with Hi ..how are you ?wanting to follow up with ..the reason I was messaging in the first place....and I was told by this woman ...do I have F... me written all over my forehead? [...]

Whoever goes postal on you for a “hi”, you’re entitled to think she’s not just judgmental but quite possibly paranoid, and no one would blame you for disliking those.

But out of such extremes, you also say that some just seem ‘reluctant’ to answer your “hi”... and you all but assume that that’s their thinking. Well, there you go: you’re assuming things, too. It’s a generalization, which is why you’re getting the equivalent generalization for an answer: “experience”.

Of course not all (or even most) women assume that. Some could be simply half-AFK, busy, not good conversationalists... or merely waiting to see what’s the actual purpose of the conversation, if any at all—there’s ongoing threads on the issue of people opening with a “hi” and leaving it almost exactly there, or at any rate charging the other with almost the entire weight of the conversation. Sex isn’t all that often mentioned, and believe me: in some cases, I almost ended up wishing they did ask for it, because then at least I’d know, after half an hour of inanities, what in the name of all bleeping hells they wanted.

My point being: many of those conversations lasted that much, precisely because I did not assume it was about that. I wouldn’t have even responded to the initial “hi”, otherwise.

Edited by Ren Toxx
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5 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

I called you a troll, because to me your thread seemed very staged. Like, not a question coming from an honest place of curiosity, but something done with the knowledge and intention to get some feathers ruffled in the forum. That, to me, is a troll. A person, who makes threads and comments with the goal of causing a stirr for their own entertainment.

The explaination that this must be a troll thread seemed more likely to me, than the possibility, that someone would sincerly start a thread with "all women...", continue their stance that all women are incapeable of thinking anything else and that they are (obviously) at fault, because no matter what their overwhelming experiance has been, no male avatar should ever be subjected to the assumption, that he too, only intents to get in a womans pants.

I now see from your reply to Matty, that this is based on a personal experiance you (recently?) made. That could explain the weird feeling I had about this threads style. Its oddly specific. So... I'm sorry for the troll assumption. Personally I answer every IM I get, no matter what they say (ok, except for begging and bots ofc). My first thought at "hi how are you?" from a male avatar is not directly "oh, he wants sex", but more along the lines of "oh, another one". Mainly because the majority of those conversations end up being kind of fruitless. A bit of a personal anecdote here: When I joined SL, it actually took me a while to get used to answering "how are you". I always felt unsure how to reply, as I heard the person asking doesn't really want an indepth reply or even an honest one. I'm a perfect example of someone comming from a culture that is not tuned to small talk, I guess. And often enough, the conversation just dripples out after the lonly "hi how are you" has been answered, instead of getting a conversation rolling.

I see that some confusion came out of this subject due to the way I have written my thought/question/interrogation I had on this subject...I have not explained myself properly witch has lead to some confusion..I may not have the "perfect words "as many of you have..I missed some finesse to what I posted...I appreciate that you have answered back to me. I also have difficulty to answer a simple [ how are you ] because mostly in this fast paste world called sl..many don't really want to know How You Are..there just being polite to ask...I come from a background that has instated in me ..don't ask if you don't care to know...so when people ask ..how are you ? and i'm down in the dumps ..I want to be able to tell them exactly how I feel...I see where your coming from on that matter...maybe  it could be a whole different  subject to talk about in a different Blog..laughs...this was my first blog ever..I'm glad I've lives through it to still be alive to  have had the opportunity to speak with you. I see how kind heartted you are I kindly appreciate your honesty.

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3 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

You guys really like stuffing that troll, don't you? 😁

 

28 minutes ago, Ren Toxx said:

Whoever goes postal on you for a “hi”, you’re entitled to think she’s not just judgmental but quite possibly paranoid, and no one would blame you for disliking those.

But out of such extremes, you also say that some just seem ‘reluctant’ to answer your “hi”... and you all but assume that that’s their thinking. Well, there you go: you’re assuming things, too. It’s a generalization, which is why you’re getting the equivalent generalization for an answer: “experience”.

Of course not all (or even most) women assume that. Some could be simply half-AFK, busy, not good conversationalists... or merely waiting to see what’s the actual purpose of the conversation, if any at all—there’s ongoing threads on the issue of people opening with a “hi” and leaving it almost exactly there, or at any rate charging the other with almost the entire weight of the conversation. Sex isn’t all that often mentioned, and believe me: in some cases, I almost ended up wishing they did ask for it, because then at least I’d know, after half an hour of inanities, what in the name of all bleeping hells they wanted.

My point being: many of those conversations lasted that much, precisely because I did not assume it was about that. I wouldn’t have even responded to the initial “hi”, otherwise.

I believe this is the first answer to a long conversation about a ..Hi ..how are you ?...I have ever seen...I MUST SAY..you have put a smiles on my face and made me truly laugh out..all in a good way..very refreshing what you have written ..and MOST of ALL..strait to the point..Thank you very much for the excellent eye opener I needed to try and get across with all the rest of what I've written on this subject...I honestly never thought much about Blogs before..but believe me now ..I will remember this one for ages to come..thanks for the cheering up and graceful interpretation on your understanding about this whole ..Hi ...How are you...smiles**** and still laughing.

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4 hours ago, Krave4it said:

I have started a conversation with Hi and how are you cause there wasn't anything to be read in a profile...

In that case why did you even want to start talking to her in the first place? If there's nothing to go on, what else was it that made you think there would be anything worth talking about?  If it was something about her avatar (other than how sexy/attractive you think she is) then go ahead and say it. If it's something she said in local chat, then go ahead and respond to what she said. Whatever you want to say, say it immediately, in your first IM. 

But if there is literally nothing beyond physical attractiveness - move on and talk to someone else instead. 

 

4 hours ago, Krave4it said:

another time I did read the profile and without bombarding the person with full of questions I started with Hi ..how are you ? wanting to follow up with ..the reason I was messaging in the first place....and I was told by this woman ...do I have F... me written all over my forehead ? I stayed polite and excused myself from having messaged followed by ..I only wanted to know where in Canada you come from as I have lived their myself!..

OK, her rudeness was over the top there, but for you, a better approach would be for your initial IM to omit "Hi, how are you" altogether and jump in with "Excuse me, I noticed from your profile that you're Canadian - I lived in [Ontario/BC/Quebec/etc] myself for x years, loved it, etc etc".

I think you'll have a lot better success if you just forget that "Hi how are you" are words that even exist at all. Start with "Excuse me," (for basic politeness) and follow it up in the same IM with your reason for IMing her.  

And if your reason for IMing is purely that the avatar is attractive to you, now imagine that this person is male in RL and has a male avatar instead of a female one. Do you still want to get to know them? If not, forget it. 

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4 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Image6.jpg.00ba10f1a7100a4e138a977cefd14ed7.jpg

Aww its ok. It makes them self-selecting and informs me that they weren't worth my attention in the first place. 

I think often the times where they just say "Hi how are you?" and then go silent after my response is because they only just then looked at my profile and realised I was a guy. I did get one say "You're pretty good-looking, for a queer," which was a very back-handed "compliment".

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11 hours ago, Krave4it said:

If I understand what your saying ..and please do correct me if I'm wrong..your saying you have never opened up a conversation by saying Hi..how are you ?

That's correct. "Hi, how are you?" is a throwaway greeting. You should not be surprised to see it thrown away. I don't greet new people if I'm not interested in further conversation. Conversation takes time and attention and it's my responsibility to signal, via my greeting, that a response will be worth the effort. As I said, I do that by observing something about the person or context that shows I'm paying attention and that my intent is to make them smile. Why would anyone respond to me if I don't seem like a better use of their time and energy than whatever is engaging them at the moment?

I don't take offense if my advance is ignored, nor do I presume any particular reasoning for failure to respond. The people I greet have not had time to assess me or the situation. All they know is what they see in my introduction. That introduction is possibly my only opportunity to both indicate my intent and demonstrate my ability to hold up my end of a pleasant conversation. For the most part, it's gone well.

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20 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

Aww its ok. It makes them self-selecting and informs me that they weren't worth my attention in the first place. 

That's obviously a great attitude to have. I'm just saddened because it would seem that, even when you're open about being an RL male at the first appropriate moment, you still never get anything other than hostile homophobia or harassment. That you've never had them simply politely excuse themselves and wish you well, not once.

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34 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

I did get one say "You're pretty good-looking, for a queer," which was a very back-handed "compliment".

I think you're pretty good looking for a guy, for a gal, for a queer, etc... but probably not for a furry.

How'd I do?

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