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Gopi Passiflora

I really apologize for posting this, but...I hate life.

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Not Second Life. Just...life in general. Right now, I'm just trying to vent out my anger....

I'm so different from other people. I feel like my beliefs and ideas don't fit in with the rest of society.

I know some of you will say kind words, and I really appreciate it and thank you for that, but nobody really knows how I feel....

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"Every man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life" - Robert A. Heinlein.

But, sometimes someone sends you a care package. - L. Kidd

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Just now, Lindal Kidd said:

"Every man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life" - Robert A. Heinlein.

But, sometimes someone sends you a care package. - L. Kidd

Thank you for that. That's a mantra to live by, I guess.

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39 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm so different from other people. I feel like my beliefs and ideas don't fit in with the rest of society.

Well, personally, I'd feel rather inadequate and sad if I didn't think I was different from other people. Or that I was so good at conforming to social norms that I "fit in" perfectly. What a dreary existence that would be. What a dreary person that would make me.

You're right: no one is ever going to know exactly how you feel. And yet, here you are, pretty regularly actually, connecting with people who can't possibly imagine what you are feeling, but nonetheless seem to like and respond to you. Being a part of humanity doesn't require some sort of magical ability to inhabit someone else's head: we can't do that. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.

Being really human means instead being able to connect with someone, to enjoy and value someone, precisely because they are special and different.

So, yeah. You're not just different: you're unique. There's never going to be another you. And that makes you unimaginably valuable.

So for everyone's sake, and especially for those of us here who have come to know and value you . . . take care of yourself.

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I don't even usually know how I'm really feeling. It should come as no shock, to me or anyone else, that I rarely know how others are.

I make my best effort to, which I think counts for something, sometimes, maybe, and if not, people do their best not to let me know, most of the time, sort of. I'm better at figuring out how others feel than I am my own self, usually. 

Sometimes I'm pretty sure we're just blocks in a boggle container. Life picks 'er up, gives it a  few fantastical shakes, perhaps a tumble down the stairs, a ride in the dryer, thrown off Mt. Everest, given to a pack of wild dingoes to play with, snatches us away before we lose too much of our outers, puts us in a barrel and drops us just at the top of Niagra Falls (Canadian side, of course), scoops it up in a net with a few fishes, realizes AFTER we're in the fire that..oops, we're not fishes, gives us another good wash, tumble in the dryer....

and then slowly tries to make out what we really have to say, what we really are, under that dome. We surely can't tell form inside, we're just blocks silly. 

Life's usually wrong. But what can we do? We're only along for the ride. As miserable, amazing, jolting, sometimes revolting, beautiful, heartbreaking, painful, joyous and everything else one could attribute to the ride that is life. In the end, the best advice I can give anyone, is that none of us is going to make it out of here alive, so we really shouldn't try so hard to succeed at something for which there is no true measure of success...only interpretations. As long as we take the journey, it counts. 

It's hard not to take bad things serious, and it's hard to take good things serious, but somewhere long the way we all manage finding some kind of balance, eventually. Sometimes we slip off our beaten paths, or find ourselves lost in a crowd-even a crowd that consists of only us (yes, totally possible, I get lost in my own head as many times a day as I can). Sometimes I think that's exactly what we need though. We need to get lost now and then. You'll never figure out the puzzle if you never pick it up. You're the puzzle, find your edges and work your way in, find your middle and work your way out...or do what I do and just toss the pieces in the air and hope you find them all while you're putting it back together (oh and a tip...you can make more pieces if you lose some...I always lose some)

None of that probably makes any sense to anyone but me. (even then, I'm still not sure it does, or that it's supposed to. I'm pretty odd)

But...isn't that the point? Make your own sense of things, or not, the world doesn't have to make sense to you the way it does others. You don't have to make sense to the world, or others, either. I live in a mostly nonsensical world in nearly all ways, because it makes me feel better when things are going so wonky I can't figure out up from down.  That's when I say self...because I do that you know... I say..."self, let's just not", and then I don't. (you can inject whatever you want into the not part..for me it usually means "don't try and figure this out you're going to hurt yourself stupid) 

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I really don't have the words, but just hear me out. I never liked school. I didn't fit in. I blamed that on being an only child. Maybe it isn't.  My last couple of years at school improved but never to the point I felt one of the gang.

I don't  like authority. I put that down to not having a father. Maybe it isn't. And although I may appear to do as I'm told, I'm rebellious, and always have been.

When I started work I didn't fit in. My special time is being alone doing anything I love, whether that's being creative, reading, writing, or being here in SL.

I found a path through life. I enjoy my chosen path, but I don't  conform to how most live their lives.

Find your path Gopi, it will be there somewhere. And good luck.

Edited by BelindaN
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You have inherent human worth and you are enough, as you are.

If it's possible for you...do physical activity. I know that isn't an option for everyone but if you can, do something physical, preferably outside but enjoyable indoor activity works too, while listening to music. It isn't a problem solver but it is the best antidepressant I've managed to find, along with healthy eating.

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I've never fitted in.  It used to bother me so I tried to conform, but it just hurt my soul.  There's a lot I don't say, not because it doesn't matter or I don't really believe it, but because I don't want to spend my energy on fighting all the time.  You can be sure you are not alone in what you feel.

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You are not alone in how you feel however no  one fits the neat little boxes society tries to make us; personally I rather be just me and I'm sure your the best you can be too! *gives soft hugs and shares chocolate stash*

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First, never apologize for being honest with how you feel. 

I'm not sure how old you are, or if you've ever sought professional help for the lies your brain is telling you. It's true that no one knows exactly how you feel, but many of us have been in very dark places. Your words are very familiar to me because I have been there before. 

I'm not going to give you platitudes - life absolutely does suck beyond measure sometimes. This world is messed up in many ways. It would be silly to try to pretend it isn't. For a lot of years, I went through life angry - furious - that I saw all this hideousness that others were seemingly oblivious to, and it was heavy on my shoulders. I hated life. I even had my exit plan that I was going to execute as soon as both my parents passed away. 

It was those parents who finally physically shoved me into a car and took me to a doctor and forced me to take the first step. I take medication and I will never, ever be ashamed of that. I can no more regulate the chemicals in my brain through sheer willpower than a diabetic can force their pancreas to produce insulin through sheer willpower. 

Am I oblivious to the crappy things around me? Hell no. All the medication has done is allowed me some clarity - I can't carry the weight of the world. And for all the horrible, terrible things, there are also magical, beautiful, wonderful things. There is balance. 

That's just my story, and every story is different. Every path to happiness is different. Every single person is different - magnificently different. 

Don't give up. You have a reason for being who you are even if you don't know what that reason is yet, and you have value, and are valued. You may not see that, but you are, I promise. Pinky-swear even.

Please feel free to reach out to me privately if you wish. 

Just don't give up. Please. 

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9 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Not Second Life. Just...life in general. Right now, I'm just trying to vent out my anger....

I'm so different from other people. I feel like my beliefs and ideas don't fit in with the rest of society.

I know some of you will say kind words, and I really appreciate it and thank you for that, but nobody really knows how I feel....

You may only feel that way...  I can honestly say I am that way. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't find myself wanting off this hellhole and wishing I could move to another solar system just to get away with the effed-up society/societies that exists on Earth. 

People like us must walk our own paths and we must walk them alone.

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I’ve tried fitting in, which left me feeling like a sellout.

I learned that diplomatically speaking my mind was the best compromise.

I had no control over whether other people choose to accept me, so I had to settle for being able to live with myself 🙂

Also, who listens to mean-spirited pootie-heads anyway? 
 

giphy.gif?cid=4d1e4f296e1d71db58f401fa86

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Depression, sadness, isolation, pain, etc., isn't a competitive sport. 

Everyone is allowed to feel their feelings, and no one should attempt to devalue them for anyone. The pain is very real to us, and it's the very worst for us. 

This may be a little hyperbolic, but I honestly believe that there is no one who hasn't felt all alone, different from everyone else, and as if they don't fit in anywhere at one point or another.

That doesn't mean anyone's feelings are more or less valid than anyone else's and all should be listened to with compassion. The fact is that each of us is alone unless we happen to be a Siamese twin. Alone and loneliness aren't the same thing, though. This is going to sound all hippie-dippie crunchy-granola, but one of the biggest and hardest parts of healing and finding happiness is learning to not just love yourself, but actually like yourself, and to be able to enjoy being alone because you're the most awesome person in the world to hang out with. 

I'm freaking amazing and I love my alone time because I have a blast with me. I'm comfortable with being who I am (for the most part - it's a work in progress) and I'm pretty open with who I am, weirdness and all. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. No one is. But there are some absolutely amazing people who love my cup of tea. I'm not a best-seller, or even a popular tea, but I have a very small, but loyal, army of Beth-Tea lovers. 

We're all weirdos and freaks, and that is the best thing ever! Who wants to be like anyone else? I'm me, nobody else anywhere gets to be me, there has never been a me before, and there will never be a me again, so I'm going to me my me-ness until I can me no more. 

You're the only one of you (yes, I'm quoting Taylor Swift now - #sorrynotsorry) and you should celebrate your you-ness, as should everyone else posting here, or reading this. Be a freak. No one is going to look back at their life and think, "Gee, I totally should have tried to be more normal." 

What the hell is "normal" anyway? Who defines that, and why do they get to be the purveyors of normal? Screw 'em. They aren't normal, either.

Every single one of us is a piece of an enormous puzzle and none of it works without all those pieces. Each piece is different and cannot be substituted for a different piece - that's just a fact. 

@Gopi Passiflora - Be a freaky puzzle piece. Your piece belongs with all us other freaky puzzle pieces, as does yours, @Selene Gregoire

There is no one that doesn't belong, but at different times, we all believe that we don't. 

Our brains lie to us. We can't help it, we can't stop it through wishing it away. Our brains tell us things like how we don't belong, how no one gets us, or no one loves us, the world is borked beyond repair, and all sorts of other bullsh*t. It's lying. We do belong, someone gets us, and someone loves us, probably a lot of people that we don't even realize, and this world contains an incredible amount of beauty and kindness and fabulosity. Like us, it's not perfect, but it's ours. 

At some point you... we... all of us... have to make the decision, though, about how we're going to live our lives, and for many of us, that requires reaching out to professionals for help. There is absolutely no shame in that, and anyone who tells your otherwise isn't worthy enough of being in your life. My parents took me to that doctor years ago, but I had to be the one to open my mouth and say, "Yes, everything hurts, and yes, I want to die." 

Everything doesn't hurt anymore and I do not want to die anymore. I wasn't some young kid back then, either. I was a full grown adult already looking towards middle age. It's never too late, or too soon. 

Talk to someone. Don't like them? Talk to someone else. Keep talking until you find the right psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, preacher, teacher, Quaker, baker, candle-stick maker, whatever. 

It's worth it, I promise. 

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Whenever life sucks, I think of this and it makes me smile

 

 

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Maybe you need something to distract you, I won't pretend to know what you need distracting from, but I can tell you that sometimes that's what I need. 

This is something I find quite relaxing, and distracting, at the same time. For me, it's not just the music itself, but watching how he interacts with the instruments, and how all the pieces, seemingly rather useless on their own, and needing one another to work together...can make something amazing.  That's how people are too, I think, all of our bits and pieces need to work together to create something amazing. Because everyone IS something amazing...I think anyway (which I've been told I shouldn't do, it;s bad for my health)

 

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@Beth Macbain

No amount of therapy or medication is going to change my skin color. I have no desire to be assimilated into a society that has yet to fully accept others for what and who they are.

 

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4 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

...This may be a little hyperbolic, but I honestly believe that there is no one who hasn't felt all alone, different from everyone else, and as if they don't fit in anywhere at one point or another...We're all weirdos and freaks, and that is the best thing ever! Who wants to be like anyone else? I'm me, nobody else anywhere gets to be me, there has never been a me before, and there will never be a me again, so I'm going to me my me-ness until I can me no more...

This!  Don't try to fit in...stand out!

One example...do you suppose "normal" people could have thought of, let alone created, this?

 

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/me reaches out with a virtual hand, resting it lightly on your back and patting gently.

It sucks.  Lots of us here know how it sucks and how very isolated and alone it feels. You did the smart thing though, the rational thing, the mentally healthy thing.  You didn't just sit there stewing in the misery of feeling so alone and different; you reached out and let us know that you were feeling bad. 

Nobody knows how you feel unless you tell them, and you told. I'm so glad you did, so we can tell you we care.

 

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4 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

@Beth Macbain

No amount of therapy or medication is going to change my skin color. I have no desire to be assimilated into a society that has yet to fully accept others for what and who they are.

 

There are supremacists of all skin colors...the ones with the money, the weapons and the muscle power to man those weapons.   And, all skin colors exploit others.  It depends on what country you are talking about.   This is not to diminish how you feel or what you have experienced.  There is only one human race.  

But, I understand what you are saying about discrimination and I cannot believe there hasn't been a women President yet.  Hilary just wasn't it.  I don't know if there are even any women anyone is even considering running for President of the USA currently.   America is behind the times in many ways but no country is perfect...they all have their problems.  

To the OP:  Are you a female experiencing PMS?  I don't mean this to be funny because PMS is in no way funny.  The PMS I've endured has made me so depressed and I hate everything and cry and it's horrible, and then I start my period and it goes away.  My Mom told me she used to cry for two weeks prior to her menstrual cycle.  She thought she was losing her mind and there was no one to talk to about PMS when my Mom went through it...she simply thought she was losing her mind because of this two week thing every month where she'd just cry.  

Another thing I have suffered in life is seasonal depressive disorder.  When there isn't as much sunlight in the Fall and Winter I can fall into melancholy.   If you have this, you need to walk in the sunlight and exercise a bit.  Exercise increases our endorphins.  

 

hugs

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10 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

 

To the OP:  Are you a female experiencing PMS?  I don't mean this to be funny because PMS is in no way funny.  The PMS I've endured has made me so depressed and I hate everything and cry and it's horrible, and then I start my period and it goes away.  My Mom told me she used to cry for two weeks prior to her menstrual cycle.  She thought she was losing her mind and there was no one to talk to about PMS when my Mom went through it...she simply thought she was losing her mind because of this two week thing every month where she'd just cry.  

Another thing I have suffered in life is seasonal depressive disorder.  When there isn't as much sunlight in the Fall and Winter I can fall into melancholy.   If you have this, you need to walk in the sunlight and exercise a bit.  Exercise increases our endorphins.  

 

hugs

No, I am not female. Although maybe you are right about the seasonal depressive disorder and endorphins. I guess maybe that's what I need.

But nonetheless I'd like to thank you and everyone else in this topic for your thoughtful, encouraging input! I read everything you all posted and it helped me look at things in perspective. Again, thank you! I really appreciate it!

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I won't tell you that I understand what you're going through because I feel that wouldn't be properly validating your experiences, emotions and struggles. I'm sorry you're struggling with life right now.

I've never really belonged. I was originally born into a very religious background that was really abusive. I was also born with some health conditions that went untreated until I was adopted by my Dad who was a single parent. I was home schooled and grew up Quaker. I knew from a young age that I would never be able to live on my own, I would never have children and eventually would lose the ability to be active, to drive and walk. I was also born hoh/deaf and have been slowly going completely deaf my entire life. My Dad made sure he prepared me for this the best he could and encouraged me to live my life to the fullest for as long as I could. Growing up I took voice and music lessons, I was in a community choir, did a lot of walking and bike riding the country roads I grew up around. I went on getting three degrees. One in music and two in English Literature. I was an opera singer and professor up until eight or so years ago.  I'm now in a wheelchair off and on at the age of 42. I can no longer work. What I have won't kill me. It is just debilitating at times. I never fit in besides with my Dad and church community because medical issues and disabilities don't really allow acceptance. Being different is beautiful. It is something to be embraced. Even through all the pain, I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me. I'm just sharing my experience to simply say....

You're not alone although no one is going to understand what you're going through completely, but you. Please know though, even though you feel you don't fit in society that you count. You count and you're existence is precious. Your individuality is precious. Just know that please. 💗

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The way we connect with the world (feel we are part of it and fit in) changes over time, and the time period when disengaging from the old way yet not rooted in the new way can feel extremely uncomfortable, like being lost at sea. But that's the time to discover specifics regarding how one wants to feel connected again in the new way. So if I were you, Gopi, I'd ask myself "what do I need from the world to feel a part of it again"? If you can discover the answer to those questions (and one of my favorite Women's Studies teachers frequently proclaimed "If you can ask the question you know the answer") then you can take concrete steps to bring what you need into your life. Each step in the new direction builds confidence along the way, and it has helped me to break the steps down into small ones when I need to make a psychological change or complete any task.
However if you've always felt you never fit in then it might require digging very deep, and a therapist can be a great help in dealing with such a fundamental change.

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First of all ~~ We don't know each other but catch this for me ya

tenor.gif

 noww :3

My advice is going to be a liiittle bit different than anyone else's. It's perfectly fine to love yourself and loving your company and being your own best person in the world.

BUT

~~ there's always some but's in everything. I believe in duality. Everything in nature comes in two. Light and dark, good and bad, sadness and happiness, lovers (regardless of any genders or stereotypes) everything comes in two. I've read somewhere some time ago that each one of us has as least 6 identical beings scattered somewhere in the far corners of this beautiful earth. My quest is to find all 6. lol so far I have found one and out of all the places it had to be right here, in SL, after a long journey through depression and self harm. 

Therapists don't work for me, inspirational quotes don't work either, healthy lifestyle, working out, nada. All it takes is a "Morning" from my favorite person in the world and all my demons just go quiet. Is that a bit obsessive, yes it is. But I have tried all those alternatives along the years, been to the most "qualified and expensive" specialists mom could find. They all looked at me as an experiment, as a lab rat. Instead of treating me, they were torturing me - without wanting to.

I am a pagan in any worlds. My roots run deep. Not the wicca/self titled/tumblr witch type. I just know things and I remember things and they aren't exactly pretty things and no meds on this earth will take them away. And I can't lose them either. I would lose myself. I need the occasional depression to remind myself how to be happy. You cannot protect yourself from sadness without also protecting yourself from happiness as well.

BUT everything comes in two. Find that second better half of yours to do the protecting for you. Or let them find you. Or let life guide you to them or to your tribe. Don't love yourself alone - you're gonna miss out on just HOW MUCH the right half or the right tribe can love you. 

Everything comes in TWO. If you have come into existence there is a mandatory universal law that your +1(or more) is out there. And the Universe can't do anything but abide by that law, I promise you. :3 

We're all connected in the way that some described as a "puzzle". I happen to have that blessing or curse of feeling that "puzzle" that we are every single day of my life. But I have my hiraeth (meaning the one true home in celtic) to do the protecting, the loving and the taking care of me. As do I for him. 

Everything comes in two. Find your tribe or let it find you. Do not be alone, do not seek "professional" help, don't follow the stream IF it doesn't feel right for you. Go in a park and stick your tongue out at children and watch them light up like a Christmas tree :p, hug a tree - fall asleep under it too, let it guide your dreams, throw pebbles in a lake, dance naked on a beach with whomever feels right. Look for rawness and watch the depression become an option and not a prison. 

You are your own universe, your own god, your own guide or what have you. The power of manifestation is beyond our wildest of dreams. Manifest your wishes.

~~and when all else fails eat Tacos :DD tacos never disappoint. 

*mew* 

Edited by ErukaVonD
joyous typos :3
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