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Nacy Nightfire

When someone makes a declaration they are leaving SL....

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Should you take them at their word?

Should you assume they know whats best and leave them be?

Should you encourage them to stay?

Should you feed into the drama that often surrounds such declaration?

I think encouraging a person to stay is, in some cases, like begging an alcoholic to sit right back on the stool for one more drink so you don't have to drink alone.  It can't be denied that can be a very addictive experience, and  for some people, especially if they are not getting along well in there RL, it's much kinder to encourage them to leave, at least until they get some balance in their RL.  Its risky to assume that others need to be talked into staying in SL, even done out of good intentions or politeness.

Opinions, please.

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The majority of people who have told me they are leaving were just looking for attention, and ended up spending more time in SL after they said they were leaving.  If someone truly wants to escape the hold of SL, they will just leave and not tell everyone.  If they want to be nice they could post something in their profile about it, but wait until your last day to do so. 

Also, not logging on as much as you used to is not the same as leaving SL.

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Nacy,

I think it depends on the person, and the situation.  There is no one answer for this question.

If you are close to this person,  simply get a skype id, or some other way to keep in touch - and play it by ear.

Sometimes people want to "leave" or "take a break",  but the minute they do - they realize they miss it.

I do not consider SL an addiction,  so I can't relate to the "take another drink" or "drink alone" analogy too well,  though I do understand what you mean.

For me,  I would appreciate it if someone told me they were leaving rather than just poofing forever.  If they ended up not leaving,  I would understand they changed their mind.  If they were telling me this because they wanted attention, and they were my friend - I'd give them some attention - talk it through a bit.  If in the end it was just drama ... I'd back off.

Good luck!

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If someone announces they are leaving, I seldom take them at their word. 
That's more harsh than it really is.  Actually I understand they are upset about something and need to go cool off but I am never at all surprised when they come back either as themselves or as an alt.

I don't try to talk them out of leaving but I have been known to advise some to just down grade to basic and park the toon somewhere rather than trying to cancel the account.

There are some who I wish were serious when they say they are leaving, but it is never the case.  Ever.  Those rare and wonderful few who make the world a better place to be leave without saying a word; they simply never log in again.  We never get the chance to ask them to stay.

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In SL as on other Internet venues, people who announce they are quitting rarely ever do.  The people who do quit are those who just use it less and less, and then finally one day, they never log in anymore.  Sometimes they'll tell their friends where they are going or what is going on.  But most times, we just wander away and start doing something else.

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I agree. I am drifting towards simply not coming back. I have found that it is not possible to get into sl and the questions I am asked are aimed at people who have managed to get into sl but are having problems while in sl. There is no help with this incurable condition. At first I tried several times a day but now I do not bother much. As has been said, you just drift away and, in my case, do the garden. It's all a great pity, I had some good times here a few years ago but now no more.

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I sometimes wonder if SL has an "expiration date" they don't tell us about.  Maybe its different for each person, but it exists for most of us.

I relate to your sadness about this Corset.  I also had some really great times, It was a lot of work to really get it all down, create a base of friends and understand how it all works.   In my experience, SL requires full immersion to get the most out of it.  I no longer want to sacrifice that much of my RL to keep up with SL.  I think things in my RL did suffer a bit from my absence, and on-line friends are no substitute for the real thing.

In SL you  are either  in or you are out, in my experience.  Just a 3 month absences puts a person way back in terms of available friends and just knowing what's current.  Its a struggle to catch up and I have less and less enthusiasm for the effort.    In fact I've dropped out of the social scene all together and just enjoy making pixel "cr*p" sculpties for my little linden home and other creative projects and I've been following the forums a bit because they can be quite entertaining and though provoking (more so then most conversations I've had with people inside SL).

One day I just changed my name to "Gone" and cleared out my friends list and left.  People from my passed STILL contacted me and wanted to be refriended.  Rinse and repeat.  I've decided to not worry anymore about other peoples feelings, they will survive been dropped from my friends list and allow me to move on and off.  If it has to come down to a choice between their feelings and MY needs, I'm afraid I don't know any of them well enough to make my needs come second.

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Only one person on my list ever announced he was leaving. He felt like he'd been here long enough—fine for him, but I'd only known him for a year! He had RL things that needed his attention as well. There really wasn't any drama; he sent his friends a notecard explaining his reasons and added that he would be back from time to time and how to contact him by email should anyone wish to. I don't think anyone begged him to stay; most probably said what I said, that I wished he could stay (true) but that I hoped he would be well and able to do the things in RL that needed doing (also true).

He did come back from time to time and now he's almost a regular again, although his Slife is much less complex now than it was before he left. 

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A timely topic.  On a different thread, today, Wilhiam stated he was leaving.  I was surprised, but maybe he needs some time for himself.  I enjoy reading him in this forum, and I hope he has opportunity in the future to post again.  

 

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......in fact they mean they will create an ALT *meows*

(PS. just MUTE and MOVE ON......I love that re[leaving]liefing feeling)

:matte-motes-big-grin-wink:

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It depends on the person and how it is said, but yes, I usually take them at their word. Timely topic, as one of my friends is leaving. I like to think listening is different than "feeding into the drama". The only advice I have given is "don't delete your stuff" because sometimes people do come back even if it is years later. I think my "job" as a friend is to be there to support them in their decisions.

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I've left a couple of times too. For me, it's a build up of frustrations from the forums going whacko to search problems, through marketplace fiscos and a miriad of other problems that build until an "I'm leaving SL" announcement.

I would reckon most have said it at one time or another. Most dedicated creators that is. For creators, things have to go well enough throughout a product life cycle. And in SL a creator has to do it all. All of it. Design, create, market and sell. It's actually a very difficult road. Success means not having to pay for SL out of ones own pocket. Above that is all joy.

And then there's the equipment. My pc was 7 years old which barely ran SL at all and when it did it was at lowest settings.

But I,m about to order a new PC. Fast and shiny and able to run whatever I want at full tilt. Mesh is near and after a long break I might just return to create for SL. So once again when frustrations build and I just can't take it anymore, I will come to the forums, start a new thread, write down my purest thoughts and declare that "I'm leaving SL" for the umpteenth time.

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Nacy Nightfire wrote:

Should you take them at their word?

Should you assume they know whats best and leave them be?

Should you encourage them to stay?

Should you feed into the drama that often surrounds such declaration?

I think encouraging a person to stay is, in some cases, like begging an alcoholic to sit right back on the stool for one more drink so you don't have to drink alone.  It can't be denied that can be a very addictive experience, and  for some people, especially if they are not getting along well in there RL, it's much kinder to encourage them to leave, at least until they get some balance in their RL.  Its risky to assume that others need to be talked into staying in SL, even done out of good intentions or politeness.

Opinions, please.

 

 

I'd go one step further and say that it's risky to assume that whilst others may have an addictive use of SL, our own use is always balanced, healthy perfection.

As you said, it's like trying an alcoholic to stay on and keep us company as we down one last drink....but hasn't the one doing the persuading got issues too? Aren't we both kinda in the same boat?

In other words, to be on the safe side, anybody who has what could be loosely described as a "regular user" of SL and who expresses his/her intention to leave, should be encouraged to do so. And that includes ourselves....just in case we are addicted but are still in denial!

PS The ones in denial over their own addiction to SL can be spotted quite easily - they will ofetn claim that announcing the intention to leave SL is actually just attention-seeking "drama" behaviour. Talk about self-referential...

So, to sum up, in my opinion, if someone says they're leaving, to avoid risking being hypocritical, you're best just to say goodbye and wish them well without adding anything else, just in case you find yourself in the same position one day.

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"Sometimes people want to "leave" or "take a break", but the minute they do - they realize they miss it."

Quote from Cali souther.

Please speak for yourself.. I am one of these people who are "taking a break" from SL,

I still browse the forums every so often, hey i even logged in to sl for a few minutes this week,

but as for missing it, no i don't .. neither do i miss having a toothache...or a migraine.

Sorrys if this sounded negative..but i just wished to place my 2 lindens worth of comment here...

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Actually asking the person if you can have their stuff is an excellent strategy to gain insight into their sincerity. 

I've had people tell me they are leaving who rent "land".  When I've asked a few if I can assume their SL rental house on the beach, assuring them with complete sincerety  that the minute they return I will turn it back over to them - or if I leave I'd IM them first so they can reclaim it.   This quiets them down for a while.

 No one has EVER taken me up on this suggestion, and these people haven't left yet SL as far as I know.

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As with everything in SL, I'll take such a statement at face value. There's no way for me to know if they'e sincere or not. Just like I can't know if they really are who/what they are and so on.

Therefore, I may politely ask why, or I may not and wish them good luck.

Encouraging to stay or leave... why? Presumably they're intelligent and know best what to do.

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It largely depends on circumstances. I had a friend for whom sl was quite clearly ruining her life, threatening her marriage her ability to care for her child. When she announced she was leaving, I was sorry to see her go but felt it was the right thing to do and she should have done it long before. She announced it privately to friends so they would not worry about her disappearance and could be reassured that she was actually making things better for herself. She did not stick it in her profile as a long, nasty rant so as to include anyone who cared to glance in her direction in her drama. And she did actually leave, though she emails me occasionally to let me know how she is getting on.

The kind of person who announces it to all and sundry with a just-you-try-to-stop-me righteousness about it loses all my sympathy. I have no patience for spiteful attention seekers who aren't happy to wallow in their own misery and imagine themselves as tragic heroes and heroines, and have to drag everyone else down with them too (no, I am not talking about people who call on close friends for help when genuinely troubled). If you want to leave, tell the people who might notice your absence and care (you know who they are) and then leave. Don't try to make everyone else miserable by making a huge announcement out of it and then flouncing out so you can have the last word.

And don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

 

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Freya Mokusei wrote:

Usually I just ask if I can has their stuff. :smileyhappy:

You beat me to it...

can i haz yur stuff drama queen?

(kidding aside - if its a good friend I usually already know the reasons and I support them and miss them)

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I have a friend who "left". I later found out she was still there, on an alt. "roll eyes". I just passed my 4 year Rez date for SL. I'm still there, still look forward to logging in, still log in daily and miss it when I can't. Have taken many friendships to RL. I show no signs of slowing down! I wonder when is the expiration date you mentioned, I show no signs of reaching it!

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It is the same as when someone declares they are leaving some forum.

The true leavers usually just up and kind of vanish or fade.

I tend to come and go with SL - it is now merely a web stop. I log in, maybe dick with my house a bit, see who is online, maybe shop a bit, and that is it for a couple days.

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Cyzicus Xue wrote:

The majority of people who have told me they are leaving were just looking for attention, and ended up spending more time in SL after they said they were leaving.  If someone truly wants to escape the hold of SL, they will just leave and not tell everyone.  If they want to be nice they could post something in their profile about it, but wait until your last day to do so. 

Also, not logging on as much as you used to is not the same as leaving SL.

While I haven't been involved with SL for probably 2 years now, I can say that I haven't gone back to SL.  I will occassionally do a random google search to see how worse it's gotten.  This post is my first forum post since I have left the world of SL.

 

And when I was leaving, I was telling as many people as possible.  Not for attention, but to say to them, hey I know we hung out at some point, and letting you know that I am leaving for good, and I'm not ever coming back.  I even became a member of one of those groups, for assistance, but also because, a ton of people were leaving due to SL's news about LL leaving SL behind.

 

People said to me, stay and show support for SL, because the more people that do leave, the more LL will say, well, I guess people aren't really that interested, let's just shut it all down.  Why would I want to stay, when most places I used to visit had already left or were already leaving?

 

Oh and for the record, this isn't me coming back to SL.  The forums are one thing, the actual world of SL is different.  And you can check this profile in world, Rikel Parkin.

 

I just thought I would respond to what you said, because I did tell a ton of people that I was leaving, my friends and everyone in the support group.  Not because I wanted attention, but because I was leaving, and I wanted people to know that I was leaving.  All I'm saying is do a bit of fact checking before putting people into a category, because not every person is the same in this world, and we all do things differently.

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