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Starting a conversation with someone new


autonug
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Its been more than a year in SL, I made a lot of friends some now even are part pf RL. Even today hardest part to approach someone new and unknown is how to start the conversation? 

I have read ladies many time complaining under pet peeves when guys approach them with a 'hi'. Well guy might genuinely wanted to say hello and both might have got together very well, had he just knew how to start the conversation. Once its started its relatively easier to let conversation flow. I will like to know from people of forum what might be a subtle way to start that conversation with someone completely new you have found in some mutual group or sim you both visited at same time. 

Also how much does age, profile or maybe RL section of guy matters while choosing whether to response back or let his message un-responded.

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I could care less about a person's RL profile section.  Most people don't fill that out anyway, or say something like "I don't bring Real Life to Second Life.  Don't ask."

Age in SL terms also doesn't mean a thing to me...except that very new people often don't know the SL norms, and one must make allowances for that.  If you mean RL age, that doesn't matter either.  Besides, it might not be true.

What does matter:  Are you interesting?  Everyone and his brother say "Hi".  Or "How are you?"  Start that way, and you're halfway to losing me.  Corny, smarmy, or suggestive come-ons will lose me even faster.  (See the long thread, "Lines That Annoy You Most.")  I suggest opening with a comment or a question.  "Hi!  I'm a fan of your blog."  or "Hello...can you tell me where to find a club that plays big band music?"  Or, "Do you like art?  I found a really great gallery..."  Read the other person's profile; it often provides a conversation starter.

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1 hour ago, autonug said:

Even today hardest part to approach someone new and unknown is how to start the conversation? 

My recommendation differs a bit from Lindals: Dont think about too much, just say whats in your mind in that second. You want to be yourself. Thats the most important thing imho, and its easiest way to find someone who really fits to you.
You just should develop a high level of couldnt-care-less attitude for the rejections you will get, like an elephant skin...

Maybe im not a representative example, but the stranger who told me im looking weird because of the colors of my leggins and my hotpants, is still my friend. ^^

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All I will say is that if anyones profile is full of stuff I'm not into, then that would be the end. Whether that is rambling quotes or other lifestyle advice, or picks to sims I would never approach. I'm not a prude by the way, but I do read profiles. And how a guy looks matters. Not the mesh/not mesh thing, just the overall look. Hair, muscle size, shape, tats, and size of the obvious.

But chat is very important, and that's why I go out hunting for decent chat. Its out there but can be elusive.

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I read profiles too. I find lots of sexual references off-putting, but otherwise just to chat to someone then everyone has something of interest to say.

Maybe treat it like real life and say something relevant to the surroundings or situation, rather than a very short comment which could be someone 'copy and pasting a convo starter' to try their luck?

 

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I like Lindal's suggestion of ask a question and see how it goes from there...not a personal question like "are you married" or "what is your age"...a fun question, such as "what did you do on SL yesterday?". 

I'm not looking as I am a Dinkie now...a kind of human tiny cat...bff's only for me now.  I would not mind having a bff.  Even if it wasn't forever.

But, yes, profiles matter.  I was thinking of making a sweatshirt for the Dinkies that says B YOU T FUL...which what I am saying is:   Be yourself in your profile and otherwise.    

Edited by FairreLilette
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I'm a firm believer in reading profiles.  You can often find something in there that peaks your interest enough to start a conversation.  Common interests, a music link you enjoy, photos you can compliment.  I love when someone makes a comment about something they've read in mine.  It shows they might be more interested in ME and not how my avatar looks.   The people with 'If you want to know something about me, just IM' and nothing else in their profile are the ones I avoid.  If you can't take a few minutes to write a bit about yourself, I can't be bothered to take the time to ask.  So it works both ways.  Have something in your profile and you might find that people more readily IM you.

Edited by RowanMinx
misspelling
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I couldn't care less about profiles, myself, as they tend to influence your judgement of people (and more often than not, they aren't great at communicating what they really want to communicate.

I think the best communication-starters are whatever attracted your attention to them to begin with. Is it because they did an awesome job on their look? Then start with that. "Wow, you did great on your look, what's your secret?"

Or is it something they're wearing or maybe their AO, or just about anything else. If you do read their profile, then ask them about what they are saying in it. The important part of any conversation start is to ask a question (but keep it inside SL.) That's what gets things going, because a conversation is simply, more or less, a ping-pong game.

Just... stop asking "How are you?" Because my answer will likely throw you off-guard: "How am I? Well, I have Ebola, so my diarrhea is runnier than usual and really bloody, and my nose won't stop running and I have blood dripping from my eyes, my knees and elbows ache like crazy and I'm constantly throwing up every time I eat or drink anything, including water. How are you?" 

Seriously, people: "How are you" is a real eye-roller.

Edited by Alyona Su
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34 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

Just... stop asking "How are you?" Because my answer will likely throw you off-guard: "How am I? Well, I have Ebola, so my diarrhea is runnier than usual and really bloody, and my nose won't stop running and I have blood dripping from my eyes, my knees and elbows ache like crazy and I'm constantly throwing up every time I eat or drink anything, including water. How are you?"

And, back in the real world, you'd just ignore them.

My advice to OP is to just focus on something going on in your immediate surroundings and make a joke about it.

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Disclaimer - Not a lady (but I look like one most of the time) 😁

When someone IMs me, I respond to messages that give me some kind of "hook" into an actual conversation, and which are not list a string of one sided questions about RL. 

If you like my avatar, tell me why you like it (and no, "you are sexy" is not a reason, its a consequence).

I am more likely to respond to people with unusual avatars, because it is a better demonstration of creativity than the cookie-cutter types who look like they've been on steroids for years.

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In all honesty, If a guy just says “hi” or “hello” I might respond. I get it guys, it’s not easy to open a conversation. So I attempt to meet most people halfway. I will look at their profile before I respond...or not. If it looks like a troll account, I won’t. If it looks legit, I’ll respond after I observe him for a few seconds. If his crosshairs are enabled and they’re moving from female to female....I won’t respond. If he passes those checks, I’ll respond to a hello.

Here’s what guys have to understand: I don’t know what it is, but it’s a thing. A lot of people just say “Hello” or “Hi” and even if you respond, that’s all you get out of them. So when people have that pet peeve or complaint, I think that’s what they’re talking about. It can get annoying fast. So the standard is raised a little above “Hi” or “Hello”.

I do make an effort to respond to people that speak though. What they do with it after I respond though is on them.

 

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I use Catznip browser and one of the cool features is having the profile right there on the IM chat window.  I put as much thought into my non-response as was put in the original message.  Needless to say. "hru" gets closed at once.  If I am not busy I may look at someone's profile when they just say hi and nothing more but even that is rare.

9 hours ago, autonug said:

Also how much does age, profile or maybe RL section of guy matters while choosing whether to response back or let his message un-responded

SL age of 1 day means instant close.
SL age of a few days or weeks means I will probably see if you need help.

Having something written in the profile will up my chances of response.  I don't care about RL section except maybe what part of the world you are from and even then only so I know if it is day or night for you.


"Hi.  Got a moment to chat?" 
Try something like that next time.  Just tell me what you want.

 

But I am probably not the best example.  I'm partnered and I'm a crappy friend that doesn't talk much so I need something more than someone else that doesn't talk much just to avoid an awkward situation.  Ask me about human macrame or dull knives and I'll respond, tho.  That means you at least read my profile and are OK knowing romance is off the table.

 

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I guess it depends on why you said "hi" to that person in the first place. If you approach me with a hi and I say hi and then there is nothing back from you, guess what? Nothing back from me, and I'm a little annoyed. Are you saying hello to everything female-ish on the sim just to try to get a date? If you are being selective about who you say hi to, then there is an obvious next line. WHY did you pick that person to say hello to? Tell them. Maybe it is the profile or the appearance, as others have mentioned, or maybe you are on a sim that seems like you have similar interests (art, music, whatever). Maybe you're a w*nker that just wants indiscriminate slex. 

It isn't rocket science (unless that's what you're interested in, and that could be interesting to talk about!). You also can't get attached to the results. Some people just won't be all that into you, but I have found that if you are polite it goes a long way. Also typing in actual words can help, too, at least for some of the population of SL.

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If someone has an interesting profile, looks interesting, or is doing something interesting, I've got ample subject matter to work into a greeting. I recently saw a woman at a sandbox in a peculiar pose, as if she was was about to throw-up. I chatted her up in IM, asking if she needed medical assistance. She laughed and we had a lovely conversation after that.

If you approach each new meeting with the intention of making the other person smile or laugh, you're more likely to succeed. If you're expecting something in return, prepare for disappointment. If you do get something in return, that's a bonus.

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I don't usually bother to take the time to read profiles.  Most of them are pretty blah and uninformative anyway.  I will usually ignore someone who just says, "Hi," but not always.  "Hi" is not a conversation opener.  It's like a verbal wave.  If you really want to open a conversation, say something that's interesting enough to be worth responding to, or at least something that isn't provocative or threatening.  

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Why don't you open with a question that the lady can help you with. For example if you are both standing next to a store vendor for women's underwear you could ask if it's possible to gift a demo of the underwear to another person. Tell her there's a woman that you think would look gorgeous in it. After the lady explains to you how to do it you can thank her and then send the underwear to her. 😎

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4 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

Why don't you open with a question that the lady can help you with. For example if you are both standing next to a store vendor for women's underwear you could ask if it's possible to gift a demo of the underwear to another person. Tell her there's a woman that you think would look gorgeous in it. After the lady explains to you how to do it you can thank her and then send the underwear to her. 😎

Yeah, sure...that's gonna happen, Bree!  rofl

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1 hour ago, Bree Giffen said:

Why don't you open with a question that the lady can help you with. For example if you are both standing next to a store vendor for women's underwear you could ask if it's possible to gift a demo of the underwear to another person. Tell her there's a woman that you think would look gorgeous in it. After the lady explains to you how to do it you can thank her and then send the underwear to her. 😎

lol

Strange man talks to me for 5 minutes and then sends me underwear.

Uh, yeah. That'd start a conversation for sure. I know I'd have a few things to say.

You're either brilliant, Bree, or demented. And you just might end up being partially responsible for the deaths of a few naive and overly-trusting men . . .

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1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

lol

Strange man talks to me for 5 minutes and then sends me underwear.

Uh, yeah. That'd start a conversation for sure. I know I'd have a few things to say.

You're either brilliant, Bree, or demented. And you just might end up being partially responsible for the deaths of a few naive and overly-trusting men . . .

It sounds like something that only happens in the movies...but I should have said "yep, that happens to me everyday...".   still laughing out loud.  

Sending a rose is possible.  However, maybe after a fairly nice chat then send the rose.

I received a rose once but so did every women in the room...so it was just a friendship rose...darn it!  

Edited by FairreLilette
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3 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

Why don't you open with a question that the lady can help you with. For example if you are both standing next to a store vendor for women's underwear you could ask if it's possible to gift a demo of the underwear to another person. Tell her there's a woman that you think would look gorgeous in it. After the lady explains to you how to do it you can thank her and then send the underwear to her. 😎

This is actually really clever!  Wish some clever gentleman would try it with me.  It's a MUCH better present than a stupid old rose.

Edited by Lindal Kidd
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12 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

This is actually really clever!  Wish some clever gentleman would try it with me.  It's a MUCH better present than a stupid old rose.

 

13 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

This is actually really clever!  Wish some clever gentleman would try it with me.  It's a MUCH better present than a stupid old rose.

Hmmm...for me and what I'd want... maybe wait a few days or after a few dances before sending me undies....but the gifting thing is not too bad an idea either...though the guy just wants to know how to break the ice and what to say other than "Hi".  

A gift is a good idea...but I was also thinking there is rarely a man in a women's clothing or lingerie store unless he is with another women dragging him around...just like in real life.  At least the only men I've ever seen in women's clothing stores in SL are with somebody already and they look like they are cringing.  

 

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"Hi. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything. How are you today?"

It's the way to start conversations in RL or SL. Just say hello. Ask them how their day has been. See how it goes from there. Is there a chance of rejection? Of course. But please don't let some of the responses to things in these forums, especially the pet peeves thread, make you think that this tiny little slice of SL is indicative of what most people, or even most women, are like. 

Visit clubs, or join social groups - there are tons. Read profiles and look for things that interest you that might spark a conversation. Be yourself and be honest. Just be a nice guy and say some nice things. Most women won't get offended. SL has an overabundance of men trying so hard to be players, or some sort of sex god - all things we know they aren't, just like we aren't, or we wouldn't be in SL. Put something in your profile about yourself. Be a good dude, have good humor, and use good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. 

And take everything with a grain of salt. 

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18 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

Just... stop asking "How are you?" Because my answer will likely throw you off-guard: "How am I? Well, I have Ebola, so my diarrhea is runnier than usual and really bloody, and my nose won't stop running and I have blood dripping from my eyes, my knees and elbows ache like crazy and I'm constantly throwing up every time I eat or drink anything, including water. How are you?" 

It happens that im giving answers like that, if im in the mood. Cant say, that this kind of conversations are going to last long, mostly. 

9 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

You're either brilliant, Bree, or demented. And you just might end up being partially responsible for the deaths of a few naive and overly-trusting men . . .

There is a very thin line between making me say "oh really? jeez, you are right" and scratching the guys eyes out of his skull.
While i accept an advice not to mix bright blue and red clothes because it can hurt the eyes, i will become upset, if someone tells me, i should get bigger boobs or changing my brows shape. Thats something i wouldnt be able to change in RL, and thats something i dont want to change in SL.

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