Terms of endearment

[NeonSteamPunk]

Are for love ones not strangers unless you a good friend, mother /Grand or waitress serving breakfast at 3am it's offensive.

Hon, sweety, baby all that drives me bananas.

 

Edited October 22, 2019 by NeonSteamPunk

[Mollymews]

49 minutes ago, NeonSteamPunk said:

😸

[Syo Emerald]

Putting as many grammatical errors as possible in a single sentence or leaving out words, for the sake of writing slang, is what drives me bananas.

I got told the usage of hon, sweety and such is a cultural thing. It was definitly new to me, when I joined SL and still feels strange, but I try to imagine that people just mean well.

[Pixie Kobichenko]

Being answered with "k" instead of ok just grates on my nerves.  To me it comes across as very dismissive.  Like what I'm saying to you is an annoyance and you don't have interest enoug hto type out two letters as a response.

I also just dislike being called what some think are acceptable terms.

  I am no one's hun, honey, sweetie, girl, lady.  Even greeting me as beautiful even when you don't know me will put me in a grumpy mood.

 

 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Pixie Kobichenko

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

I'm generally not bothered by the words. If there's sexist or belitting intent behind them, then it's the intent I dislike rather than the words.

In the UK there are so many different regional habits and they're generally used more as a sign of inclusion than a term of endearment. It's all very context sensitive. A public term in one city might be a private one in another - the accent, context and surrounding language all tell you which it is. With people you're familiar with, the local term(s) indicate that familiarity, you're one of us. With those whose names you don't know, they can be used where you would normally use a name if you knew it. In that case, it can be a moment of connection and kindness. I remember getting on a London bus early one morning after an overnight trans-Atlantic flight I hadn't slept on, needing to get to a train station I'd never been to and fumbling to find the pocket with the UK coins for the fare, and the driver said "It's alright love" and all it meant was he saw me as a person in a moment of stress. There was no belittling, derogation, sexism or anything else. It just meant he saw me as a person.

Like any other part of language, if the speaker carries negative intent, it will come through. Sometimes there will be habits of negative intent centered around certain words. Sometimes words need to be let go of because there's too much negative intent associated with them. But sometimes - especially when there are regional differences - the negative intent can be carried by the hearer rather than the speaker.

Edited October 22, 2019 by Bitsy Buccaneer

[Maryanne Solo]

Oh come now chook, its not that bad is it? ^^ 😉 Chook/chicken ->general slang - In no way offensive - typically used by your mother or grandmother to open a dialogue regarding important advice on dealing with problems youth may encounter along the road to maturity. Female context only? That's how I understand it.

Edited October 22, 2019 by Maryanne Solo

[Rhonda Huntress]

Well, bless your heart.

 

[FairreLilette]

4 hours ago, Pixie Kobichenko said:

Being answered with "k" instead of ok just grates on my nerves.  To me it comes across as very dismissive.  Like what I'm saying to you is an annoyance and you don't have interest enoug hto type out two letters as a response.

I also just dislike being called what some think are acceptable terms.

  I am no one's hun, honey, sweetie, girl, lady.  Even greeting me as beautiful even when you don't know me will put me in a grumpy mood.

 

 

Ima a "k" girl.  

I don't use "k, hun" or "k, sweetie" or nothing like that tho.   Nor, "bless your heart, k".

As far as "terms of endearment" for people who are expressing grief on the internet...there are small groups and often times the person could have been a leader and a constant friend.  

IMO, you need to let it go...like water off a duck's back if it's bothering you cuz it's nothing to be upset about really.   

I believe the saying, "the only thing real in SL are our feelings".   

 

Edited October 22, 2019 by FairreLilette

[Beth Macbain]

I despise someone I don't know using a term of endearment with me and I'm from the south where they're as common as grits and sweet tea. 

I let it go in most instances, except with men who approach me and start the conversation with babe, sweetheart, darling (and darlin'), etc. I find it disrespectful and sexist. They wouldn't approach a man and say "Hey babe, how about that sportsball game yesterday?" 

I'm also not fan of "k"... or "ok" for that matter. I prefer someone actually type out "okay". Or "okie doke" because I use (overuse, really) that. 

Using text speak in an opening line is unforgivable and lazy. 

I also understand, though, that just because I don't like something doesn't mean it was meant with any disrespect. No one can know what is going to feel disrespectful to another person in many instances. 

So with those men who approach me using terms of endearment right off the bat, I usually respond with, "My name is Beth." Some will apologize and we'll go on to have a fabulous conversation. Some get offended and go from a term of endearment to the b-word, or intentionally start calling me a term of endearment until I block them. 

It's also on my profile so if they open with any of that, I know they haven't bothered to look. 

The fact that discussions like this are almost entirely exclusive to women is indicative of a bigger issue, I think. We've come a long way, but we're not there yet.

Anyone else old enough to remember these ads?

I wonder if that campaign was designed by a man or a woman? 

(Hint - it was created in 1968) 

[Pixie Kobichenko]

37 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

Ima a "k" girl.  

I don't use "k, hun" or "k, sweetie" or nothing like that tho.   Nor, "bless your heart, k".

As far as "terms of endearment" for people who are expressing grief on the internet...there are small groups and often times the person could have been a leader and a constant friend.  

IMO, you need to let it go...like water off a duck's back if it's bothering you cuz it's nothing to be upset about really.   

I believe the saying, "the only thing real in SL are our feelings".   

 

Well clearly in times of strife or sadness I wouldn't be uptight about those type of terms.  I just dislike overly familiar strangers....  I have my own personal reasons.

[Pixie Kobichenko]

3 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

I despise someone I don't know using a term of endearment with me and I'm from the south where they're as common as grits and sweet tea. 

I let it go in most instances, except with men who approach me and start the conversation with babe, sweetheart, darling (and darlin'), etc. I find it disrespectful and sexist. They wouldn't approach a man and say "Hey babe, how about that sportsball game yesterday?" 

I'm also not fan of "k"... or "ok" for that matter. I prefer someone actually type out "okay". Or "okie doke" because I use (overuse, really) that. 

Using text speak in an opening line is unforgivable and lazy. 

I also understand, though, that just because I don't like something doesn't mean it was meant with any disrespect. No one can know what is going to feel disrespectful to another person in many instances. 

So with those men who approach me using terms of endearment right off the bat, I usually respond with, "My name is Beth." Some will apologize and we'll go on to have a fabulous conversation. Some get offended and go from a term of endearment to the b-word, or intentionally start calling me a term of endearment until I block them. 

It's also on my profile so if they open with any of that, I know they haven't bothered to look. 

The fact that discussions like this are almost entirely exclusive to women is indicative of a bigger issue, I think. We've come a long way, but we're not there yet.

Anyone else old enough to remember these ads?

I wonder if that campaign was designed by a man or a woman? 

(Hint - it was created in 1968) 

You summed up my feelings perfectly.  So far as Virginia slims go I'm old enough to remember candy cigarettes and cigarette vending machines.  I never really gave a lot of thought to the social implications of that particular slogan I just always thought it was annoyingly stupid.

[Lyssa Greymoon]

5 hours ago, Pixie Kobichenko said:

Being answered with "k" instead of ok just grates on my nerves.  To me it comes across as very dismissive.  Like what I'm saying to you is an annoyance and you don't have interest enoug hto type out two letters as a response.

"Okay" is what I use by default, if I've switched to using "k", that is exactly what it means.

[NeonSteamPunk]

On 10/22/2019 at 10:54 AM, Maryanne Solo said:

Oh come now chook, its not that bad is it? ^^ 😉 Chook/chicken ->general slang - In no way offensive - typically used by your mother or grandmother to open a dialogue regarding important advice on dealing with problems youth may encounter along the road to maturity. Female context only? That's how I understand it.

OH I SEE NOW IM A FING CHICKEN,

/me does the chicken dance.

[Ceka Cianci]

I call everyone at work,Maynard.

So far in the 10 years I've been there and the thousands of people that have come and gone..Nobody really ever has had a problem with it..

I'll say Hey Maynard..They all say hey back ..hehehehe

 

I have no idea why or how I started to do this..it just happened and just stuck..but people are fine with it ..hehehehe

I guess it's my version of someone saying hey girl or hey bro..

I even say Hey Maynard to the other girls  too..hehehe

Edited October 23, 2019 by Ceka Cianci

[Madelaine McMasters]

When I enter a room full of people, I always say "Hi, Kids!!!". I learned this from my mother, who would always shout that greeting when arriving home from the market with treats for Dad and me. When asked how many children she had, she always responded "I have two, a four year old girl and a fifty-four year old boy", adjusted as necessary through the years. Dad ran through a whole series of terms for me as I grew up: Little Baby, Little Girl, Little Princess, Little Lady, Little Devil, Little Pain in the Neck, Little Pain in the Ass. The progression was earned, every bit of it.

Individually, I address people by name until they become comfortable with me. That's when I shift to terms-of-endearment. I might start out calling you a "goof" if you say something I disagree with. I've a neighbor who likes to send me things she cooks to thank me for repairs I make around her house, because her hubby's got bad knees and likes to hold down his comfy chair so it won't float away. I am a notorious gender-agnostic flirt and once commented that, the more food she gave me, the better she looked. I now call her "Gorgeous". My pseudo-son is a handful, and even more oppositional than me. I routinely call him "Jackass".

Curiously, there was a brief time in my youth when, like Ceka, I called people Maynard. I also don't know how I got started on that, but I kept going because of the reaction. "Hey Maynard"  fits Ceka's persona beautifully and I will now imagine she yells it across RL rooms while doing this...

\o/

As for contracting terms like "okay" down to "k", I do that where my language abilities have been well demonstrated, as a juxtaposition. When I was married, my ex-hubby and I routinely shortened oft-used phrases down to the bare minimum as a form of secret shorthand. "K" was one of those contractions, and we could actually convey significant nuance in our delivery of that single letter. If we wanted to be dismissive, we'd use the more cumbersome "Yes, dear".

[Selene Gregoire]

On 10/22/2019 at 4:59 AM, Rhonda Huntress said:

Well, bless your heart.

 

pssst.... You forgot the honeychile. Bless your heart, honeychile.

 

[Selene Gregoire]

On 10/22/2019 at 6:44 AM, Beth Macbain said:

I despise someone I don't know using a term of endearment with me and I'm from the south where they're as common as grits and sweet tea. 

I let it go in most instances, except with men who approach me and start the conversation with babe, sweetheart, darling (and darlin'), etc. I find it disrespectful and sexist. They wouldn't approach a man and say "Hey babe, how about that sportsball game yesterday?" 

I'm also not fan of "k"... or "ok" for that matter. I prefer someone actually type out "okay". Or "okie doke" because I use (overuse, really) that. 

Using text speak in an opening line is unforgivable and lazy. 

I also understand, though, that just because I don't like something doesn't mean it was meant with any disrespect. No one can know what is going to feel disrespectful to another person in many instances. 

So with those men who approach me using terms of endearment right off the bat, I usually respond with, "My name is Beth." Some will apologize and we'll go on to have a fabulous conversation. Some get offended and go from a term of endearment to the b-word, or intentionally start calling me a term of endearment until I block them. 

It's also on my profile so if they open with any of that, I know they haven't bothered to look. 

The fact that discussions like this are almost entirely exclusive to women is indicative of a bigger issue, I think. We've come a long way, but we're not there yet.

Anyone else old enough to remember these ads?

I wonder if that campaign was designed by a man or a woman? 

(Hint - it was created in 1968) 

The Leo Burnett advertising agency handled the Virginia Slims account throughout most of the product lifetime.

I was 7 when those ads hit the tv screen. Almost caused a war in CenLa.

[Lindal Kidd]

23 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

The Leo Burnett advertising agency handled the Virginia Slims account throughout most of the product lifetime.

I was 7 when those ads hit the tv screen. Almost caused a war in CenLa.

But it sold a lot of Virginia Slims...and enriched a lot of doctors.

[Selene Gregoire]

Just now, Lindal Kidd said:

But it sold a lot of Virginia Slims...and enriched a lot of doctors.

Not really. They didn't sell nearly as well as people have been led to believe. Most women smokers wouldn't touch them and they did get tagged with a most unbecoming nickname.  V_ _ _ _ _ Slimes. Sorry. I'd type it out for you but a certain someone will decide to take offense and report me hoping I'll be banned permanently this time. I'm sure most are intelligent enough to figure it out.

[Beth Macbain]

Ooooooooh... I'd forgotten about that awful nickname, but yeah.

It worked well enough for them that they used it until the 90s but by that time, I think, smoking in general was on the decrease. I'm not sure I've ever known anyone who smoked them, but someone must have been. 

[Amina Sopwith]

There are some places oop north where they will address you as "my lover". It threw me a bit the first few times, but there's nothing untoward in it.

Edited October 23, 2019 by Amina Sopwith

[BelindaN]

Love is a Yorkshire term, used everywhere without malice or any other intent.

The one which really gets under my skin is "dear"...

For some reason I find that condescending and patronising.....like I'm an old dear......

Fingernails down a blackboard for me.

[Pussycat Catnap]

On 10/22/2019 at 12:17 AM, NeonSteamPunk said:

Are for love ones not strangers unless you a good friend, mother /Grand or waitress serving breakfast at 3am it's offensive.

Hon, sweety, baby all that drives me bananas.

I actually used to have a note in my profile telling people to stop using terms like that. Now, I just don't pay attention to people who can't be respectful.

[Maitimo]

If you don't like terms of endearment from random strangers, don't ever visit the north of England. Even guys get called "love" here. I got called "love" by a customer on the phone at work today (though to be fair my voice is rather ambiguous and she might have thought I was a girl). But bar and restaurant staff, especially women, regularly call me "love" and my physical appearance (short but stocky, bald, with beard) is definitely not ambiguous.

I actually like it; I grew up in the south where people barely even acknowledge each other at all, never mind talking to you as if they actually like you.

[Janet Voxel]

I grew up in a place where terms of endearment are for people that are really close to you, ie your kids, your husband/lover, a lifelong friend. Calling someone hon’ would kind of be condescending.

Fast forward 15 years later. I live in a place where people talk like Mob Wives or Rosie Perez. (It tickles me that’s what I think of the accents I hear sound like...but I do!)
 

What that means is you hear hon’ or mami a lot. I don’t even bat an eye when I hear it. It’s just funny to me that living about 350 miles away from where I grew up, little things like that can be so different.

I think it’s important to remember in SL you could be talking to someone from a totally different culture even if they say they’re from the same country as you, the rules might be totally different. It might be helpful to pull someone’s coattail in a nice way that what someone is saying could be misinterpreted.