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Nalates Urriah

So what’s with peeps in RLV areas?

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Imagine. You get all decked out in your RLV gear and totally hot body and clothes. Even put on cuffs. Then TP into an RLV region and start checking out who is there.

A person walks up and says, “Hi. How are you?”

I mean, really!?! Here I am standing beside a BIG RED BUTTON wearing cuffs… and I get asked ‘how am I?’ What’s up with that? Isn't it obvious!?!

I’ve seen people in Jane’s RLV Playground handing their leashes to people. You can’t walk through the place without tripping over red capture buttons… Why do they have to be handed a leash?

So, how is an RLV playground supposed to work? I must have missed something.

And what is with the ‘polite’ captors in Capture/Prey games?

I’m in one of the regions that does bi-monthly Capture/Prey, wearing a prey tag and a person with a Predator tag starts chatting me up like working up to asking for a date. I tell him I am looking for someone a bit more macho dominate. And he tells me macho is boring… Is this guy slow or just a snowflake?

Are there any regions that actually have RLV players with some level of aggression that will click capture? Or is the whole SL grid filled with timid people? 

Am I missing some signal that indicates beyond the obvious prey tags that someone is up for a quick hookup? I mean I saw one woman with a paragraph of text saying, in RP-ese, my master said I should let anyone use me, so use me. No one had captured or leashed her while guys around me are asking how I am… WTF!?!

Surely no one goes to an RLV playground for romance. Isn’t that more a nude beach or a club thing?

What is your experience? How do you handle 'timid' in an RLV area?

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I just posted in the other thread about nudity is not consent - which is almost the exact opposite problem of the issue in this thread.

I would have said "yeah people are timid these days given current issues outside of SL", but as the other thread points out... they aren't timid.

They're just misplaced.

We need to swap out all the 'polite johns' in the RLV places with all the 'hey baby, sexxy time?' idiots in the nude clubs...

In 2018 I tried my hand at some of those AFK joints. Not often, but there were a few times when I tabbed over to that viewer and say a chat log of someone asking permission... in an AFK joint... yeah... like... people unclear on the concept...

Pop into a G-rated infohub dressed in a burqa and you will get some hot-IM-action in seconds...

 

I dunno what to say sometimes...

 

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Hi 

I need to quote Jess on that one:

Quote

 

Capture and rape games. Yet another very popular fetish in Second Life. I actually like that genre better than other sex fantasies.

But:

There is nothing worse than being on a capture / rape type of place and being asked for sex.

Being asked!

Hello guys, just *****ing do it, don’t be kind, don’t be polite, don’t ask for consent. Just do it. That’s what a rape role play is all about. I was asked several times for sex. They actually did ask!

 

Source: 
http://jessicainsecondlife.com/top-10-most-popular-sex-places-in-second-life/

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Consent must be given .. clothing or lack thereof is not consent. I would go as far to say a t-shirt and group tag saying "I consent" is probably not consent.

Even non-consensual role play is just that, roleplay .. which is almost impossible to effectively initiate stone cold with random strangers. IM's are considered OOC use them. Even if you're after a broadly non consensual encounter there will be some range or direction of interest, otherwise you can't complain when someone get's their robe and wizard hat.

This is why themed RP communities exist.

Standing about 'dressed for bed' and hoping someone will happen to you has never been an effective strategy, and why most adult hangouts (kink especially) tend to be full of people idling about in silence.

Edited by CoffeeDujour
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On 11/24/2019 at 6:48 PM, CoffeeDujour said:

Even non-consensual role play is just that, roleplay

   I just had to check which board I was on, I thought I was in general discussion as in, the 'normal' general discussion. No idea how I ended up here.

   Anyway, yes - non-consensual role play (i.e. 'rape play') requires consent; it's usually referred to as CNC - 'Consensual Non-Consent', and as with any scene, it requires consent before any play begins (although, in my mind, hopefully with more attention to detail, being very particular about not just the limits, but also what both parties expect from a scene). In the real world, it's a fairly taboo thing as some find it contradictory to the basics of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), and in the mainstream it has been accused of 'normalizing violence against women' or just being plain incomprehensible that anyone would 'want to be raped', and that it's offensive towards victims of actual sexual assault (both arguments being completely bonkers).

   In my mind, what two or more consenting adults choose to do in private is none of anyone else's business. But regardless of what it is you want, whether it's SL or RL, agreeing to terms and having consent muß sein.

   P.S. I figured out why I'm on the adult boards - another topic I was participating in got moved here!

Edited by Orwar
Epiphany!
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I think the problem the OP is referring to isn’t just an issue of asking for consent. It would be fine, and maybe a good thing, if people were just doing little consent checks before smashing that capture button, maybe along the lines of “((hey you’re here for open play right?))”. The problem is this:

hey

how’s it going 

what are you up to tonight 

And I think that has more to do with people not really being immersed in the environment and just using SL as a visual chat. The same thing happens in Adult RP areas, much to my frustration. I don’t think anything can be done about it, but I do recommend ignoring those people entirely because if you finally do get some action from them, they are boring as hell.

One thing I can suggest, though, is scrolling down to the less popular areas in the search. Unserious people are at the popular areas because that’s where more people are. I’ve had better luck, when I’ve wanted to get grabbed, wandering the less frequented areas, because the people who do show up mostly know what it’s about.

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43 minutes ago, Osa Engawa said:

I think the problem the OP is referring to isn’t just an issue of asking for consent. It would be fine, and maybe a good thing, if people were just doing little consent checks before smashing that capture button, maybe along the lines of “((hey you’re here for open play right?))”. The problem is this:

hey

how’s it going 

what are you up to tonight 

And I think that has more to do with people not really being immersed in the environment and just using SL as a visual chat. The same thing happens in Adult RP areas, much to my frustration. I don’t think anything can be done about it, but I do recommend ignoring those people entirely because if you finally do get some action from them, they are boring as hell.

One thing I can suggest, though, is scrolling down to the less popular areas in the search. Unserious people are at the popular areas because that’s where more people are. I’ve had better luck, when I’ve wanted to get grabbed, wandering the less frequented areas, because the people who do show up mostly know what it’s about.

(You revived an old thread, so be prepared for annoying greater-than-thou types to scold us.)

In the old days this wasn't an issue because there was a landing zone with a very clear demarcation: "Cross this line and you automatically consent to anything and everything.

As for the "Hi, how-R-YA" types: they didn't exist because everyone knew the deal of these CARP places. The issue are that too many people are putting up huge walls and stupid requirements in their profile in amazingly passive-aggressive ways.

Edited by Alyona Su

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The thread’s not that old by adult forum standards, but whatever.

16 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

As for the "Hi, how-R-YA" types: they didn't exist because everyone knew the deal of these CARP places. The issue are that too many people are putting up huge walls and stupid requirements in their profile in amazingly passive-aggressive ways.

Eh, I don’t get the impression these are profile reading types. Anyway, whatever the cause, one of the primary appeals of these places aside from nc fantasies is not having to put up with guys’ dumb IM chat up attempts so I totally get the OP’s frustration.

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I couldn't agree more. Consent is implied when you put on a collar, get a proper role, enter certain area. It's frustrating when you want to abandon control but instead wet noodles ask you if it's okay to grab you.

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so in SL the Kinksters are polite and the "normies"  are rude? i need to start hanging out in Kinky places for a break from the rude people LOL

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Most people don't read profiles anymore & they usually have tags turned off so their screen is less cluttered.  I hate tping in somewhere with tags on & there are 30 people there, their tags fill the entire screen and makes it difficult to even see where you're going.  I also think most go there hoping to find a girl/boy to collar and keep instead of just random rp.  Things have changed so much over the years, it's really rare to find people that want to just instant RP, now they want to talk & plan out every little thing before you start, which if I am in a CARP type environment I don't want to do that, I want to just start playing.  I mean, seriously, if I don't like something along the way I will IM OCC & tell you.  Planing every detail is boring, just take me if I am in a CARP area, sheesh...

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On 1/4/2020 at 12:19 PM, IIie said:

I couldn't agree more. Consent is implied when you put on a collar, get a proper role, enter certain area. It's frustrating when you want to abandon control but instead wet noodles ask you if it's okay to grab you.

No it really isn't.

You might be implying consent, but it can't be taken as a given - Even with 'a collar' and 'a proper role', even with a clearly worded profile.

You get asked because those same 'wet noodles' have learn't the hard way that just grabbing sooner or later ends very badly. When the drama inevitably hits the fan, it doesn't matter who was behaving as expected, it matters who the offended party knows. Kink locations tend to be especially cliquish and one put out regular can easily escalate beyond all reasonable proportions.

Consenting to 'anything' under the SL sun is not the same as consenting to literally 'anyone'.

Consent is personal.

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Wait, wait wait. Do I understand correctly that the OP is a bit upset that she is not getting dragged over the mud? 

Is that an option? I need to investigate. 

Also I need to get a boots so can be licked. 😉🔒

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On 2/6/2020 at 3:35 PM, CoffeeDujour said:

No it really isn't.

You might be implying consent, but it can't be taken as a given - Even with 'a collar' and 'a proper role', even with a clearly worded profile.

You get asked because those same 'wet noodles' have learn't the hard way that just grabbing sooner or later ends very badly. When the drama inevitably hits the fan, it doesn't matter who was behaving as expected, it matters who the offended party knows. Kink locations tend to be especially cliquish and one put out regular can easily escalate beyond all reasonable proportions.

Consenting to 'anything' under the SL sun is not the same as consenting to literally 'anyone'.

Consent is personal.

I agree, there is no implied or auto consent just because a collar is worn or rlv is on, this is a misconstrued myth that has been long perpetrated here in sl.

Collar+RLV+sub_role=/=auto or implied or blanket consent by any means to everyone. Even if stated in the profile it doesnt mean it. If it was not asked for, consent was not given. It cannot be taken by anyone automatically no matter the sim or group ever.

Anyone with any real experience in bdsm and not just a fan of the '50 shades of abuse' movies and books knows this.

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it can help people when the owner of a open capture zone,  sets up a portal/gateway to it

when entering the portal/gateway, the player gets a message which says that beyond the gate it is a open capture zone. Anyone with their collar set to Open is fair game

when players aren't informed on entry what the zone rules are then it can all get a bit messy

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3 minutes ago, Mollymews said:

it can help people when the owner of a open capture zone,  sets up a portal/gateway to it

when entering the portal/gateway, the player gets a message which says that beyond the gate it is a open capture zone. Anyone with their collar set to Open is fair game

when players aren't informed on entry what the zone rules are then it can all get a bit messy

Even then in practice it doesn't work.

People loiter on the safe side of the entrance in silence waiting for consent to be given or requested.

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2 minutes ago, CoffeeDujour said:

People loiter on the safe side of the entrance in silence waiting for consent to be given or requested.

this is true. The safe zones in some places can be quite popular. People meeting up, chatting, getting to know each other

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If anything this all perfectly illustrates is a fundamental misconception in human behavior, and it's not just RLV or sexy time places.

How many places in SL just present a place and then imply function. Imagine if world world warcraft just presented a huge world without any quests.

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Then it would be a "virtual world" and not a massively multiplayer online role playing game?

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