Inordinate Insults!

[Orwar]

   Did you ever receive an insult, and feel something along the lines of "Yeah, that just didn't take."? Well, I can assure you that you are not alone - unfortunately, insults just aren't what they used to be. They're so impersonal, and often overdone. Recently, someone called me a 'nerd', and you know what my first thought was? "Yep, this situations sure makes it feel as if we're in some bland, American high school flick - let's turn it into a nice, gory teen scream.". And no, I still have no comment on the whole 'where did Eric go?' thing.

   Anyway, how would you like a personalised (and yes, 'personalised' with an s - all our services are provided in proper English!) insult, the kind which doesn't just make you drop the F-bomb like an angry adolescent with lethargic parents - but cuts brutally through all expectation and throw you violently into a fit of self-reflective emotions, and suffocate you with regret, doubt, and self-hatred until you don't know whether you should desperately suck in air before your chest cavity implodes, or scream into your pillow whilst stuffing your face into it as if you were physically trying to keep yourself from bawling your eyes out. Wait, wasn't that a question? Well, now there's a question mark in there somewhere, so it counts. I think? Double-tapped that one, didn't we.

   So. No more of those peculiar threats from someone who wishes harm unto your donkey (I'm not sure what happened across the pond to get people so wound up about pack animals). Just contact me in-world for an extensive interview about your personal life, and a quote for your particular case - or just drop me L$25 and I'll refer to you as the most unexpected inanimate object possible on the spot!

   <This place was originally reserved for a GIF or Meme from the relevant reference, alas it was discovered to also contain an F-bomb and Dakota scares me.>

   <Employed my awesome editing skills to make a more family friendly, though perhaps not quite as hilarious version. Disregard the last placeholder as it is no longer relevant.>

[Alyona Su]

You are as conceited as a mosquito floating down the river on its back with an erection, shouting "RAISE THE DRAWBRIDGE!"

(How did I do?) Hahahaha I remember some ancient quote from some dead guy from the 1600s that went "Bad language is the sign of a lazy mind and simple education." And I am nod-nodding all the time. Good OP!

Of course, there's always this: http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2011/10/shakespeare-insult-kit.html

My insult was free, so if you're charging for them, make 'em really good! (I may take you up on it just for kicks, because I really do roll my eyes at almost all thrown at me.) .

Edited October 15, 2019 by Alyona Su

[Tari Landar]

My favorite insult, since the very first time I ever watched Short Circuit (I was little) comes from none other than Johnny 5

"Hey laser lips, your mama was a snowblower"

Never ceases to bring me to damn near tears when I use it in rl and get the whole head cocked to the side, blank stare reaction from an uncultured swine.  I still use it, ALL the time.

That, and walnut, I call people walnut a lot, for whatever reason they find it extremely insulting. 

[Alyona Su]

17 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

My favorite insult, since the very first time I ever watched Short Circuit (I was little) comes from none other than Johnny 5

"Hey laser lips, your mama was a snowblower"

Never ceases to bring me to damn near tears when I use it in rl and get the whole head cocked to the side, blank stare reaction from an uncultured swine.  I still use it, ALL the time.

That, and walnut, I call people walnut a lot, for whatever reason they find it extremely insulting. 

That is funny. I remember that (worn out VHS video by now). I fully intend to send the L$25 to @Orwar - likely tomorrow or Friday (when I can be in-world to do it) because I genuinely let (attempted) insults thrown my way roll off my back like water on a duck. And I know I can, at least, get a wonderful laugh and have a a Linden Bear equivalent: An Orwar Custom Quip! (Orwar: will be from Alyona - but may be my alt Chernov - just FYI) .