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usedcars

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What do you think is an appropriate time to tell someone you love them in a new SL relationship assuming there is no real life contact??

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1 hour ago, usedcars said:

What do you think is an appropriate time to tell someone you love them in a new SL relationship assuming there is no real life contact??

   When you actually do.

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Now answer with out emoticons.  I would say depending on the relationship.  Maybe within two weeks and if the other person says it first then I would say it.  Usually you know how the relationship is working after almost a week.  If she or he wants to wait to have sex then before or during sex.   

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On 9/13/2019 at 9:24 AM, usedcars said:

What do you think is an appropriate time to tell someone you love them in a new SL relationship assuming there is no real life contact??

Appropriate is user-defined. Some people might be more predisposed to blurting "I love you!" to all and sundry. Others may never say it. And some do it with less intensity and more obligation than what others may do (especially if they are getting paid for or rewarded for it in some way; think "financial benefits"). I'm one of those people that regularly tell my SL friends that I love them (male or female), but when it comes to actual relationships it's something that won't come until much, much later; until I think the timing is right, and we've gotten to know each other well enough that I know without shadow of a doubt it's not infatuation, lust, or rose-coloured-glasses that's actually driving me. I think it all depends on the person (actually both people involved as hopefully you're getting to learn about them too and are hopefully reading similar signals), and depends of course on your mutual/shared circumstances.

If the relationship is very new (anything less than days or weeks) I really wouldn't be saying it. Unless you're not taking it seriously. Or you're just going through the motions and saying what you think you're supposed to. Or you think it's what the other person wants to hear, regardless if it's true or not. Just saying "I love you" has the ability to push a relationship further, whether that's intentional or not; Instead of friends you could be something more, or instead of a fake relationship it could manifest into a real one. And even if it doesn't your intentions could still be misconstrued in that way and you could scare your new partner off as they think you want more than they are willing to give.

Personally if someone says it too early to me I get immediate red-flags and alarm bells ringing in my head, especially if we barely know each other. Premature declarations of love, like other... premature "events" for a couple can seriously ruin the moment and leave one or both parties feeling unfulfilled. Rightly or wrongly I associate early declarations of love as early warning signs that the other person just wants to be in a relationship and doesn't care who it's with. They are in love with the idea of being in love or cannot be alone so anyone will do; I may as well not be there. A real danger from all this is the risk of being stalked or even becoming one if feelings are indeed intense enough. That has the definite ability to effect your real life and can cause serious problems in your RL relationships in a worst-case scenario.

Of course there are exceptions to most rules and we've all heard of couples that meet and fall in love and immediately "knew they were the one". But just because you love someone doesn't automatically mean they feel the same way. Do you love someone (as friends) or love someone (as something deeper) or is it just their company you actually love? If you can't tell the difference then it's too early to say it, and you're not giving the relationship much chance to develop naturally as it's supposed to. In my personal opinion you could be dooming it to failure if you do.

TL:DR; depends on the people involved, relationship, maturity, intentions, situation, mutual understanding, and timing. Or something like that.

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In my case,  3 months after spending hours and hours every day with him, feelings had been building but I was kicking them down with don't be stupid its some guy online you nutter.  Then there was a  moment when something happened to him in RL and as he was telling me the story and I can pinpoint it to that exact moment. I got this overwhelming feeling and urge to tell him how I felt.  10 years later it is now part of our nightly logging off routine.  We never go to sleep without saying it, be it inworld or a text message and knowing him like I do now I know it was a big deal for him to say it.   

So, I agree with..

12 minutes ago, RaeLeeH said:

TL:DR; depends on the people involved, relationship, maturity, intentions, situation, mutual understanding, and timing. Or something like that.

 

 

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Whether we're talking romantic or friendly love, or SL family love for that matter, in my opinion it is never appropriate to "feel" like saying it (nevermind actually saying it) before the individuals have been through some kind of trial or test of their bond.  I mean some kind of "bad days" where struggle in overcoming an obstacle together, whatever that obstacle may look like, brings the people closer together. Where they have seen how the other handles anger or disappointment or the word "no", for examples.  

It's easy to declare love on good days, but until the parties have seen how they handle bad days (together or apart) I personally believe a declaration of love risks being premature.

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On 9/12/2019 at 7:24 PM, usedcars said:

What do you think is an appropriate time to tell someone you love them in a new SL relationship assuming there is no real life contact??

When you want to scare him away.

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