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Posted (edited)

   I have yet to tick that little "appear offline" box. I do occasionally set an "away" or "busy" status if I am immersed in an intensive project, or personal interaction. I like @LittleMe Jewell's tip about sending an auto response rather than setting busy status so as to avoid delivery issues.

   I'm fairly open myself, even though I'm an introvert. If you find me confusing, it's ok to tell me so. With regards to my friends list, there are some with whom I even share  my location on the map, depending on the relationship, how long I've known them, and a whole host of other, more nebulous factors you could collectively call intuition. I can't say I've ever been overly pestered by any of them. Those that do come by always knock on the door, or perhaps take my car out for a spin up the Eiffel Tower (But she's always returned it fueled and washed).

   As I call myself friend to all these people, it bears mentioning that if I even notice that someone is hiding their online status from me, I'm going to assume they have a good reason for it that has very little to do with me. I have people on my list from way back, friends who haven't logged in for years, and whom I'm fairly certain never will again. But I keep those names there. I had fun with these people, and the memories are fond ones. It's a nice feeling to see them in the list.

Edited by Ivanova Shostakovich
because too many evens.
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16 minutes ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

  As I call myself friend to all these people, it bears mentioning that if I even notice that someone is hiding their online status from me, I'm going to assume they have a good reason for it that has very little to do with me. I have people on my list from way back, friends who haven't logged in for years, and whom I'm fairly certain never will again. But I keep those names there. I had fun with these people, and the memories are fond ones. It's a nice feeling to see them in the list.

I wish more residents were like us. thumbsup.gif.c193138407b8daf35a3a829acecb5a47.gif

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Online/ Offline status is a technical solution for a host of problems, technical and social. It's not purely a social thing.

But tackling the actual question: If you don't want these people sending you messages, why would you add them in the first place?

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47 minutes ago, Gadget Portal said:

Online/ Offline status is a technical solution for a host of problems, technical and social. It's not purely a social thing.

But tackling the actual question: If you don't want these people sending you messages, why would you add them in the first place?

Why bother to log in?

Why bother to breathe?

Humans are social animals. A few are pack animals, many are herd animals, some are loners. We all need to feel a connection to another human being regardless of how that connection takes shape, including loners much as a loner will deny it. We aren't human without that connection.

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8 hours ago, AmandaKeen said:

Personally, I have wondered why LL sanctions scanners in its official marketplace.

There are legitimate uses for the scripting function that gives you the info, so they can't really take that function away - and thus they can't really eliminate any scripted object using the function.

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4 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I have really mixed feelings about all of this, but your post has made me rethink my stance on the employment of these tools a bit. The problem, as is so often the case, is not the availability of these particular affordances, but rather with how they are used (or perhaps more frequently, misused). So, maybe the question should be, not "are there legitimate uses" for them, but rather, "are you using them in a legitimate way"?

I actually have one of these scanners rezzed on my land and it sends me an email if anyone on my list logs in.  My list contains the names of all of my alts, so if I get an email and it wasn't really me, then I know that my account has been compromised and I can immediately contact LL.

 

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3 hours ago, Gadget Portal said:

Online/ Offline status is a technical solution for a host of problems, technical and social. It's not purely a social thing.

But tackling the actual question: If you don't want these people sending you messages, why would you add them in the first place?

If I never wanted to speak to them again, I would simple remove them. Removing their ability to see if I'm online for a day or two doesn't mean I no longer desire to be available to them, forever and ever and into eternity. If I suspect someone has "hidden" my ability to see if they're online, I don't pay it much attention. Maybe they have a new significant other and want to spend their time bumping pixels. Maybe they're tired of my incessant babbling and need a break. I mean, why would I stress out about it or get angry? I have plenty to keep me busy, they'll come around... or not. Whatever.

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33 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

There are legitimate uses for the scripting function that gives you the info, so they can't really take that function away - and thus they can't really eliminate any scripted object using the function.

That's a useful LSL function.  It's used in a variety of places that offer tech support or customer service, giving people a chance to see who is on line to answer a question.  I sell an InWorld Timer HUD that keeps track of how long you have been logged in to SL -- useful for your own time management or when you need to maintain a record of billable hours for some reason (when you are paying a shop employee by the hour, perhaps, or when several team members are working on a project independently).  Over the years, I have found several other uses for it, none of which are "spying".  Like many scripting functions, of course, it can be used for less honorable purposes too.  When that happens, the scripter or the end user is to blame, not the LSL function.

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Posted (edited)

I'm usually building and I work better when I'm not trying to hold a conversation at the same time. I'm not fast at what I do, intentionally. I take a lot of short breaks sprinkled with a couple of long ones mostly because right now I can be on for 6 - 8 hours a day or more so that's how long I will work and do household stuff on those breaks. And I don't always turn on auto-response when I go afk or even say I'm going afk. So I'm usually not the best company unless I've made plans ahead of time to do something other than build.

But if you're just looking for a companionable silence, I'm your gal. When I'm not being a nervous chatterbox around someone I'm not very familiar with yet. You'll get one or the other* (sometimes both!) even if I do know you but with less stress. This is the reason I don't associate, in world, with those who claim they keep SL and RL separate. I can't get to know you without knowing you. That is what keeping SL and RL separate means. That who you are in SL is not the same person as you are in RL. I'm not interested in spending what time I have left in this life on those who are only roleplaying. When I want RP, I go to an RP sim. Otherwise, what you get is the real me. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

 

*when nervous I will either talk your ears off or hardly say a word at all so sometimes it's hard to tell. The only sure way to tell is if you could see me in RL and see me almost completely stop breathing.

Edited by Selene Gregoire
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I’m with you @Selene Gregoire. While I respect a person’s desire/need to keep RL a complete secret, I enjoy talking about my RL and get along better with people that are comfortable doing the same. 

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8 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

But if you're just looking for a companionable silence, I'm your gal.

When people get quiet, I like to assume they’re either being naughty, or camming up my nose or something.

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6 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

camming up my nose or something.

Looking for a lost jelly bean?  That's disgusting!

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1 minute ago, Rolig Loon said:

Looking for a lost jelly bean?  That's disgusting!

Exactly, why are they looking up my nose? Do I have a visible booger, or need a nose hair trim?

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

Looking for a lost jelly bean?  That's disgusting!

No, not a jelly bean, it was a wall socket screw and I was only 2 years old. As far as I know it's still in the gold oval frame my mom put it in and still in the house I grew up in. 

Edited by Selene Gregoire
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6 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Exactly, why are they looking up my nose? Do I have a visible booger, or need a nose hair trim?

Man, those mesh heads are going to extraordinary lengths to convey realism these days.

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10 minutes ago, Eva Knoller said:

While I respect a person’s desire/need to keep RL a complete secret, I enjoy talking about my RL and get along better with people that are comfortable doing the same. 

We all have personal rules about how much information to share, even with close friends.  There are many things I never told my mother too (and I suspect we can each say that).  On-line friendships create extra reasons to be cautious, because we have few ways to be sure who we are talking with, or who they may share the information with.  We have our own reasons for keeping some kinds of information private too, even if we share others.  For example, I have many SL friends that I have known for over a decade, but I have made a personal rule to never offer information that could tell them where I am in RL, within 500 miles or so.  It's not necessarily that I have anything to hide, but the fewer people who can connect the dots, the happier I am. I just value my privacy. Besides, my RL location is irrelevant to what we do in SL. 

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1 minute ago, Bitsy Buccaneer said:

Man, those mesh heads are going to extraordinary lengths to convey realism these days.

There’s that new booger add on from Izzie’s. She’s got an add on for everything!

*this is not a real thing... yet.

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1 minute ago, Rolig Loon said:

We all have personal rules about how much information to share, even with close friends.  There are many things I never told my mother too (and I suspect we can each say that).  On-line friendships create extra reasons to be cautious, because we have few ways to be sure who we are talking with, or who they may share the information with.  We have our own reasons for keeping some kinds of information private too, even if we share others.  For example, I have many SL friends that I have known for over a decade, but I have made a personal rule to never offer information that could tell them where I am in RL, within 500 miles or so.  It's not necessarily that I have anything to hide, but the fewer people who can connect the dots, the happier I am. I just value my privacy. Besides, my RL location is irrelevant to what we do in SL. 

Absolutely! As I said, I respect anyone’s desire to keep anything they want secret. I just get along better with folks that will share some details of their real life. YMMV 

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Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

my RL location is irrelevant to what we do in SL. 

Yes and no. Your general geological location (meaning mostly country) can give people an idea of the cultural background you come from so they can avoid saying or doing things that may inadvertently offend. What isn't offensive to most in one area may be highly offensive in another. Even in the US cultures vary from one state to the next. There are just more of them from all over the world. Of course the same info can be used to hurt. Sometimes the risk is more than worth it.

But as for needing to know an exact loction? Nah. You'd have to live close by and actually want to be friends in RL for me to tell you my home address.

Edited by Selene Gregoire
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8 minutes ago, Eva Knoller said:

There’s that new booger add on from Izzie’s. She’s got an add on for everything!

*this is not a real thing... yet.

source.gif

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1 minute ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Your general geological location (meaning mostly country) can give people an idea of the cultural background you come from so they can avoid saying or doing things that may inadvertently offend.

That's a very good point, and it's why I don't worry about letting people know that I am somewhere in the northern/middle part of the U.S.  I'm sure you can think of many good reasons why any one of us might want to keep from narrowing the circle any tighter than that.  I can think of only a few reasons why anyone in SL needs to know more, hence my personal rule.  I offered that simply as an example, though.  Some kinds of information -- not just your Social Security number and your SL password -- are nobody else's business.  I prefer not to speculate about why anyone doesn't want to share RL details.  

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I'm an introvert.  I like my friends, I just don't always feel like talking to them.  If I hide my status from anyone, it's usually because they are too extroverted.  If anyone besides my lover IM's me within the first 5 minutes of me logging in, and it's not due to some urgent matter, then I will probably take away their ability to see when I log in. When I'm in the mood to chat then I will go somewhere public where I know people and I will chat.  I very rarely initiate an IM with anyone unless there is something specific I need to discuss with them.

I've had people get pissed off at me before for hiding my status.  I just tell them that friendship doesn't mean giving away one's right to privacy. If they don't accept that, they are free to unfriend. 

image.png.7e0df9299b2f9657522e9888607d81b9.png

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26 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I like my friends, I just don't always feel like talking to them. 

Same here.

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On 8/12/2019 at 3:57 AM, AnyaJurelle said:

The simple answer is to log into your account page and look on the left hand side - it will show you which of your friends are currently online.

If their name is displayed in bold lettering, then they're online.

If they're not showing up in your friend's list inworld, then they don't want you knowing they're online, but haven't quite got the nerve to delete you from their friends list.

Or... they're afraid of you and want to know when you are online.  They don't unfriend you because if they do, they might end up somewhere you are by accident.  I have not unfriended someone i consider a predator for that very reason.  i want to know when they are on so I can try not to be where they might be.

When you use block tools, it doesn't notify others... not sure what notice they get if you delete them from the 'show when online' list.

Alternately, they may have died like a couple of my friends did, and I only found out by chance months later. Sadly, if someone never logs on again and their family doesn't attempt to log on to their account to tell friends, or don't even know they have an account, they will simply vanish forever.  Since you cannot see the friends of your friends, there isn't an easy way to check with them to see if they know something.  I gave my spouse specific "notify" wishes, but he's a techie, so SL is not a challenge the way it might be for some others' family members.

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2 minutes ago, DeepBlueJoy said:

Or... they're afraid of you and want to know when you are online.  They don't unfriend you because if they do, they might end up somewhere you are by accident.  I have not unfriended someone i consider a predator for that very reason.  i want to know when they are on so I can try not to be where they might be.

When you use block tools, it doesn't notify others... not sure what notice they get if you delete them from the 'show when online' list.

Alternately, they may have died like a couple of my friends did, and I only found out by chance months later. Sadly, if someone never logs on again and their family doesn't attempt to log on to their account to tell friends, or don't even know they have an account, they will simply vanish forever.  Since you cannot see the friends of your friends, there isn't an easy way to check with them to see if they know something.  I gave my spouse specific "notify" wishes, but he's a techie, so SL is not a challenge the way it might be for some others' family members.

Very good points, DeepBlueJoy

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