Hidden

[Kia Kiyori]

Just now, Selene Gregoire said:

Not everyone hides their online status because they want to remove someone. Sometimes we just need peace and quiet or not to be disturbed while working.

Or maybe, just maybe, we don't feel up to dealing with people that drain us through no fault of ours or theirs for a while. Like today for me. Last night I had to take Dmitri to the hospital because his heart has been beating erratically for 4 days.

What I'm trying to say is sometimes there are good reasons to not show your online status even to those you may consider close friends in SL. Some days are just not good days.

Oh I keep forgetting you don't use Firestorm, do you? So yours possibly doesn't have a DnD privacy notification you can set?

[Selene Gregoire]

Just now, AnyaJurelle said:

Oh I keep forgetting you don't use Firestorm, do you? So yours possibly doesn't have a DnD privacy notification you can set?

I use FS and was on the support team for over 5 years. I think I know how to work it. Doesn't change anything I said. And no I am NOT good company today.

[Kia Kiyori]

1 minute ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I use FS and was on the support team for over 5 years. I think I know how to work it. Doesn't change anything I said. And no I am NOT good company today.

Ouch! No, I wasn't presuming you didn't know how to use it - I'd thought you'd mentioned on another thread that you don't use FS? Anyway, that's all I'd do if I didn't want to hear from someone for whatever reason - just slap up a notification to let them know.

[Selene Gregoire]

Just now, AnyaJurelle said:

Ouch! No, I wasn't presuming you didn't know how to use it - I'd thought you'd mentioned on another thread that you don't use FS? Anyway, that's all I'd do if I didn't want to hear from someone for whatever reason - just slap up a notification to let them know.

No I have never said I don't use FS. I have always said I do.

I use the notifications and I also use other features that work for me.  All too often people ignore those notifications and just keep on IMing. 

[Kia Kiyori]

Just now, Selene Gregoire said:

No I have never said I don't use FS. I have always said I do.

I use the notifications and I also use other features that work for me.  All too often people ignore those notifications and just keep on IMing. 

Ok I'm sleep deprived. Must have mixed you up with someone else. My apologies!

[ClariceRose]

If someone is hiding, it doesn't always mean that they are being rude. Maybe they're sl working or taking pics or need alone time with their significant other, etc. Or maybe they want peace and quiet. Think outside the judgemental box at times 😊

[Selene Gregoire]

4 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

and right behind you.

You really should shift over to my right shoulder. The left is the one that has the adhesive capsulitis and you are just a tad bit heavy to be carrying around on it. Besides, it's my right ear that has lost the most hearing thereby giving you an almost undetectable in for your subliminals.

[LittleMe Jewell]

I seldom untick the 'see me' box, just because I know that I'd never remember to re-tick it.

While I don't have my auto-response on ALL the time, it is on a lot of the time.  Primarily because I tend to get sidetracked very easily and will find myself focused on the forums or something else in a browser that is on my other monitor and I'll totally space glancing back at my viewer very often.  Also, I really do tend to go AFK a lot, to deal with various RL stuff.

I am primarily in SL for me, not for others, so if someone wants to get offended over my use of autoresponse and sometimes really delayed responses, that it totally their issue.  If they want to drop me from their Friends list because of it, also totally their issue.  No skin off my back, as they say.

[Rolig Loon]

I don't bother with Auto Response, for the same reason that I don't put a cutesy message in my phone's voice mail system.  If someone wants to get my attention, it's their responsibility to say something worth responding to, and I get to choose whether and when to respond.  It really helps that we can see who's calling in RL and in SL these days.

I won't ever respond to blind "Hi!" messages from people I don't know.  That includes random "Would you be my friend?" messages in SL.

I don't stop what I'm doing to answer a call (unless it's something unpleasant like the housecleaning or something that I can put off without losing my place). 

I won't interrupt a conversation with one person so that I can get into a simultaneous one with someone else (unless it's an emergency or supposed to be a conference call). 

And I'm prepared to reverse my normal stance on a whim if I really do want to talk. 😊

If people choose to get miffed because I don't respond right away, that's their problem.  If it's really important, leave me a message to explain why I have to answer RIGHT NOW.  Otherwise, wait until I am free.  I won't usually forget to answer a real call (unless you're a robocaller).

Edited August 12, 2019 by Rolig Loon

[Kimmi Zehetbauer]

10 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

If people choose to get miffed because I don't respond right away, that's their problem.  If it's really important, leave me a message to explain why I have to answer RIGHT NOW.  Otherwise, wait until I am free.  I won't usually forget to answer a real call (unless you're a robocaller).

If I PM someone and they don't respond --- I assume they're busy or AFK. Sometimes they're even ghosted as I had someone in Skype PM me saying they crashed out and asking if they're still on line. I also rarely PM people unless it's a performer at my club and need to tell them I will be closed or missing that night.

[Alyona Su]

I think it's funny and sad at the same time that people define their friendship by a list. That list is only ever supposed to be a doorbell, so you can get together in-world. If you never do then what is the point of maintaining that list? Seriously? I prune mine hard every week. If you want to be in it then we'd better spend some time together, otherwise it's just an annoyances every time that doorbell rings and neither of you give a care.

Better to just prune the list.

[kiramanell]

15 hours ago, Kellina Wandsworth said:

Is there anyway to tell if someone has made it so that you cannot see when they were on?

 

Type something in chat to them: if they're truly offline, the system will tell you; otherwise they're just hiding.  

[CheriColette]

There are heaps of ways to 'discover' if someone is online, hidden or not but I am with the group here that asks why should it matter. Its a choice the other player makes.

What I dont like is why some people feel they have to lie about when they are or are not online as  @RaeLeeH said, and as to autoresponse, using that can effect deliveries so I seldom use it. 

I delay answers to PM's if Im busy and I usually check before leaving SL and send an answer (if I havent crashed and lost the message). People understand you are not always available, well they should, if they are adults. 

[kiramanell]

8 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

I "hide" from people all the time. Sometimes I just wish to not be disturbed. Why do some find that so offensive? Yes, I use the auto-respond sometimes, too, but then I feel guilty if someone does IM me and I don't answer. It's just easier to hide everyone on my list for a little while... it doesn't mean I don't have the nerve to defriend them or anything of the sort. Making that assumption is dangerous and you may well lose very good friends over it. 

No one is obligated to let anyone know when they're in SL, same in RL when I'm not obligated to tell anyone where I am all the time, nor do I have to answer a phone call or a text immediately. 

If it bothers you so much and you believe someone is hiding from you, instead of making assumptions be an adult and communicate your concerns to them. 

 

I'm absolutely with you on this! (Althought the general concensus seems to be thinking hiding is rude). Often I'm building, or tweaking new outfits, or... simply not up for a lengthy conversation. Doesn't mean I'm being rude. Just means I want some Kira time.

I have many friends in RL too. Doesn't mean I want to hear from them, at every moment they feel like it. Let alone be guilt-tripped into thinking I'm somehow obligated to drop everything on the spot and go talk to them. That's a weird sense of entitlement ppl are having there. 

And I'm extending my online friends the same courtesy, really. Like I never bother to try and figure out whether they're online, after all, when I don't see them (that always feels like borderline stalking to me).

I'm also not a teenager anymore (*pout*; no really, it's a good thing too). So, I don't conform to this day-and-age's almost obsessive need to be constantly socially available to everyone. I'm simply not that insecure any more.

Edited August 12, 2019 by kiramanell

[CheriColette]

18 minutes ago, kiramanell said:

 

Type something in chat to them: if they're truly offline, the system will tell you; otherwise they're just hiding.  

And sometime, they slip up and answer lol. 

[kiramanell]

1 minute ago, CheriColette said:

And sometime, they slip up and answer lol. 

 

Or they simply don't mind talking to you, after all.  

[CheriColette]

Just now, kiramanell said:

 

Or they simply don't mind talking to you, after all.  

True

[kiramanell]

8 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'm with Beth on this one. By default, I'm hidden from most people. You don't need to know that I'm on, every time I'm on. It's intrusive.

I prefer not to live in a panopticon in RL, thank you very much, and SL is no different.

 

Thank you for saying this so eloquently and succinctly, Scylla! 👍

[kiramanell]

8 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

It's not the room that's getting warmer, Scylla...it's you!

 

Wait, if it's her getting warmer, wouldn't the room start to feel colder then? 😛

[Jerilynn Lemon]

14 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

i'm not sure but think you can only hide it for non members
and the membership list is simply not available at all in large groups

That is correct.

Non-members will not see a current status (online, last online) and maybe a few names will be shown. The larger groups don't (won't) list their members status perhaps because if you have a few thousand names to go through, it takes some time for the list to show (?).

My original post meant that even if you click to hide presence away from a particular person, that person can still see you online via group memberships (members of the same group(s)).

[Scylla Rhiadra]

It's maybe a little odd that no one is asking the obvious question.

What legitimate reason could you possibly have to need to know when someone who has chosen not to be visible to you is online?

Other than stalking them of course.

[Mollymews]

6 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

What legitimate reason could you possibly have to need to know when someone who has chosen not to be visible to you is online?

a legitimate reason is that there is some comfort in being able to look at our friends list and know that the person in bold is there for us

sure we do need/want alone time sometimes. However, when we find that we are often not there for another person, then best to remove ourselves from the list of people who are there for them 

[LittleMe Jewell]

4 hours ago, CheriColette said:

as to autoresponse, using that can effect deliveries so I seldom use it. 

Setting yourself to 'Busy' will cause inventory offers to be rejected.  However, using the Firestorm 'autoresponse' option - not Busy - simply sends messages to anyone that IMs you, but does not impact any deliveries.

 

2 hours ago, Mollymews said:

a legitimate reason is that there is some comfort in being able to look at our friends list and know that the person in bold is there for us

sure we do need/want alone time sometimes. However, when we find that we are often not there for another person, then best to remove ourselves from the list of people who are there for them 

Many of us use the Friends list as a Contact list.  There are no rules that say it must be only for Friends.   Or even close friends versus acquaintances that you may or may not eventually develop into a closer friendship.  It could also include a list of those folks that one might consider simply a hook-up acquaintance.  Many folks have lots of business contacts on there. So many ways to use this single list that LL gives us.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 hours ago, Mollymews said:

a legitimate reason is that there is some comfort in being able to look at our friends list and know that the person in bold is there for us

I suppose that this might be true, sometimes. I don't know how often my friends see my name in bold on their "online" list and heave a sigh of relief? But I generally take your point.

I'm very conscious that my position on this might seem harsh or uncaring. That's not the case, I promise. My friends know, I hope, that if they really need me, they can contact me, whether I'm offline or in-world, and I will respond.

But I won't be made to feel like I'm "on call" whenever I'm online. That may sound selfish -- maybe it is -- but I think everyone needs personal space, and sometimes just silence, even in a virtual world. One of the terrible things about social media, and things like cell phones, is the sense that they give us that we are always plugged in, that there is no place to be just by and for ourselves. I really believe that the incessant background noise, the inescapable if sometimes subtle din of always being connected, is damaging. I think it endangers our mental health, and I think it threatens our sense of who we are, as separate beings.

There's really no one who believes in the value of community more than I do: I'm very much a collectivist in most regards. But a healthy and viable community isn't a sort of eternal hivemind; it is one that is composed of individuals who are sufficiently secure in their understanding of themselves, and their place within the community, that they can unplug without severing their sense of engagement with friends and communities. And, equally, a generous and viable community is one that recognizes that the individual has needs too, and that it is actually strengthened by the participation of those who take the time to just be by themselves.

[Mollymews]

1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Many of us use the Friends list as a Contact list.  There are no rules that say it must be only for Friends.   Or even close friends versus acquaintances that you may or may not eventually develop into a closer friendship.  It could also include a list of those folks that one might consider simply a hook-up acquaintance.  Many folks have lots of business contacts on there. So many ways to use this single list that LL gives us.

these are legitimate reasons for why we might turn off our online presence. And yes our Contacts list has Friends and Not Friends on it

Scylla asked if there was a legitimate reason for not turning it off. And I gave a legitimate reason for at least the Friends part of our Contacts list

Edited August 13, 2019 by Mollymews
reason typo