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Posted (edited)

I'm not a tall, slim red-haired elf in RL either.

I just wish I was.

Edited by Matty Luminos
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43 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

I'M NOT A CAT.

 

There, I outed myself.

 

40 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

I'm not a tall, slim red-haired elf in RL either.

I just wish I was.

Hi....

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54 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

I'M NOT A CAT.

 

There, I outed myself.

off, you just ruined my all secondlife experience. Now what, you are gonna tell me all cats in sl are not real cats ? how can i secondlive now?

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17 hours ago, usedcars said:

what would be your reaction if any if you found out your SL partner/GF/BF was the opposite gender of their SL avatar..ie girl playing a guy role or guy playing a girl role??

Why would it matter at all? UNLESS you're using Second Life as an e-Harmony service, which (i suspect) one should probably not do unless they are of masochist proclivity for broken heart scenarios.

To answer the OP question for myself: Pffft. Doesn't bother me at all. Because it's not as though that other person is going to buy a plane ticket and fly to me so we can have a roll-in-the-hay; what difference should it make?

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8 hours ago, anniepany said:

Totally agree with you Selene. Who I am in SL is who I am in RL. I may not look like my avie but my personality, my quirks, my likes and dislikes are me in both worlds. And if I found out that someone was not honest about themselves from the beginning like the question, if you are female in RL that's fine, but if I find out further down the road then it's buh bye because I do not and will not tolerate liars and deceivers. Period. 

If they will lie to you or deceive you once, they will do so again. One of the hardest of life's lessons to learn. And we never really do learn it.

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7 hours ago, Orwar said:

   But, but... You aren't the real Tinkerbell? 😮

She'll tinker your bell if you aren't careful. And you won't like it. You do know fairies pee acid don't you?

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

If they will lie to you or deceive you once, they will do so again. One of the hardest of life's lessons to learn. And we never really do learn it.

Amen to that! Believe me I've learned it the hard way and never again. 

Edited by anniepany
added a word
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I'm not a monk nor can I sing, despite what my name suggests.

To answer the OP question, it doesn't bother me at all what gender people choose to play.  Unless if they want to take it to RL, then it's important that I should be able to identify their face at the airport.

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I expect a little fibbing about one’s real life so finding out the person is not who they said they were is not a big deal as long as the avatar in SL is believable.   

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On 8/5/2019 at 10:55 PM, usedcars said:

what would be your reaction if any if you found out your SL partner/GF/BF was the opposite gender of their SL avatar..ie girl playing a guy role or guy playing a girl role??

Like most of the respondents already, it wouldn't matter to me. In fact this very question came up with the woman I was dating prior to my current partner. She was very reluctant to share anything about her RL; I knew what city she lived in and what she did for work, but that was all. She never went on voice (and neither did I) and she never shared a RL photo of herself with me. 

One day she asked me, "What would you think if I told you I was a guy in RL?" I said, without hesitation, that I didn't care. And I don't; why should I? If I am never going to meet them in RL, anything about their RL appearance is completely irrelevant. A relationship in SL comprises two things only; the avatar and the personality. And even if I am going to meet them in RL, it's still irrelevant; because if I've fallen in love with a person based on what I can see in SL, nothing as trivial as RL appearance can make any difference.

I understand that for some people there's the issue of physical compatibility, but since there is no physical contact in SL, that can only be an issue if the intention is to hook up in RL.

 

On 8/6/2019 at 2:46 AM, Selene Gregoire said:

You can't build a lasting relationship based on deceit/a lie. Full stop. 

You can't build a lasting friendship based on deceit/a lie. Full stop.

If you can't be upfront about it you are being deceitful. You are hiding the truth.

The only one making it harder to tell the truth about RL gender are the ones trying to hide it for fear they will be rejected because of it. That is not on the person who ends the relationship based on a lie. That is on the person who was not upfront, honest and truthful to begin with.

ETA: Basically what you've said is that if someone lies/is deceitful about their gender to a partner, than the person being lied to is the one to blame for the lie. That isn't much different from victim blaming. 

I don't buy this at all. First of all, having an avatar of a different sex from your RL sex is no different than having an avatar of a different ethnicity or a different species. If you are going to say that it's deceitful to have a female avatar when you're male, then why is it not equally deceitful to have a black avatar if you're white, or a wolf avatar if you're human? (I'll answer this later). 

Secondly, having an avatar of a different sex doesn't necessarily mean that the gender is different.  I am a transgender man, and when I started SL in 2008, several years before I started transition, you'd have said that my avatar was a different gender, but you'd be wrong. I was always male, even before I looked like one.  It wasn't my SL that was a lie, it was my RL.  So even when the avatar doesn't match the physical body, it still might be the truth.

On 8/6/2019 at 8:13 AM, Matty Luminos said:

The only situation in which I would need a person to be totally honest with me is if their RL gender identity doesn't match their avatar. In other words, if they fully identify as female in RL while using a male avatar. Not trans, not non-binary, not using a male avatar because they feel it suits or fits them better, but using it just "for fun" or "for a change" or even to deliberately deceive.  That's why I make it very clear in my profile that I am male, even when my avatar has the appearance of a girl. My gender expression in SL may be androgynous or fluid, but my gender identity in RL is not.

For me, I think even that wouldn't matter to me. Then again, I am bisexual anyway, so even in RL, gender has little impact on my ability to love or be in a relationship with someone. The only thing that I really need a person to be honest about is that they are telling the truth when they say they love me

So lets go back and answer that earlier question. Why is it only gender than matters, and not ethnicity, or body shape, or any other aspect of physical appearance? And why does it matter so much even when there is no hope of ever hooking up in RL? When two people who have only just met in SL, who live six thousand miles apart, why does Guy A care so much that Girl B is a girl in RL?

The answer to this is often homophobia

If Guy A is homophobic, then being attracted to a girl in SL, who may be (or may have the appearance of) a man in RL, is a threat to his own sexuality. It makes him wonder if he might be gay himself and he is so terrified of that thought that he must absolutely verify the RL gender of every girl he meets in SL, just in case he accidentally bumps pixels with a bloke.  Transphobia is rooted in homophobia for the exact same reason.  And both of them are rooted in misogyny and sexism; the idea that women are inferior to men. That's why the majority of people on SL who really care about the RL gender of their SL partner are straight men, and why the majority of attacks on trans people in RL are attacks on trans women by straight men.  Far fewer people seem to be worried about trans men in RL, and far fewer people in SL are interested in verifying if a person with a male avatar is male in RL. 

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I don't look beyond SL, and really don't care who is behind the keyboard of each of my friends. I don't seek a relationship here which simplifies things a lot.

The one time a guy I friended insisted I saw his RL photo......... it broke the mirror. The illusion was shattered because from that point I saw the RL person. I'd rather not know, it's better for me to stay immersed in this pixel world.

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i think a lot of it has to do with fantasy created especially if the avatar is very nice looking and both people are connecting.  some just have preferences not to find out the sex of the girl is 65 yo guy who claims to be a girl trapped in a guys body.   I don’t mind and usually I already know the sex of the person behind the avatar

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11 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

I don't look beyond SL, and really don't care who is behind the keyboard of each of my friends. I don't seek a relationship here which simplifies things a lot.

The one time a guy I friended insisted I saw his RL photo......... it broke the mirror. The illusion was shattered because from that point I saw the RL person. I'd rather not know, it's better for me to stay immersed in this pixel world.

i know i would rather not see a real life picture though especially of certain body parts

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Lewis Luminos said:

I don't buy this at all. First of all, having an avatar of a different sex from your RL sex is no different than having an avatar of a different ethnicity or a different species. If you are going to say that it's deceitful to have a female avatar when you're male, then why is it not equally deceitful to have a black avatar if you're white, or a wolf avatar if you're human? (I'll answer this later). 

Secondly, having an avatar of a different sex doesn't necessarily mean that the gender is different.  I am a transgender man, and when I started SL in 2008, several years before I started transition, you'd have said that my avatar was a different gender, but you'd be wrong. I was always male, even before I looked like one.  It wasn't my SL that was a lie, it was my RL.  So even when the avatar doesn't match the physical body, it still might be the truth.

Lewis you have read my posts on SLU and know better than this. You know that is not how I see things. I shouldn't have to sit here and tell you yet again that what I am talking about are relationships based on trust, not whether or not someone is male, female, non, etc.

If you base your relationship on a lie that relationship will not last. That is all I am saying. Nothing more and nothing less.It makes no difference what the lie is. A lie is a lie and lies create distrust. I don't know anyone who wants to be in a relationship with someone who lies. And hiding things from your partner only makes you look guilty. Something I've been dealing with pretty much every day for almost 20 years. It's not easy living with someone who makes their self look guilty.

If someone wants the that kind of relationship, far be it for me to stand in the way of their misery.

Edited by Selene Gregoire
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if i found out my sl gf or partner was a guy then it would be over.   I am not talking about someones life story or place in life but a bit of honesty is nice.   

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Well if I was single being honest I couldn't do it. If I want companionship with a man then I'll hang out with my brothers. If I want companionship with a woman then that is exactly what I expect. I am pretty black and white. There is no grey middle ground for me. So a dude that thinks he is a woman or wants to pretend to be ain't gonna cut it for me. Only exception to that rule might be if it's an rp in character situation then I wouldn't want to know because I wouldn't care, but if I was actually going to entertain the notion of dating the person while voice is not exactly a requirement to hang out I'd have to have heard them on voice with me at least once or they wouldn't even make it out the friend zone. lol ;)

I don't think one voice conversation is a lot to ask of anyone especially if your talking serious long term relationship material with emotions involved on here. Based off my own personal experience and foul things I've seen people pull on here to friends and even non-friends I feel like if a person can't do at least that then nine out of ten times they have got something to hide generally and they really are not at all that serious about a relationship with me. Therefore I can't be bothered to be serious about them either and they can pretty much hit the bricks if they think they are leaving that friend zone area any time soon. Lmao!!!! :D

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3 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

I'd have to have heard them on voice with me at least once or they wouldn't even make it out the friend zone

Yep. Black and white alright. Not a single thought for those who have hearing loss or are fully deaf. Yes, we are in SL and no, we don't use voice because we can't hear or hear well enough. 

Personally, I don't use voice because I have high frequency hearing loss and tinnitus. Not that it is any of your business. Just like it's not any of your business if someone else has hearing loss. People like you don't even make it to the acquaintance zone, much less the friend zone, in my book. I don't associate with people who discriminate.

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Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Yep. Black and white alright. Not a single thought for those who have hearing loss or are fully deaf. Yes, we are in SL and no, we don't use voice because we can't hear or hear well enough. 

Personally, I don't use voice because I have high frequency hearing loss and tinnitus. Not that it is any of your business. Just like it's not any of your business if someone else has hearing loss. People like you don't even make it to the acquaintance zone, much less the friend zone, in my book. I don't associate with people who discriminate.

Your right it's not my business and I didn't ask. I sure as heck didn't ask to be your friend let alone acquaintance either. lol I don't associate with people who don't use their common sense. Since you want to go there you really picked the wrong subject to use as an example against me Miss OMG let me accuse you of being so discriminating over there. My best friend and brother of 20 years suffers from hearing loss and actually works with the hearing impaired and even he can manage to mic up on TeamSpeak and say hi to all the fellas. So being deaf is a piss poor excuse and in fact I am anything, but discriminating. Being deaf doesn't render your ability to speak. In fact you can always wave at the camera too if ya have one. lol The worse thing you can EVER do to someone with a handicap is treat them handicap. So cry a river some where else with those accusations lady. Have a nice day. ;)

Edited by Velk Kerang
Corrections.

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1 hour ago, Velk Kerang said:

 The worse thing you can EVER do to someone with a handicap is treat them handicap.

Hold your horses cowboy, no one made you the speaker for all people.Don't act like you know what is best for all humanity.   the worst thing you can EVER do to a person with a disability is to treat it as you think it should be treated. I know many people with problems of all kinds, I can even be included in this list in a certain way, and some want to be treated as if they have no problem, but others do not, at least not always.Life is so hard for all people, with problems or not. There are days when I am too tired to wear my big girl pants and I just wanna be cudled, protected, shielded from the real world.and if then, my partner, the real man, as he considers himself, tells me "no, I don't care about your problems, others can get over them", then, damn with him.

a little tip, next time, ask yourself how a disabled person wants to be treated and not treat him/her as you want it to be

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Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

 if a person can't do at least that then nine out of ten times they have got something to hide generally and they really are not at all that serious about a relationship

or they just don't like to voice ... ánd have to prove nothing to you.
 

2 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

The worse thing you can EVER do to someone with a handicap is treat them handicap.

not at all, most will hate it you look down on it or patronize, also in behaviour. But if you respect and act in dicrete courtisy and appoach with dignity, nearly nobody will see or experience it as bad. Never met a human in a wheelchair who slaps you with a baseball bat when you offer to help them to go on a steep ramp or a door if you see they have trouble with it .. still pretty clear you help them with their handicap. ( and i don't doubt there are who actually try to slap :)  )

Edited by Alwin Alcott
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On 8/6/2019 at 10:13 AM, Alyona Su said:

Why would it matter at all? UNLESS you're using Second Life as an e-Harmony service, which (i suspect) one should probably not do unless they are of masochist proclivity for broken heart scenarios.

To answer the OP question for myself: Pffft. Doesn't bother me at all. Because it's not as though that other person is going to buy a plane ticket and fly to me so we can have a roll-in-the-hay; what difference should it make?

I am curious why someone shouldn't use Second Life as a dating service?  I appreciate and respect that you wouldn't use it to find a relationship, however using it as a dating service is as good a reason as any to use Second Life.  I do understand that this wasn't the initial purpose of the game but it has evolved into it.  In fact 50% of SL is designed around relationships, sex and romance.  I think it would be only natural for some to want to use this as a way to find a RL partner.

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Would it make a difference if the meat robot behind the avatar was a woman who looked more like Mama June than her Taylor Swift avatar and had the voice of Sylvester the cat after a fifty year two pack a day smoking habit?

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