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pinkpatrol

How do families members meet one another in the first place?

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A 100% serious post from me. No silliness or humorous threats to beat up badgers. 

I've ran into (once literally) three small family units on SL at different times. Maybe a couple of years ago I would have laughed and considered it strange that strangers decided to play family on a video game. But now I'm wiser, I know games like Second Life are what you make of them and you can do virtually anything. And real-life kind of sobered me but that's neither here nor there. 

What I'm trying to get to is that I felt jealous every time I saw a family interacting and having a good time. It was like a real family and my heart which is a lot softer than people give it credit for, couldn't take the adorableness of it all. 

So...how do people become families? Is it all left up to happenstance. Do they put up ads? I've been pretty isolated thus far on Second Life and though I would love friends I feel like trying to find a good family that I gel with is where my heart is taking me but I'm insure of how to even go about everything. 

(please forgive my early morning sappiness I caught a case of the feels. I'll probably regret posting this after a nap)

Below is a pic of me pondering if I just should adopt a bunch of those little animated cats and fill up my skybox with them.

 

How do I acquire kin.png

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YEP. Already regretting this. I'm just going to try to get into some RP communities. Sorry to drunk talk to you guys. 

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I have myself a big bro….and a little sis, though it was more of an organic dynamic of being around certain people for so long.  It wasn’t something I ever sought.  Certainly see advertising for families here, and I’m sure there’s plenty of groups dedicated.  Probably better with the groups, not too many visit these forums.  Seeking family I imagine is like seeking a mate here, just need to find a match and compromise a little.  Certainly heard of many disasters and drama from families too…probably more of that then success.  But I don’t know, since I don’t seek such a dynamic in SL.

Decide what role/s you’d like.  Search for sims dedicated for seekers, and join some groups…and good luck!

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I was never seeking a family. My character in an Arabian Nights sim was enslaved and obtained by someone who already had one other slave, making us "chain sisters". We all got on very well in RP and OOC, and she and I started referring to each other as "sis" even when we weren't in RP. Just took off from there. She was a little older and a lot wiser, and we just naturally developed a sisterly relationship. 

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I've had a few families in SL over the years. My original "sisters" Kat and Jo were just ladies that I met roughly about the same time when walking around a residential estate once looking for a home. Kat was the next door neighbour and Jo was in an mutual group and she IM'd me one day asking for advice. From there we all just sort of started speaking and hanging out together regularly. When I moved into another region I asked them to join me and they did. We started calling each other sisters and have been ever since (Jo has since left SL but Kat and her many alts still stays in regular contact). But in terms of actually acting as family there's never really been much of that. It was also kind accidental in how I met a woman I called, for a time, my mum, Ahnue. The dynamic with her was a fraction more traditional; I had a Zooby baby at that point (my first) and she would look after him and we would go hang out at places together, and she introduced me to people as her daughter. We made plans to meet up for Christmases and such but that never eventuated either and we lost contact, but it served a purpose for a time.

A few times I've used adoption boards, or did back in the day (though have no idea where you would even begin to start looking to find them anymore, they used to be more in fashion years ago, maybe not so much now). And once I found myself a pre-made family with cousins and sisters and so on using those. But there was some friction between members and partners separating and taking other family members with them that felt a little to realistic with all the drama and infighting so that wasn't ideal either. Another family was advertising in groups (under Search) as a family but wasn't actually a family (unless you like adult interactions); again, no dice.

The point of all this is that its tough to find family but not impossible, and for the most part mine have happened without planning. I would repeat what @Hejite said; searching groups may help and I'd recommend that as a first step. Advertising or adoption boards seem hard to find and might just earn you a Daddy or two *laughs* but if you're really desperate that's also an option. If you're looking for RP search RP groups and ask if people have roles open. One more thing I'd suggest if you haven't already is to create a Pick in your profile stating what you're seeking in terms of family members. This may seem like an odd idea but you'd be surprised how many people confess to stalking profiles. The added benefit is that people can read your pick even when you're offline so it's working for you 24/7 as opposed to a post in a group that can be swallowed up in chatter and forgotten in an instant.

One thing that was important to me (and as such determined how I used to search or even where) was to decide if I wanted RP IC (In Character),  RP OOC (Out of Character), or just OOC without much emphasis on RP (essentially you are more "you" and the other people aren't playing characters either, you're as close as you can be to your RL self in a virtual world adopting this kind of secondary family). Some people I know enjoy this latter option and a rare couple I know extend that beyond SL to send each other gifts etc in the real world. Determining what you want and to what extent you want to play together as a family (once you find it) will help you to find what it is you seek and help keep other possible members on the same page so there's minimal confusion or conflict.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and really do hope you find what you're looking for. It might take a few attempts but don't be disheartened and don't lose hope. I'm sure your family is out there waiting for you (even if they don't know it yet) ;) 

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Posted (edited)

   From my own experience, it's a bit like searching for a partner. Don't.

   People who seek are prone to projecting and idealising. Especially in SL where communication lacks several human features, we fill the gaps through projection. Just be yourself, do what you enjoy, and whichever people you come across whose company you treasure - grab onto them tightly. Family bonds, just like relationships, are about giving and taking; be honest with yourself as well as those around you, and communicate without hesitation.

   If all you want is an RP family where the only shared feature is a surname, then sure, go search - it's not hard to find. But if you want people who you can trust, confide in and feel safe around, it's going to take a bit more than some random people wanting to be part of something.

Edited by Orwar
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You don't "look" for a family, you find one.  or they find you.  Family isn't something that can be forced. It's organic. Actively searching for one may introduce you to people for you to play with, but you may miss out meeting the ones you need and who need you. 

Just my 2 cents from experience. 💜

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15 hours ago, Catrie said:

You don't "look" for a family, you find one.  or they find you.  Family isn't something that can be forced. It's organic. Actively searching for one may introduce you to people for you to play with, but you may miss out meeting the ones you need and who need you. 

Just my 2 cents from experience. 💜

I agree with this, to a degree. The only family I can ever claim to truly feel anything like a family is with my best friend (whom I met in SL) but for the rest its more a case of wear a label and fake it until you make it. But SL isn't that unlike the real world in that it is a big place full of people all wandering lost or feeling disconnected and wanting a place to belong. Unless we make some conscious effort to find what it is we seek we're little more than atoms bouncing off each other hoping to unite. Hope and faith and patience are all necessary elements but so is proactivity. One of my favourite sayings (that people around me in the real world are likely sick of hearing) is a variant of an old Russian Proverb; "Pray to God but row for shore". If you wait for someone else to save you you're going to drown or in this instance not get what you want. Look, but do keep yourself open to the possibility that what you seek is actually right in front of you or will be when you connect with new and potential friends.

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35 minutes ago, RaeLeeH said:

[ ... ] people all wandering lost [ ... ]

   Ctrl + M is your friend!

   I don't believe in the concept of "fake it 'till you make it". You can't fake happiness, comfort or the sense of belonging - and anyone who is that adept in self-deception, I would advise to re-think their lives. Having skimmed over various "looking for family" adverts on the forum, and some I've come across in-world, it strikes me as eerily similar to dating adverts; in the best of cases people will say "I'm interested in X, Y and Z" and "I'm usually online these hours" - but a lot of them only say "I want a family" and little else.

   Another problem I perceive, is when mediocrity demands perfection. "I'm shy, I'm poor, I'm ugly - I want the perfect family"; we're all socially inept, destitute and hideous in relativity to projected ideals. If by "shy" you mean that you'll be so introvert when approached, that every time you hit Enter you create a conversational dead end - it's not family, friends or a partner you need; you need to learn how to communicate. If by "poor" you mean that you are unwilling or unable to in any way contribute or invest in your Second Life, but expect someone else to put a roof over your head and clothes on your back; you're simply misguided. If by "ugly" you mean that you can't find worth in yourself, and expect others to give you value, then you throw yourself at the mercy of strangers in a place where deception, abuse and objectification is rampant; even the most futile person can improve themselves if they take a deliberate action to do so, and if you find genuine worth in yourself, then others will envy and adore you for it - fake that, and all you've got is a bad attitude which will repulse even the meekest (or inspire the wretched).

   You can find like-minded people, or people who share your interests, by being yourself and doing what you like to do. Looking for people based on interests and desires is oftentimes just putting the cart before the horse. I've made so many friends and acquaintances - and partners - through SL photography alone, that I can't keep up with half of them. Before I got into that, I had an even more extensive contact list from role playing. Before then, I still had an excessively large contact list from engaging in regions dedicated to history, building, music, steampunk, vampires, sailing, and so forth. Second Life is an excellent tool to make friends and explore your interests, failing to do so and expecting someone to come serve it up on a silver platter for you is just weak.

1 hour ago, RaeLeeH said:

"Pray to God but row for shore"

   If you throw the ax in the boat, you'll have to row like the Devil.

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3 minutes ago, Orwar said:

    You can find like-minded people, or people who share your interests, by being yourself and doing what you like to do. Looking for people based on interests and desires is oftentimes just putting the cart before the horse. I've made so many friends and acquaintances - and partners - through SL photography alone, that I can't keep up with half of them. Before I got into that, I had an even more extensive contact list from role playing. Before then, I still had an excessively large contact list from engaging in regions dedicated to history, building, music, steampunk, vampires, sailing, and so forth. Second Life is an excellent tool to make friends and explore your interests, failing to do so and expecting someone to come serve it up on a silver platter for you is just weak. 

Not sure about the CTRL M thing... I'm old and senile and not very tech savvy. I tried it and it opened my reading list? I don't know. It's been a long day. You may need to explain that one to me. But I digress!

I have responded to many threads over recent months of people looking for partners and such and offered almost the exact same advice. Your experience pretty much reflects mine in that I've made far more friends by accident while in the process of role play or building or scripting or in my baby groups than I have actively searching them. But everyone's experience is different. In real life I don't advertise for friends either so the dynamic in SL is a little different but not entirely that dissimilar. Personally I believe common interests will serve both parties well, it gives us something to talk about rather than keep floundering in that awkward "getting to know you" stage that comes at the start of all platonic or intimate relationships, but it's not necessarily a requirement, it's just a good place to start.

Some people undoubtedly do have the belief that others are here to amuse and entertain them, and these are the same ones usually saying how lonely they are or how bored they are - and that's actually not intended for the OP but I'm speaking from what I've seen in general throughout the years (both in RP and in general daily SL interactions). I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you have make some effort, even if that's just to find something you like to do and get off your butt and go chase that - you can't wait for the world to come to you (even if a lot of people do). 

And on a parting note, if there was anyone I'd expect to see throwing axes for motivational purposes (or sheer pleasure) it would be you, Orwar. ;) 

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2 hours ago, RaeLeeH said:

Not sure about the CTRL M thing... I'm old and senile and not very tech savvy.

   Opens the map!

2 hours ago, RaeLeeH said:

And on a parting note, if there was anyone I'd expect to see throwing axes for motivational purposes (or sheer pleasure) it would be you, Orwar. ;) 

   Sometimes, all someone needs is a little bit of motivation. Being chased by a madman with an axe is usually plenty motivating. 😈

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2 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Opens the map!

Oh thanks! See, not a wasted day, I learned something (that I will in all likelihood have forgotten by tomorrow)!

3 minutes ago, Orwar said:

Sometimes, all someone needs is a little bit of motivation. Being chased by a madman with an axe is usually plenty motivating. 😈

This is the only time I'll run. That, or if Tom Hardy is waiting at the finish line (I don't even mostly care if we're talking the early Myspace days Tom). Or someone's giving away free chocolate (as long as it's not white chocolate). Or an instant super-power such as being an expert in Blender 2.80 (and I get an awesome superhero cape). But mainly it would be spurred on by pure adrenalin in escaping aforementioned madman (the axe-wielding maniac, not the English actor type). 🤣

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