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SL relationship rules

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9 minutes ago, usedcars said:

what kind of things do you require of your partner/gf/bf in SL as part of the relationship??

Great question.  To always be someone I can turn to for honest feedback with no cruelty or snark.   To always feel like there's someone in my corner cheering for me or helping me shift gears.  To tell me honestly if she needs help or support sometimes, if I can't figure it out before she says anything.

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I don't expect my SL relationships to be the same as RL relationships, so for someone to be my partner/ BF or GF in SL, I would probably have to Skype with them or meet them in RL. 

In order for someone to stay my friend in SL (with or without SL sexual "benefits") they have to show that they're a decent human being (not racist, sexist, a self-centered jerk, etc.), not inundate me with chat or requests to hook up, not be rude or insensitive to my feelings, and chat with me a bit if I say hello and chat with them.

In order for me to engage more than once with someone sexually in SL, they also need to have a reasonably attractive avatar with a mesh body and nice skin, be able to have an interesting conversation with me, be into the visually immersive aspect of SL, be able to emote reasonably well, not turn me off with their own kinks, and show that they're attracted to me.

 

What do you expect from a SL partner or relationship?  Do you expect it to be sexual, romantic, adventurous, fun or just emotionally supportive?

Edited by Persephone Emerald
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Well to be my partner we have to click, but  there are not specific rules that govern that. There really is just one rule, the relationship stays in SL only, so far I have only met one guy who truly gets that, which is why I   stay partnered  to him  despite the  fact that we rarely get  on at the same time  anymore 

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Guys who are content to keep it inside SL seem to be rare. Inevitably they start asking about RL, which is the kiss of death. Girls are much less inclined to ask anything, which makes for good long term friendships. And there's much more to talk about, like shopping, fashion, photos, guys blah blah blah.

All I seek here is good friendships, sometimes with benefits if we click. For me, any more than that would suffocate my independance. I come here for absolute freedom and an escape from RL, where I have plenty of responsibilities. 😌

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I prefer somebody who understands that I’m a workaholic. Somebody who makes me laugh, occasionally attempts to send me to bed when I’ve not slept (due to the aforementioned working), and honestly somebody who doesn’t annoy the shiitake out of me. 

Then again, I don’t do the whole pixeling thing, and I’m not doing RL, so that narrows it down a bit. 😛 I also don’t mind not having anyone either, so. 

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11 hours ago, usedcars said:

what kind of things do you require of your partner/gf/bf in SL as part of the relationship??

It depends on the nature of the relationship. Friends and lovers are two different things, yet not mutually exclusive. For both there has to be a connection, there has to be feeling enough for me to want to spend time with you and you with me. Where those feelings take us determines what our relationship is. Since we know the differences between platonic and intimate I'll skip straight to the latter;

9 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I don't expect my SL relationships to be the same as RL relationships...

 ^ This. To a degree.

In an intimate RL relationship I require monogamy. In SL I'm not that strict about it. In SL I'd very much like my partner to be monogamous but the nature of SL means I can't always be online when he is, so almost always relationships feel like long-distance relationships before they barely get off the ground. This means our time together may be brief. We may get bored or tempted waiting for the other party to log online which could take days to eventuate. I have no way of knowing what he gets up to when I'm not online, so it feels wrong to place stringent restrictions on him. Therefore I tend to give partners more leeway than I do in RL - and that almost always ends up bighting me on the backside later when he leaves me for someone else. But rather than be bitter about it, as I would be IRL, I accept things differently. As strange as it sounds I do feel intense feelings in SL, but they're almost always transitory; they pass. Unless you're a friend I've known for many years and have communicated with through emails or phone or anything else outside of SL the reality is my feelings stay for the most part in SL. And people come and go from SL all the time.

To that end I also require availability which I touched on above. Unless we can regularly meet in world and spend some quality time together then there's no point to a relationship (friendships are different requiring less contact). If you're online and would rather spend time hanging out with your friends or in RP with other women then we're not going to last either. I need to feel like a priority not an obligation. A caveat to that is also true; if we're partners and you don't give me space to do my own thing sometimes you'll suffocate the feelings I have for you and the relationship will be terminated. In RL things aren't all that different perhaps, but it doesn't come with an eject option... sadly. And let's not forget emotional availability. If all you care about is having someone cute to hang off your arm or name-drop without any real investment beyond superficial then you won't last either. But that's just commonsense really.

Trust. This goes both ways. Let's be clear. In RL I very much care if you are a man. In SL I don't care who you are behind the avatar. That's because SL is restricted in terms of sensory stimulation; (without getting into the perverted side of things) I'm talking about what I see on a screen and what I see in RL. They're worlds apart, literally. So I invest a degree of trust in this avatar in a kind of "blind leap of faith" not to be a man behind the screen but to be a genuine decent human being. Trust also means that we can associate with other people without insecurities getting in the way or accusations being made. If you have problems I trust you to come to me first not run around telling everyone else. Reputation can make or break businesses in either world but in SL the burden of truth doesn't seem to exist or need to be as great. 

I would love to say something about my partner looking amazing; in SL that means all mesh, no bling, no throwback to 2009 or the classic default avatar. In RL *cough* Tom Hardy *cough* but the fact is when the connection is there I don't care so much what they look like, I overlook it. I'm sure there are things about me they'd like to change too so I'm not about to tell people to change (but I can suggest or conveniently take shopping!) I don't think my list of requirements is that great but apparently I'm too picky. I was told as much just a few nights ago. It's a good thing to have standards and to know when not to lower them - in either world. I'm comfortable in my own company and in silence in SL and RL; I don't need your company but (if the spark is there) I would like it. If not that's okay too. I'm happy either way. :D 

Edited by RaeLeeH
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similar to Persephone.  I keep the relationship open but no other gf or bf.   when i log on i want to spend my time with the girl i am with. If they are busy then we set a time limit from 30 min to an hour.  I dont want to hours for someone. I wouldnt make anyone wait.  Trust and honesty is a big thing for me in SL.  If you lie to me about who you are with or what you are doing the relationship won’t last

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4 hours ago, BelindaN said:

Guys who are content to keep it inside SL seem to be rare. Inevitably they start asking about RL, which is the kiss of death. Girls are much less inclined to ask anything, which makes for good long term friendships.

   I'm not against people with that attitude to SL, I'm just not one of them. My avatar doesn't have its own persona or memories or opinions or feelings - I am in SL, and people who try to conceal their RL I find very difficult to make friends with. As far as relationships go, I don't expect every virtual relationship to lead to physical contact. But how am I supposed to be interested in someone who doesn't want to tell me anything about themselves? I never push for anything that someone doesn't want to share, but if they're too withdrawn then I'm likely to eventually just conclude the relationship as it stagnates.

   Other than that, I don't have any specific "rules". Depending on the nature of the relationship it can be monogamous or polygamous, sexual or platonic. I tend to want a lot of time and space for myself, and I need to keep my mind busy at all times - if someone doesn't respect that, there's going to be a problem. I'm not a very chatty person - if I have nothing interesting or important to say, I'd rather just be quiet; some people have a very hard time dealing with that and insist I speak about "anything", which I just find stressful.

   People who need constant attention I don't work well with. If we want to do different things, then that's fine - I don't need someone stitched to my side at all times of day. Besides there's more to actually converse about if we get to do our own things. It's also why I absolutely refuse to deal with people referring to themselves as "babygirls" - I'm not interested in juvenile wannabe-nymphomaniacs who identify themselves by the title of their sexuality. I'm a kinkster, but I'm not defined as a person by my sexuality alone.

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First and foremost, there has to be trust, and communication. I don't want to have to account for every minute I'm away from him and SL. I like to keep things in SL but I will share things about myself in RL when I feel comfortable with the person I am with. Like a lot of people have already stated, when I'm not on SL, if you need to be with someone that's fine, but as stated in my first sentence, I want you to communicate with me that this is what you need, but when I am in SL I need to be the priority and not the option.

If you constantly try to keep me from doing things with friends in RL because you "need" me to be on SL 24/7 then it's not gonna be a very long relationship. I like to shop and not just on MP, I enjoy going to events and to stores but if you get pissy every time I go, then yeah, you'll be gone in a heartbeat.

I need to feel a connection with said person, before I'll have sex with you, if that connection and spark is there then yeah you can bet your sweet little arse it's gonna happen. LOL.

I want someone who cares about me, about my feelings, about how my day was, I need someone who makes me feel like I'm the only person in the universe because if you do, I will bend over backwards to make you feel the same.

I don't know if my standards are too high but if just seems that all I get are guys who think they can control every aspect of my SL. Are there any guys in SL that have these qualifications? I don't know but I can still hope and believe....

Edited by anniepany
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Not saying it's not a fertile or important question, but ultimately it doesn't really matter what we'd do...it matters what you and your own partners are comfortable with.

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^^^^^all of this (Anniepany). I see a guy now who is the first to truly understand my untameable nature. Sure, I'll share some of my RL world with the right people and I've done that with some people on the forum. But the fact remains I'm a butterfly, and that's my take it or leave it position. I will be a loyal and unshakeable friend who never judges, but my freedom here overrides anything else.

Edited by BelindaN
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2 hours ago, BelindaN said:

^^^^^all of this (Anniepany). I see a guy now who is the first to truly understand my untameable nature. Sure, I'll share some of my RL world with the right people and I've done that with some people on the forum. But the fact remains I'm a butterfly, and that's my take it or leave it position. I will be a loyal and unshakeable friend who never judges, but my freedom here overrides anything else.

Thanks Belinda. I truly hope this new guy brings you nothing but happiness and contentment! I'm the same, I am very loyal, very caring and very loving. 

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5 hours ago, ballparkdogg said:

Anniepany.  i like what you are saying.  An equal partner would be nice in SL.   

Thank you! Is there such a thing? LOL

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There are no specific rules about sl relationship.  It is more on comfort.  I shares a lot about myself and my rl but doesn't mean he will do the same for me.  So there is a different set of expectations, am I expecting to take my SL to rl?   The answer is no, I just want to feels wanted when I am in SL.  Can I accept polygamy relationship in SL?  Tbh I can't but because he wants to and he needs that, I will try to accommodate.  It is all down to u again, I think we should respect partners choice, sometimes is not about what we want.  It is their SL experience as well, workout the expectations together.  Otherwise be friends, there will be someone out there somewhere that shares the same principle as u.  U just got to look for it. 

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I dont need to agree to any rules when I put her first in SL,  make her feel wanted,  take her to someplace romantic and snuggles for a bad day...perhaps a rose too

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The rules I have for any relationship, (Be it  platonic, romantic,  etc.) are the same in SL as they are in RL and the same  standard I hold for myself:
 Be open, Be honest and respect boundaries.

Be open and  Honest:

I put these two together because they are linked together.  Honesty is important  because if you can't  be honest with your friends/datemate. Who can you be honest with? Certainly not yourself.  While being open in this  context means being  open to differing opinions and  ideals. To a point  of course.  No matter how charming a Hannibal lecter is  as a character,  I don't  think I could be friends  with an actual cannibal. /snerk.

- I am a Polyamorous Asexual with left-leanings and  mental health  problems. Though those I care for and myself don't have to agree on every single point. I'd like to hope that we can behave like adults and be open to each others differences and  passions.  That and it'd be hard to befriend someone if they are ideologically opposed to my very existence. 

Respecting boundaries is exactly what it says on  the tin.  As a proud introvert. I like my space, I also am  still recovering from the wringer  that I went through a few years ago in which an ex friend continuously refused to respect my boundaries and  acted very possessive of my  time and roleplay characters. Never again will I oblige such nonsense.

 

 

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2 hours ago, ballparkdogg said:

somewhere there is.   on a different time i think

Perhaps, or maybe the good ones are all taken? 

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Connection, Connection, Connection!
Being able to speak the same language is a plus! Google translate can only go so far.
 
I'm pretty laid back, if I smile when I see you log in, I don't mind jumping in your box and letting you know. However if it takes you two hours to reply, and I'm not saying once or twice, but if it's a pattern, then I assume you're not as into me as I am into you. I'll lose interest pretty fast.
 
Sense of humor!
 
Dance with me, nothing worse than meeting someone that you have a spark with, and they can't be caught dancing at a club. Just let go and have fun with it.
 
Always be honest with your boundaries and your needs, I can't read minds, and I don't take hints easily. Just say it, you would be surprised what people are okay with, IF you are honest about it. If we're not a match romantically we may become great friends.
 
Don't hit on my friends, that just makes for an awkward situation for everyone.
 
I'm fully meshed, so I tend to find myself attracted to someone who is the same. Someone with the same style, but I'm not overly picky about that stuff. I don't like being told what to wear and I don't tell anyone else what to wear either. However, if I see something at a fair or a shop that I think would look hot af, you can bet I'm gonna send you a link or a screenshot. If you're not into it, NO WORRIES.
 
I like doing photography, so finding someone with that interest is nice, but not a must.  You just have to patient if we do pictures together, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so patience is a must.
 
 
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8 hours ago, amo711 said:

Dance with me, nothing worse than meeting someone that you have a spark with, and they can't be caught dancing at a club. Just let go and have fun with it.

   Well I know that I'm damned if I never get out,
   And maybe I'm damned if I do,
   But with every other beat that I've got left in my heart,
   You know I want to be damned with you.

   Though, I'm not much of a dancer. Headbanging and air-drumming doesn't count as dancing, does it?

ac2c9641beabc7457f8ca78a06c2fabd.gif

 

Edited by Orwar
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35 minutes ago, Orwar said:

Headbanging and air-drumming doesn't count as dancing, does it?

It does to me 

\m/ >.< \m/

 

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