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SamanthaPrater

Hello; I would , like non judgemental friends.

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On 8/14/2019 at 7:31 AM, RaeLeeH said:

I'm with you on this... I'm not a stranger to drama and I don't think any of us are. Online especially there is too much room for miscommunication and hurt feelings. We seem to do it all the time without even meaning to. But like bullies on the school playground there are those that stir drama on purpose for reasons only they know.

My mother used to say "If they're picking on you, they're leaving some other poor *delete expletive* alone." I'm not sure what that was supposed to do for my self-esteem (except foster empathy to people I didn't know perhaps) but it didn't solve the issue. What it does reinforce perhaps is that bullying or drama is always there in some form or another, be that in real life or online, and has been since time immemorial. Unfortunately like @Alwin Alcott stated almost everyone judges even when they say they don't. It's the human condition. We ascribe labels to everything and everyone and judge accordingly. It doesn't make it right or wrong, that's just the way it is. The only thing that you can control is what you say and do. You can't control how others hear your words, how they interpret them (though you can certainly influence factors), what they think or say or do, or how they will react to them. Some things are just out of your control.

@taeyeonblue makes a good suggestion. While it's hard to let go of the frustration of having this drama continue to percolate around you (trust me, I know), the best thing you can do for yourself as much as you're able is to try and put it behind you. You can't control it. You can't compete. Responding to drama usually only incites more drama and escalates the situation. It gives the drama-mongers exactly what they want. The more you focus on it or let it consume you or control your decisions the more they take from you and the more they win. So let it go. Even bringing the subject up or addressing it with others will allow the wound to keep festering. I don't suggest you lie at all but don't be overly quick to bring it up, and if and when it does don't dwell. It's in the past. Leave it there and keep walking. And while I say this it's something I'm teaching myself too so it's a learning exercise.

One more thing that won't be a popular opinion but I'll share it anyway, is learn (if you can) not to wear your heart on your sleeve so openly. As the world moves progressively online cyber-bullying especially is going to increase. That means more drama or the potential for it when you log online. Meeting new people is great but try not to be too trusting. Don't get too attached (or at least not too quick), don't take everything you hear as gospel, and most importantly don't share more than you are comfortable in losing (whether that's time, effort, or emotions). There are some great people in the world, and some that are just out to cause problems. Safeguarding won't stop feeling hurt or betrayed completely, but it might perhaps just lessen the effect should something unforeseen happen again. And we never know what's around the corner.

Make new friends and reach out, absolutely, just be careful who you let in. Not everyone is out to be your friend. Not everyone wants to hurt you on purpose. Trust your instincts and the best of luck. And stay away from drama websites! :) 

I have actually learned to shut my heart off, <3 I hope to meet you as well as the rest! I know this and learned that the hard way, I have something called RED FLAGS I trust in now <3. please don't be afraid to message me in world.

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I've had people slander me six ways to sunday over the years. Any negative opinion about me is someone else's hang up, and not mine.
The truth is, we all judge whether we admit to it or not. All we can do is make a solid effort to become more aware of it, and remember what it feels like when we ourselves are under the microscope.
 

As far as making friends are concerned, I have no real advice to offer you there. I'm a loner with (almost) impossibly high standards. Those standards will not take a steep drop because others refuse to meet me in the middle.

 

Edited by LuxDeSolaris
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3 hours ago, LuxDeSolaris said:

I've had people slander me six ways to sunday over the years. Any negative opinion about me is someone else's hang up, and not mine.
The truth is, we all judge whether we admit to it or not. All we can do is make a solid effort to become more aware of it, and remember what it feels like when we ourselves are under the microscope.
 

As far as making friends are concerned, I have no real advice to offer you there. I'm a loner with (almost) impossibly high standards. Those standards will not take a steep drop because others refuse to meet me in the middle.

 

To be honest with you not all negative opinions people give about someone is just their hang up. I am not saying you are a bad person but, sometimes people behave negatively based on what YOU do to them. That does not mean that THEY are exclusively the ones with issues and not yourself. You very well could be the problem in a given situation, if you believe everything you do is golden and the rest of the world is just problematic, then you will always find yourself in this scenario of the entire world being below your standards. This seems to be a common thing in the online community, and especially Secondlife. It seems quite a few are under the delusion that they are better or greater than what they truly are. This may be a very unpopular opinion but in my experience those who go out to seek empathy for so called slander usually do have some behavioural hang ups that they will never tell you about in the sob story they give you.

Edited by SparkleNShine
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On 7/24/2019 at 11:01 AM, Madelaine McMasters said:

I learned a long time ago to apologize for my ignorance when sitting down to dinner with natives in a foreign place, and ask them to share some of their eating traditions. Should I ever visit South Asia, I'll be prepared. My grandmother taught me how to swallow air so I can belch like... a South Asian?

 

Samantha, don't look back while moving forward, that's how you get into accidents. To set preconditions on future friendships is, in a way, prejudging.  It's also pointless, as the excluding condition you've identified (being judgmental) will not be identified by anyone having it.

Stop by a Sunday Breakfast or the Forum Cartel Hangout sometime. You'll meet a lot of nice people, or possibly (though rarely) me.

Good luck, have fun!

Hugs,
Maddy

 

Hugs! I've moved forward, but I also do appreciate this quote. I stood up for myself, and I just now would enjoy more friends, I let go of my fear of being judged, and also judgement. 

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On 9/16/2019 at 12:16 AM, LuxDeSolaris said:

I've had people slander me six ways to sunday over the years. Any negative opinion about me is someone else's hang up, and not mine.
The truth is, we all judge whether we admit to it or not. All we can do is make a solid effort to become more aware of it, and remember what it feels like when we ourselves are under the microscope.
 

As far as making friends are concerned, I have no real advice to offer you there. I'm a loner with (almost) impossibly high standards. Those standards will not take a steep drop because others refuse to meet me in the middle.

 

Amen Friend!

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On 7/23/2019 at 5:18 PM, taeyeonblue said:

The best way to put drama behind you is to just leave in it in the past. If you are worried about it being drudged up by a future friend the address the issue only if they ask you about it. Other than that just move on and let bygones be bygones. I have no idea what kind of rumors you are referring to and I don't think most people care - most people on the internet have had some drama attached to their name; falsely or not. No biggie.

Having said all that, if you are okay with be friends with a relative newbie my IMs are always open for conversations. 

Of course! Feel free to message me in world ! Samanthaprater resident.

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Hugs to you  ,big hugs. At times sl is too much like rl / people are people.  When someone is cruel to you remember hurt people hurt other people most of the time the hurtful people believe there is nothing eating at their emotions inside /they stuff ./hide and they deflect so if they are judging you they do not have to deal with any uncomfortable emotions simmering inside themseves or  scratching their subconcious to get out get dealt with so they can heal .  If they are cruel never ever do revenge.. remember the pain they give to you is just a fragment of the true pain festering inside of them  and i say never judge another because you know not how deep and how they got the scars and pains that they hide  . We all have pain. We all want to be loved and accepted.  When someone says untrue cruel things about me i thank them and do a personal inventory ,,, they may see something i need to work on or  it could be transference ,, what they hate about themselves they put it as one or more of your attributes ,,, regardless ,,, look past the crap and remember you are a beloved and wonderful person in sl and rl . Love all you can because  at the end ,,,, you will regret all the times you focused on the  hurt instead of movinng past and loving and even the persons who hurt you ,,, let them say all the crap they want but telling them hey  i hear you but i love you with all my heart ,,, focous  not on the harvest  ....  but on the seeds of love you are planting ,,,, hugs hug hugs

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1 hour ago, SamanthaPrater said:

If anyone would like to get to know me, PLEASE message me in world! I barely pay attention to the forums. x.x Samanthaprater resident.

Hopefully you'll pay enough attention to see I quoted you, so I can repeat, from my first post here, an invitation...

Stop by a Sunday Breakfast or the Forum Cartel Hangout sometime. You'll meet a lot of nice people, or possibly (though rarely) me.

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On 9/21/2019 at 9:26 PM, Madelaine McMasters said:

Hopefully you'll pay enough attention to see I quoted you, so I can repeat, from my first post here, an invitation...

Stop by a Sunday Breakfast or the Forum Cartel Hangout sometime. You'll meet a lot of nice people, or possibly (though rarely) me.

Why would anyone want to go anywhere if it's unlikely they will meet you?!

Watching you stomp up to me and Henry will forever be one of my favorite SL memories. You looked so evil and determined and adorable all at once! I really wish I'd gyazo'd it. 

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27 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:
On 9/21/2019 at 8:26 PM, Madelaine McMasters said:

Hopefully you'll pay enough attention to see I quoted you, so I can repeat, from my first post here, an invitation...

Stop by a Sunday Breakfast or the Forum Cartel Hangout sometime. You'll meet a lot of nice people, or possibly (though rarely) me.

Why would anyone want to go anywhere if it's unlikely they will meet you?!

Watching you stomp up to me and Henry will forever be one of my favorite SL memories. You looked so evil and determined and adorable all at once! I really wish I'd gyazo'd it.

Have you met the Breakfast and Cartel crowds? They're wonderful and more than enough reason to check out both groups. Though I've been in-world a lot recently while recovering from elective surgery, that's coming to an end. "Rarely" is just a reflection of that reality.

I've been flying over Bellisseria during my recovery, looking for names on the radar to drop in on. I crashed on Rhonda's roof a few weeks ago and more recently found you by that bridge. It's great fun to put "faces" to the people I meet out here in the forum, and I certainly enjoyed meeting you!

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41 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Have you met the Breakfast and Cartel crowds? 

I haven't... I'm far too introverted and shy to ever show up at a group thing like that! 

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