A recurring theme in Second Life: Vanity

[spincity]

On 8/30/2019 at 7:20 PM, spincity said:

Hey everyone, I've tasked with writing an update to our is SL real article, and found this thread interesting. I've been in SL (on a different avi) for almost 10 years and I've noticed the different trends that have come and gone throughout the years. Vanity (particularly when it comes to Mesh AVIs) seems to be the new thing this time around. 

Does any one  mind answering a few questions on the subject for my #Throwback update Second Life article? Just reply this thread and I'll start posting questions. 

 

Thanks. 

Sen. 

Here is why I decided to update the article to write about vanity, I'm not sure if anyone else has had this kind of interaction with others, but I came back  at the height of mesh  and it was very ...interesting to me. 

When I started SL again I decided to get a mesh head, but not a mesh body. I got a lot of messages saying, "I like your head, but you need a mesh body." or "Nice mesh head, I can show you a mesh body. *Enter Mesh body here* is a great one!"  Soon after it went from that to: "Nice head, but you need a mesh, don't you want to be hot?" or "You need a mesh body with that head, look at my avatar, when I come onto a sim, I have everyone looking at me." or (one that made me chuckle) "No man is going to want to be with you, if you don't get a mesh body." 

Yeah.... to one of the person's above I replied, "If you want me to have a mesh body so badly then you buy it." 

They gifted it to me.

Not to mention the guy who kicked me (and anyone who wasn't a mesh avi) from his RP sim.  Needless to say that stuck with me. 

Has anyone had else this kind of interaction before? 

[Selene Gregoire]

2 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I think they get addicted to it

Some do. Some are obsessed. Either way it's not healthy.

[Rolig Loon]

35 minutes ago, spincity said:

Has anyone had else this kind of interaction before? 

Never.  Seems rude to me.  Why would a stranger care whether I have a mesh body?  And why would I care whether he cares?

[Beth Macbain]

1 hour ago, spincity said:

However, with mesh it seems a little different. Have you ever had someone message you and comment on your avatar in a way that wasn't complimentary? 

I have, actually. Someone once asked me if I made my mouth look like that on purpose. I thought my mouth looked fine. I laughed and moved on.

[Bree Giffen]

I have a mesh avatar. I started with slink feet because that was the first thing available and system feet were terrible. I moved to a mesh body when the selection of clothes was large enough to actually have a choice of what to wear. I had been buying clothes for my system avatar and moving to mesh seemed like a natural progression.

[Sukubia Scarmon]

3 hours ago, spincity said:

Has anyone had else this kind of interaction before? 

I have not, and I'm not sure if I should be mad or sad about it. I'd have mad fun arguing with them!
Except the sim owner, I think that sums up my major gripe with most roleplay I see in sl - Style over substance.

[spincity]

14 hours ago, Rolig Loon said:

Never.  Seems rude to me.  Why would a stranger care whether I have a mesh body?  And why would I care whether he cares?

I guess you wouldn't. I thought it was very funny when it started getting ridiculous. I'd go AFK for a while and come back to messages along those. I had no idea about mesh bodies and that's the reason I never got one, I thought it was super complicated. It seemed the saying 'I don't want one' wasn't a sufficient answer to some. The comment I made was meant to be a joke/in the hopes that the person would just leave me be (no one wants to spent their lindens on other people) but NOPE.  

Note: I do have a mesh body, I bought one when I noticed my favourite stores - i.e. ricielli - started have mesh clothes and were moving away from catering to normal avis. I still use my classic body with the mesh feet. It's what I'm comfortable with. 

Unfortunately there are rude people out there. 

[spincity]

12 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I have not, and I'm not sure if I should be mad or sad about it. I'd have mad fun arguing with them!
Except the sim owner, I think that sums up my major gripe with most roleplay I see in sl - Style over substance.

I thought some of the comments I was getting were hilarious, I got caught off guard with the person buying me a mesh body.  The sim owner was actually ...up until that point...a friend of mine or at least I thought so.

[spincity]

12 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

I have a mesh avatar. I started with slink feet because that was the first thing available and system feet were terrible. I moved to a mesh body when the selection of clothes was large enough to actually have a choice of what to wear. I had been buying clothes for my system avatar and moving to mesh seemed like a natural progression.

Do you get any comments about your mesh body from others? 

[spincity]

15 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

I have, actually. Someone once asked me if I made my mouth look like that on purpose. I thought my mouth looked fine. I laughed and moved on.

I never understand why people pick on little things that had nothing to do with them or worry about things that no one else can see. Have you ever come across others that obsessed about their avatars or the avatar of others? 

[Amina Sopwith]

16 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

I have, actually. Someone once asked me if I made my mouth look like that on purpose. I thought my mouth looked fine. I laughed and moved on.

Might have been a negger. You do still get them in the wild on occasion. More so in Gor, since it's a key part of John Norman's guide to abusive relationships. 

[Polenth Yue]

17 hours ago, spincity said:

Here is why I decided to update the article to write about vanity, I'm not sure if anyone else has had this kind of interaction with others, but I came back  at the height of mesh  and it was very ...interesting to me. 

When I started SL again I decided to get a mesh head, but not a mesh body. I got a lot of messages saying, "I like your head, but you need a mesh body." or "Nice mesh head, I can show you a mesh body. *Enter Mesh body here* is a great one!"  Soon after it went from that to: "Nice head, but you need a mesh, don't you want to be hot?" or "You need a mesh body with that head, look at my avatar, when I come onto a sim, I have everyone looking at me." or (one that made me chuckle) "No man is going to want to be with you, if you don't get a mesh body."

The original poster was talking about vanity in the sense of a person who cares only about their own appearance. Anyone who changed their avatar was assumed to be vain, which would include you, me, and the majority of people in Second Life.

You're talking about something else. When people make those suggestions, it's not really about the mesh body as such. I've had it a few times from people wanting me to become human, and that's almost entirely because they're looking for relationships. They can't imagine that other people don't want to be with them and change everything to be attractive to them. The one time it wasn't about relationships, it was a person who was generally controlling and wanting to control what other people wore. There's a lot of ego involved in assuming the whole world revolves around them, but it's not the same as saying that anyone who dresses up is vain.

[Bree Giffen]

3 hours ago, spincity said:

Do you get any comments about your mesh body from others? 

Very infrequently I'd get a compliment on the shape or how nicely the clothes fit. These comments are usually from female avatars. I end up sharing information on what I'm wearing. My full-mesh avatar is always casually dressed, no makeup and not trying to be glamorous. 

[Selene Gregoire]

In SL, I dress no differently than I do in RL. If I am building, I dress casually. 

Where I go and what I will be doing is what dictates what I wear and how much I dress up or dress down.

[Beth Macbain]

4 hours ago, spincity said:

I never understand why people pick on little things that had nothing to do with them or worry about things that no one else can see. Have you ever come across others that obsessed about their avatars or the avatar of others? 

In all honesty and fairness, I'm a wee bit obsessed. I'll attempt to be PG so as not to get this topic moved to the adult section, but I am generally (maybe not so much anymore... things have somewhat changed) in SL for the more adult activities and entertainment. As such, the visual aspect of SL is absolutely important to me. I've spend hours and hours and thousands and thousands of lindens on my avatar, and I'm generally not going to have slex with a man who hasn't made at least a little bit of that same effort, and yes, that means mesh. 

Is that shallow and vain? Maybe. It's also about first impressions, I think. In my mind, going from a system avi to a mesh avi is just part of the evolution of SL. Things change and improve. I do expect people to change with the times (in SL and RL, actually). 

Having said that, however, I'm falling for a gentleman right now that isn't mesh, and I don't really care. I'm falling for his personality and it's not at all about having a quick hookup. 

Maybe I'm evolving, too?

[Beth Macbain]

4 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Might have been a negger. You do still get them in the wild on occasion. More so in Gor, since it's a key part of John Norman's guide to abusive relationships. 

It was a woman, so I don't think she was trying to play the negging game. It wasn't even part of a conversation... she messaged me out of the blue, dropped her little nugget on me, and that was it. 

If it'd been a gorean dude, I'd have had much more fun engaging in a conversation with him about his masculine, er...  shortcomings. 😜

[Amina Sopwith]

55 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

It was a woman, so I don't think she was trying to play the negging game. It wasn't even part of a conversation... she messaged me out of the blue, dropped her little nugget on me, and that was it. 

I'm sorry you had a run in with such an inexplicably nasty human being, but at the same time, that is kind of funny. Imagine being the kind of person who, in a world where you can choose to be a mermaid, a millionaire or a model, chooses instead to zoom in on people's mouths, chuck up a playground insult and then run away. It's making me giggle.

I'm kind of glad those people exist, actually. It means that no matter how much of a pointless, unloved loser I might ever become, I'm still not quite at the bottom of the primordial soup. Although there's always still Gor.

[Beth Macbain]

12 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

I'm sorry you had a run in with such an inexplicably nasty human being, but at the same time, that is kind of funny. Imagine being the kind of person who, in a world where you can choose to be a mermaid, a millionaire or a model, chooses instead to zoom in on people's mouths, chuck up a playground insult and then run away. It's making me giggle.

I'm kind of glad those people exist, actually. It means that no matter how much of a pointless, unloved loser I might ever become, I'm still not quite at the bottom of the primordial soup. Although there's always still Gor.

I am FAR from perfect... really, really, really far, but yeah, I've yet to reach the point where I feel I need to message a stranger and insult them just for the sake of insulting them. Compliments, sure, insults no. 

Gor is at least 17 steps below primordial soup! 

[spincity]

4 hours ago, Polenth Yue said:

You're talking about something else. When people make those suggestions, it's not really about the mesh body as such. I've had it a few times from people wanting me to become human, and that's almost entirely because they're looking for relationships. They can't imagine that other people don't want to be with them and change everything to be attractive to them. The one time it wasn't about relationships, it was a person who was generally controlling and wanting to control what other people wore. There's a lot of ego involved in assuming the whole world revolves around them, but it's not the same as saying that anyone who dresses up is vain.

True, there are different types of vanity, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good. However, I've noticed, along with my encounters, there were a few people who had warnings in their profiles - i.e. if you aren't mesh don't talk to me. 

[spincity]

1 hour ago, Beth Macbain said:

Having said that, however, I'm falling for a gentleman right now that isn't mesh, and I don't really care. I'm falling for his personality and it's not at all about having a quick hookup. 

Maybe I'm evolving, too?

Yeah, sounds like you're evolving. At least you giving him the time of day. There are individuals out there that would never do that, going as far as to putting "disclaimers" in their profiles. See above for an example. 

[Amina Sopwith]

18 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Gor is at least 17 steps below primordial soup! 

It was a practise run for the amoeba. Luckily God got it right the second time.

[Ceka Cianci]

1 hour ago, spincity said:

Yeah, sounds like you're evolving. At least you giving him the time of day. There are individuals out there that would never do that, going as far as to putting "disclaimers" in their profiles. See above for an example. 

I have a Disclaimer in mine..

It say's,If you IM me,you have to give me all your RL stuff.

 

hehehehe

[BelindaN]

4 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

In all honesty and fairness, I'm a wee bit obsessed. I'll attempt to be PG so as not to get this topic moved to the adult section, but I am generally (maybe not so much anymore... things have somewhat changed) in SL for the more adult activities and entertainment. As such, the visual aspect of SL is absolutely important to me. I've spend hours and hours and thousands and thousands of lindens on my avatar, and I'm generally not going to have slex with a man who hasn't made at least a little bit of that same effort, and yes, that means mesh. 

Is that shallow and vain? Maybe. It's also about first impressions, I think. In my mind, going from a system avi to a mesh avi is just part of the evolution of SL. Things change and improve. I do expect people to change with the times (in SL and RL, actually). 

Having said that, however, I'm falling for a gentleman right now that isn't mesh, and I don't really care. I'm falling for his personality and it's not at all about having a quick hookup. 

Maybe I'm evolving, too?

I can relate to all of this ^^^^^^^

 

 

[Amanda Crisp]

On 6/12/2019 at 7:20 AM, Gopi Passiflora said:

Maybe I'm being Captain Obvious here, but I think it's safe to conclude that a recurring theme of Second Life is vanity. We Residents are obsessed with our looks and making ourselves even more beautiful. We admire and envy others' looks as well.

I’ll offer another take on that 🙂

SL has residents (like me) who gravitate here because RL injuries or illness make us appear “not normal” out there in the Real World. 

Disabilities can be coped with (I had an early-life stroke which affects my manual dexterity on one side and makes me  talk like I’m sloshed (when I’m tired) but has not stopped me from being active or living my life.  But the *painful* thing is how you get treated as “different”, “fragile” or less intellectually capable just because of how you look or sound.

Here in SL I can 6-finger type so fast that people assume I’m typing normally and my *ideas* shape people’s opinions of me; not my visible differences.

SL is a huge relief for me and others like me and if we tend to overdo “pretty”, maybe thats how we see ourselves ?

Its nice to be forever under-30 and look like a fashion model in SL; but its even better not to be quietly pitied.

We need to be tough enough to handle life as it is; but SL is a nice break 🙂

Edited September 2, 2019 by AmandaKeen

[LyricalBookworm]

My existence, experiences and purpose within Second Life has nothing to do with vanity. It never really has. I joined in 2009 when some health hiccups made it impossible for me to leave my home on a regular basis. I was in my early thirties, finishing up graduate studies to be a professor, etc. That all changed overnight. All of a sudden I could no longer work, attend classes, etc. Second Life gave me the chance to socialize. I'm able to do things here I no longer can in rl like bike ride, take walks, continue to be part of a spiritual community. I even became a mom here which will never happen in real life. It helped me to remain sane and not feel pity for myself. It helps me to remember my blessings instead of the negative all the time.

That has nothing to do with vanity. I personally feel it is pretty presumptuous to try to fit the entire sl community in your vanity box. I think you will find most are just living their best sl and finding what makes them happy in this world of infinite possibilities. At least that has been my impression from personal interactions with other residents. Also from the responses in this thread.

Nothing is ever really black and white.