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Gopi Passiflora

A confession as to why I would use female avis.

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I just realized the main reason as to why I like using female avis...it's a way of making my dream girl come to life, so to speak. I'll admit it, I'm a single guy who's never had a relationship. I guess that female avatars are a way for me to create my dream girl and allow me to transfer my ideas of what my ideal woman would be like onto the avi. It's kinda like having a girlfriend in a way.

Go ahead, laugh at me. I know it's pathetic.

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Dating in SL is totally a thing and can totally work.

Although, and please don't take this the wrong way, if you're straight (as in a guy who's 100% sure about being a guy and looking for a girl, who is into guys) .. maybe playing a girl seeking a girl, who's seeking a guy, but only wants lesbians in SL, might be ramping up the difficulty somewhat.

That said, SL is what it is .. if it makes you happy, carry on.

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It's actually a known psychological phenomenon: to become the object of one's desire. Don't feel bad, just roll with it and see where it takes you.

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It is a theme that is centuries old - are you familiar with the story from ancient Greece about a sculptor named Pygmalion?  He created his dream girl, too - though in stone because computers had not been invented yet ;)  

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33 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Go ahead, laugh at me. I know it's pathetic.

It is neither funny nor pathetic.  I find it adorable.

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My male alts is because I want them to look just like I want. And they are so patient when I want to take a picture with one of them. ;) Darling boys.

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Posted (edited)

We read all sorts of implausible explanations of why people have avis of the opposite sex to their 'real', but I think most do it for the same reason as Gopi.  This goes for women creating an ideal virtual boyfriend too.  And probably some gay people create their perfect avi of the same sex for the same reason.  There's nothing wrong with any of this - if it makes people happy and it's not harming anyone - it's good.   

 

 

 

Edited by Bullqueen
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9 minutes ago, Bullqueen said:

- if it makes people happy and it's not harming anyone - it's good.   

There's nothing wrong with creating avatars of any gender for any reason (except children for ick reasons), as long as you're honest with people when you start to grow close to them. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been stung by developing feelings for someone and then finding out that they were not who they presented themselves to be. 

If you're RPing, that's cool as long as the person you're RPing with is aware that you are RPing. 

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Thanks everyone for the assurance. @CoffeeDujour, I actually am not really interested in dating another actual person in SL...rather I just like admiring my female avis appearance from time to time, that's all.

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4 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I actually am not really interested in dating another actual person in SL...rather I just like admiring my female avis appearance from time to time, that's all. 

You can always try Animesh "admiring" too. I've made literally over 100 characters of various looks and wardrobe. It's like Barbies all over again, heh.

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Its funny this came up; there was a similar theme in the new season of Black Mirror. Well, not really, but close enough....

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I think the tagline for Second Life speaks for itself; Your World, Your Imagination. It doesn't really matter the WHY. We already have a world where we're ourselves called Real Life. So long as you're not hurting anyone else, the rest doesn't matter.

People will tell you to be honest and to a degree yes you should be. No one deserves to be hurt. But there's also a fine line to tread. If you publicly declare you are a RL male then your immersion will be lost and you will be treated as a man behind the avatar, so you won't get to experience what it is to live like a woman if that's the experience you're after. Most people should know that these avatars aren't real life representations of our RL selves, though undoubtedly some are or strive to be. My avatar for example is an idealised version of me when I was much younger and skinnier but it isn't me. It's not supposed to be. If people believe this is exactly what I look like behind the keyboard then they are a little deluded. You can expect other people to have a degree of commonsense, but you can't be held responsible for those who believe everything that they see is as it really is either.

If you do find others feelings are starting to develop for you, or you do start developing them for others, then at that point you should probably say something. The last thing you want to be accused of is catfishing. Some people I know that currently run a popular urban sim actually met this way, professing they were opposing genders than their avatars behind the keyboards (he is really a woman, she is really a man). They were even a partnered couple for a time and had a lot of children together. Playing as the opposite sex isn't frowned upon by everyone, but there are still those that frown on it for one reason or another.

TL;DR: If you want to spend your days here as a woman there's absolutely nothing at all wrong with that and no one at all has the right to judge you, just don't try and hurt people if you can possibly help it. Have fun! It's what we're all supposed to here for, isn't it? :D 

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As a male if you have female avatar you can feel how female react with guys. You have have 10 Instant messages with the same anoying questions.  and you have some harrasment. You need to stop and or move.

When you are a male you have to start conversation otherwise you never talk with anybody. I just notice that usualy male starts and not women.

Been a female is much more easy for doing your avatar. You have 100 times more choices.

If you are female and want to talk with female it is an open door. They are much more open and feel secure. For most female male are enemies or like a danger. A place without male is a secure place. They protect them again male.

If you are male you face this protection. It is like a sex war.

That could explain why in SL there are much more female avatar than male.

 

 

 

 

 

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10 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

There's nothing wrong with creating avatars of any gender for any reason (except children for ick reasons), as long as you're honest with people when you start to grow close to them. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been stung by developing feelings for someone and then finding out that they were not who they presented themselves to be. 

If you're RPing, that's cool as long as the person you're RPing with is aware that you are RPing. 

What do you mean. In SL you can choose to tells information of you RL or not. This the the basics of that game.

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I keep thinking about creating my perfect guy here in SL, because he hasn't shown up yet.

But I'm not sure I have the patience. I've gone so far as to research bodies and heads but that's all.

If I do this, it would be quite amusing to hit up some of the Forum Angels to see what happened......... *evil grin*......😊

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5 hours ago, LeoSylvain said:

For most female male are enemies or like a danger.

That is a terribly inaccurate generalization.

5 hours ago, LeoSylvain said:

What do you mean. In SL you can choose to tells information of you RL or not. This the the basics of that game.

Yes, you can choose what to share and what not to share, but if you grow close to someone and feelings start to develop, you're an extremely selfish jackass if you don't tell them certain things, like your actual gender. 

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Theres nothing wrong with that in my book, as long as you are being transparent about your RL identity aka you dont use female avatars to catfish others and such.

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Posted (edited)

For me it doesn´t sound pathetic. I understand your reason, although my own reasons are different. Beside of my curiosity about the other side it´s much easier for me to get into roleplay. I don´t feel so much under the pressure of the expectation to approach someone and I don´t face the assumption so really that I would look only for pixel-sex. Well, my experience seems not so extreme like Leo´s. 

For me it´s also a kind of experiment to try a different role, for instance how a dominant female could act. And last but not least it´s easier for me to keep my RL more separated when I´m not in my male avatar. The only advantage with my male avatar is, that I can be relative sure, that no one will approach me if I want to explore or to stay somewhere else alone sometimes.

Edited by TSorrow
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18 hours ago, LeoSylvain said:

As a male if you have female avatar you can feel how female react with guys. You have have 10 Instant messages with the same anoying questions.  and you have some harrasment. You need to stop and or move.

When you are a male you have to start conversation otherwise you never talk with anybody. I just notice that usualy male starts and not women.

Been a female is much more easy for doing your avatar. You have 100 times more choices.

If you are female and want to talk with female it is an open door. They are much more open and feel secure. For most female male are enemies or like a danger. A place without male is a secure place. They protect them again male.

If you are male you face this protection. It is like a sex war.

That could explain why in SL there are much more female avatar than male.

I understand this to a degree. As I've said before on other threads Rae isn't my main account, initially she was my alt (that eventually became my main). I started SL with a male avatar after bringing a fictional character over from the Invisionfree Forums 8 or so years ago. Yes, I am a woman in real life.

There is, in my experience, a distinct difference in communication between the sexes in SL (possibly even RL but that's for another conversation). Back when he was my main account there was very little conversation unless he initiated it. A lot of conversation, even if it started innocuously enough, was usually taken as a sexual advance or would start heading in that direction - though not always. Then there were the instant messages from other men warning me to stay away from their women or pets. It didn't happen too much but it isn't something I have ever had to experience as a female avatar. That was a shock to say the least. The flipside of this is that, on a few occasions, female friends wanted my male avatar to serve as some kind of physical deterrent against would-be harassers just by standing with them. So being a male avatar had it's advantages regarding offering some perception of safety, as odd as that entire concept sounds.

As a female avatar I certainly do get a lot more general and random conversation. My friends list is bigger. My groups list is bigger. Depending on which side of the fence you sit, studies suggest women use a lot more words than men even in everyday RL conversation (average 20,000 vs 7,000), while others contradict this, and none of that really takes into consideration any RL cultural differences or bias so it just depends on what you believe is true. Speaking from my own personal observation of the men in my everyday real life I know they aren't great verbal communicators. That may just be "them" and not indicative of anything gender-related, who knows. Maybe the fact societally we believe the general assumption that women are more "talkative" and prone to gossip means we feel able to communicate better with women and know we're likely to provoke a conversation, I don't know. But it's food for thought.

Though I touched on it above, I think it's relevant to look at the physical aspect of avatars too. When you look at the average male avatar body compared to females there is a propensity to see male avatars as imposing, and women, though tall, are almost always petite and slender in comparison. Look at the popular Niramyth model for males compared to the popular Maitreya model for females for examples. While this could be explained as representing our ideal male and female shapes, it also conveys a message of ultra-masculinity and -femininity for the other. Again, these are generalised statements, and not every male avatar is a muscle-bound hulk or every woman a 7-foot supermodel, but it's common. So taking on a female shape will, generally, appear less physically intimidating too, which paves the way for more open channels of communication, etc.

Regarding style; yes, many years ago there were more choices in styles for women avatars and still are, though thankfully there are a LOT more options to fashion a male avatar now than there were back then. Again, these are my observations. No doubt things are different for everyone. 

As for why there appear to be more female avatars than male, you could always jokingly refer to #30 on Rules of the Internet. I don't know what the actual statistics are. A lot of numbers have been suggested over the years. Honestly I don't know, and I can't say that I care either. I do know however that this seems especially true in role play circles where there does (or did) appear to be far more female avatars than men, though maybe that's also genre-significant. I don't doubt there are more men playing in combat sims and Gor but I really don't know. Maybe that's just my own gender bias showing through. 🤔

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Posted (edited)
On 6/6/2019 at 9:21 AM, RaeLeeH said:

 

If you do find others feelings are starting to develop for you, or you do start developing them for others, then at that point you should probably say something. The last thing you want to be accused of is catfishing.

This is the real issue isn't it? 

Edited by Aristide Atlass
edited for excessive length

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