Does the way your avatar look affect forming bonds?

[ananoelle]

What your avatar looks like isnt a big thing for me, however, what you choose to name yourself is how I judge a person and unapologetically so. A name can speaks volumes. Take my name, I was in a lazy cant be bothered putting a capital A at the beginning of my name when I created my avatar. It still iritates me to this day. Im willing to pay to correct my laziness lol.

Then you have the sexygirl63825 types and the 2hot2handle69 people. I will not talk to people with names like that and my settings are always set to show legacy names you can use display name and be a Lisa or Greg but to me you will still be sexygirl63825 and 2hot2handle69.

[VanillaHoneyCake]

For me, no. There's enough judgement in real life, and for me it has no place in SL. It's a virtual world, be what you want. I care much more about how people choose to communicate than what their avatar looks like. Maybe it's different for people who want relationships in SL - I'm not here for the romantic stuff. So I can't comment on that.

[Resi Pfeffer]

The guy who became a very good friend of mine, looked like a newbie from 2009 when i met him about one year ago. He didnt even say "Hi, how are you", but sparked off a nice roleplay from the first second, properly fitting to the place we met. 
Its hard to express, how unimportant his outdated visual appearance was. I built a picture from that person in my mind because of the written words, and not because he had eyes big like plates and that junky newbie fingers.

[Seicher Rae]

23 hours ago, Zeta Vandyke said:

Maybe its a language thing, I'm not native English. But to me, bigotry sounds pretty heavy and quite out of place toward what is being talked about in this topic. But that's just my opinion of course..

Now on topic (. . .) If I find them attractive they have an advantage with their first impressions. In the end, its the personality that will decide if I go on with someone, but the first impression the attractive is ahead of the non attractive one. (and with that I mean attractive to my personal taste, not general photo model look alike)

I think that this is perfectly normal behavior for most humans, and also perfectly accepted behavior. Why is it so weird and bad that we act the same way in Second Life? I think its bigotry if I go out and tell the person I'm not attracted to that they are unattractive, or other negative things. I'm not. I'm just not attracted to them (at first impression), is that bigotry?

(I shortened the above quote a bit)

We agree. 

I was/am using the word bigot as meaning: a person who is intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices. Intolerance based on someone's looks. 

I can see where you thought it was a bit strong. I meant it more as intolerant in that "I won't ever be friends with someone who can't bother to be a mesh avatar" NOT something SL akin to RL burning a cross in their front yard.  Attraction is a different thing altogether.

Case in point: my ex-partner "H". I first met him at a very crowded, laggy, party. I was in the corner being my introverted self, reading profiles. His really caught my interest and I IMed him to chat. He was delightful. I had *no* idea what his avatar looked like, because of the lag. We met in a less crowded sim and I was shocked with how gawd-awful (I mean, it was a really bad OLD system avi, badly done as well!) his avatar looked. LoL. By then I was hooked and could not have cared less. Plus, I wasn't looking for a date, just a nice person to chat with. (We are no longer partners in SL because he's no longer IN SL, but we remain the best of RL friends.) If I had seen him first? Maybe I wouldn't have read his profile. I like to think I would have.

 

Edited May 24, 2019 by Seicher Rae

[Seicher Rae]

2 hours ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

The guy who became a very good friend of mine, looked like a newbie from 2009 when i met him about one year ago. He didnt even say "Hi, how are you", but sparked off a nice roleplay from the first second, properly fitting to the place we met. 
Its hard to express, how unimportant his outdated visual appearance was. I built a picture from that person in my mind because of the written words, and not because he had eyes big like plates and that junky newbie fingers.

This was exactly my experience, too. I met "H" about seven years ago and even then his old, old avatar was disturbingly awful.  But his personality, his words, were fantastic. But lol, in the end, like five years later, I demanded gently suggested he update his look (because I had to look at him).

[Rabid Cheetah]

Oh, it is indeed bigotry.  It's not enough for people to be that way in the real world, they feel they've got to do it in a pixalated environment as well.  Just ask the furries if there's bigotry in Second Life.  It's like the Sneetches story, the Star-Bellies are always going to look down their noses at the Non-Stars.  And Linden has done a great job of milking this.  First it was oh every object must be a sculpty, then it was flex hair, then flex hair was out because you gotta have mesh hair, mesh this, mesh that.  It's only a matter of time before mesh is outdated, and everyone, like Sneetches, will run to trade their real-world cash into Linden-bucks, handing it over to have the latest and greatest thing, all so they can sneer at those that don't have it.  But unlike Dr. Seuss's version, the slick dude at the end is right:  They'll never learn.

[AyelaNewLife]

8 hours ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

Oh, it is indeed bigotry.  It's not enough for people to be that way in the real world, they feel they've got to do it in a pixalated environment as well.  Just ask the furries if there's bigotry in Second Life.  It's like the Sneetches story, the Star-Bellies are always going to look down their noses at the Non-Stars.  And Linden has done a great job of milking this.  First it was oh every object must be a sculpty, then it was flex hair, then flex hair was out because you gotta have mesh hair, mesh this, mesh that.  It's only a matter of time before mesh is outdated, and everyone, like Sneetches, will run to trade their real-world cash into Linden-bucks, handing it over to have the latest and greatest thing, all so they can sneer at those that don't have it.  But unlike Dr. Seuss's version, the slick dude at the end is right:  They'll never learn.

 

On 5/18/2019 at 3:43 PM, AyelaNewLife said:

On the other hand, every single time I've seen someone say (in conversation or profile) that mesh avatars are "all style and no substance", without exception they have quickly demonstrated that their avatar is the most attractive thing about them. There's a massive difference between having personal preferences and being openly judgemental and acting all holier-than-thou, regardless of which side of this "debate" you're on.

 

[Bree Giffen]

The problem that's being described here is closer to vanity than bigotry. There's a lot of narcissists in SL. It's really difficult, if not impossible, for someone to stop being a narcissist.

[Selene Gregoire]

33 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

There's a lot of narcissists in SL.

Then I'm not imagining it. Thank you.

I've also noticed that it has been getting steadily worse as the years pass.

[MorrianaDarkstar]

On 5/17/2019 at 10:47 PM, Selene Gregoire said:

While it may be rather rare there are those people who don't log in much. Perhaps because they have a very busy RL and don't have a lot of time to spend on making over their avatar. 

I'm curious as to why it is so important to you when it's the personality behind the avatar that makes the person, not the avatar itself.

The look is important in modern SL today. You may be a nice person but if you don't look at your best 100% in modern sl world with new Mesh and Bento trands youu have small chance to get someone to chat with. I agree with Zeta the first impression matters. I remember my first days in sl when I had system avi. No one take me seriously. When I upgraded my look with mesh and Bento things changed and I started to get attention and start to receive invitations to clubs and parties. And lot of friend requests. It did not hapened when I looked as noob

[Selene Gregoire]

1 minute ago, MorrianaDarkstar said:

The look is important in modern SL today. You may be a nice person but if you don't look at your best 100% in modern sl world with new Mesh and Bento trands youu have small chance to get someone to chat with. I agree with Zeta the first impression matters. I remember my first days in sl when I had system avi. No one take me seriously. When I upgraded my look with mesh and Bento things changed and I started to get attention and start to receive invitations to clubs and parties. And lot of friend requests. It did not hapened when I looked as noob

To you young people looking gorgeous may be important but we older people know how unimportant looks really are both in SL and in RL. You could be the most beautiful human on the planet and still have a personality that is rotten to the core, while the ugliest person who doesn't mind not wearing all the latest (ridiculous looking) fashions has a heart and soul of gold. 

If people in SL are that shallow, I'd rather not chat with them. 

It's a shame people are so concerned over how they look that they miss out on all the truly beautiful people. The ones who may look like hell but are beautiful on the inside. It's what's on the inside that counts because looks are not going to last. That includes SL. No, your avatar won't suffer from aging skin but YOU will and that does have an effect on you in SL and RL. Young folks can deny that all they want but it's going to become a cold, hard reality one day. And it will be a very lonely one, too.

[Ren Toxx]

I hang out at a very public place that also hosts new players, and often talk to these; some of them tell me, with some surprise, that I’m practically the first one who deigned chatting with them, and some go as far as guessing that it’s their primitive avatars that make some people be unfriendly to them.

I always advise them, “perhaps those are exactly the last ones you want to be friends with”.

[Selene Gregoire]

1 minute ago, Ren Toxx said:

“perhaps those are exactly the last ones you want to be friends with”.

[Adriana Ulich]

I may come off sounding like a *****, but I think quite a few people in this thread might either be lying to themselves or trying to take a moral high ground for whatever reason.

Of course looks matter in SL, just as they do in RL.  It's not about the money you spend, but about the impression you give that you're making an effort.  Can anyone truthfully say that their first impressions are the same for someone decked out in full mesh and custom clothing versus a guy walking around naked with the default avi and his thing sticking straight out? Doubtful.

To get more into what the OP asked, I believe that answer is also a yes, but simply because the first impression would indicate that I wouldn't have much in common with them.  If I see a furry and their entire profile is all furry related than chances are we're not going to have much in common.

[Selene Gregoire]

I'm starting to be very thankful I'm not one of the "beautiful people" in SL, surrounding myself with other "beautiful people".  I prefer to hang out with people who are not superficial. That won't ever change.

 

[Ren Toxx]

1 hour ago, MorrianaDarkstar said:

... but if you don't look at your best 100% in modern sl world with new Mesh and Bento trands youu have small chance to get someone to chat with...

Here’s a quote I rather like, from an A.J. Quinnell novel:

“Her beauty controlled her mind. From an early age it had allowed her to tread different paths from most women. It was a weapon, and a vehicle in which to travel through life. An armored vehicle, protecting her from discomfort and indignity. She had a good mind and in a body even slightly less beautiful it would have been free to expand and develop and see beyond the circle of light which her beauty illuminated. But when the vehicle moved, the shadows were pushed back and she could not see them.”

 

I’ve seen quite a few system avatars who broke through the sea of indifference and got enough appreciation and warmth, by resorting from the beginning to things you definitely can’t buy from the Marketplace: charisma, niceness, intelligence, humour.

Sure, you can also get more IMs and invitations and friendship requests and whatnot, by making yourself shiny, but... what kind of people sends those IMs, invitations and requests? Are they interested by your personality, is that the first thing they’ll try to know more of? Or are they just looking for shiny and, at best, shiny is all they’ll have to offer in return?

Edited May 29, 2019 by Ren Toxx

[Selene Gregoire]

Just thought everyone would like to see my old system avatar that I used for modeling a few years ago. It's sooooooo ugly.

 

 

And this is the ugly system avatar I used for modeling in InWorldz.

 

 

They're so ugly I should be ashamed, right?

Edited May 29, 2019 by Selene Gregoire

[Ren Toxx]

6 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Just thought everyone would like to see my old system avatar that I used for modeling a few years ago. It's sooooooo ugly. [...]

They're so ugly I should be ashamed, right?

Yes.

...

Ooops, sorry, I talked to you. I shouldn’t have, not with that ugly system av.

So I guess now I should be ashamed as well, right? 😜

[Love Zhaoying]

9 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Just thought everyone would like to see my old system avatar that I used for modeling a few years ago. It's sooooooo ugly.

 



I’d date you, and I’m a gay/bi.

[Selene Gregoire]

10 minutes ago, Ren Toxx said:

Yes.

...

Ooops, sorry, I talked to you. I shouldn’t have, not with that ugly system av.

So I guess now I should be ashamed as well, right? 😜

We should go hide ourselves in the deepest, darkest cave we can find. Will Carlsbad Caverns do? It's roomy enough we'd hardly ever bump into each other.

[Selene Gregoire]

12 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I’d date you, and I’m a gay/bi.

Aww. That's sweet. Thank you.

The only problem is you'd be dating my avatar and not me.

The other problem is, I'm neither gay nor bi. But I'd still date you, not your avatar. Because I can see you are a kind and caring person on the inside, regardless of what you look like on the outside. Real or avatar. 

[Ren Toxx]

3 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

We should go hide ourselves in the deepest, darkest cave we can find. Will Carlsbad Caverns do? It's roomy enough we'd hardly ever bump into each other.

Unless we wore the blingiest, clickiest pre-sculpt boots we could find, over twin Ruths. Then we’d both be fugly and traceable. Just sayin’

[Selene Gregoire]

8 minutes ago, Ren Toxx said:

Unless we wore the blingiest, clickiest pre-sculpt boots we could find, over twin Ruths. Then we’d both be fugly and traceable. Just sayin’

I still have the boots but I deleted all the bling scripts. Whatever shall I do? 

[Skell Dagger]

This might be a good point in the thread to celebrate what could/can be done with a system avatar. I already spent yesterday digging all the way back through over 3,500 photos in my Flickr archive for another project, but I've just gone back far enough again to find some images that feature no mesh body parts whatsoever. Yes, some of the clothing is mesh (but even more of it is system and sculpt), but the avatar itself is wholly system. No mesh head, mesh body, mesh hands, or mesh feet.

Let's show the possibilities and what we could/can do, shall we?

(For the curious - and from my memory - the only mesh items in those shots are: the shirt in the top-right image, the armour in the left-central image, the kilt and boots in the right-central image, and the fur stole [and possibly the necklace?] in the lower-middle-centre image. All other 3D pieces were sculpt.)

Edited May 29, 2019 by Skell Dagger

[Love Zhaoying]

19 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Aww. That's sweet. Thank you.

The only problem is you'd be dating my avatar and not me.

The other problem is, I'm neither gay nor bi. But I'd still date you, not your avatar. Because I can see you are a kind and caring person on the inside, regardless of what you look like on the outside. Real or avatar. 

I can see you’ve read well into my nature through my posts. Thank you!