Does the way your avatar look affect forming bonds?

[BelindaN]

I will say one thing...... some of the newbie standard avis I've come across over my first year have been utterly charming. Although I've enjoyed initial chatting with these people, I don't push to friend, because they are finding their way and need a clear run!!!!! Although I offer advice if they want any .... such as I can offer!

I can't say the same for some of the perfect looking experienced vets, who often lack the charm which makes some of the newbies such good company.

I'm mostly talking about guy avis here.

[Resi Pfeffer]

12 minutes ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

have a friend who was proud of the first object she made, a giant pencil.  It looked great.  Somehow we got to talking about how I'd made clothes in the old days before you needed third-party programs that cost thousands of dollars and require a PhD in Computer Science to figure out, and the next thing you know she's wearing the pencil as her head.  It was funny and cute.  She was new, so she wanted to go to some place fun.  I took her to a dance club.  We didn't have fun -- she got instantly booted, banned, and muted.  Then they threaterned to do the same to me when I asked why they didn't even bother talking to her.  I gave them a piece of my mind *grin*.

Being a club owner means not to have a lot of empathy or patience for your guests, it seems
But, he/she could have also just recommended your friend to stick the pencil behind her ear, if she cant let go of it... or using it as a writing animation when talking in main chat.
Well, you both left that day, and better not to come back ever again. Its not worth it.

20 minutes ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

This used to be a game for everyone.  Sadly it has devolved into a way for snobby people to show off how much money they've spent on their mesh avi, or blown a month's worth of groceries on an "exclusive" and 'rare" piece of "land" that at the end of the day is just glowing embers on their screen

Hmm, maybe you are right, sadly. The prettier the place and the more mesh pieces are attached to an avatar, the more likely no one even talks, except of exchanging IMs with their close elitist friends.
But there are still a lot of place out there where everyone is welcome, and where no one cares about, if your face looks photorealistic or like a pancake.

[Zeta Vandyke]

Maybe I am a jerk then, but yes, it influences me at least in the first impression.

If I get an IM from someone random, and its not particularly interesting or relevant to anything, and that person is a 12 year old avie, without AO, with the starter system cloths you got 12 years ago, and same hair and skin, I tend to ignore them.

If the exact same message comes from a developed avie I would much more likely respond. Does not have to be super pretty mesh, but showing someone caring for their avie and willing to invest time and effort into their SL.

 

[Zeta Vandyke]

7 hours ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

Hmm, maybe you are right, sadly. The prettier the place and the more mesh pieces are attached to an avatar, the more likely no one even talks, except of exchanging IMs with their close elitist friends.

I hear people say this a lot. Like in clubs, that people no longer chat in local, and only talk with their friends.

Is that so weird? I do the same. I might say Hi in local when arriving and then continue chatting with my friends in our group IM. How much is that different from real life? If you go to a venue, you might give a polite general hi, but then you chat with your friends. Or with someone directly, not yelling out loud so the whole place can hear?

Some people enjoy the possibilities a chat offers and love chatting in public, getting attention. I don't. I do like going to a concert in SL with friends, enjoying the music together and chatting with them in private. Does that make me elitist?

[Rhonda Huntress]

It doesn't matter how my avatar looks, I am still going to be slow forming any bonds.

[Ivanova Shostakovich]

8 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

It doesn't matter how my avatar looks, I am still going to be slow forming any bonds.

   /me sends you a 15 minute epoxy kit.

[Selene Gregoire]

2 hours ago, Zeta Vandyke said:

Maybe I am a jerk then, but yes, it influences me at least in the first impression.

If I get an IM from someone random, and its not particularly interesting or relevant to anything, and that person is a 12 year old avie, without AO, with the starter system cloths you got 12 years ago, and same hair and skin, I tend to ignore them.

If the exact same message comes from a developed avie I would much more likely respond. Does not have to be super pretty mesh, but showing someone caring for their avie and willing to invest time and effort into their SL.

 

While it may be rather rare there are those people who don't log in much. Perhaps because they have a very busy RL and don't have a lot of time to spend on making over their avatar. 

I'm curious as to why it is so important to you when it's the personality behind the avatar that makes the person, not the avatar itself.

[Zeta Vandyke]

16 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

While it may be rather rare there are those people who don't log in much. Perhaps because they have a very busy RL and don't have a lot of time to spend on making over their avatar. 

I'm curious as to why it is so important to you when it's the personality behind the avatar that makes the person, not the avatar itself.

Well if you have not been able to tweak your avie a bit in 12 years, your not really trying

Does not help that most of the creeper messages also comes from avies like described above. At some point I just started to ignore them completely unless they have something interesting to say as conversation starter.

[Selene Gregoire]

1 hour ago, Zeta Vandyke said:

Well if you have not been able to tweak your avie a bit in 12 years, your not really trying

Does not help that most of the creeper messages also comes from avies like described above. At some point I just started to ignore them completely unless they have something interesting to say as conversation starter.

Well you might as well write me off completely then because I'm not about to spend money I don't have to spare buying mesh bodies and heads for all of my accounts just to suit someone who appears to be somewhat shallow minded. Perhaps you just aren't thinking things through quite all the way.

 

https://ryanschultz.com/2018/03/14/discrimination-in-second-life-based-on-avatar-appearance-dont-be-a-meshist/

Edited May 17, 2019 by Selene Gregoire

[Zeta Vandyke]

Well that's one way to interpret what I typed I guess. 

I'm not asking anyone to suit my visual needs. I'm just honestly answering a question the op asked, in that for first impressions I am indeed influenced by the looks especially if they don't give anything else to judge on in the way of an interesting chat.

 

[Rhonda Huntress]

29 minutes ago, Zeta Vandyke said:

I'm just honestly answering a question the op asked, in that for first impressions I am indeed influenced by the looks especially if they don't give anything else to judge on in the way of an interesting chat.

One time when this came up in the past I said I wanted someone who looked like they actually cared about themselves and got much the same response. 

[Ceka Cianci]

Most of the people I meet are new to SL it seems.. Not sure if that is on purpose or by accident,but it is what it is.. They come in all shapes and sizes and costumes..

For me,Variety is the spice of life..

My first day in SL it creeped me out because it felt too much like the movie the island..I sure wouldn't want to surround myself in something like that feeling ever again.

 

 

[Mollymews]

for me when it comes to appearance, its all about how much effort a person has put into it

when a person is less than a year old then I understand that the person may not be totally up with everything clothing wise and give them a break. Help them out as well if they want.  If a person has been on SL for more than a year and they don't appear to care then I am not going to care for them either

with mesh, some pieces don't fit well, with the body (mesh or classic) and with other pieces, poke thru etc. What has the wearer done to try to ameliorate this. When nothing then I got nothing either

with prim, then when their hair is not fitted well and they haven't bothered to get a hairbase to ameliorate this, or their feet stick out of their boots and they can't be bothered to wear a alpha, or they have attached something to themselves and its floating about where it shouldn't be, and they don't appear to care then same same

i am not going to care about a person when they don't appear to care about themselves 

[Eva Knoller]

Not to pick on you Mollymews, but that seems silly. Not everyone has the same priorities and budget or desire to update their avatars. You could be missing out on some great people because their hair does not fit well.  But at least you're honest, I guess. <shrugs>

[Gabriele Graves]

It occurs to me after reading this thread that we might have found a significant reason why a lot of new people don't stick around very long.

Where do I stand?  I love having a fabulous avatar but I will talk to anyone regardless of what their avatar is.  It is the people themselves that are most interesting to me, not what they are wearing.

Edited May 18, 2019 by Gabriele Graves

[Mollymews]

8 minutes ago, Eva Knoller said:

Not to pick on you Mollymews, but that seems silly. Not everyone has the same priorities and budget or desire to update their avatars. You could be missing out on some great people because their hair does not fit well.  But at least you're honest, I guess. <shrugs>

there are two different things that you have mentioned and I think you are conflating them.  Budget and priorities

a person on a very limited budget, or even no budget at all, can care about how they look. There is lots of free stuff and gifts we can get that fit very well, both mesh and prim, tattoo and clothing layers

when a person has a generous budget,  and doesn't make an effort to fit their expensive items onto themselves, and they don't care what they look like, then I don't care either

in either case, when that person has been on SL for more than a year. If their priority is not to care how they look after this time then it is not my priority either

[Eva Knoller]

10 minutes ago, Mollymews said:

there are two different things that you have mentioned and I think you are conflating them.  Budget and priorities

a person on a very limited budget, or even no budget at all, can care about how they look. There is lots of free stuff and gifts we can get that fit very well, both mesh and prim, tattoo and clothing layers

when a person has a generous budget,  and doesn't make an effort to fit their expensive items onto themselves, and they don't care what they look like, then I don't care either

in either case, when that person has been on SL for more than a year. If their priority is not to care how they look after this time then it is not my priority either

I’m admittedly breezier about this virtual existence than some, but who really cares? It’s pixels on a computer screen.

[Mollymews]

1 minute ago, Eva Knoller said:

I’m admittedly breezier about this virtual existence than some, but who really cares? It’s pixels on a computer screen.

there are people behind the pixels. People who care about how they present themselves no matter their budget, and people who don't care about how they present themselves no matter their budget

if you don't care that they don't care then we are the same. I don't care that they don't care. I do reply and chat to random IMs I get from people who don't care about themselves. I just don't initiate the chat

[Madelaine McMasters]

Which one of me appears to care more about the way she presents herself?

or

Edited May 18, 2019 by Madelaine McMasters
Forgot my slippers!

[steeljane42]

5 minutes ago, Eva Knoller said:

 but that seems silly. Not everyone has the same priorities and budget or desire to update their avatars. You could be missing out on some great people because their hair does not fit well.  But at least you're honest, I guess. <shrugs>

And why is this silly? Seems perfectly normal to me. People come to SL for very different reasons and have various interests. And *usually* people prefer to communicate with like-minded individuals and avoid ones they have nothing in common with.

If someone has a great interest in, let's say, fashion side of SL and spends 99% of his/her online time browsing new events, grabbing demos, putting new outfits together, taking pictures and blogging about it, then there's almost no chances that such person would find someone with an "old orange skinned avatar who is wearing hair from 2003, has no AO and still rocking not working (on ALM that is) shoes with invisible prims, but is a pro in scripting' very interesting to hang out with. Vice versa is true as well, so it's all fair.

SL is very much like RL anyway, with social circles and all that. So not sure why it's so surprising that someone who spends the great deal of efforts and time to take care of themselves don't really want to deal with someone who wears the same shirt for 2 weeks in a row and can't be bothered to brush their teeth.

Also "bonds" are not just friendship. Some of us are not looking for friends online, so the avi's operator qualities aside of what is visible in SL don't matter. When I feel like doing some social stuff, I usually check some places where I know I can find what I'm looking for (the roleplaying mostly). And when I do, then I look for someone who; 1) has a good avatar in my taste (yes, there's plenty of quality/full mesh looks that I'll avoid because I don't find them aesthetically pleasing even one bit, despite all the money they spent on it. I fully expect others to dislike my avi sometimes, too, for any personal reason they might have), 2) is able to RP on the decent level. If both of those qualities are not met, then I'm not interested at all, regardless of how awesome and sweet the person might be. If they are met and we play some and both happy with the result, then I don't mind "forming a bond" to play some more sometime, but I still don't really care who they are and what else they are doing outside of RP times.

That being said, it costs nothing to be civil and polite, so even if I decline someone's "offer"/attempt, I do it without unnecessary comments about their look and/or emoting skills.

[Polenth Yue]

There's a point where I don't think it's wrong to judge someone by avatar choice, in the sense that it's one way to communicate interests. I'm a tiny mushroom, so people often stop me to talk about being a mushroom and fantasy things. It's a fair assumption to think that I might like fungi and fantasy. In turn, if you've chosen a distinctive avatar, my first assumption is you made that choice because that's what you like.

Where it becomes a problem is assuming that no message is a bad message. A generic avatar is a blank page, rather than a statement of interests. At most, the avatar might be a statement that someone has other priorities, like building. It's a big jump to assume it means they're a bad person. I'm sensitive to that in virtual worlds, because I'm the person in first life who gets those assumptions, and gets treated badly as a result. But I'm not suddenly a different person to the mushroom that everyone stops for a chat.

[Selene Gregoire]

To determine whether or not you want to associate with someone solely (which is what is being said here) on their appearance? That's not ok. 

Doesn't matter if it's height, weight, skin tone, or anything else. You shouldn't judge a person by their exterior because you don't know their story and appearance by itself won't tell us everything we need to know about that person.  Like the saying goes - we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you may miss out on a good story. 

We can only understand the person after interacting with them and that takes time and effort.  Moreover, some people may only have an external appearance without "content", hence, we need to give ourselves a fair opportunity to interact and evaluate the other person. 

Judging others merely by appearance isn't much different than stereotyping.

If you aren't willing to take the time and effort to get to know someone at least a little before making a judgement call, then why would anyone want to know you?

[Eva Knoller]

11 minutes ago, steeljane42 said:

And why is this silly? Seems perfectly normal to me. People come to SL for very different reasons and have various interests. And *usually* people prefer to communicate with like-minded individuals and avoid ones they have nothing in common with.

If someone has a great interest in, let's say, fashion side of SL and spends 99% of his/her online time browsing new events, grabbing demos, putting new outfits together, taking pictures and blogging about it, then there's almost no chances that such person would find someone with an "old orange skinned avatar who is wearing hair from 2003, has no AO and still rocking not working (on ALM that is) shoes with invisible prims, but is a pro in scripting' very interesting to hang out with. Vice versa is true as well, so it's all fair.

SL is very much like RL anyway, with social circles and all that. So not sure why it's so surprising that someone who spends the great deal of efforts and time to take care of themselves don't really want to deal with someone who wears the same shirt for 2 weeks in a row and can't be bothered to brush their teeth.

Also "bonds" are not just friendship. Some of us are not looking for friends online, so the avi's operator qualities aside of what is visible in SL don't matter. When I feel like doing some social stuff, I usually check some places where I know I can find what I'm looking for (the roleplaying mostly). And when I do, then I look for someone who; 1) has a good avatar in my taste (yes, there's plenty of quality/full mesh looks that I'll avoid because I don't find them aesthetically pleasing even one bit, despite all the money they spent on it. I fully expect others to dislike my avi sometimes, too, for any personal reason they might have), 2) is able to RP on the decent level. If both of those qualities are not met, then I'm not interested at all, regardless of how awesome and sweet the person might be. If they are met and we play some and both happy with the result, then I don't mind "forming a bond" to play some more sometime, but I still don't really care who they are and what else they are doing outside of RP times.

That being said, it costs nothing to be civil and polite, so even if I decline someone's "offer"/attempt, I do it without unnecessary comments about their look and/or emoting skills.

I laugh at the equating of brushing real life teeth with a virtual avatar.  But really, I’m not trying to convince anyone that my way is the right way, I just find it silly and superficial to disregard an entire swath of people due to their avatar. 

[Mollymews]

37 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Which one of me appears to care more about the way she presents herself?

or

yes

both avatars show that the person behind cares about their appearance, how the avatars present. Completely different styles yet

 

[Selene Gregoire]

1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Which one of me appears to care more about the way she presents herself?