Jump to content
Hippie Bowman

SL Relationships. How real are they to you.

Recommended Posts


Ardin Darkfold wrote:

My relationships in SL may be virtual, but the feelings I have for friends and lovers here are very real to me.  It does not bother me that people come and go or that they may have chosen to be someone here very different from who they are in RL.  For me, I guess it comes down to how comfortable one is with the concept of having a virtual life which is part of, but uniquely different in some ways, from RL.  If you treat your relationships here as fake or less valuable than your relationships in the physical world, then you are missing out on a huge part of this experience.  

I'm not surprised that threads like this one get so much attention. The whole concept of SL relationships is clearly something most of us have pretty strong opinions about. I like being able to reply to Ardin's post not only because I agree with the thought but because I've talked often with other people who have posted here and it's nice to have someone I don't know to reply to.

I also like Rhonda's idea of calling a lot of what we feel here 'crushes'. I have used that myself once in reply to a friend who saw me with someone she hadn't met and IM'd: 'Any romance going on here?'. I told I might have a bit of a crush on the person in question. Seemed like the right way to phrase it. By the way, that friend (who has been partnered for over a year) asks me that all the time: she's worse than your mother :-).

I've said other places that I think coming to SL to create a real life relationship is a mistake because the risk of being completely wrong about the person is so great. Not saying it can't happen, just that setting out with that goal is far more likely to bring hurt than happiness.

I do think that our relationships here are as real as we care to make them, whether they are friendships or something more than friendships. I also think, because I've seen it happen, that things that started here can with the right situation move to RL.

Great topic, Hippie. And btw you have met Zeke, or at least you had a chance to meet him; Quinn brought him to Hippiestock. He was the guy she kept saying, "You're such a NOOB!" to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Dillon Levenque wrote:


Ardin Darkfold wrote:

My relationships in SL may be virtual, but the feelings I have for friends and lovers here are very real to me.  It does not bother me that people come and go or that they may have chosen to be someone here very different from who they are in RL.  For me, I guess it comes down to how comfortable one is with the concept of having a virtual life which is part of, but uniquely different in some ways, from RL.  If you treat your relationships here as fake or less valuable than your relationships in the physical world, then you are missing out on a huge part of this experience.  

I'm not surprised that threads like this one get so much attention. The whole concept of SL relationships is clearly something most of us have pretty strong opinions about. I like being able to reply to Ardin's post not only because I agree with the thought but because I've talked often with other people who have posted here and it's nice to have someone I don't know to reply to.

I also like Rhonda's idea of calling a lot of what we feel here 'crushes'. I have used that myself once in reply to a friend who saw me with someone she hadn't met and IM'd: 'Any romance going on here?'. I told I might have a bit of a crush on the person in question. Seemed like the right way to phrase it. By the way, that friend (who has been partnered for over a year) asks me that all the time: she's worse than your mother :-).

I've said other places that I think coming to SL to create a real life relationship is a mistake because the risk of being completely wrong about the person is so great. Not saying it can't happen, just that setting out with that goal is far more likely to bring hurt than happiness.

I do think that our relationships here are as real as we care to make them, whether they are friendships or something more than friendships. I also think, because I've seen it happen, that things that started here can with the right situation move to RL.

Great topic, Hippie. And btw you have met Zeke, or at least you had a chance to meet him; Quinn brought him to Hippiestock. He was the guy she kept saying, "You're such a NOOB!" to.

 

Great post Dillon!  Oh yes!  Now I remember Zeke!  Sigh!  Hippie shakes his head to get more brain cells working!  LOL!  Thanks for sharing your story!  Far out!

 

Peace!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This Lenni can be so true:)

 


Lenni Foxtrot wrote:

A very close friend of mine in SL shares no RL with me. At first I tried to get more from her, and she slowly taught me how to want less, and just dream, and use SL as a place to be another form of myself. Her love is different and yet has earned such a special place in my heart. Again it is trust, but in a different way, I don't need to know who she really is, and yet I trust and love her with all my heart. We share emotions in a way I have never known, her mystery makes that possible.

Love is definitley real in SL, but we do have to give up some of ourselves in order to feel it.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As real as they have to be.... I do friendships (yes, I still have one or two friends, surprisingly) but relationships? Not any more. That old RL/SL divide is such a bummer. If you get close to someone, involved, romatically entwined, eventually you have to worry about the discrepancies between your RL truth and your SL imaginary world. At some point you find that you have crossed a line and moved from role play to deception. After that, if you have any decency in you, maintaining the relationship in its original form becomes very difficult, even impossible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SL Relationships are very real to me with two caveats.  First, how far or deep I allow the different relationships to go will vary.  But that is really no different than RL.  We all pick and choose and other factors do come in how close we get to people in RL also.  The second is that sometimes we can do things in SL we couldn't do in RL.  For example, short of a serious operation, a man is not going to have a **bleep** or a woman a **bleep**.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Chapeau Constantine wrote:

As real as they have to be.... I do friendships (yes, I still have one or two friends, surprisingly) but relationships? Not any more. That old RL/SL divide is such a bummer. If you get close to someone, involved, romatically entwined, eventually you have to worry about the discrepancies between your RL truth and your SL imaginary world. At some point you find that you have crossed a line and moved from role play to deception. After that, if you have any decency in you, maintaining the relationship in its original form becomes very difficult, even impossible.

 

Great post Chapeau.  Thank you for your input!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Perrie Juran wrote:

SL Relationships are very real to me with two caveats.  First, how far or deep I allow the different relationships to go will vary.  But that is really no different than RL.  We all pick and choose and other factors do come in how close we get to people in RL also.  The second is that sometimes we can do things in SL we couldn't do in RL.  For example, short of a serious operation, a man is not going to have a **bleep** or a woman a **bleep**.

 

Good post Perrie!  Thanks!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Dillon Levenque wrote:

Great topic, Hippie. And btw you have met Zeke, or at least you had a chance to meet him; Quinn brought him to Hippiestock. He was the guy she kept saying, "You're such a NOOB!" to.

I STILL say that to him all these months later. :matte-motes-smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Carole Franizzi wrote:

It's impossible to caluculate because, as each individual will be more or less open and
honest
, more or less
self-aware
(and thus able to be truthful about him or her self), but the degree to which a person represents their true being in a VR will vary enormously. Some, knowing themselves very well - and happy within themselves - will make sure what comes across is as close to reality as is possible, considering the limits of the medium.

Carole has stated some vital facts here.  It is the honesty, and self-aware attributes that are key.   That, and if any given individual is willing to share who they really are...and I don't mean just a RL name...but the internal workings of their mind...their psyche.    To be willing and able to share that with another, is rare even in RL, so it should come as no surprise that it's also rare in SL.   But, it does happen. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Quinn Morani wrote:

 

Dillon Levenque wrote:

Great topic, Hippie. And btw you have met Zeke, or at least you had a chance to meet him; Quinn brought him to Hippiestock. He was the guy she kept saying, "You're such a NOOB!" to.

I STILL say that to him all these months later. :matte-motes-smile:

 

LOL Dillon!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I need to log off soon and was not able to read through the entire thread. I'll just answer the question. It is a topic that came up just today for me and one that keeps coming back. I have people I consider to be friends via SL that completely disagree with me (which is more than a little disconcerting, to say the least).

A shock to many people both in SL and RL is that I'm really quite shy and not a people person. My social skills are fine and I can fake being kind of extroverted quite well—no one sees me go home and curl up in bed to recoup. Unlike people I know who thrive on social interaction. I refer to my ex as a golden retriever and I mean that as a compliment. He's the kind of person who, like said canine, walks up to people all friendly and has never met a stranger. Where I take the package from the UPS guy and sign for it and smile and say thank you and maybe comment on the weather, the ex will come away with the package signed for, knowing the guy's life story and have an invite to a party out of it!

So, if the ex were inworld, which he really isn't except he has an avatar but that was only for music reviews (and oh I digress) HIS friends list would be long and he'd call everyone on it a friend.

Whereas for me...I have a short to medium list and it is divided up into "people I just met and for some reason wanted to talk to again and so we 'friended' so we could easily see when we are online", to acquaintances, to people I'm becoming friends with, to Friends. My RL is basically the same way. Once a Friend, they are real and I don't care if they are from SL or someone I see in RL each day. This is where I have some differences with some SL friends who insist this cannot be. (And since I think it is, I know they think differently, and, well...it is awkward.) I don't equate the friends list with Friend. Some people do. I don't get that.

I have no idea if I answered the question.

How real are they to me? Very. Real.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Seicher Rae wrote:

I need to log off soon and was not able to read through the entire thread. I'll just answer the question. It is a topic that came up just today for me and one that keeps coming back. I have people I consider to be friends via SL that completely disagree with me (which is more than a little disconcerting, to say the least).

A shock to many people both in SL and RL is that I'm really quite shy and not a people person. My social skills are fine and I can fake being kind of extroverted quite well—no one sees me go home and curl up in bed to recoup. Unlike people I know who thrive on social interaction. I refer to my ex as a golden retriever and I mean that as a compliment. He's the kind of person who, like said canine, walks up to people all friendly and has never met a stranger. Where I take the package from the UPS guy and sign for it and smile and say thank you and maybe comment on the weather, the ex will come away with the package signed for, knowing the guy's life story and have an invite to a party out of it!

So, if the ex were inworld, which he really isn't except he has an avatar but that was only for music reviews (and oh I digress) HIS friends list would be long and he'd call everyone on it a friend.

Whereas for me...I have a short to medium list and it is divided up into "people I just met and for some reason wanted to talk to again and so we 'friended' so we could easily see when we are online", to acquaintances, to people I'm becoming friends with, to Friends. My RL is basically the same way. Once a Friend, they are real and I don't care if they are from SL or someone I see in RL each day. This is where I have some differences with some SL friends who insist this cannot be. (And since I think it is, I know they think differently, and, well...it is awkward.) I don't equate the friends list with Friend. Some people do. I don't get that.

I have no idea if I answered the question.

How real are they to me? Very. Real.

 

 Good post Seicher!  I enjoyed your post, and yes a very good answer!  Far out!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The definition of "real" in a virtual world is problematic but as I stated in another thread this evening (re: "liars") - I do believe sl relationships are real on whatever level people choose.  I tend to take my friends in sl at face value, I believe what they tell me and I share my rl depending upon how close I feel we are.  I care about them, their worries, their troubles and I share their joys.  I do not worry about whether everything they tell me is true.  It is true to them at that moment, its some part of their reality and they have a reason for telling me that story.  If I find out someone has told me an "untruth" I tend to shrug it off - but this attitude took me years to get to - some heartbreaks and yes even tears.  I hold my sl friends very dear and many have been friends for years and some have become friends in rl and I have learned to allow everyone in sl the freedom to be who they want to be (as I expect them to allow me my freedom). 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Minx Ohmai wrote:

The definition of "real" in a virtual world is problematic but as I stated in another thread this evening (re: "liars") - I do believe sl relationships are real on whatever level people choose.  I tend to take my friends in sl at face value, I believe what they tell me and I share my rl depending upon how close I feel we are.  I care about them, their worries, their troubles and I share their joys.  I do not worry about whether everything they tell me is true.  It is true to them at that moment, its some part of their reality and they have a reason for telling me that story.  If I find out someone has told me an "untruth" I tend to shrug it off - but this attitude took me years to get to - some heartbreaks and yes even tears.  I hold my sl friends very dear and many have been friends for years and some have become friends in rl and I have learned to allow everyone in sl the freedom to be who they want to be (as I expect them to allow me my freedom). 

Good words of wisdom there Minx!  Thank you for sharing!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Minx Ohmai wrote:

The definition of "real" in a virtual world is problematic but as I stated in another thread this evening (re: "liars") - I do believe sl relationships are real on whatever level people choose.  I tend to take my friends in sl at face value, I believe what they tell me and I share my rl depending upon how close I feel we are.  I care about them, their worries, their troubles and I share their joys.  I do not worry about whether everything they tell me is true.  It is true to them at that moment, its some part of their reality and they have a reason for telling me that story.  If I find out someone has told me an "untruth" I tend to shrug it off - but this attitude took me years to get to - some heartbreaks and yes even tears.  I hold my sl friends very dear and many have been friends for years and some have become friends in rl and I have learned to allow everyone in sl the freedom to be who they want to be (as I expect them to allow me my freedom). 

Great answer Minx! I'd kudo you but I never learned how. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While not specifically about SL, this is "A slightly tongue in cheek and only mildly alarming observation on how social networking sites might allow the opportunity for delusions of closeness and intimacy... and the illusion of a "real" relationship... to those desperately seeking love."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Chapeau Constantine wrote:

While not specifically about SL, this is "A slightly tongue in cheek and only mildly alarming observation on how social networking sites might allow the opportunity for delusions of closeness and intimacy... and the illusion of a "real" relationship... to those desperately seeking love."

Thanks for your input my friend!  Woot!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After a few bad contacts with player-type persons, i can now say YES, its real.

 

In now nearly 10 months together with my wife.

Yes, i see her as my wife  in RL too (even though we are not married in RL yet), we have a shop in SL together (Planning to move to other worlds too), we spend our time together, build together, have fun together, and are true with no secrets to each other.

Meanwhile voice and webcam much as we can, send each other presents in realitas... and plan to move together (wich involves learning another language for me, wich is fine for me), next step will be, spending next year`s holiday together on a lil cruise.... and yes, we are both sure we never loved another person as much as we do each other.

So, yes its real, if you allow it to be - and met right one. We know, we have.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Jaylin Wytchwood wrote:

After a few bad contacts with player-type persons, i can now say YES, its real.

 

In now nearly 10 months together with my wife.

Yes, i see her as my wife  in RL too (even though we are not married in RL yet), we have a shop in SL together (Planning to move to other worlds too), we spend our time together, build together, have fun together, and are true with no secrets to each other.

Meanwhile voice and webcam much as we can, send each other presents in realitas... and plan to move together (wich involves learning another language for me, wich is fine for me), next step will be, spending next year`s holiday together on a lil cruise.... and yes, we are both sure we never loved another person as much as we do each other.

So, yes its real, if you allow it to be - and met right one. We know, we have.

 

Thank you Jaylin!  What a great testimony of your love!  Thanks for sharing here!  Groovy!

 

Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm very happy for you Jaylin. However, seems that what you have is no longer a purely SL relationship, although it still has an SL component. I took the original question to be about relationships that operate 100% in SL. In response to that question, I would say that SL relationships are real. They are stylised, and constrained by the communication medium, but in terms of what goes on between the ears, the ideas that pass between the two people, the emotions that ebb and flow, they are just as real as anything in RL. As Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan proved so movingly in 'You've Got Mail', love can blossom without meeting face to face.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...