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Hippie Bowman

SL Relationships. How real are they to you.

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Kissmy Spicoli wrote:

Hiyas Hip!   I'm reading this thread with great interest and if time allows I'll chime .. or on my Flickr series!  Thanks sooo much for the props!    Kiss   <3

SecondLives.jpg


 

You are most welcome Kiss!  Your article says it all!  Woot!

 

Peace!

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Randall Ahren wrote:

 

Hippie Bowman wrote:

So how about all of you!  How do your SL relationships fare.  Do you love em and leave em, or has there become an unbreakable bond between you and the ones you love!


Peace!



Albert Camus thought that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins believed this to be incorrect. He thought that the only serious question. was how to make love stay. In my experience, friends and lovers come and go, especially in SL. It is too easy for people to drop in and out.

The SL world is a dream, nothing but an image on a computer screen. The avatars that we see most likely do not reflect the person behind it. While our SL world may be an illusion, the beauty is real and so is the love.

Enjoy it while you can.

 

 

Great post Randall!  I will  "enjoy it while I can".  I hope for many years to come!

 

Peace!

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Venus Petrov wrote:

What lovely stories, Hippie!  I have three close friends in SL who are very dear to me.  Two I met very soon after my rez day over four years ago and one who has become my dearest friend over the past year.  All three of these relationships are different and special and very real.  We share real feelings, thoughts, emotions and stories of our real lives.  I do not distinguish them from people that I have met in RL....they are friends of mine, period.

 

 

Hey Venus!  Great post!  Yes, as you say "they are friends of mine, period."  Thats it in a nutshell!  Woot!

 

Peace!

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Great post Persephone!  I love this part!  "If we have positive experiences in SL when letting out these possibly hidden sides of ourselves, we may then decide to bring them out into RL a bit. But even if we don't bring these sides out into RL, we are given the chance to express them & learn about ourselves & others."

 

Peace!

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Rhonda Huntress wrote:

They are as real as you let them be, if you can let them.

People say SL love is fleeting.  But are you still dating the first boy you ever kissed?  Is the first woman who touched you living with you today?

 

Thats it!  Real as you let them be, if you can let them!  Woot!

 

Peace

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Sylvia Tamalyn wrote:

Great post, Hippie! 

My sig tells you my answer to your question. :smileyhappy:

Yes Sylvia!  Your signature tells it all!

 

 

Peace

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Jessika Rang wrote:

Great thread Hippie!  I don't fall in love in SL (tho I do get "crushes" regularly).  I am married rl so that's not exactly what I am looking for.  I do have great friendships in SL - people that I have known for years now and I totally consider these friendships as real as anything in "RL".  Some of these people are now friends on my rl facebook (I don't have sl fb page) but not all - I am not in SL as much as I used to be but when I see these people its as if no time has gone by.

Essentially this is what keeps me logging in to sl, they mean that much to me.

Great Post Jessika!  Thanks for sharing your opinion on this not to easy to answer subject! TIN_smiles001.gif

 

Peace

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DQ Darwin wrote:

I love how you describe your relationships, in doing so you also describe your character. Yours I find wholesome and refreshing.

How we handle our relationships in SL is in fact no different than RL in many respects but very much based on what we are as individuals and what makes us tick.

I see SL as a social platform with many side benefits somewhat like having a penpal but on steroids. I don't look for the bad in people but I use my common sense to evaluate their actions, words and sincerity. It doesn't take long to figure out what's what.

I am blessed with many friends of varying degrees but as I look to the top of the list there are about 6 very dear people I have constant interaction with. I cherish those few closely and have yet to be disappointed.

The top of the list is my partner for 3 years now, we are close think alike and can spend hours sitting and talking or cruising SL or whatever. The main thing is we can be together (without poseballs) and enjoy ourselves. We share our laughter and our sorrow and remain as one and for that I love that girl.

It is the mind of those I interact with that intrigues me not the image on the screen and it didn't take long to be able to place those in the "wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole" or the "glad to have you as a friend" category. One of the things about these and other forums is a quick read can save you a lot of time when judging character.

Whether someone is a self proclaimed ex rugby star or a brain surgeon or a truck driver do we ever really know I mean it is only their word. If your aim is to find someone to wed, well be damn careful.

For those finding SL a game all of the above means nothing.

My answer Hippie is they"re as real as I let them be based on time and common sense:)

 

 

Thank you Dee for your kind words and comments!  Hugs to you my friend!

 

Peace!

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Oh so good Wildcat!  So SL is a tool, so to speak, for you and Reuler to stay close to each other, even when you are apart!  Woot!  Just love that!  Hippie scratches Wildcat under the chin, and pulls gently on her ears!

 

Peace!

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Tem Haalan wrote:


Ardin Darkfold wrote:

My relationships in SL may be virtual, but the feelings I have for friends and lovers here are very real to me.  It does not bother me that people come and go or that they may have chosen to be someone here very different from who they are in RL.  For me, I guess it comes down to how comfortable one is with the concept of having a virtual life which is part of, but uniquely different in some ways, from RL.  If you treat your relationships here as fake or less valuable than your relationships in the physical world, then you are missing out on a huge part of this experience.  

This.

Well said Ardin.

I am going to second this motion.  Very well said.

 

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Ardin Darkfold wrote:

My relationships in SL may be virtual, but the feelings I have for friends and lovers here are very real to me.  It does not bother me that people come and go or that they may have chosen to be someone here very different from who they are in RL.  For me, I guess it comes down to how comfortable one is with the concept of having a virtual life which is part of, but uniquely different in some ways, from RL.  If you treat your relationships here as fake or less valuable than your relationships in the physical world, then you are missing out on a huge part of this experience.  

 

Well said Ardin!  Thank you!

 

 

Peace!

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What a meaningful and thought-provoking thread, Hippie. I've really enjoyed reading the perspectives of everyone who has posted here so far. In my own case, I think it's pretty common knowledge among those who know me here that my heart belongs to my RL husband (Zeke in SL, though his appearances inworld are rare), so I can't really speak to the nature of SL romance.

However, I've had the great good fortune to make some special friends in SL whom I value every bit as much as my RL friends. The friendship "relationship" is certainly real to me. Time is a precious commodity, and the time I invest in interacting with my SL friends is time well spent, in my book.

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Quinn Morani wrote:

What a meaningful and thought-provoking thread, Hippie. I've really enjoyed reading the perspectives of everyone who has posted here so far. In my own case, I think it's pretty common knowledge among those who know me here that my heart belongs to my RL husband (Zeke in SL, though his appearances inworld are rare), so I can't really speak to the nature of SL romance.

However, I've had the great good fortune to make some special friends in SL whom I value every bit as much as my RL friends. The friendship "relationship" is certainly real to me. Time is a precious commodity, and the time I invest in interacting with my SL friends is time well spent, in my book.

 

I have so much enjoyed the responses too!  You are a good lady Quinn!  Would love to meet Zeke!

 

Peace!

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Hippie thank you so much for starting this wonderful dialog! And thank you so much for your love inworld and out.

Some say that you can't trust in SL, therefore they have chosen not to love. I chose to trust first instead, and have found love in a slow moving, wonderful way inworld.

I am lucky enough to say that Hippie came up to me at a noob area 2 years ago, and asked if I wanted to go iceskating. I couldn't even walk, but I followed him anyway. What a fateful moment that was, but I never knew then how important it was going to be. I put on skates after several attempts, and then wore them for 3 days never knowing how to get them off :) Hippie was so patient and our friendship grew in ways I had no idea possible. I know many have mentioned that trusting here in SL is hard, but I think in some ways you must trust to get the full experience. If I hadn't tried to skate, if I hadn't let go and laughed hard with that strange Hippie guy that day, I know I wouldn't be here. We have gone on to become close RL friends through the SLCC convention.

Other relationships are different. A very close friend of mine in SL shares no RL with me. At first I tried to get more from her, and she slowly taught me how to want less, and just dream, and use SL as a place to be another form of myself. Her love is different and yet has earned such a special place in my heart. Again it is trust, but in a different way, I don't need to know who she really is, and yet I trust and love her with all my heart. We share emotions in a way I have never known, her mystery makes that possible.

Love is definitley real in SL, but we do have to give up some of ourselves in order to feel it.

 

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Lenni Foxtrot wrote:

Hippie thank you so much for starting this wonderful dialog! And thank you so much for your love inworld and out.

Some say that you can't trust in SL, therefore they have chosen not to love. I chose to trust first instead, and have found love in a slow moving, wonderful way inworld.

I am lucky enough to say that Hippie came up to me at a noob area 2 years ago, and asked if I wanted to go iceskating. I couldn't even walk, but I followed him anyway. What a fateful moment that was, but I never knew then how important it was going to be. I put on skates after several attempts, and then wore them for 3 days never knowing how to get them off
:)
Hippie was so patient and our friendship grew in ways I had no idea possible. I know many have mentioned that trusting here in SL is hard, but I think in some ways you must trust to get the full experience. If I hadn't tried to skate, if I hadn't let go and laughed hard with that strange Hippie guy that day, I know I wouldn't be here. We have gone on to become close RL friends through the SLCC convention.

Other relationships are different. A very close friend of mine in SL shares no RL with me. At first I tried to get more from her, and she slowly taught me how to want less, and just dream, and use SL as a place to be another form of myself. Her love is different and yet has earned such a special place in my heart. Again it is trust, but in a different way, I don't need to know who she really is, and yet I trust and love her with all my heart. We share emotions in a way I have never known, her mystery makes that possible.

Love is definitley real in SL, but we do have to give up some of ourselves in order to feel it.

 

 

Ahh there she is!  Lenni!  Oh yes!  She got the skates on and we skated, then I logged for some reason.  The next day she still had them on!  LOL!  I had forgotten to tell her how to take them off!  LOL!  So funny!

Lenni has taught me a lot about myself too.  And giving me the confidence to do what I do in SL.  Yes Lenni's words are so true.  Extend the trust first, and if the trust is deserved, then the love will follow!  Yes?  Thank you for the great post Lenni, and for all that you are!

 

Peace!

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I have enjoyed so much reading your posts, since I myself am experimenting some of these emotions at the moment.  I am new to sl but have already found some amazing people for whom my emotions have already been shaken.  It is quite confusing, i must admit,  because like most of you have pointed out there is no way of knowing who these people really are, or what their real intentions are.  It is dificult to believe evertyhing u are told, even naive.

 

I for one like to be as honest as posible without erasing that line between fantasy and reality that gives this place that unique mystery and feel to it.  For this reason i've decided trust first, and as time pases I hope that I can detect those double sided people with bad or untruthful intentions.  This is worth the risk for getting to know those other people, who like me are truthful, and hopefully that spark that was felt when we met can grow into something else here in sl.
After all, emotions are in our minds, and as such I believe the conections we have with people we meet in sl are very real.
(Sorry bout the double post.)

 

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tonyz26 wrote:

I have enjoyed so much reading your posts, since I myself am experimenting some of these emotions at the moment.  I am new to sl but have already found some amazing people for whom my emotions have already been shaken.  It is quite confusing, i must admit,  because like most of you have pointed out there is no way of knowing who these people really are, or what their real intentions are.  It is dificult to believe evertyhing u are told, even naive.

 
I for one like to be as honest as posible without erasing that line between fantasy and reality that gives this place that unique mystery and feel to it.  For this reason i've decided trust first, and as time pases I hope that I can detect those double sided people with bad or untruthful intentions.  This is worth the risk for getting to know those other people, who like me are truthful, and hopefully that spark that was felt when we met can grow into something else here in sl.
After all, emotions are in our minds, and as such I believe the conections we have with people we meet in sl are very real.
(Sorry bout the double post.)

 

Hi Tony, and welcome to SL and to the forums!  Yes!  Extend the trust first, and if the trust is deserved, then the love will follow! :matte-motes-big-grin-squint:

 

 

Peace!

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Hello, Tony.  Welcome to SL.

When I was a new born resident (much longer ago than my avatar age suggests) I was given this bit of advice, "Guard your heart; things move fast in SL."  I will say that it make much more sense in hindsight than it did at the time.  I have some theories and maybe you can gain a little insight too.

First and I believe foremost is the fact that SL is a communications platform.  You can not simply give a few common body gestures and expect someone to know if you are bored, interested, in a hurry or anything like that.  Even with the pretty pixel avatars, words are all we have to express ourselves.  In side of Second Life we will reach a level of communication with another person in just a few short minutes that you do not find in the meatspace until after quite some time spent together. You will come away with the magical feeling that you have known each other forever. 

On top of this, there is the simple principle of projection.  This is a well known phenomenon where we fill in missing pieces with what we feel to be common and logical.  These missing pieces are usually our own traits.  Something as simple as assuming the other person likes the same music as you or has the same favorite color because they happened to be wearing that color when you met.  Because we tend to fill in these gaps with our own perceptions, we think the other person has much more in common with ourselves that they actually do.  Once you couple projection with a high level of communication you wind up with instant soul mate.  Or at least you think they are your twin soul.  It sure feels that way.

As a child, these things were called puppy love and crushes.  I like the term crush.  We can see it for what it is.  It is the emotional rush of a new and hopeful relationship.  As we get older we recognize these crushes and enjoy the time while we get to know each other better.  If you then apply your RL experiences with SL crushes you can see that you will have a lot of broken crushes and a few broken hearts before you find The One™. 

So now you get my advise; be accepting of those you meet.  If you try to keep someone limited to your first impressions and perceptions you will be disappointed.  Watch, listen and discover who they are as a person.  Accept that person as the unfold before you.  If you are not compatible then the worst case scenario is you walk away as friends.  But before that can happen you must be willing to accept them as themselves and as your friend.

On the flip side, I have been know to collect my fair share of enemies as well. :matte-motes-evil-invert:

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Thak u for your suggestions, I agree with a lot of them and others had not occured to me.  I will keep them in mind.

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A wonderful thread Hippie!  I have to say that SL relationships are a lot like RL relationships.  Some of them are deep and meaningful and some are casual and superficial.  I have made a few very dear friends here, and like Venus put it - They are my friends, period.  And I have my partner.  I met him when I was 3 months into SL, and had already broken my heart once here.  He's been here longer than me and has had his heart broken a few times as well.  Within one month of getting to know each other, we partnered, which was back in October of 2009.  We've never met in RL, and we possibly never will.  But he is very dear to me and I know I am to him too.  It is not the same as a real life love affair.  But it is deep and meaningful and truly wonderful all in it's own way.  I am the richer for having met him.  He is my friend and my playmate and my SL love, my confidant, my rock, my touchstone, my lover and my partner in this virtual world.

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kattatonia Wickentower wrote:

A wonderful thread Hippie!  I have to say that SL relationships are a lot like RL relationships.  Some of them are deep and meaningful and some are casual and superficial.  I have made a few very dear friends here, and like Venus put it - They are my friends, period.  And I have my partner.  I met him when I was 3 months into SL, and had already broken my heart once here.  He's been here longer than me and has had his heart broken a few times as well.  Within one month of getting to know each other, we partnered, which was back in October of 2009.  We've never met in RL, and we possibly never will.  But he is very dear to me and I know I am to him too.  It is not the same as a real life love affair.  But it is deep and meaningful and truly wonderful all in it's own way.  I am the richer for having met him.  He is my friend and my playmate and my SL love, my confidant, my rock, my touchstone, my lover and my partner in this virtual world.

 

What a wonderful testimony Kattatonia! I agree.  Sl relationships can be the same as Sl relationships!  Thank you for sharing!

 

Peace!

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