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Are you a good conversationalist?


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Some people say I am, but I still don't think so. I'm usually better with more people, though - gives me more material for the conversation. That's one of the reasons I don't like "conversational" IMs in Second Life - I'm boring and thus, unless the other person is funny or informative, the 1-to-1 conversation is boring.

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The differences in how people advance a conversation are interesting to me. From my limited experience, for example, in the eastern and Maritime provinces of Canada people more generally show their interest by asking direct questions. In the west people share things about themselves unbidden, but also as a way of inviting their conversation partners to share something of the same level of intimacy. I’m very much of the latter school but it can lead to awkwardness or seeming like I’m just going on about myself. And someone who is used to an indirect style can bristle or freeze up in the face of well meaning but blunt questions. 

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I don't feel that being a conversationalist is one of my strengths.  I'm most talkative in RL with family, otherwise I tend to hang back and just listen to the conversations happening around me.   There are just a couple of people I've met in-world that I feel comfortable chatting with, so far.  

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Totally depends on if it is about an interesting subject.

I am terrible at small talk, hate conversations that are just "Hi, how are you?". Saying Hi for the sake of saying Hi and nothing more is a pointless waste of time imo. Its not like in RL when you accidentally meet someone you know and you say Hi. Its like going to someones home for the sake of saying "Hi" and then expect the other to keep a conversation going.

But, if someone actually has something fun or interesting to talk about, and it can also just be silly banter, I can go all in and keep talking.

I'm not a conversation starter myself often though.

3 hours ago, cicelydawn said:

in the eastern and Maritime provinces of Canada people more generally show their interest by asking direct questions. In the west people share things about themselves unbidden

I really have trouble dealing with the (over) sharing types people. Unless we are close, I don't care about a lot of your more personal issues. More of a cut the crap approach myself. That's probably also a cultural thing for Dutch people though, being very direct and to the point.

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I imagine it's quite common not to feel like a good conversationalist. It's not something we're taught to do 'well', we just bumble along. I'm not good at striking up conversations, but I quite enjoy in depth conversations that are more like discussions, rather than small talk to fill in spaces. I'm happy to listen to other people do all the talking too, just because it means I don't have to try so much to think of anything interesting to say lol, just nod and smile:) Doesn't mean I'm not listening though!

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11 hours ago, cicelydawn said:

From my limited experience, for example, in the eastern and Maritime provinces of Canada people more generally show their interest by asking direct questions. In the west people share things about themselves unbidden, but also as a way of inviting their conversation partners to share something of the same level of intimacy.

And in the most important part of Canada (aka Toronto), we just don't.

Talk to each other, that is. Avoiding eye contact is a fine art here.

So is not much caring about what anyone in the ROC does.

(Sorry. Inside Canadian joke.)

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1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And in the most important part of Canada (aka Toronto), we just don't.

Talk to each other, that is. Avoiding eye contact is a fine art here.

So is not much caring about what anyone in the ROC does.

(Sorry. Inside Canadian joke.)

I'ma tell my Cree friends you said that.

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It depends on the situation for me.  Sometimes I have nothing to say, sometimes you can't shut me up.  I'm more of the west coast persuasion as @cicelydawn describes it. I volunteer stuff about myself that nobody asked for. Except when I feel like I've already done that too much and then I feel awful and awkward and want to crawl in a hole and die. I don't ask a lot of questions because I don't want to intrude on anyone's privacy. 

 

 

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16 hours ago, Zeta Vandyke said:

 

I really have trouble dealing with the (over) sharing types people. Unless we are close, I don't care about a lot of your more personal issues. More of a cut the crap approach myself. That's probably also a cultural thing for Dutch people though, being very direct and to the point.

I made it sound like its only about sharing personal information but it applies to the totally mundane. The simple difference between "Did you see the game last night?" vs "Great game eh!" 

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Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

How do you do that, and be so darn polite at the same time?

It's the not-actually-communicating thing that keeps Torontonians polite. Open our mouths, and we become major jerks.

(In truth, people in TO are mostly very nice, and pretty community-oriented. How rude and self-absorbed we are is a sort of running joke in the rest of the country.)

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14 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Some people say I am, but I still don't think so. I'm usually better with more people, though

Nope, I pretty much suck at it, unless I'm with someone I really click with.

And more people for me generally means more anxiety.    Even if I know the other participants well, the more people there are the less I have to say.

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1 minute ago, paragonfanfare said:

Nope, I pretty much suck at it, unless I'm with someone I really click with.

And more people for me generally means more anxiety.    Even if I know the other participants well, the more people there are the less I have to say.

Yeah have the same. The good part about more people talking is that its easier to move into the background yourself. I can enjoy just listening just as much though.

There comes a turning point though, after a certain amount of alcohol, somehow it does not matter anymore at all how many people there are, I keep talking anyway!

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