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IvyLarae

Dom/ Domme Double Standards

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5 minutes ago, Roxy Couturier said:

Anyone with an ounce of imagination can create a scene. Which (again imo) is fine for a one-off scene.

I should clarify this statement.

Using my cooking analogy, one-offs are fine as a way of finding that certain cook who has the recipes that satisfies your hunger. The right one will spice things up and change things up so it's never quite the same meal twice.

Not everyone likes my style, that's why I take a very long time before I offer that last choice of being locked into my collar. But the ones that have tend to be mine for years and years.

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On 2/4/2019 at 3:43 PM, Orwar said:

 Doctor Furlgrimr reclined onto the right armrest of his chair, his fingertips idly combing into his beard as his brow furrowed deeply. His gaze settled on the patient, stern and focused as if trying to pierce right through her eyes and observe the pulses of the neurons of the very brain itself, lingering for a few moments all the while his lips pressed together into thin, pale strips under his moustaches. The grandfather clock behind him ticked slowly, every swing of the pendulum reverberating with an almost deafening beat that alone conquered the silence - even the usual, faint bustle from the street below the windows seeming to have vacated the room as if not to disturb him in his thoughts. A slight flinch in his pale blue eyes signalled his thoughts having reached a conclusion, and a deep inhale starting through his nostrils, but half-way through turning into an oral, audible sigh as if to stall whilst he processed his assessment into a comprehensive sentence. "I shall prescribe thee with having a think on it."

I have to admit my first reaction to that would be:

 

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😇

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On 2/4/2019 at 3:22 PM, IvyLarae said:

On a more serious note though I do see where you're coming from. I've had that pick off and on in my ( I've got it on both AJ's and Sabrina's, though I havent been on Sabrina's in Ages so I understand both picks are different on each) profile for almost a year and only a few have asked about it. I understand where my profile(s) can be pretty confusing, even after my efforts to make it less so. As for what I want...Maybe I do want a story based sort of D/S relationship then I do an actual one, I've never really thought about it ( I know, thats sad on my part, it just hadn't crossed my mind till now). 

Don't feel bad, from what I've seen this is the primary stumbling block I've seen trip up a many a D/s relationship. We tend to assume the other person wants the same thing we do. It took an outsider to the SL BDSM community to see it clearly and put her thumb on the issue for me. And when she said it, 'that many people are here for roleplay and it doesn't occur to them that other's are looking for a serious relationship;' it really pissed me off. Because...well, I didn't want to believe it. Although I have found it to be true.  And all these years later, though I ought to know better, it is the foundational piece of information missing from my own pick.

It sounds as if you'd like to begin with an open, rather than poly, relationship. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with defining the conditions under which you will get involved. I'm confused as to people's issue with it. You've stated what you want, it's right there in your pick. You're not asking people to climb into your box and explain to you why you shouldn't have your choices honored. It would be one thing if you were climbing into the IM's of prospective Dom/me's and demanding they accept your terms. 

Personally, I'm fairly polycapable, but don't enjoy the 'family' dynamic. And I don't do restricted. I at least want the option of pursuing another relationship. Mostly because I find that while many dom/mes claim the title of poly, few are truly capable of managing more than one relationship at a time. A problem which leads to all manner of chaos. So if I'm going to do poly with someone, I refused to be shackled to 'sisters'. If a friendship with another of their subs develops naturally, fine. But these things are never successfully forced.

I'm always clear from the outset. But you'd be amazed at the number of times I've had a dom smile and nod, then breeze right by my comments to start talking about how well I'll like being part of the family; or try to convince me of the wrongness of not being restricted. Silly. Do be more clear. Don't change your standards, unless you just feel like it. You'll run into someone willing to strike a deal eventually.

 

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On 2/4/2019 at 3:52 AM, IvyLarae said:

(...)**If you want it to, this relationship will extend to all 5 of my alts. Unless you want to be, you won't be owning a character, you'll be owning me, so if you prefer the look of another alt, or want to collar them all, then your welcome to if I accept your collar**(...)

I applaud your honesty here, most people, specially the someone that wants to have both a relation and a certain degree of freedom to pursuit other partners, would simply not mention any other accounts at all and just use those to find other partners.
Having that said, it must be hell having to balance 5 accounts, I get a twitchy eye just thinking about inventory management not to mention having to buy the same things 5 times...

Now I am wondering, would you log in all 5 accounts to be at the end of a leash all at once O.o that would be impressive.

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Posted (edited)
On 2/3/2019 at 9:52 PM, IvyLarae said:

So I admit I've been looking for a master or Mistress to spend my time with and theirs a pattern I've noticed when people see my pick (which is on my alt Tessreil Resident) about it

It reads:

 I am a masochistic Para RPer, I love situations that have me covered in welts, slap/ spank marks, cuts and bruises.

For a more in-dept idea of what I am and am not into, please see the pick Limits/ Likes/Dislikes

Please read the pick "My Role" to get an idea of what kind of bottom I am.

**If you want it to, this relationship will extend to all 5 of my alts. Unless you want to be, you won't be owning a character, you'll be owning me, so if you prefer the look of another alt, or want to collar them all, then your welcome to if I accept your collar**

Here are the things I am looking for:
- Fully updated, mesh avatar. If you wear bento hands, then please wear a bento AO
- Know how to emote properly in a turn-based  paragraph role-play style.
- Be okay with me playing at other sims and with other people when not in your presence/ when your offline
- Be okay with how I look. A dress code is fine.

If the above sounds like something you would enjoy or if you have questions , then please IM me!

You'll notice that I have the 4th point of my pick underlined, and its for a reason. The pattern I've noticed, is a lot of them have a problem with me not being willing to be exclusive to them right at the beginning of the relationship, despite me telling I would probably be willing once i was sure They would be everything I wanted and if I enjoyed what was happening. Then when I bring up the question if they would be willing to be exclusive to me and me only, they act like I'm rubbing salt in an open wound that I would ever suggest such a thing.

Have you all ever experienced this???

My personal opinions only....

It might help to be very specific on whether you are looking to “lifestyle” BDSM with a specific dominant or just find someone to Scene with. “Lifestylers” are looking for some level of commitment - which varies by individual - but it might help to be clear on that.

At one time, some septs of BDSM used the conventions of the “Consideration Collar” and the “Play Collar”. A Consideration Collar was offered to a prospective Submissive during a Trial period before any binding commitments were made; so that both Top and Bottom could see if this was a good fit for them. This would cover your desire to “get to know” a Dominant before committing to a Lifestyle Arrangement.  The Play Collar might be offered for a single session of “sport” and bears no commitment, this might also suit your purposes if you  want to Scene and then walk away.

Just because a given individual is on the BDSM Scene, that does not mean they are into Poly or Hookup culture. Many Dominants are in fact looking for that one special Submissive that they can pour-into and make a genuine time-investment in, so it might not be germane to be too hard on them for looking for exclusivity. BDSM is not always completely about sex.

A good approach might be to specifically look for Dominants who state that they are into Open/Poly/Multi-Submissive situations and are not looking for exclusivity up front.

BDSM “Lifestyle” is a time commitment for both parties, so exclusivity is used by some as a litmus test for the ability to commit.

Side Note: Some SL residents find it unsettling for someone to be up-front about having several alts, a prospective Dominant might see that as indicating someone with too wide a variety of tastes for them to satisfy  - so maybe it might be a good idea not to *lead* with that, but bring it up after a personal relationship is more established ?

Best wishes!!! 

Edited by AmandaKeen
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Stick to your gins.  BDSM is about consent.  You have every right to want what you want, and not want what you don't.  Kudos to you for being able to articulate your needs.

Don't listen to the wannabes that insist BDSM is about your full submission and acceptance that the top can have as many partners as they wish, but bottoms wanting to be poly is a sign of topping from the bottom.  Omg there are times I just wanna parse stuff here over to Fetlife for everyone to have a good laugh, but it probably violates the ToS of both SL and FL.

Anyhow, if you are still looking, feel free to contact me in game.  I won't even punish you for your grammatical error.  Your welcome, hee hee!

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Posted (edited)
On 2/4/2019 at 7:48 AM, Derekmate said:

No. 

I'm surprised that you find ppl how was able to read and understand most of what you wrote. 

As I see most "dom, master", etc are think the fallowing: me, me all about me, want want, me want, me, me.  

You men might struggle to understand it, but I see what she is meaning, she made it clear that she is not going to start off exclusive with anyone, but when she askes the same question, it is like she asked them for an impossible thing. Dominant men have the habit of restricting their submissive to them whilst they are poking any bit of skirt going. Submissives have rights too, they are not slaves.

Edited by LucyAnne Firecaster
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3 hours ago, LucyAnne Firecaster said:

You men might struggle to understand it, but I see what she is meaning, she made it clear that she is not going to start off exclusive with anyone, but when she askes the same question, it is like she asked them for an impossible thing. Dominant men have the habit of restricting their submissive to them whilst they are poking any bit of skirt going. Submissives have rights too, they are not slaves.

In my mind, any dominant (man or woman) who is hell-bent on restricting their submissive to their own use only is likely a role-player/pretender. Most with the actual mindset not only allow the promiscuity, they like to control it in some fashion (Voyeur or other fetishes) - even if they require themselves to be present or even 'direct' things (full top). The selfishness of full restriction is a red flag, the way I see it. Nothing wrong with it, just saying it's good to recognize it.

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Clover is my Pet and mine alone.  No one else can use her.  Except her husband, of course.  Maybe Iva if she asked.  And just a few others as long as I get to watch.

But that's it.  She's all mine and exclusively so.

 

===========================================

But in reality, what ever works for the couple (or group) is the correct way to do things.  Talk about what you expect and be open with each other.  Don't say what you think the other(s) want to hear.  Want to be cuckhold?  There is someone out there for you.  Want mutual exclusivity?  Plenty of those too.  Find someone who is compatible with you needs and have fun.

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1 hour ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Clover is my Pet and mine alone.  No one else can use her.  Except her husband, of course.  Maybe Iva if she asked.  And just a few others as long as I get to watch.

But that's it.  She's all mine and exclusively so.

 

===========================================

But in reality, what ever works for the couple (or group) is the correct way to do things.  Talk about what you expect and be open with each other.  Don't say what you think the other(s) want to hear.  Want to be cuckhold?  There is someone out there for you.  Want mutual exclusivity?  Plenty of those too.  Find someone who is compatible with you needs and have fun.

DING! You just made my point! :) And below the fold: I concur absolutely.

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