Living as a female in Second Life - my experiences

[Lindal Kidd]

I agree, Cinos.  I think Prok missed the mark on that.  IMO, the reason that gay men and transwomen who are attracted to males dislike females playing men in SL is the same reason that cishet males fear and loathe men playing females...they feel that they have been tricked.  They wanted a man, and they got a girl in pants.  (Or, in the other direction, the guy wanted a girl, and he got a guy in a dress.)

[Maitimo]

6 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

I agree, Cinos.  I think Prok missed the mark on that.  IMO, the reason that gay men and transwomen who are attracted to males dislike females playing men in SL is the same reason that cishet males fear and loathe men playing females...they feel that they have been tricked.  They wanted a man, and they got a girl in pants.  (Or, in the other direction, the guy wanted a girl, and he got a guy in a dress.)

This is why I make it clear, in three areas of my profile, that I am a guy in RL and I identify as male in both worlds. I am not a trans woman; I am literally "a guy in a dress," for no reason other than liking to look pretty. I guess in SL I am some flavour of non-binary/gender-fluid, though I rarely feel that way in RL. 

[Alyona Su]

40 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

This is why I make it clear, in three areas of my profile, that I am a guy in RL and I identify as male in both worlds. I am not a trans woman; I am literally "a guy in a dress," for no reason other than liking to look pretty. I guess in SL I am some flavour of non-binary/gender-fluid, though I rarely feel that way in RL. 

In Asian cultures it is known as "Man-Princess" - feminine looking, movement, often long flowing hair, but not necessarily in the way they dress, with could be unisex styles, (they are not transvestite) - generally a "feminine all the way around" but still "straight as a nail" man (usually not homosexual). Would that be your category? 

[Maitimo]

1 hour ago, Alyona Su said:

In Asian cultures it is known as "Man-Princess" - feminine looking, movement, often long flowing hair, but not necessarily in the way they dress, with could be unisex styles, (they are not transvestite) - generally a "feminine all the way around" but still "straight as a nail" man (usually not homosexual). Would that be your category? 

No. I am gayer than a herd of rainbow unicorns. 😁

In RL I am not in the slightest bit feminine (though I did have long hair in RL before age and baldness genes decided otherwise). I have always favoured long hair and a somewhat feminine look in SL though, you'll see that if you look at my Flickr history. I do think that long-haired men are incredibly hot, though.

[FairreLilette]

8 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

IMO, the reason that gay men and transwomen who are attracted to males dislike females playing men in SL is the same reason that cishet males fear and loathe men playing females...they feel that they have been tricked.  They wanted a man, and they got a girl in pants.  (Or, in the other direction, the guy wanted a girl, and he got a guy in a dress.)

Yeah but that is their own fault.  No avatar is here to serve others nor please others.

If a user wants a specific gender, there are clubs with cam for that.  And, I have told male avatars just that asking if I am really a woman..that they need to go to a club with cam, otherwise, I am just typing.  Go to a club with cam.    That's not saying I'm not really a woman...but without cam, I have no way to prove it.  And, I don't want to give out my rl phone number nor go on cam with them...I don't even have one.  

Edited October 30, 2019 by FairreLilette

[Lindal Kidd]

8 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

Yeah but that is their own fault.  No avatar is here to serve others nor please others.

If a user wants a specific gender, there are clubs with cam for that.  And, I have told male avatars just that asking if I am really a woman..that they need to go to a club with cam, otherwise, I am just typing.  Go to a club with cam.    

Partly, yes.  People who are homophobic or transphobic need to work on stomping out those prejudices.  And a violent response is NEVER right.  But there are two sides to every personal conflict, and there are cases where the gender-crossing person bears some (or a lot of) the blame.  For example, I knew a girl in SL who had serious self confidence issues.  She met a person who she thought was a man.  An affair ensued, which led to a big SL wedding and a partnership.  Less than a week later, the "man" revealed that "he" was a woman in RL, and she and her friends had a big public laugh over how she'd fooled my friend.  My friend was devastated, and soon left SL.

At the opposite end of the spectrum we have people like @Matty Luminos who bend over backwards to let everyone know where they stand.

Edited October 30, 2019 by Lindal Kidd

[FairreLilette]

9 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Partly, yes.  People who are homophobic or transphobic need to work on stomping out those prejudices.  And a violent response is NEVER right.  But there are two sides to every personal conflict, and there are cases where the gender-crossing person bears some (or a lot of) the blame.  For example, I knew a girl in SL who had serious self confidence issues.  She met a person who she thought was a man.  An affair ensued, which led to a big SL wedding and a partnership.  Less than a week later, the "man" revealed that "he" was a woman in RL, and she and her friends had a big public laugh over how she'd fooled my friend.  My friend was devastated, and soon left SL.

At the opposite end of the spectrum we have people like @Matty Luminos who bend over backwards to let everyone know where they stand.

Yeah, that's sad but that is naivety because I also tell the avatar asking me if I am really a woman is that I have no way of knowing that you are really a man unless we go on cam and that I do not go on cam.   I'm trying to be honest too in that if they really need that...they need cam and there are places for that.   Otherwise, we are just going around and around in typing circles.  

Edited October 30, 2019 by FairreLilette

[cheesecurd]

I don’t really have much to add to this other than that my irl spouse is scarily good at playing a woman on here.

Unless you got them going full nerd about something you would never know. To quote something I will not link or fully explain; ”He played the role of a girl better than most girls I knew.”

I try to play mostly androgynous, I like both my male and female avatars and with both I tend to pick pretty much the same universal outfits. With my most favorite though it does tend to look like a tomboy at best. I can disguise as a guy pretty well but I don’t do that often intentionally.

I don’t think gender is a really important thing in SL, this is a social sandbox, do whatever you want. For the same reasons I really don’t like to tie who I am irl into virtual worlds outside of my hobbies at best, I don’t think anyone should consider a person irl when “evaluating” them ingame.

 

Edited October 31, 2019 by cheesecurd

[BelindaN]

I very rarely get that challenge......it's  been months and months, but I just say....

After a brief response....... "Then I am not the one"

Must be my Vulcan blood.🤨

[FairreLilette]

3 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

This is why I make it clear, in three areas of my profile, that I am a guy in RL and I identify as male in both worlds. I am not a trans woman; I am literally "a guy in a dress," for no reason other than liking to look pretty. I guess in SL I am some flavour of non-binary/gender-fluid, though I rarely feel that way in RL. 

It's kinda weird Matty how a woman is perceived because of a dress.  Heck, I live in leggings and hoodies most of the time when it's cold...and in the summer t-shirts and t-shirt skirts because skirts are really very comfortable and I sit at a desk a lot of my existence.  But, in the Winter...I'm kind of dressed like a man.   

But, Roman's, Greek's, Middle Easterner's, Chinese...all wore a type of a "dress" in ancient times.

But, if women can wear men's clothes...I think it is perfectly okay for a man to wear women's clothes.  I just wanted to pass along that one of the top super models of today is a man and he wears (models) women's clothes and he is gorgeous!  I think his name is Christen or something like that.  Absolutely stunning human being but he considers himself a male, I believe...though I've mostly seen his photographs which are for women's fashion magazines and not read much about him.   I don't have the magazines because magazines are sometimes $15 dollars a piece now...I just look at them in the store.  I don't remember his name now though so I cannot seem to find his photographs yet.  I will edit in if I find.  

I found him the minute I saw the picture...don't have his name yet...but he is one stunning human being and models both men's and women's clothes.  

Edited October 30, 2019 by FairreLilette

[Maitimo]

1 hour ago, FairreLilette said:

But, Roman's, Greek's, Middle Easterner's, Chinese...all wore a type of a "dress" in ancient times.

....

I found him the minute I saw the picture...don't have his name yet...but he is one stunning human being and models both men's and women's clothes.  

Most ancient cultures they wore dresses/skirts/robes/togas of some kind, both women and men, until such time as they decided to sit astride a horse. So it was the steppe people, and the Mongols, and the Celts, who started wearing trousers first. Cultures like the Greeks and Romans, who preferred to ride in chariots than sit on the horse, favoured togas and skirts for longer.

And because riding horses was primarily for battle, and only men tended to do that , thats why trousers became associated as clothing for men rather than women.

That model, I don't know who he is but he is super-hot. He reminds me of @Skell Dagger.

Edited October 30, 2019 by Matty Luminos

[Seicher Rae]

I have a male alt, somewhere. Poor dear hasn't been let out in ages. I created him to see how life was like on the other side of SL. This was back in the system-avi-only days, and getting a good looking male avi was super tough, on so many levels. So I really worked on that guy. I was frequenting BDSM sims at that time, as my "real" female self. A lot of that involved sitting around and sitting sitting sitting yawn sitting and trying to meet people. I took male avi on a tour of the same places and omg, what a world of difference! I had female avatars basically throwing themselves at me. I never intended to go any further than just sitting around being a guy, and I never did. I just sat, made witty comments, and brooded in a hot male Dom way.  Then I just went to non-adult places, music venues, bars, etc. and I had to stop because I just am so not a guy. I could pass as long as I kept my mouth shut. I could pass if the convo was politics, science or juvenile humor, but anything else? Nope. He was a fun experiment, but not something I could do very much of, and he's still 2009-10 system guy covered in cobwebs.

[Eric Castanea]

11 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

I have a male alt, somewhere. Poor dear hasn't been let out in ages. I created him to see how life was like on the other side of SL. This was back in the system-avi-only days, and getting a good looking male avi was super tough, on so many levels. So I really worked on that guy. I was frequenting BDSM sims at that time, as my "real" female self. A lot of that involved sitting around and sitting sitting sitting yawn sitting and trying to meet people. I took male avi on a tour of the same places and omg, what a world of difference! I had female avatars basically throwing themselves at me. I never intended to go any further than just sitting around being a guy, and I never did. I just sat, made witty comments, and brooded in a hot male Dom way.  Then I just went to non-adult places, music venues, bars, etc. and I had to stop because I just am so not a guy. I could pass as long as I kept my mouth shut. I could pass if the convo was politics, science or juvenile humor, but anything else? Nope. He was a fun experiment, but not something I could do very much of, and he's still 2009-10 system guy covered in cobwebs.

Please share these places! 😉

[Selene Gregoire]

2 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

I do think that long-haired men are incredibly hot, though.

I agree. Even more so when they have beards to match the long hair. 

[Seicher Rae]

2 minutes ago, Eric Castanea said:

Please share these places! 😉

Sadly the places are no longer around, as I mentioned in a recent OP over in the Lifestyles & relationships forum. But yeah, the ratio of males to females was like 1:10, and my male avatar was very well done (if I do say so myself), and heh, I was getting so much female attention it got overwhelming.

[FairreLilette]

30 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

Most ancient cultures they wore dresses/skirts/robes/togas of some kind, both women and men, until such time as they decided to sit astride a horse. So it was the steppe people, and the Mongols, and the Celts, who started wearing trousers first. Cultures like the Greeks and Romans, who preferred to ride in chariots than sit on the horse, favoured togas and skirts for longer.

And because riding horses was primarily for battle, and only men tended to do that , thats why trousers became associated as clothing for men rather than women.

That model, I don't know who he is but he is super-hot. He reminds me of @Skell Dagger.

Yes, I agree trousers were invented for riding horses - either to protect or to hunt.  Women had to sit side-saddle which is torture until women could start wearing trousers too.

But, yes, that model is gorgeous.  All his photographs are gorgeous and now I cannot find them.  

Another model who is very, very popular and is not a transgender but is consider androngynous is Andreja Pejic.  

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&tbm=isch&sxsrf=ACYBGNT-C6B3D-Hl9FyoovGSyH1ZNyGS1g:1572461762525&q=androgynous+male+models+vogue&chips=q:androgynous+male+models+vogue,online_chips:andreja+pejic&usg=AI4_-kR_Ui9ry2dSIRqJRUzZBQrF8ErqGw&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjNj5zG1MTlAhXzGDQIHZNyBHAQ4lYILSgB&biw=1109&bih=615&dpr=1.5

[Selene Gregoire]

2 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

Andreja Pejic.  

That's who I thought you meant until you posted the image of the other person. Either one of them could eat crackers in my bed any time. 

uh oh... I think the RL other half heard me say that... 

[Maitimo]

Andreja Pejic came out as a trans woman in 2013, and has completed transiton.

 

[Selene Gregoire]

6 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

Andreja Pejic came out as a trans woman in 2013, and has completed transiton.

 

I thought I had remembered reading something that said she had but I wasn't sure. 

[FairreLilette]

1 hour ago, Matty Luminos said:

Andreja Pejic came out as a trans woman in 2013, and has completed transiton.

 

Oh wow, I did not have a chance to read up on her yet...gorgeous photos all the way around of her! 

Edit:  Had it wrong.  Yes, she has had sex re-assignment surgery.  

As far as I know the male model who models both male and female clothing in the photo I posted above and has a bit of a look a bit like David Bowie is not a transgender....but if a man wants to model female clothing and is gorgeous...why not?  I'd love to photograph him myself.  His photos are gorgeous...and I cannot find them now sadly.  I love photography.  

Edited October 30, 2019 by FairreLilette

[Syo Emerald]

The first time I tried a male avatar, the first person I had a conversation with (a female avatar at Freebie Galaxy) quickly asked something along the lines of "You are a woman, aren't you?" I have no idea what I did wrong to instantly raise suspicion. 😂 Maybe because I was too invested in getting my new avatar pretty?

My current male alt came later. He has rarely left my mainland parcel so far and when he did, it was just shopping. Maybe I should get him out more, to see how things flow. Although his apperance might contaminate my field research a bit.

 

Also count me in for the "men with long hair are hot" - club! 😁

Edited October 31, 2019 by Syo Emerald

[BelindaN]

I  did once look at making a Malt, and read up on all the detail so I could get it right. But somehow the fuse didn't light. There wasn't a spark to get me interested, so I shelved the idea. Maybe one day I'll give it another go.

It's way more tempting to do another sister. 😛

[Sukubia Scarmon]

8 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

[...] He has rarely left my mainland parcel so far and when he did, it was just shopping. Maybe I should get him out more, to see how things flow. Although his apperance might contaminate my field research a bit.

 

Also count me in for the "men with long hair are hot" - club! 😁

Feel free to have him rarely leave my mainland parcel as well. *eyebrow wiggle*

Hell yeah, long hair is hot. I don't know why, but it's just hot. Guess who wants to cut his hair again. *sobs hysterically* 

[Pixie Kobichenko]

7 hours ago, BelindaN said:

I  did once look at making a Malt, and read up on all the detail so I could get it right. But somehow the fuse didn't light. There wasn't a spark to get me interested, so I shelved the idea. Maybe one day I'll give it another go.

It's way more tempting to do another sister. 😛

lol Malt!  I've always used the term "Manitar" after some friends used it for their male alts.  I have a male alt I originally created for RL hubby but he couldn't get into SL- I took him to a friend's live music show and all he did was try to dry hump an Elvis cardboard cutout.  Yea, I know, I married a nitwit.  🙄  

[Madelaine McMasters]

On 10/30/2019 at 12:14 PM, FairreLilette said:

I found him the minute I saw the picture...don't have his name yet...but he is one stunning human being and models both men's and women's clothes.  

Google Images says that's Lucky Blue Smith.

Edited October 31, 2019 by Madelaine McMasters