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Emuna Zamani

Is Body-Shaming aThing in SL or Are Some Just Too Sensitive?

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2 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

People who like to throw around the anti-victim-card excuse are usually the types of people that do exactly what this thread is about aka sociopathic. It has nothing to do with someone being delusional at all. To some people who and what they look like in SL has a very deep personal meaning and to just discredit it because you don't agree with it shows your lack of empathy or understanding or willingness to understand. "oh they are doing that just because" "Oh they just want attention" Same can be said about those that shame/bully/abuse they are doing it just because they like getting the rise out of the person they are doing it to. And when called on it get all emotional about it too and then have to defend their actions like they are now the victim.

If I'm sociopathic, why even write this? Clearly I wouldn't care. 

Or did you not know what that word meant?

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Sociopathy, eh - now there's a big word. Do you even psychology? 

   The 'anti-victim-card' isn't a thing. Victim Mentality is, Victim Playing is; a person who frequents those mindsets need help from a professional psychologist, not enabling by some entirely fundamentalist empathy. People who are real, actual victims of traumatizing events don't need a bunch of random people patting them on the back, they need to be given proper coping mechanisms. 

   But perhaps you think that principle is more important than reality. It doesn't matter how well-meaning you may be, but your philosophy in this regard would only be harmful in the long term to the victims - in fact, I'd go as far as to call it selfish; you getting to feel good about pretending to be a white knight at the cost of the rehabilitation of those you claim to stand up for; now there's something we can start calling sociopathic.

   To quote an actual psychology journal on the topic: "Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to a type of dysfunctional mindset which seeks to feel persecuted in order to gain attention or avoid self-responsibility." - do you feel this is something you want to enable, because it feels nice to 'be nice', whilst giving you an outlet to vent your own frustrations on those you perceive to be at fault (even though in the vast majority of cases, one will never actually seek out the 'offender' to get their side of the story). 

.....munchausen syndrome (and by proxy)

Edited by Walelu Summerwind
clarification
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1 minute ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

.....munchausen syndrome

   Exactly.

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2 hours ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

Personally, my dear... I don’t really care. I have an opinion just like everyone one on this forum. Are you “post shamming “ ? I don’t have a safe space, so I’ll just have to say go bugger off in a nice way, of course 

Not at all, In fact you actually read my post, I'd in noway implied that you are not entitled to your opinion.

 

But just as you are able to have an opinion. I too am entitled  to mine. and in my  opinion. I find  it weird how you'll happily change your avatar to suits people's needs. But when it  comes to the need for people to have basic respect given..that is apparently too far? I mean, surely we can both argee that some hobgoblim  cursing, effing and blinding over someone's pixels is ridiculous  right?

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we agree that SL pixel victim-hood is ridiculous. RL victim-hood mentality and attention seeking is also ridiculous. Forum trolling over ridiculous pixel victim-hood is ridiculous.

You can carry on with this silliness, but, this self secure, non-victim pixel operator is finished with the childish bickering.

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1 hour ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

Are you serious???? I am callous for telling ppl to lighten up so that they will have an enjoyable SL experience??? Yes, I do like to please my friends because it brings pleasure to me. I don't mope around and whine about how ppl are body shaming my avatar in a virtual world.(weird) .. Maybe I'll create a fat, blue-haired, enormous glasses wearing avatar so I can experience this so called virtual body shaming thing that's being discussed.. who knows, maybe I'll love the misery and drama. But, no thanks. I'm a rational, mature person who doesn't give a lot of %#*@s about what ppl think of my avatar. There's way too much drama over stupid sh*t that doesn't really matter when looking at the big picture. SL is a lovely escape from reality where IF you happen to be body shamed in RL, you can be drop dead gorgeous in SL. Why bring your RL problems to SL when you don't have to? Don't bring low self esteem and victim hood to SL. They just don't mix well. Just be happy and have fun. That's not a hard thing to do on SL.. that is, unless you have emotional/mental issues in rl. Lighten up, don't be so serious about things that cannot happen in SL and just have fun.

Yes, you are being callous for telling them to just lighten up. it shows you don't really care what they think or feel or if what you say or does effects them. who ever gave you that right to tell others to just lighten up? How would you like it if your boss came to you and then said, "oh guess what.. you have to work the next 24 hours with no pay and if you don't like it, just lighten up". I doubt you would like it and probably would complain about it.

It has nothing to do with being rational or mature, for even the so called rational or mature can be jerks in how they treat others and then try and use the rational-mature card as their defense. "Oh it doesn't bother me because its not real. So it shouldn't bother you either!"

SL is not an escape from reality for some people, it is an extension of their reality for them. to say they should not do that shows you to be callous and insensitive to others peoples feelings if it doesn't align with your own. and playing the mental problem card again shows how callous you are towards others feelings.

Shaming and abuse and bullying can happen in SL and does. Not my problem if you refuse to accept this fact.

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   Sociopathy, eh - now there's a big word. Do you even psychology? 

   The 'anti-victim-card' isn't a thing. Victim Mentality is, Victim Playing is; a person who frequents those mindsets need help from a professional psychologist, not enabling by some entirely fundamentalist empathy. People who are real, actual victims of traumatizing events don't need a bunch of random people patting them on the back, they need to be given proper coping mechanisms. 

   But perhaps you think that principle is more important than reality. It doesn't matter how well-meaning you may be, but your philosophy in this regard would only be harmful in the long term to the victims - in fact, I'd go as far as to call it selfish; you getting to feel good about pretending to be a white knight at the cost of the rehabilitation of those you claim to stand up for; now there's something we can start calling sociopathic.

   To quote an actual psychology journal on the topic: "Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to a type of dysfunctional mindset which seeks to feel persecuted in order to gain attention or avoid self-responsibility." - do you feel this is something you want to enable, because it feels nice to 'be nice', whilst giving you an outlet to vent your own frustrations on those you perceive to be at fault (even though in the vast majority of cases, one will never actually seek out the 'offender' to get their side of the story). 

The anti-victim-card 'is' a thing and is used in many forums and by many in these forum by those who seek to discredit a victim claiming its their own fault for how they were treated by someone else, who they have no control over. That in some way they deserve the treatment that was done to them. Attempting to pass the blame back to the victim. A form of attempted gas-lighting which is often done in sl and on the forums and even in this very thread by several people. making the victim think or believe its all on them. that the other person is not responsible for their actions or behaviours toward the victim. and this sort of behaviour and belief should not be accepted. "she was attacked because she looked a certain way, its her own fault" '"if she didn't like how she was treated she shouldn't have dressed or looked like she did." "it's not my fault I called her a cow because she looked fat and ugly to me, its hers for being fat and ugly"

yes it is important for a victim to actually find someone who can give them help for what was done, but it is equally important for a victim to speak out about what was done so others become aware of it and not just keep it themself as a lot of people want done. because they do not want others to know of the activity or behaviour so it can be continues to be perpetrated upon others. "dont ruin my fun by telling others what I did or how I act"

which is why so many people get in such a fuss about anyone that comes out today in any form of social media and claims they were a victim. it has become the mentality of some. "we don't care, we don't want to hear about, just go get help and dont bring it here." "don't bring my fun down because I don't care about you or how you feel" "don't make a fuss, it might change how I can have fun and then that would not be fun for me." and this sort of behaviour should not be acceptable in rl or in sl.

1 hour ago, purrrkitten said:

If I'm sociopathic, why even write this? Clearly I wouldn't care. 

Or did you not know what that word meant?

Oh I know clearly what the word means and it was used as it was meant for. Your response in this thread and in others proves my point for me. A sociopath doesn't exactly not care, they just don't care to change their behaviour because they do not believe they need to.

"it's my ball and I taking it home and you can't play with it anymore because I said so because you won't let me win"

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8 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Yes, you are being callous for telling them to just lighten up. it shows you don't really care what they think or feel or if what you say or does effects them. who ever gave you that right to tell others to just lighten up? How would you like it if your boss came to you and then said, "oh guess what.. you have to work the next 24 hours with no pay and if you don't like it, just lighten up". I doubt you would like it and probably would complain about it.

And YOU are being silly and naive and a troll. You have no idea what I do in RL. I work for living too as a dept. head so I am at work during my shift AND over night in a hospice with terminally ill patients. So don't whine to me about being insensitive. I don't take my RL stress to SL.. my choice. And I don't have to listen to pixel people whine about how bad their RL lives are.. my choice.

It has nothing to do with being rational or mature, for even the so called rational or mature can be jerks in how they treat others and then try and use the rational-mature card as their defense. "Oh it doesn't bother me because its not real. So it shouldn't bother you either!"

I'm not a crybaby snowflake whining to all the others about how unfair life is. I grew up.

SL is not an escape from reality for some people, it is an extension of their reality for them. to say they should not do that shows you to be callous and insensitive to others peoples feelings if it doesn't align with your own. and playing the mental problem card again shows how callous you are towards others feelings.

Luckily, I don't have to listen to random blubberings about how unfair life is. If a friend is having RL problems, I help when I can with advice. Most of my advise is "GROW A PAIR"

Shaming and abuse and bullying can happen in SL and does. Not my problem if you refuse to accept this fact. 

If legitimate abuse is happening to a mentally challenged person in SL or RL, that is unacceptable. But, pixels whining about how their AVATAR is being shamed is ignorant. You, Darkfold, are getting SL and RL confused.

 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

we agree that SL pixel victim-hood is ridiculous. RL victim-hood mentality and attention seeking is also ridiculous. Forum trolling over ridiculous pixel victim-hood is ridiculous.

You can carry on with this silliness, but, this self secure, non-victim pixel operator is finished with the childish bickering.

Just out of curiosity, would you see  posting on a forum with two different avatars to make the same point "attention seeking?"

In a completely unrelated thought, you and Purrrkitten might be interested to know that the "M" in "shame" isn't doubled when used in words like "shamed" and "shaming."

Edited by Theresa Tennyson
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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

Just out of curiosity, would you see  posting on a forum with two different avatars to make the same point "attention seeking?"

In a completely unrelated thought, you and Purrrkitten might be interested in knowing that the "M" in "shame" isn't doubled when used in words like "shaming."

I would say that one person with 2 accts posting to make the same point as attention seeking. Got someone in mind or are you just inferring something? By the way, I have one acct on this forum. I'm not Purrrkitten or any other mystery forumite. If a simple typo gets your wheels turning then I suggest you go take a nap.

 

Edited by Walelu Summerwind

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

Are you serious???? I am callous for telling ppl to lighten up so that they will have an enjoyable SL experience??? Yes, I do like to please my friends because it brings pleasure to me. I don't mope around and whine about how ppl are body shaming my avatar in a virtual world.(weird) .. Maybe I'll create a fat, blue-haired, enormous glasses wearing avatar so I can experience this so called virtual body shaming thing that's being discussed.. who knows, maybe I'll love the misery and drama. But, no thanks. I'm a rational, mature person who doesn't give a lot of %#*@s about what ppl think of my avatar. There's way too much drama over stupid sh*t that doesn't really matter when looking at the big picture. SL is a lovely escape from reality where IF you happen to be body shamed in RL, you can be drop dead gorgeous in SL. Why bring your RL problems to SL when you don't have to? Don't bring low self esteem and victim hood to SL. They just don't mix well. Just be happy and have fun. That's not a hard thing to do on SL.. that is, unless you have emotional/mental issues in rl. Lighten up, don't be so serious about things that cannot happen in SL and just have fun.

 

 

Don't bring your low self-esteem into sl??? Who knew self-esteem was a detachable accessory!

 

14 hours ago, ThorinII said:

I said some pages earlier that I do ridicule people with ridiculous caricatures of human avatars (like the "invisible pony rider", the carp mouths, the carrier arses, the giant boobs, or the male avatars with too short arms but muscles over muscles) -- however: I myself don't count this as body-shaming, simply because wearing these kinds of shapes on one's avatar is a choice one makes intentionally. If the person behind this avatar reacts offended by my sarcastic or ironic remarks about their avatar - well, their bad. They did intentionally choose to give their avatar this kind of shape after all, so they more or less asked for it. And to be honest, each shape of those newbie outfits in our library is way better proportioned than these caricatures of an avatar.

In real-life though it's something entirely different, simply because nobody chooses their real-life body-shape intentionally. For example, overweight (which is most often the case with body-shaming) can be caused by an eating disorder (which almost never is a choice, no matter what some people say) or by some severe thyroid dysfunction (which absolutely never is an intentional choice either), and so on. So, there is absolutely no reason nor excuse for me to make remarks about others.
However, what I do in RL is, I occasionally do question cases of very poor fashion taste (like, if someone wears an outfit where the parts don't match together at all, by all means), and even that only in private -- as in, 4 eyes only: that person and me -- and as cautious as I can. Because which clothes one wears usually is their own intentional choice, and choices can be questioned.

A point which Thorinll illustrates beautifully. Of course, it's not. I'd say the need to give a hoot what other people do with their avatars and try to make them feel stupid proves it. Guess what, they're going to walk away from you and be fine. You're the one who continues to get bent out of shape over things that couldn't possibly concern you. Triggered much?

On the issue of sociopathy. Being a jerk doesn't make a person a sociopath, it just makes them a jerk. There are a lot of people in the world who do not choose empathy as their means of entering the world. Often because they are themselves broken or damaged in some way. But they're still capable of empathy. People with antisocial personality disorder (sociopaths or psychopaths) are not. Being a jackass to people just because you can may be pathetic, but it's not a diagnosable disorder.

Edited by Musetta Fieschi
forgot to say
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5 minutes ago, Musetta Fieschi said:

Who knew self-esteem was a detachable accessory!

This would be so handy some days 9_9

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2 minutes ago, MirandaBowers said:

This would be so handy some days 9_9

So true. It would be like....'Gah, I'm feelng fat today and cannot with the 'up with me feeling'. Looks like I'll need a spare esteem attachment to help me through this next meeting.'

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It's a shame that all people can't enjoy second life with happiness every time they log on. I do understand that people bring their true selves to SL and do log on to find a sympathetic friend to listen to them. Their SL is RL, so, maybe it is therapeutic for unhappy or troubled people to use SL as a way to relieve some stresses. In my line of RL work, I am a hospice councilor and listen to peoples problems and fears all day and watch patients die, so, I'm real touchy about what others complain about. I see the big picture and to me, avatar pixel shaming is rather frivolous and silly. But to each their own...

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I had a recent experience with someone I made friends. He commented about my avatar's breast size (not big enough to be sexy). I shrugged if off, thought it was out of line since my avatar is mine to design, not him.

I like to come up with dance routines because it is an outlet for me. I told him how I have a couple of routines that are contemporary ballet. He said you have to be light and I designed my avatar with a little more weight than a ballet dancer because she does other genres too. 

He then proceeded to ask me what I weigh in real life. I never said I danced in RL. I don't think I was being sensitive when I removed him as a friend. If I can treat him respectfully and without judgement, I think I deserve the same.

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Posted (edited)
25 minutes ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

It's a shame that all people can't enjoy second life with happiness every time they log on. I do understand that people bring their true selves to SL and do log on to find a sympathetic friend to listen to them. Their SL is RL, so, maybe it is therapeutic for unhappy or troubled people to use SL as a way to relieve some stresses. In my line of RL work, I am a hospice councilor and listen to peoples problems and fears all day and watch patients die, so, I'm real touchy about what others complain about. I see the big picture and to me, avatar pixel shaming is rather frivolous and silly. But to each their own...

Everyone has their struggles. No one walks through this world without pain. And rarely do we share with others the true source of our hurts. But I wonder whether you recognize the irony in choosing to invest in what other people complain about. Most difficulties are champagne problems compared to dying. Including the annoyance of other people caring about their own problems even though they are not.

I'm pretty choosy about with whom and where I invest my empathy, time and attention as well. And I make no bones about it. Everyone has that right. This is what I'm talking about. Your discomfort with others engaging in talking about a problem they're interested in is telling. So is your need to explain why you don't want to engage in dealing with people who talk about that problem (though that hasn't stopped you from engaging with people who talk about the problem); as though an explanation is warranted. It isn't. You can choose not to care whether people think they're being body-shamed in sl, just because you choose not to, no reason needed. It's your right.

But instead, you feel some kind of way about it and feel the need to try and control what others care about, by telling them they aren't dying so you don't want to hear it. I do get it. But it's really okay to own not wanting to hear it, simply because you don't want to hear it. Others who work in your field feel differently. In fact, a friend of mine cares more about the more trivial concerns people have, simply because she's able to help in ways she really can't help people at work. You can choose not to. And you can do what you've done here;  choose not to...and complain about people complaining even though they aren't dying. 

Edited by Musetta Fieschi
because clarity is good
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On 1/6/2019 at 4:53 PM, purrrkitten said:

What in the world???

When did I ever say I have ever said anything to anyone about their avatar?

I mind my own business. How someone chooses to look in SL is their choice.

If I like someone's avi, I will compliment them. If I don't like their avi, I don't say anything. 

Genuinely confused as to why I'm getting attacked for something I've never done. 

2

Interesting that you claim you are being attacked? It seems to me, Drake1 simply disagreed and gave you his reasons why. Yet funny enough, all the while you're telling others that they are being overly sensitive and claiming they should stop acting like victims you seem to have done that exact thing right here. 

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47 minutes ago, Musetta Fieschi said:

Everyone has their struggles. No one walks through this world without pain. And rarely do we share with others the true source of our hurts. But I wonder whether you recognize the irony in choosing to invest in what other people complain about. Most difficulties are champagne problems compared to dying. Including the annoyance of other people caring about their own problems even though they are not.

I'm pretty choosy about with whom and where I invest my empathy, time and attention as well. And I make no bones about it. Everyone has that right. This is what I'm talking about. Your discomfort with others engaging in talking about a problem they're interested in is telling. So is your need to explain why you don't want to engage in dealing with people who talk about that problem (though that hasn't stopped you from engaging with people who talk about the problem); as though an explanation is warranted. It isn't. You can choose not to care whether people think they're being body-shamed in sl, just because you choose not to, no reason needed. It's your right.

But instead, you feel some kind of way about it and feel the need to try and control what others care about, by telling them they aren't dying so you don't want to hear it. I do get it. But it's really okay to own not wanting to hear it, simply because you don't want to hear it. Others who work in your field feel differently. In fact, a friend of mine cares more about the more trivial concerns people have, simply because she's able to help in ways she really can't help people at work. You can choose not to. And you can do what you've done here;  choose not to...and complain about people complaining even though they aren't dying. 

I've been on this earth for longer than I care to admit... so I've seen my share of pain and have experienced a lot of pain too. But right now, at this moment, I am not caring about what you or anyone else has to say about this subject. It's like beating a dead horse. In my last post, I tried to convey my empathy for other peoples pain and struggles. I was turning off bit*ch mode, but, that's not good enough for you. So all I can say is bye bye and have a nice day.

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2 minutes ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

I've been on this earth for longer than I care to admit... so I've seen my share of pain and have experienced a lot of pain too. But right now, at this moment, I am not caring about what you or anyone else has to say about this subject. It's like beating a dead horse. In my last post, I tried to convey my empathy for other peoples pain and struggles. I was turning off bit*ch mode, but, that's not good enough for you. So all I can say is bye bye and have a nice day.

/me scrolls up to your previous goodbye. Promise?

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51 minutes ago, Musetta Fieschi said:

/me scrolls up to your previous goodbye. Promise?

   It's funny how the thread has gone from 'everyone must respect everyone at all times because feelings' to 'I don't like your arguments, so I don't like you - are you going to get lost now?'.

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   It's funny how the thread has gone from 'everyone must respect everyone at all times because feelings' to 'I don't like your arguments, so I don't like you - are you going to get lost now?'.

I don't think I said that everyone must respect everyone at all times. It isn't something I believe. At some point, you get what you give as far as I'm concerned.  And when it comes to the opinions expressed, people can share them as much as they want. My reaction is not guaranteed. Though to be fair, my response was a little cranky.

We all have peeves. One of mine is when people roll up in a conversation and attempt to place themselves above the dialogue by saying, 'your feelings are invalid, because my thus and so RL experience proves it'.

Given that Waleu conducted a reasonable amount of this as she says, in b*tch mode"; surely she can take it. 

Edited by Musetta Fieschi
because spelling is a thing
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11 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Just because you might call it a stupid hat does not mean they see it as a stupid hat. so to talk openly in local or group about it shows a lack of care for others feelings. and that is what this thread was about. people who just call what someone else wears a stupid hat and then expects them to just accept it and let it roll of their back like it doesn't matter at all, which it might to that person. People have emotions and feelings and those emotions and feelings do translate over to SL and how they may choose to look. To just toss that way shows how little a person cares about what someone else feels or thinks.

Way to completely miss the point.

Sometimes a stupid hat is a stupid hat, doesn't matter if I call it that or not. If you wear it in public, you have to accept the consequences- me, I'd rather be proud of my stupid hat, despite what they say about it.

Even more importantly, if someone is bothering you about your stupid hat in SL, use the tools available. This isn't RL, we have all the same power here. There is no situation in SL where you can be backed into a corner and have to listen to it. We can mute, block, ban, teleport away, or click the big X up in the corner and instantly be free from whatever or whoever is bothering us.

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2 minutes ago, Gadget Portal said:

Way to completely miss the point.

Sometimes a stupid hat is a stupid hat, doesn't matter if I call it that or not. If you wear it in public, you have to accept the consequences- me, I'd rather be proud of my stupid hat, despite what they say about it.

Even more importantly, if someone is bothering you about your stupid hat in SL, use the tools available. This isn't RL, we have all the same power here. There is no situation in SL where you can be backed into a corner and have to listen to it. We can mute, block, ban, teleport away, or click the big X up in the corner and instantly be free from whatever or whoever is bothering us.

A person should not have to tp away or click the bix X to escape from something in sl. And in some cases you cannot mute/block a person because of situations that prevent you doing that. Such as being a member of certain groups or sims that will kick/ban if you do. Thus preventing you from possibly interacting with other people there that you may like to interact with but may not want to add as a friend. Not everyone likes to fill up their friends list with just acquaintances but may like interacting with them at times. So cannot just mute/block/derender to escape. to tell a person to just log out shows a certain level of shallowness. For it is telling the person to just run away from the bully, which is what the bully wants. You don't run away from bullies or else they never learn to stop being a bully and you will find yourself running away from anything you don't like or agree with all the time.

And no it 'is' not a stupid hat because someone else may wish to say it is because they see it as so. And it doesnt give them the right to be rude about it either and not be called out for their rude behavior. Which seems to be the problem with many people in this thread. they want to be able to be rude and expect people to just accept it.

I know a person that wears a leg brace in sl, and even has it scripted to keep that leg rigid when its worn. Yet they do not have a broken leg in rl but did at one point have their leg in a brace because of medical issues but no longer do. Is that person who refuses to remove that leg brace wearing a stupid hat? Would it be fair or ok to make fun of them for wearing that brace because it is a reminder to them what they had to deal with in rl? When here in sl there would be no reason to wear it other than as a reminder since you can be perfectly fine here in sl regardless of what your rl is like. Simply the answer is no. it would not be fine to make fun of them. Same as it is should not be ok to make fun of how someone chooses to look just because you don't agree with it.

And no they should not be expected to just ignore it just so the other person can get their frills by doing it. it shows that other person to be crass and rude. And yes that then gives that person just as much right to call them out for being crass and rude. Yet many are defending their right to be rude and then play the victim if someone calls them for being rude. A bit hypocritical imo.

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I don't think anyone is saying they are a victim either, at least not anyone that is saying bodyshaming/bullying is a thing.

 

I think part of the issue is that some have a specific idea of what they think is being said or done and what they think, isn't being done by those aruging for it

This isn't a "stupid hat" situation or  just one off random comment that is more amusing then hurtful.

 

It's a continued stream of insults, curses and acutal bullying tatics.  It's things that would get you punched or arrested in rl. You can block or ignore but either more pop up to say the same things but with a new coat of paint. Or if you're really unlucky the person circumvents the block and you gotta get the linden folk involed.

 

Yes some people are more sensitive then others,  ...but when did this become a bad thing? Weren't we all taught that if we "can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" Maybe I am just an old person yelling at the clouds now but I remember when manners weren't considered "political correctness gone mad!"

 

And having manners regauding anothers apperance is all I think anyone is asking for.

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33 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

A person should not have to tp away or click the bix X to escape from something in sl. And in some cases you cannot mute/block a person because of situations that prevent you doing that. Such as being a member of certain groups or sims that will kick/ban if you do. Thus preventing you from possibly interacting with other people there that you may like to interact with but may not want to add as a friend. Not everyone likes to fill up their friends list with just acquaintances but may like interacting with them at times. So cannot just mute/block/derender to escape. to tell a person to just log out shows a certain level of shallowness. For it is telling the person to just run away from the bully, which is what the bully wants. You don't run away from bullies or else they never learn to stop being a bully and you will find yourself running away from anything you don't like or agree with all the time.

I shouldn't have to lock my door to prevent my stuff from being stolen, but I do. Since the dawn of humans, there have been bad people. There always will be bad people. Sometimes we have to do things we'd rather not, to protect ourselves from them. Until we discover a way to change all humans everywhere that will ever exist, that's going to be the case.

If a group in SL doesn't allow you to block abusive people, that entire group is worthless and you're better off not in it, and the other people that you "want as a friend" would make terrible friends. People like that are part of the problem.

The bully wants a reaction. Walking away denies them that reaction. Crying victim and demanding that the universe change to suit you? That's giving them the reaction.

19 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

And no it 'is' not a stupid hat because someone else may wish to say it is because they see it as so. And it doesnt give them the right to be rude about it either and not be called out for their rude behavior. Which seems to be the problem with many people in this thread. they want to be able to be rude and expect people to just accept it.

Yes, a stupid hat is a stupid hat. I own a few. And thanks to freedom of speech, people sometimes let me know. Is it rude? Sure. Are they terrible human beings for doing it? Sure. But that's life. Again, we're back to changing all humans everywhere forever. Squeezing the rock again. I could squeeze the rock, but I'd rather go get more productive things done.

37 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

I know a person that wears a leg brace in sl, and even has it scripted to keep that leg rigid when its worn. Yet they do not have a broken leg in rl but did at one point have their leg in a brace because of medical issues but no longer do. Is that person who refuses to remove that leg brace wearing a stupid hat? Would it be fair or ok to make fun of them for wearing that brace because it is a reminder to them what they had to deal with in rl? When here in sl there would be no reason to wear it other than as a reminder since you can be perfectly fine here in sl regardless of what your rl is like. Simply the answer is no. it would not be fine to make fun of them. Same as it is should not be ok to make fun of how someone chooses to look just because you don't agree with it.

And no they should not be expected to just ignore it just so the other person can get their frills by doing it. it shows that other person to be crass and rude. And yes that then gives that person just as much right to call them out for being crass and rude. Yet many are defending their right to be rude and then play the victim if someone calls them for being rude. A bit hypocritical imo.

That's a unique and cool thing to do. In SL, it stands out. Just like my stupid hats stand out in RL, yes. If you choose to do something that stands out, you're in no position to cry when people comment on it. Hopefully the comments will all be good, but inevitably there will be some that you don't like. Either be prepared for it all, or stop choosing to wear that stupid hat.

Nobody is defending bullies or saying that it's okay to be rude. What's being said is that in SL we have the tools so that we don't have to put up with their nonsense. If you don't want to use any of those tools, maybe you just like being a victim.

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Posted (edited)

@Musetta Fieschi: If you read my previous post thoroughly, I stated that I *only*  comment on others' avatars when they wear a ridiculous shape -- and I did mention the examples: exaggerated arses or boobs, invisible-pony-riders, "carp mouths", arms too short to reach the crotch, muscles over muscles - such caricatures of a human shape. And only these. Those kinds of shape never come as default: Neither in the library nor with the various mesh bodies and heads. They have to be created or bought intentionally.

I don't ridicule "normal"-shaped human avatars. Never - no matter if they're thick, average, or super-thin; no matter if they look healthy or handicapped of some sort. That's not my modus operandi. I may cautiously question choices in cases of extremely poor fashion taste (and I'm usually very tolerant when it comes to fashion), even may give unsolicited advice at times to better their look - but I don't ridicule them. I made a few poor fashion choices myself in the past, and I was glad for the advice somebody else gave me in private.

But those caricatures of a human body that can be seen on certain sims, even on some shopping vendors -- these are just too much.
In cases where I see these kinds of shapes on vendors, I simply don't buy from the seller. Like, for example: Whenever a seller showcases an invisible-pony-rider in order to sell jeans - sorry, no chance to sell anything to me.
And in cases where I meet one of these mis-shaped avatars in person: Yes, then I do make some ironic remarks in private, but NEVER ever in group chat or open chat (unless we're alone within chat range). There's nothing about that I feel I have to regret or excuse. They chose to wear such an abomination after all, so they have to cope with comments about it.

And yes, just like @Gadget Portal, I do see using such shapes as "silly hat" cases. The people behind these avatars decided to wear such a "silly hat", so they have to expect comments by others. Even comments they might not like or may feel offended by. 👿

Edited by ThorinII
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