Just a question, "inappropriate" reaction to a post

[LittleMe Jewell]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Never said I was an angel, never said I would not push back and insult likewise when insults are hurled at me

No, but you have jumped on many of us for doing the same.  Claiming that we should have sympathy for the person because we don't know what they have been through.

I'm just pointing out the inconsistencies in your behavior vs your words.  

So, basically, if any of the other forum folks feels that they are being insulted, then it really is okay to attack back.  

 

[Love Zhaoying]

Maybe is candidate for locking?

[Luna Bliss]

11 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

15 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Never said I was an angel, never said I would not push back and insult likewise when insults are hurled at me

No, but you have jumped on many of us for doing the same.  Claiming that we should have sympathy for the person because we don't know what they have been through.

I'm just pointing out the inconsistencies in your behavior vs your words.  

So, basically, if any of the other forum folks feels that they are being insulted, then it really is okay to attack back.  

I feel like you are wanting some hard and fast rule that applies to every situation when this just can't be, and that you are seeing complex interactions in black and white.
If I've criticized others not being sensitive to someone it's because I felt they weren't able to see the others viewpoint very well.
It's not an inconsistency to adjust my responses to the specifics at hand, and feel more sympathy for one side over the other. I will often take the side of the weaker one. I feel a new person coming to the forum is on the weaker side, as well as those who have trouble articulating their side.

But in answer to your question, no I don't feel it is always justified to attack back -- I would have to know all the details.

Edited January 2, 2019 by Luna Bliss

[Rolig Loon]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Maybe is candidate for locking?

I hope not.  This has been one of the most interesting, productive discussions in the forums recently.  There are a lot of nuances here, reflecting the very different ways that we each think about how we send and receive messages, and about how we feel about this forum community.  I'm glad we can talk about these things and I'm pleased that we have kept a civil tone despite some real differences of opinion.

[Love Zhaoying]

11 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I’m pleased that we have kept a civil tone despite some real differences of opinion.

I didn’t notice! Some of the language has gotten rather loaded, but from the usuals.

[Phil Deakins]

@Luna Bliss

LittleMe is one of those few that I mentioned, who are usually nice but occasionally stoop to using the laugh as scorn. So she may be posting with that in mind - i.e. being defensive of the practise.

Edited January 2, 2019 by Phil Deakins

[Phil Deakins]

2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I didn’t notice! Some of the language has gotten rather loaded, but from the usuals.

Perhaps, but the "tone" has remained civil, which is what Rolig said

[Rolig Loon]

12 minutes ago, Phil Deakins said:

15 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I didn’t notice! Some of the language has gotten rather loaded, but from the usuals.

Perhaps, but the "tone" has remained civil, which is what Rolig said

And what's significant is that we have come to know each other well enough that we can discount some of the specific language and appreciate what's probably intended. We say and hear things with our own filters in place.  The more we listen, the more we understand those filters.

[Love Zhaoying]

“Tone” is interpreted. 

[Pamela Galli]

17 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

And what's significant is that we have come to know each other well enough that we can discount some of the specific language and appreciate what's probably intended. We say and hear things with our own filters in place.  The more we listen, the more we understand those filters.

Exactly. There is no one in this thread who has not yet learned how to moderate their responses to the occasion.  We all know how to get our message out without violating Guidelines. We have taken the time to learn — for some, the hard way. For some, learning required not just negative feedback from other forumites, but a warning or a ban — but they learned. 

Thats just how reality works: if you are getting burned, take your hand off the burner. 

 

[KanryDrago]

At the end of the day offence is not given it is taken, some choose to take offence easily, some hardly take offence at all. I don't see it as my job to moderate what I say because someone with a thin skin might take offence, that is totally their problem. The only one who can say I pushed it too far is a moderator. If you find this forum frequently offend you then maybe the old adage "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen" applies because most here aren't going to play by lowest common denominator rules about what is offensive

[Luna Bliss]

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

I bet he’s a good mansplainer, too.

[Rolig Loon]

4 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

I don't see it as my job to moderate what I say because someone with a thin skin might take offence, that is totally their problem. The only one who can say I pushed it too far is a moderator.

I think that's one place where we won't all agree. As much as I get annoyed by people who seem to be too thin skinned, I feel some personal obligation to keep my tongue in check.  There's no point in being deliberately offensive.  If I can be reasonably sure that the person I am speaking to will feel upset by my word choice, I moderate my words.  I'd rather have my message not be lost in a fog of unnecessarily harsh rhetoric.  I don't think it would be fair for me to leave it to a moderator to decide when I have gone too far.

[KanryDrago]

2 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I think that's one place where we won't all agree. As much as I get annoyed by people who seem to be too thin skinned, I feel some personal obligation to keep my tongue in check.  There's no point in being deliberately offensive.  If I can be reasonably sure that the person I am speaking to will feel upset by my word choice, I moderate my words.  I'd rather have my message not be lost in a fog of unnecessarily harsh rhetoric.  I don't think it would be fair for me to leave it to a moderator to decide when I have gone too far.

If my post is passed by a moderator then no it wasnt over the top. I consider anyone who gets upset at my posts which are fairly moderate too thin skinned for their own good.

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

If I can be reasonably sure that the person I am speaking to will feel upset by my word choice, I moderate my words.

Same here...usually nothing I have to say is so important that it merits eliciting pain for another. Sometimes tough love is needed however, and it's important to say something...but that is rare.

We all have our weak spots and they should be protected, no matter how some insist all weakness should be stamped out.

[KanryDrago]

12 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I bet he’s a good mansplainer, too.

So you are accusing me of sexism,  back it up with a quote or explain to the forum you were mistaken. Typical of you to aim for tarring the poster with some undeserved epithet rather than engaging with the argument but then its what the forum has come to expect from you

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, KanryDrago said:

So

 

[KanryDrago]

Just now, Luna Bliss said:

 

Ah so I am not allowed to ask someone to provide proof of an accusation now? Guilty because your friend said so.....I am sure we can all get behind that sort of justice. 

[Pamela Galli]

For me it’s not about giving 

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

 

We all have our weak spots and they should be protected, no matter how some insist all weakness should be stamped out.

Well then we are talking about different things. You are talking about people with weak spots, I am talking about people who are bulls in a China shop. Sometimes they need to moderate their abusive language, even if they don’t like hearing that they do.

[KanryDrago]

2 minutes ago, Pamela Galli said:

For me it’s not about giving 

Well then we are talking about different things. You are talking about people with weak spots, I am talking about people who are bulls in a China shop. Sometimes they need to moderate their abusive language, even if they don’t like hearing that they do.

Love's post accusing me of being a mansplainer being a prime example, he didn't tackle what I said and disagree or dispute it he went straight to playing the man not the ball

Edited January 2, 2019 by KanryDrago

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Pamela Galli said:

Well then we are talking about different things.

I think it's Kanry and then Rolig who set the parameters regarding who we're talking about. And then my comment related to their definitions.

[Love Zhaoying]

11 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

So you are accusing me of sexism,  back it up with a quote or explain to the forum you were mistaken. Typical of you to aim for tarring the poster with some undeserved epithet rather than engaging with the argument but then its what the forum has come to expect from you

No..I was responding to the funny “manspreading” picture. It had nothing to do with anyone.

[KanryDrago]

2 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I think it's Kanry and then Rolig who set the parameters regarding who we're talking about. And then my comment related to their definitions.

Your definition said weak spots should be protected sorry I disagree that way you get people like a new hire we just got from university who bursts into tears if anyone disagrees with him. Perhaps we shouldn't by your definition and then implement what he is wrong about and let the company go to the wall when the software doesnt work properly? After all his weak spots need to be protected. Its all the safe space crap we hear about in universities that leads to people being like that

[KanryDrago]

4 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

No..I was responding to the funny “manspreading” picture. It had nothing to do with anyone.

As I got the impression the post Luna made of the picture was a reply to my post I assumed yours naturally to be a follow up. Your caption mentions a he....of course I will assume its therefore aimed at me

Edited January 2, 2019 by KanryDrago