Recurring things in Second Life

[Ivy Mysterious]

So I've been in Second life almost 8 years and over that time period, there's been a few recurring things that I've seen. So I thought I'd put together a list of them and my personal opinions on each one, so here it goes

1. " IM's get capped, please leave a notecard" Now I know we've all seen this one 10 times or more during our time, whether its simply reading someone's profile or trying to figure out how to contact a store owner because your favorite boots somehow got deleted from your inventory AGAIN, we've all come across this line, and since we can have offline's sent to our emails, I simply don't get it. I'm someone who checks my emails daily if not several times a day for this very reason. Now I can understand that some people don't know of this option ( and I've added a picture here to show you how if you use the Firestorm Viewer)

But for seasoned creators who use SL as there RL income source, I don't entirely understand requesting people to clutter your inventory with hundreds of notecards when this is an option.

2. the overaggressive partners. You know, the ones that have the line "If you mess with my baby/ hurt her/ make her cry you will hear from me!" somewhere in the pick dedication of their wife/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ slave/ sub/ daughter/ son etc etc etc. This one always makes me laugh when I see it because its like...What are you gonna do? Caps lock me to death?

3. People trying to say that avatars don't matter. I've gotten into more arguments over this very topic more times than I'd like to admit and I will say it now. they 100% DO MATTER! They are the first thing someone notices about you and whether you want to admit it or not, it is the very thing that will make people wonder if they want to open your profile and read it or not. (Sorry if I sound a little aggressive on this one, but it just irks me so much when people try to push this one off on people)

There's my list. What are your thoughts and what are some things you've noticed?

[Tari Landar]

1 minute ago, IvyLarae said:

 

3. People trying to say that avatars don't matter. I've gotten into more arguments over this very topic more times than I'd like to admit and I will say it now. they 100% DO MATTER! They are the first thing someone notices about you and whether you want to admit it or not, it is the very thing that will make people wonder if they want to open your profile and read it or not. (Sorry if I sound a little aggressive on this one, but it just irks me so much when people try to push this one off on people)

 

You mean in the same way you're pushing your view, because you believe it's right?

I can assure you that while for many, maybe even most(I'm not about to declare, just a guess) appearance means a lot, but for other people, it does't matter a lick.

I don't give a hoot what your av looks like, for the most part. I also don't decide which profiles I feel like opening based on how an av looks. In fact, that sounds utterly ridiculous, lol.

Some of my fav peeps in the entire of sl, have horrid fashion sense, I mean, if one gave a lick about fashion. . Some of us don't give a crap if you think we look nice, or appealing. In fact, some of us would prefer you not, or at least, that some folks not, rofl. 

I'm quite similar in rl, and even if I fall in the minority, I like my approach way better than "I don't think you look nice enough to be worth more than a glance". That sounds super shallow, as shallow as it sounds in rl actually-though I can thoroughly admit it happens ALL the time...I'm not fond of it and will forever believe it is very shallow.  But, to each his/her own, I suppose. We've been over this whole "looks matter" spheal so many times over the years. I have never once altered my view. The only "restrictions" as it were, that I put on my conversing or interacting with other people, has to do with when I own land and what I am willing to allow on said land. Other than that...pffff, you could still look like Ruth and I'll have no problem giving you the time of day.

Oh, and you'd absolutely loathe me. I change my clothes maybe once a year-sometimes twice if I'm feeling adventurous. I have had the same skin, shape, hair, body, etc.. for years, and years, and years. I like it, the people that matter to me like it-r at least know I'm more than what my avatar looks like...and anyone that doesn't, can sod off  

I'd rather keep people wondering , personally 

 

[Callum Meriman]

11 minutes ago, IvyLarae said:

they 100% DO MATTER!

An avatar can be easily improved, but a nasty and shallow personality is quite a bit harder to turn around. (Not saying this is you, but many shallow people hold a similar view)

Find friends based on how they are to you, the chemistry, the way they talk, the way they act, the warmness and goodness, if they make you smile. Don't find them by looks, especially in a game where it's trivially easy to hire someone to make you look like a superstar.

[Ren Toxx]

2. Those profile texts are usually meant for the partner or family in question, a “look how commited I am to you!” thing. Doesn’t make it much less silly, but I guess words are cheaper than deeds.

3. Looks are inevitably the first thing that can make an impression, but it doesn’t mean they will, that’s up to each one. Personally, I have more of an issue with those who pretend looks don’t matter to them, because then you have someone who is shallow and disingenuous.

As for recurrent things that irk me, there’s so many... guess my top ones are the two extremes of SL savvy: the rowdy, bull-in-a-china-shop noobs (which I know is inevitable to some extent, but still, I honestly don’t recall being such a doofus myself) and the arrogant veterans who wouldn’t touch even the nicest, most thoughtful noobs with a ten foot pole—because, ew!, their noobishness and lack of pretty mesh might be contagious!

[Solar Legion]

Seems most already touched upon what items in that listing rubbed me the wrong way so I'll just tackle item 1 ....

Not all e-mail providers handle offline IMs and Group Notices the same. Some will simply dump them into Spam (no matter how many times you pull them out) with no option to prevent it or they'll just outright delete them (no, not send to Trash - delete) before you even have a chance to see them.

So yes, there is a good reason why some warn about IM caps and request you send a notecard instead.

[Cindy Evanier]

I just don't see any problem with asking for a notecard rather than an IM.  Each to their own.  I prefer to get an IM that I can answer but it's not foolproof. You can and do miss something. If for some reason I have to send a notecard to someone who is offline, I make a point of calling the notecard NOT URGENT - For [insert name]  so at least the recipient knows its nothing they have to rush to log in and sort.  Sometimes I might have left myself logged in and crash, never knowing there was an IM.   It's just not something that bothers me when I see that on a profile.   Not much written in a profile bothers me.  Sometimes I just laugh at it, shake my head and carry on (especially those wannabe Master profile demands or the do not talk to me unless you are meshed up rubbish)  

As for what someone's avi looks like, my partner of almost 10 years and my best friend of 8 years are both system avi's who have yet to take the plunge.  Does that make me love them any less?  No chance they are 2 of the best guys anyone could hope to meet. 

[BelindaN]

Chemistry is number one for me.......

I don't mind the sledgehammer newbies, but the arrogant vets, usually guys, really pee me off.

[Garnet Psaltery]

I'm irritated by Profile Pic praise of somebody-or-other which begins "What can I say ...".  Well, why ask me?  I don't know them, I've never met them, and I'm sure I couldn't tell them from last week's cheese rind, let alone advise you on how to praise them.  Bah!

[purrrkitten]

7 hours ago, IvyLarae said:

3. People trying to say that avatars don't matter. I've gotten into more arguments over this very topic more times than I'd like to admit and I will say it now. they 100% DO MATTER! They are the first thing someone notices about you and whether you want to admit it or not, it is the very thing that will make people wonder if they want to open your profile and read it or not. (Sorry if I sound a little aggressive on this one, but it just irks me so much when people try to push this one off on people)

I've never heard anyone say avatars don't matter.

[Klytyna]

7 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

I've never heard anyone say avatars don't matter.

I have, and it's not a "mesh vs system" exclusive either, I've heard the claim from people with avatars that would have been considered as "too fugly to be allowed on your parcel" 10 years or more ago, when they were created...

Guys tend to suffer from this a lot, you know, make an "8 ft tall Philip-Not-A-Linden lookalike steroid abuse Special Edition" avatar, back in 2007, by setting all the "macho" shape sliders to 100, stick some really bad "orange spray tan marinade" skin on it and some used janitor mop sculpty hair...

Then declaim loudly 10 years later than you don't NEED to go shopping because, hey you already own a pair of system jeans, a system t-shirt and some prim foot-canoes...
 

[Janet Voxel]

A pet peeve thread huh?

This is a fairly new one:

Posting a random Flickr link during a good chat. No commentary, just dropping a link....nothing to see here!

[Derekmate]

1 hour ago, BelindaN said:

Chemistry is number one for me.......

 

Did you had it for A levels? 

[LittleMe Jewell]

Just now, janetosilio said:

 

Posting a random Flickr link during a good chat. No commentary, just dropping a link....nothing to see here!

And the ones dropping their Flickr links into group chat, showing them wearing whatever from the store, is no better.  The store personnel can give out Flickr links if they desire, but I don't care about every group member's picture of them wearing the stuff.  IMO, that is nothing more than said group members trying to get attention.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

8 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

I don't give a hoot what your av looks like, for the most part. I also don't decide which profiles I feel like opening based on how an av looks. In fact, that sounds utterly ridiculous, lol.

I think that the straight-forward, zero-sum game being suggested here -- looks matter a whole lot! No they don't matter at all! -- is pretty reductive. The way we actually "read" people is, on the whole, pretty complicated, and involves a process, and not just a visceral reaction.

Of course that process is going to be different for everyone, and only the most shallow person is going to base their reactions entirely, or even mainly, upon the appearance of the avatar. But I think it's equally silly to argue -- or even believe of oneself -- that looks never matter.

How we choose to portray ourselves visually, through things like mesh/non-mesh, style of hair, types of clothing, body type, etc., is no less a conscious or unconscious reflection of who we are than is the kind of language that we use. Our avatars are another, and very useful and effective, means of self-expression. Even the deliberate decision not to expend effort, time, and money on your avatar communicates something about you.

How we interpret what someone else's appearance says about them is going to vary, just as it would in terms of interpreting and responding to what someone says. Some of us are more sensitive and acute readers than others, and even the best of us get it wrong sometimes.

But arguing that appearance doesn't, or even shouldn't matter, flies in the face not merely of experience but also of the entire premise of SL. If the visual, and the virtual embodiment of those with whom you are speaking, didn't matter at all, you wouldn't be here at all. (And I'd note that even in things like bulletin boards and forums, we still embody ourselves consciously through some kind of avatar or profile pic.)

[BelindaN]

1 hour ago, Derekmate said:

Did you had it for A levels? 

Took it Derek and failed it............

[Syo Emerald]

9 hours ago, Callum Meriman said:

An avatar can be easily improved, but a nasty and shallow personality is quite a bit harder to turn around. (Not saying this is you, but many shallow people hold a similar view)

Find friends based on how they are to you, the chemistry, the way they talk, the way they act, the warmness and goodness, if they make you smile. Don't find them by looks, especially in a game where it's trivially easy to hire someone to make you look like a superstar.

I agree with the OP and think that many in this thread take that last part too much as a "I don't talk to newbie avatars/2007-freebie-galaxy avatars". Its not about that. Its not about how much cash someone has spend on their avatar or how up-to-date their items are.

In Second Life we can all look how we want. No genes or environment prevent us from archieving the look we want. Creating an avatar is a form of self-expression and I do think that tells something about the person behind it. If not, everyone here could be comfortable with every kind of avatar. Sure, its not a 100% guide to finding the good matches and avoiding the bad apples, but it can give clues. Silly example: The people giving this annoying "I'm gonna murder you, if you look at my sweet hony baby darling...something!" speach in their profile are probably not the same group of people who chose humble style choices, stuffed animals or toaster avatars.

[Janet Voxel]

1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

And the ones dropping their Flickr links into group chat, showing them wearing whatever from the store, is no better.  The store personnel can give out Flickr links if they desire, but I don't care about every group member's picture of them wearing the stuff.  IMO, that is nothing more than said group members trying to get attention.

Exactly! It’s definitely becoming a disturbing trend. I don’t see it going anywhere either.

Another good one: you’re shopping or you chatted with someone like one time....briefly and you get:

Nice avatar..(insert sob story)..can you loan me 300Ls?

or

“Hey! Can you give me 300Ls” in a random IM when you log on.

Edited December 10, 2018 by janetosilio

[Talligurl]

I will sometimes log onto SL to do something when I do not have a lot of time for anything else, If I have IMs that came while I was away, and do not deal with them right then, the next time I log they will be hard to find. And what if I have several, and before I answer them all, my system crashes and I need to relogging, they do not automatically pop back up. I totally get the request for a notecard, the notecard will always be there, to answer when I have time.

[Tari Landar]

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Of course that process is going to be different for everyone, and only the most shallow person is going to base their reactions entirely, or even mainly, upon the appearance of the avatar. But I think it's equally silly to argue -- or even believe of oneself -- that looks never matter.

I haven't yet seen anyone say that looks never matter, though. But I also don't believe it's silly to argue that an actual persons worth should be in ANY way, tied to how their chosen character/avatar/etc. looks in a virtual environment. In fact, it's more than just silly, imo, it's just plain odd.

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

How we interpret what someone else's appearance says about them is going to vary, just as it would in terms of interpreting and responding to what someone says. Some of us are more sensitive and acute readers than others, and even the best of us get it wrong sometimes.

For me, anyone that places such a high level of importance on how an av looks, especially to the point of outright saying "your looks deter me from even opening your profile", gets it wrong more than just sometimes. That's some pretty straight forward arrogance, no matter how you slice it. Maybe that person isn't really anyone's cup of tea his/her self, you know? I've always thought it stupid to tie someone's worth into their physical appearance. The use of an avatar, character, whatever have you, does not , in any way, change this for me. Though I do realize my opinion is in the minority on this one, I really do think it's far, far less shallow, and far, far more reasonable to put a bit more effort behind my thought process when I decide whether or not someone is worth my time. If I tied it into others' appearance nearly as often as some people seem to suggest we ought to(or suggest that we do) I'm pretty sure there isn't a soul left in sl that would be willing to give ME the time of day for acting like such a fool, and I think I'd also be an idiot for expecting them to, lol. 

 

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But arguing that appearance doesn't, or even shouldn't matter, flies in the face not merely of experience but also of the entire premise of SL. If the visual, and the virtual embodiment of those with whom you are speaking, didn't matter at all, you wouldn't be here at all. (And I'd note that even in things like bulletin boards and forums, we still embody ourselves consciously through some kind of avatar or profile pic.)

Putting more importance on other aspects, and far, far less importance on the physical appearance of others' chosen avatars/characters, doesn't fly in the face of anything, except sheer arrogance and ignorance. I haven't seen anyone yet say that appearance *never* matters, or that it *should never* matter, for them. I see nothing at all wrong with that. If someone else wants to place more importance on how someone looks, versus taking notice but not making it a priority...by all means, go forth and do so..just don't expect me to think nice things about you, the same that you won't think nice things about me because I'm not nearly as into how my chosen av looks in sl. I mean that street goes both ways, does it not? 

I would most certainly be here, regardless though, again I very well may be in the smallest minority ever on that one. The physical appearance of the world that is sl, the platform, THAT matters to me. The things people can create, the environments, the activities, the realism, the fantasy...I mean I could go on for weeks on end about that and how important it is to me in sl. But people's appearances, again, for the most part...pfffft, it's so low on the totem pole it's not even funny. And ftr, before anyone asks, or assumes, I do not believe my way of thinking is the only right and noble way, or that it somehow makes me a better person to either say, or believe it(and I do believe it) or anything of that nature. I have as many faults as the next person. Which is probably why I can easily go from being a human to a hamster, to a great big pile of boxes...to someone who seemingly(in that moment) lack any and all fashion sense....and not give a hoot what anyone thinks. Yes I have a nice looking av, but to most people, I'm pretty cookie cutter (and I'm ok with that, btw, lol) But I'm not in sl to please everyone else, I am here, because I enjoy it, it offers me something, well loads of things, I don't get elsewhere, and all of those things both individually and combined, make up the main part of the whole...and av/char appearance may occasionally blip on the radar when necessary, but it doesn't stick around for very long. 

It's not the fact that people are so shallow(to me, it is shallow, any way ya dice it, and yes even nice people can be shallow, it's cool, I still like them, lmao) that bugs me the most...it was the one specific line in my first reply which I bolded. Although other aspects are annoying, they aren't the biggest annoyance..the biggest annoyance is being told that sharing my idea/opinion on the topic, is somehow pushing it on others (by merely saying "looks don't matter to me"), but saying that looks matter more than anything else, matter the most, anything even remotely like that....isn't somehow pushing. Kinda odd, really

Edited December 10, 2018 by Tari Landar

[Pamela Galli]

My display name is NoNotecardsPlease.

 

I am a builder. I don’t really have much use for Pamela, other than as an animation tester. She might as well be a cube. She only wears enough mesh not to totally disgrace herself. 

Edited December 10, 2018 by Pamela Galli

[Ivy Mysterious]

11 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

You mean in the same way you're pushing your view, because you believe it's right?

1

I'm not pushing my view on anyone. I'm simply stating my opinion on something. I understand that how I worded that last point wasn't that great, so let me explain further and hopefully a little better this time lol I found this on a profile a while back and I think it pretty much nails it, and it said " We are in SL because we are visual people. If not we'd still in text chat rooms where there is no avatar to worry over." and I agree with that because avatars ARE a big part of Second Life. If they didn't matter to some degree then they wouldn't be an option at all, SL would be just another text-only chatroom. You can't get on something like Second Life, IMVU etc then say that avatars don't matter at all, because that simply isn't true

1 hour ago, Syo Emerald said:

I agree with the OP and think that many in this thread take that last part too much as a "I don't talk to newbie avatars/2007-freebie-galaxy avatars". Its not about that. Its not about how much cash someone has spend on their avatar or how up-to-date their items are.

In Second Life we can all look how we want. No genes or environment prevent us from archieving the look we want. Creating an avatar is a form of self-expression and I do think that tells something about the person behind it. If not, everyone here could be comfortable with every kind of avatar. Sure, its not a 100% guide to finding the good matches and avoiding the bad apples, but it can give clues. Silly example: The people giving this annoying "I'm gonna murder you, if you look at my sweet hony baby darling...something!" speach in their profile are probably not the same group of people who chose humble style choices, stuffed animals or toaster avatars.

THIS! again I understand that I did a really poor job in stating my point on this topic but Syo pretty much nailed what I was trying to say. I wasn't trying to say that "Oh if your extremely outdated you shouldn't even bother with me" or anything like that, I was simply saying customization, avatars and otherwise, is a BIG part of SL. You can customize pictures, Land, buildings, if you want to you can create your own homes completely from scratch, SL is built ENTIRELY by its users, that's one of the main attractions of second life. in SL you can be who you want to be without really any limits as long as it follows the ToS. I know there are people in SL who don't care about how you look and while this is okay, I'm not saying it isn't, you can't deny that how you look plays a significant role on this platform

3 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But arguing that appearance doesn't, or even shouldn't matter, flies in the face not merely of experience but also of the entire premise of SL. If the visual, and the virtual embodiment of those with whom you are speaking, didn't matter at all, you wouldn't be here at all. (And I'd note that even in things like bulletin boards and forums, we still embody ourselves consciously through some kind of avatar or profile pic.)

 

Also this, I couldn't have said it any better

[Talligurl]

2 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

Its not about how much cash someone has spend on their avatar.

Of course not  it is all about how much cash they have to spend  on me.

But seriously I would much rather spend  time with a sweet guy with a basic system avi, than some guy who thinks he is God's gift to SL  because he spent 10.000L on his avi.

[Ivy Mysterious]

1 minute ago, Talligurl said:

Of course not  it is all about how much cash they have to spend  on me.

But seriously I would much rather spend  time with a sweet guy with a basic system avi, than some guy who thinks he is God's gift to SL  because he spent 10.000L on his avi.

Same, one of my closest friends in SL refuses to update because he runs around as a clown and hasn't been able to find a good skin that compares to his current one lol. Most ( If not all of my friends at his point I think) of my friends are fully meshed, doesn't necessarily mean that I require them to be. If we're gonna roleplay, then yeah its a whole other story, but just hanging out and so on, it doesn't bother me

[Cindy Evanier]

Some of you would die if you saw my os grid standalone region avi  

[ChinRey]

If the point is to have an avatar that attracts other people, here is my experience after using far more different avis than I can count:

1. Most positive (although not necessarily wanted) response: A fairly neutral and relatively low lag mesh body (Maitreya, Slink or such), flexi hair, no mesh head, mainly good quality applier clothing (although a few pieces of mesh clothing won't make much difference).
2. Second most positive response: Same as above but no mesh body, only mesh hands and feet.
3. Mesh body, mesh head, mesh clothing, hair short enough it doesn't need any kind of flexis.
4. A well made all classic avatar.
5.  Everything else.

Others may have different experiences of course.

Edited December 10, 2018 by ChinRey