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Gopi Passiflora

Replying to IMs through local chat - is this bad form?

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When I get random IM with just plain "hi" I first check the avatar's profile. I will also zoom into the avatar for a close look. If there is nothing that interests me I don't reply anything. If the person IMing is really interested to chat they will try again with something more meaningful to say. If not then they just give up having no reply to their "hi".

If the avatar is a newbie I sometimes do reply to plain "hi" if I'm not busy. But then you must be prepared, they might be in need for some information. And giving that information what they need, and explaining things, might take quite while.

To reply in general chat to an IM? I have never seen any reason for that.

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I guess I really was wrong for considering to shame people in general chat in SL. I apologize for the topic, it was just me venting about a non-problem.  You guys all gave good advice, though. Thank you.

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9 hours ago, purrrkitten said:

Well, that's how it should be, but unfortunately, that's not how it is.

You're letting it ruin your own experience, which makes it your problem.

lol I'm not letting anything "ruin" my experience. It's not a problem like you think. 

And yes, it is that way, for me, because I do insist and if others aren't willing to use common courtesy, buh bye. 

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10 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

It wasn't just one person. Sometimes you have a choice, either spend half your date time* putting people on ignore or just keep closing the IM windows that keep popping up.

*Some of us only have an hour, maybe two, at a time to be logged in.

What's that word the kids are using, humble bragging? "All these people won't stop hitting on me all the time, it's so incredibly frustrating to be this attractive."

Maybe it'll help to slap your avatar around with the ugly stick a bit.

Seriously though, we have a lot of tools to custom tailor our experience in SL. If you're experiencing a lot of drama, it's by choice.

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Newbies confuse the two. One tried to hit on me yesterday in local. I responded in IM but it looked like I was ignoring him........

He still didn't get it so the whole group saw it. 

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All this talk of social interaction in social places being ignored got me thinking of something else I've done a few times to preempt an incoming 'hi'.

'Look At'.

I have my 'Look At' sending turned off, but have it turned on so I can see the targets of others, unless they've turned off theirs too.

Standing there, looking gorgeous, cross-hairs appear in the centre of my head with a name just above. I wish those names stacked as it becomes messy and unreadable when more than one person stares at you at once. Anyway, I quickly open up an IM for the person staring and monitor the .. is typing message. Then quickly say something before they do, such as 'no thanks'.

It's all sport and it can be fun, sometimes resulting in a reasonable conversation afterwards as they don't know how you did it :D

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1 hour ago, Candice LittleBoots said:

I have my 'Look At' sending turned off, but have it turned on so I can see the targets of others, unless they've turned off theirs too.

And this is the funniest oxymoron of Firestorm and anyone using it for more than Official LL viewer options. You turn yours off, but turn the visibility of others on. They are all doing the same thing. It turns the whole exercise moot. Why turn your target off and still crave to see others' targets on you? Seem rather selfish. LOL

I actually have my look-at targets TURNED ON. because I *want* you to see me clicking on you. How else will you know that I am interested in your look? And if you don't like it, what will you do? I see it as doing you a favor, because if you have look-at target viewing turned on then I am satisfying your narcissism. :)

Besides - it can sometimes generate great conversation with new-friend potential.

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10 hours ago, Gadget Portal said:

What's that word the kids are using, humble bragging? "All these people won't stop hitting on me all the time, it's so incredibly frustrating to be this attractive."

That wouldn't work as bragging on SL, especially when nameing places like London City, which are full of newbies and people that never left that stage mentally.

If you know the "right" places you just need to be a female looking avatar to attract the common "hi"-IMs.

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London City is packed with avis just standing around, and with mega lag.. Maybe all engrossed in IMs.

The other comment I got last night was........."I want to kiss you". Hmm.

This was during my mission as Agent Smith, so hardly super attractive female, but the one thing which never changes, no matter what I wear, is the IM's. Don't get me wrong, in the beginning I was quite unsettled by these 'bugs on the windshield', but now I quite enjoy it. I do the usual cam inspection and profile view. Most seem to be newbies, or phoenix avis, you just can't tell except by their expertise with the functions. Last night they were fumbling, even with the dance balls..............and mostly in local chat.

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8 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

This was during my mission as Agent Smith....

This comment immediately caught my eye. Is there perhaps a dossier on this 'Agent Smith', or some public record, speculative or otherwise, concerning said mission? I have certain...contacts...among members of SL's intelligence community. Good agents are always in demand.

 

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12 hours ago, Gadget Portal said:

What's that word the kids are using, humble bragging? "All these people won't stop hitting on me all the time, it's so incredibly frustrating to be this attractive."

Maybe it'll help to slap your avatar around with the ugly stick a bit.

Seriously though, we have a lot of tools to custom tailor our experience in SL. If you're experiencing a lot of drama, it's by choice.

Exactly lol.

Going to London City as a pretty girl avi and then complaining about IMs.... LOL

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Plus wanting to publicly shame people for a simple hello is very weird and antisocial behavior, but oh well.

Edited by purrrkitten
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5 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

Exactly lol.

Going to London City as a pretty girl avi and then complaining about IMs.... LOL

This sounds too much like victim blaming to me. 

3 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

Plus wanting to publicly shame people for a simple hello is very weird and antisocial behavior, but oh well.

People are just supposed to grin and bear with something that they find aggravating for years on end? Humans don't work well that way. Keeping things bottled up is not good for any one. That just leads to sudden explosions. 

When I was young I would do exactly that until one day it would all just come boiling out. It's much better to let it out than to let it build for years, until you literally explode with anger.

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3 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

This sounds too much like victim blaming to me. 

Victim??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? Oh, brother. LOL HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Getting a "hi" IM doesn't make you the victim of anything.

3 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

People are just supposed to grin and bear with something that they find aggravating for years on end?

On sl you have many tools at your disposal that you can utilize to shape your experience anyway you want. You're choosing to let it aggravate you lol.

Edited by purrrkitten
a word

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4 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

Victim??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? Oh, brother. LOL HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Getting a "hi" IM doesn't make you the victim of anything.

On sl you have many tools at your disposal that you can utilize to shape your experience anyway you want. You're choosing to let you aggravate you lol.

Right now the only thing aggravating me is the person who is misinterpreting every thing I post.

16 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

This sounds too much like victim blaming to me. 

I didn't not say it was, I said it SOUNDS LIKE. If you've never been a victim of anything then you wouldn't know. I have been a victim in the past, of many things. I consider myself to be a survivor since much of it took place 30 (and more) years ago.

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49 minutes ago, Dillon Levenque said:

This was during my mission as Agent Smith....

This comment immediately caught my eye. Is there perhaps a dossier on this 'Agent Smith', or some public record, speculative or otherwise, concerning said mission? I have certain...contacts...among members of SL's intelligence community. Good agents are always in demand.

 

Obviously this is the Matrix, and obviously Agent Smith doesn't exist..............haha!

Although this week I'm obsessed, or should that be posessed..........

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9 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Right now the only thing aggravating me is the person who is misinterpreting every thing I post.

So stop replying or block me. Utilize those tools, girl!

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It’s curious, my experience hasn’t technically been any better than those described here, but it feels better to me. Maybe I just try seeing it objectively. IMs? Yes, and I’ve opened them as well (and have no reason to believe I’ll be any less boring or inconvenient to others). Bad conversationalists? Big deal, so am I. Long silences in public? Yeah, same as many others who arrive at the place and say nothing for a while, if at all (perhaps because they too are busy in IMs, AFK, or simply waiting for others to start); only difference may be, I don’t complain about others doing what I myself have done just as frequently, nor am I the arrogant, self-entitled type who believes everyone else in SL exists solely for the purpose of entertaining me.

And by the way, I’m not talking about newbies. Frequently with these, I’ve talked to them, pointing out for example how they themselves may have gone idle for a while (which you can see from their LookAts), and once they realize this, they easily understand and agree that it’s not necessarily a questionable thing. Veterans, not so often—by the hissy fits some throw, you’d be hard-pressed not to think they actually lack the capacity to understand anything that doesn’t suit them.

Same goes for IMs that’ll go pervy. From newbies, you can often see they were just misinformed of the nature and purpose of SL, and somewhat often in fact you can wrangle an intelligent conversation out of them, once they realize you can be more than pixel bonking for them. With veterans? Not so much luck. They already know SL is a lot more. They just don’t care—and because they’re veterans, they think they’re above the need to learn anything else, so you rarely if ever can reason with them.

 

So yeah... all in all, and IM or not, I’d take any day those who just haven’t learned to conduct themselves better yet... than those who clearly never will.

Edited by Ren Toxx
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29 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

So stop replying or block me. Utilize those tools, girl!

I'm perfectly capable of making that decision for myself. I will do so when and if I choose to. Not when someone tells me to.

I'm a woman, not a girl. I haven't been a girl in over 4 decades.

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@BelindaN

Oh, that Agent Smith. Pity.

In any case, should you decide upon a career of dangerous, dark, and dirty work for which you will almost certainly be reviled by many, do be sure and get in touch :-).

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42 minutes ago, Dillon Levenque said:

@BelindaN

Oh, that Agent Smith. Pity.

In any case, should you decide upon a career of dangerous, dark, and dirty work for which you will almost certainly be reviled by many, do be sure and get in touch :-).

I'm intrigued now..... or should that be....Now I'm intrigued.....

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2 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

This sounds too much like victim blaming to me. 

People are just supposed to grin and bear with something that they find aggravating for years on end? Humans don't work well that way. Keeping things bottled up is not good for any one. That just leads to sudden explosions. 

When I was young I would do exactly that until one day it would all just come boiling out. It's much better to let it out than to let it build for years, until you literally explode with anger.

Seems, for some folks at least, there is nothing to be let out, hence the seemingly divided responses we see here.

To me, someone that doesn't WANT the attention of unwanted IMs would do whatever possible, up to and including ignoring, to prevent that very thing. Making a scene, making a mountain out of a molehill, making the conversation public...those all scream "I only want people I like to pay attention to me" not "I am not interested right now". But, interpretations being what they are, it is just likely that is NOT the vibe people are trying to give, as it is they are. At any rate, I find it amusing to go to social places, expect others to not be social, and not be proactive about that prevention. It's super simple, and yes even just a "hi" that has ulterior motives behind it(which you really can't know for certain immediately) is STILL a greeting in much of the world, and typically what people say when they want to..you know..be social. 

When I don't want to converse, I don't. The world, even other people, don't need to be made known of this fact...unless, of course, the "not being social" aspect isn't the point..but that brings me back to my first point.  Oh, and it's not victim blaming...not everything has a victim. Someone daring to tell you hi isn't crossing some taboo social line, in fact, quite the opposite.  Even if the hi comes with a terrible pickup line, it's still not out of the ordinary...making a scene of it is certainly questionable though. 

To each his or her own, people are bound to have varying opinions. Try as I might, and I usually do(and have here), I simply cannot see the other side of this coin, or why simply ignoring/using proactive measures is really this big of a deal. I can't seem to find an explanation anywhere here either though.

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On 12/4/2018 at 2:18 PM, Gopi Passiflora said:

... I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local. Do you think this would be a good idea or not?

Yes. I think that's a really good idea. Furthermore I hope you pop back to report on the results of the experiment.

Edited by rasterscan

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I don't think it's silly. If i don't know the person - and if i'm in a particular mood - the public chat response is "If you can see me, use public chat. Otherwise ..." and i let them fill in the blank.

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