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Gopi Passiflora

Replying to IMs through local chat - is this bad form?

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Okay, you could say I'm just a little frustrated. Almost every time I go as a female avatar to a public place such as London City, Ahern, or a club, I get hit with a random IM from some stranger I don't know, just to open with a "hi". I know it seems harmless but it's still frustrating for some reason. Anyway, I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local. Do you think this would be a good idea or not?

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8 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

, I get hit with a random IM from some stranger I don't know, just to open with a "hi". I know it seems harmless but it's still frustrating for some reason. Anyway, I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local.

if it's really totally random and you'r not liking it or feeling it will end at "you know where" ... , i think you'r free to simply ignore it and click away.
Bringing it in public might not be welcomed by others around you if it gets a bit too sticky flirty by the other one, but it can also be just a opener to a nice friendship, you'll feel that soon enough.

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8 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Okay, you could say I'm just a little frustrated. Almost every time I go as a female avatar to a public place such as London City, Ahern, or a club, I get hit with a random IM from some stranger I don't know, just to open with a "hi". I know it seems harmless but it's still frustrating for some reason. Anyway, I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local. Do you think this would be a good idea or not?

I have done that in the past when someone  IMs me, all my friends and probably everyone on the map with the same chat up line.  Girls talk ;) So we shame them in local letting them know that we all know what they are up to.  Other occasions I just close the IM if I get Hi - silence -  

I would just ignore it and close the IM if you are not in the mood to get chatting.  Those type of IMs are as old as the SL hills. 

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'hello' or 'hi' .. followed by nothing.  Boring. It happens numerous times every day.

Those IMs almost always end up closed without a response from me, but not before zooming in and/or perhaps checking their profile first before closing, just in case.

I do not delete chat logs, so sometimes they have a history of hellos over a number of months, with nothing else and no response in-between.

The worse ones are where someone says something like "hello little lady", or something similar. Repeated exactly, months apart.

Despite all this I never respond in open chat, unless by mistake. Shaming someone for simply trying (rather pathetically) to start a conversation is a bit harsh.

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Ahern? Is it still that kind of place? 😌

Feel free to reply in public chat. It might not make sense to other people around you if you hold a one sided conversation though.

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This is really silly.

Just don't reply.

If you don't want random IMs then don't hang out in social places. Or turn on the firestorm option that blocks all IMs until you decide to look at them.

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3 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Okay, you could say I'm just a little frustrated. Almost every time I go as a female avatar to a public place such as London City, Ahern, or a club, I get hit with a random IM from some stranger I don't know, just to open with a "hi". I know it seems harmless but it's still frustrating for some reason. Anyway, I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local. Do you think this would be a good idea or not?

It's up to you to determine that for yourself.

I have been known to do just that for the simple reason that if you have something to say and it isn't something that should be said "in public" (open chat) you definitely don't need to be saying it to me in IMS. If you feel you need to hide what you have to say, it's not something I want to hear. 

My IM box, my rules. Don't like my rules? Don't IM me.

For me, my IMs are for having private conversations with people I know, not strangers. "Private", in my case, does NOT mean pixel sex. I don't go there.

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44 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

This is really silly.

Just don't reply.

If you don't want random IMs then don't hang out in social places. Or turn on the firestorm option that blocks all IMs until you decide to look at them.

You don't have to hang out in social places to get random IMs. I used to get them all the time on my build platform (when I had land) and there was no one else in the sim. There are those people who will go through a group member list and just start IMing everyone on the list. If you happen to be a member of that group, you will get those IMs at some point. Having a last name (or Resident last name) that starts with letters in the "low end" of the alphabet isn't a safe guard as the order of the member list can be reversed, or set by last log in date, etc.

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Go for it if that is what you want to do. Now and then I will see a one sided conversation in local, I have always assumed that the missing side was from someone who blocked me, but now I wonder if sometimes one  person is chatting via IM.

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3 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

You don't have to hang out in social places to get random IMs. I used to get them all the time on my build platform (when I had land) and there was no one else in the sim. There are those people who will go through a group member list and just start IMing everyone on the list. If you happen to be a member of that group, you will get those IMs at some point. Having a last name (or Resident last name) that starts with letters in the "low end" of the alphabet isn't a safe guard as the order of the member list can be reversed, or set by last log in date, etc.

OP mentioned specific sims where random "hi's" happen a lot, that's why I said that. 

 

edit: if you're in a club or other social sim, you can't get mad at people thinking you want to be social and messaging you. like i said, this is silly.

Edited by purrrkitten
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3 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Okay, you could say I'm just a little frustrated. Almost every time I go as a female avatar to a public place such as London City, Ahern, or a club, I get hit with a random IM from some stranger I don't know, just to open with a "hi". I know it seems harmless but it's still frustrating for some reason. Anyway, I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local. Do you think this would be a good idea or not?

I do it sometimes, though rarely. I'm not sure why when I do. I suspect it's when it feels more like a general chat that is interesting, chilling out type stuff. Or something I feel is more appropriate for chat, rather than IM - so I do it to try to "nudge" them into open chat, rather than IM - it has even worked a few times and others joined in. I remember once it turned into a lot of fun and open chatting went on for 20 or 30 minutes.

2 hours ago, Candice LittleBoots said:

I do not delete chat logs, so sometimes they have a history of hellos over a number of months, with nothing else and no response in-between.

The worse ones are where someone says something like "hello little lady", or something similar. Repeated exactly, months apart.

 

Yeah, I think we all get those. I usually answer with "Hello, again! It's been a long time!"

And it often startles them. On a couple occasions, they were "huh?" - so I copied every previous chat where they said the exact same thing and my response (and that's all it was) - and reposted it so they could see how OBVIOUS their copy/paste "line" to any and all others were really pathetic. Needless to say, I got crickets after that. :)

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3 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

I have done that in the past when someone  IMs me, all my friends and probably everyone on the map with the same chat up line.  Girls talk ;)

This happens on the forums too :)
 

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I ignore any and all IMs I don't want to engage in. For me, it seems silly to engage in a conversation-one sided or not-in local, when the other party is someone I don't want to converse with in the first place. That screams "pay attention to me", whether or not that's the intended message, that's what I get when I see that. I feel the same when I see someone get pissy with someone else in local because they dared to IM. Different responses, same outcome...but, that's just me. I also find it odd when people go to social places, places that are CLEARLY social (clubs-yes, even if many go just for the music, it's still considered a social place, even if most socializing takes place in im, lol) and then complain when people get social. But, that takes me right back to sentence one...don't engage in any conversation you don't wish to engage in, regardless of where that conversation takes place. It's super simple. No amount of drawing local attention to that conversation you don't want to have with that person you don't want to have it with, is going to convince me you didn't want to engage in that conversation, lmao. Kinda the opposite ;) 

For some people, as much as we may not like it, "hi" is a greeting. I can't imagine being offended by it, even if it's just a really bad pickup line, or the intent was for more than conversation. Well, not when it's super easy to ignore anyway ;) 

Edited by Tari Landar
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59 minutes ago, purrrkitten said:

OP mentioned specific sims where random "hi's" happen a lot, that's why I said that. 

 

edit: if you're in a club or other social sim, you can't get mad at people thinking you want to be social and messaging you. like i said, this is silly.

I was pointing out that it doesn't happen just in specific sims, it happens grid wide. I also pointed out other sources to obtain names to IM.

For those who haven't yet learned about such things.

 

I've been in clubs with someone and had people IMing me from within the club. We were not interested in socializing with everyone in the club. We were interested in hanging out with each other at the club, just as people do in RL. We used to call them "dates" where the focus is supposed to be on each other, not everyone else.

So there are situations where no, it isn't silly to get mad when you're just trying to have a night out and other people won't "butt out" of your IMs. Even after being told you're on a date and thanks but no thanks, politely.

 

ETA: There are some people in SL who haven't learned that no means no.

Edited by Selene Gregoire
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1 hour ago, Talligurl said:

Go for it if that is what you want to do. Now and then I will see a one sided conversation in local, I have always assumed that the missing side was from someone who blocked me, but now I wonder if sometimes one  person is chatting via IM.

I've wondered, at times, if people don't think I'm nuts for having what appears to be a one sided conversation. ^_^

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5 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

So there are situations where no, it isn't silly to get mad when you're just trying to have a night out and other people won't "butt out" of your IMs. Even after being told you're on a date and thanks but no thanks, politely.

This doesn't bother me at all, I just don't reply to the initial message if I don't want to talk. If they keep spamming me, I just mute them.

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Just now, purrrkitten said:

This doesn't bother me at all, I just don't reply to the initial message if I don't want to talk. If they keep spamming me, I just mute them.

It wasn't just one person. Sometimes you have a choice, either spend half your date time* putting people on ignore or just keep closing the IM windows that keep popping up.

*Some of us only have an hour, maybe two, at a time to be logged in.

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I've had several "hi" random IM's recently.  I look first to see if they're in the same region, check out their profile, and then generally just respond back in IM with "hello" unless I either see something really interesting in the profile to respond back more fully, or see something so disturbing in their profile that I just close the IM box without replying at all.  

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Just now, Selene Gregoire said:

It wasn't just one person. Sometimes you have a choice, either spend half your date time* putting people on ignore or just keep closing the IM windows that keep popping up.

Or don't open the windows to begin with.

Or temporarily disable any new incoming IMs.

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1 minute ago, purrrkitten said:

Or don't open the windows to begin with.

Or temporarily disable any new incoming IMs.

Kind of hard not to see the tabs pop up when you have the chat window open to begin with, on FS.

I shouldn't have to disable IMs. Or "common courtesy been kicked to the curb completely on the internet". I don't play that game.

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8 minutes ago, moirakathleen said:

I've had several "hi" random IM's recently.  I look first to see if they're in the same region, check out their profile, and then generally just respond back in IM with "hello" unless I either see something really interesting in the profile to respond back more fully, or see something so disturbing in their profile that I just close the IM box without replying at all.  

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't bother and just close the IM. Ninety nine point ninety nine percent (99.99%) of the time I get crickets to my "hello".

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1 minute ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't bother and just close the IM. Ninety nine point ninety nine percent (99.99%) of the time I get crickets to my "hello".

That's been my experience also recently - no response after my "hello" back, but it does make me feel that I was trying to be social. 

 

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31 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I shouldn't have to disable IMs. Or "common courtesy been kicked to the curb completely on the internet". I don't play that game.

Well, that's how it should be, but unfortunately, that's not how it is.

You're letting it ruin your own experience, which makes it your problem.

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It might be a good idea if there’s no other ongoing chat, as it kinda invites it to become a group conversation—in what, too often in such places, otherwise people complain of silence and that “everyone must be in private IMs”.

However, and from experience, be prepared for it to be almost invariably a wasted effort: if the “hi” was the prelude to nastiness, there’s simply no way you’ll convince him to take it to local, and even if it was to be innocent but otherwise asinine, local chat in and on itself doesn’t make anyone a better conversationalist.

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7 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Okay, you could say I'm just a little frustrated. Almost every time I go as a female avatar to a public place such as London City, Ahern, or a club, I get hit with a random IM from some stranger I don't know, just to open with a "hi". I know it seems harmless but it's still frustrating for some reason. Anyway, I've decided to begin replying to these random IMs through local. Do you think this would be a good idea or not?

It's just making drama. Why bother?

If you are unwilling to respond in a friendly way to a simple "hi", mute and ignore.

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