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pandorabellatrix

Daling with rl and sl partners...

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1 hour ago, Gadget Portal said:

Personally, If I want a digital girlfriend, there are plenty of VR and games out there that'll give me one- bonus that I can hit the power button and turn her off if she nags too much.

What stops you from closing SL, if someone nags too much? You still can say something before you log out, like "lets talk tomorrow, please."

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Do the least harm possible. 

And keep in mind that it's not just your RL partner that is potentially affected, but your SL partner as well. Feelings will occur on both ends and even if your RL partner doesn't give two flying *****s what you do in a virtual reality world, you may very well end up causing your SL partner more harm than joy, especially if your RL partner changes their mind. 

There really isn't anything any of us can say to you, for that very reason, unless of course you want to massively over share to online strangers. Just consider all parties involved and do the least harm. 

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20 hours ago, pandorabellatrix said:

I like a guy in rl, been dating, I feel encouragd to start a relationship.

But... it's also happening in sl with another guy! I think this won't be good at all (for me) , so

How many people have one sl partner and a different one at rl?

Is this hard to deal with? Do you keep in secret?

If you have to keep it secret, how is it not cheating?

Do you know the RL guy well enough to know how he'll react if/when he finds out?

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So many points of view...

I have this weekend to make a choice. I am meeting up with both so I think I will tell them.

If everything goes okay (and I am still alive) I will post again.

 

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32 minutes ago, pandorabellatrix said:

If everything goes okay (and I am still alive) I will post again.

Yes please. Would be nice to know what you told them and how both of them reacted.

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On 11/21/2018 at 11:00 AM, pandorabellatrix said:

I like a guy in rl, been dating, I feel encouragd to start a relationship.

But... it's also happening in sl with another guy! I think this won't be good at all (for me) , so

How many people have one sl partner and a different one at rl?

Is this hard to deal with? Do you keep in secret?

 

Talk to your RL boyfriend first. Have a good talk with him.

If he is ok with it and doesn't really care. Then go have fun in the virtual world.

BUT KEEP in mind do not neglect your RL for the virtual one. That's how relationships end fast.

And if he's not ok with you having a virtual one. Then it best that you end it with the virtual one.

NEVER keep secrets from your loved ones. They have a right to know

There are a lot of people in your situation.

Yes, he may be upset or he may not care. But be honest with him.

Every relationship is different and how people handle things are different.

Edited by Minx Kurosawa
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I am going to slide in here to be as blunt as a brick to the face and some people are going to hate me for this but.

 

If you date two people without telling one or the other it's cheating, even if one is "SL-Only". 'cause newsflash darlings.

 

That's still a hunan person. Behind each avatar is an actual living human person. So wise up, talk to both and figure out if you want to be a polyarmous thing or.

 

Pick one,  Then don't have even think of fooling around without being very clear and open on what is and isn't acceptable.

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   Each of us has their own circumstances and, in their heart, everyone here already knows right from wrong. The hearts wants and the mind knows. Which will override which is always up to the individual.

   My advice to the OP also is, that little voice in your head is important. Listen to it and decide which of these relationships is more important to you, and choose it. Otherwise neither can fully have you and you risk losing both.

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28 minutes ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

   Each of us has their own circumstances and, in their heart, everyone here already knows right from wrong.

I agree with Ivanona!

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1 hour ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

In their heart, everyone here already knows right from wrong.

You're giving me half a headache.

1 hour ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

That little voice in your head is important.

It certainly is.

1 hour ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

Listen to it.

Not gonna happen.

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7 minutes ago, Snugs McMasters said:

You're giving me half a headache.

It certainly is.

Not gonna happen.

She said the little voice in your head, not the one in your underwear. 

/me sets self on fire, beating Maddy to the punch

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Well here I am again (sound and safe) lol.

Seriously, I didn't expect what happened.

I talked with my RL friend, he didn't take it in a good way. He said that is not correct, that I was practically cheating etc. And I answered it was not cheating it was dating only (with no intimacy of any kind with any of them). Honestly we were just starting to date. We argued, we answered back each other, including a looong conference about second life stuff. He left, no farewell. Now we don't talk anymore. A shame, I like him but I realised (in time) he was really possessive person.

One day later (just when I was starting to compare men to protozoa.. hehe sorry guys) I talked to my sl friend. It was no necessary I know, but I wanted to know what would be his opinion about this. I was expecting the same (or worse) reaction.

He said that he had no problem at all, that this was like a game, not for real at all, we were dating. But he said that once I begin to feel something for anyone, which may happen, I should say it to him, no matter if it was for him or for my rl friend, I know him he is a bit old fashioned about this (I mean those people that believe in getting married being virgin, etc). The he disarmed me completely for what he said. He said that now he knew he had a "rival" lol he will do whatever it be necessary to make me to fall in love with him.

Thanks for your help guys. I think I found my soulmate lol.

 

 

 

 

Edited by pandorabellatrix
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20 minutes ago, radhi12111988 said:

is it a bad thing to look for an sl gf who accepts to be the same thing in rl? 

I wouldn't say it is a bad thing but SL is a bad platform for finding RL relationships.  Oh sure, it happens sometimes but there are better tool than SL for that.

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To be my usual blunt self (and paraphrase what Rhonda has stated above): If you're using Second Life as a kind of Dating Service (meaning looking for someone to be with offline) then look elsewhere. It simply isn't a Dating Service - those who get lucky enough to find their SO through Second Life are ... Rare to be "polite" about it.

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17 hours ago, radhi12111988 said:

is it a bad thing to look for an sl gf who accepts to be the same thing in rl? 

nothing wrong with that at all, as long as you make that clear right from the start.

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19 hours ago, radhi12111988 said:

is it a bad thing to look for an sl gf who accepts to be the same thing in rl? 

I logged in this morning to find an offline left by you that says nothing more than "hi". >:(

I strongly recommend you read this thread: 

 

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45 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I logged in this morning to find an offline left by you that says nothing more than "hi". >:(

Join the club.

Does this happen to you too?  You answer someone in a group chat and then within a few minutes you get the dreaded on word IM from some random guy?

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18 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Join the club.

Does this happen to you too?  You answer someone in a group chat and then within a few minutes you get the dreaded on word IM from some random guy?

Or friend request with no message at all

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15 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Join the club.

Does this happen to you too?  You answer someone in a group chat and then within a few minutes you get the dreaded on word IM from some random guy?

It's not the first time and likely won't be the last as long I continue to post on the forum. 

My question is, why do people think it's ok to IM someone in world just because they posted on the forum? Whether or not someone was helping on the forum is irrelevant to my question. 

I'm of the opinion that one should ask (on the forum or in forum PMs) before just IMing someone in world they have seen post on the forum. It's the polite thing to do.

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21 hours ago, radhi12111988 said:

is it a bad thing to look for an sl gf who accepts to be the same thing in rl? 

Some want than and some don't.  I don't.

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This guy and I have been friends for some time, we talk a lot. During all this time, I've realized we understand each other very good. I've been close to share rl info with him, after many conversations, I have the feeling we live in the same country. But I wanted to date online first.

About using sl as date service, to be honest, that was not the reason for what I joint, just like many people (most of them girls I guess). But just like irl, things happen... you meet people, and one never knows, you can find that person you was waiting for... without knowing it lol. And I don't have any problem with this at all. It happened to many of my friends.

Finally, I am pretty sure that more than one person who have replied here, have a sl relationship, long distance relationship, whatsapp, chat, e-mail, letters, skype, etc, simply because you had no luck with love with people geographically close to you, or for any reason. For me, it counts, and if I have the correct person in front of me, I am willing to take the risk.

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14 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

It's not the first time and likely won't be the last as long I continue to post on the forum. 

My question is, why do people think it's ok to IM someone in world just because they posted on the forum? Whether or not someone was helping on the forum is irrelevant to my question. 

I'm of the opinion that one should ask (on the forum or in forum PMs) before just IMing someone in world they have seen post on the forum. It's the polite thing to do.

I'm actually okay with people IMing me inworld straight away. Forum PMing me first just seems like those "gentlemen" that will write you a 300 word roleplay wall of text of nonsense that can be boiled down to "am I allowed to say hi?". It's just a total waste of time. If someone wants to talk to me, then just talk to me; but that also means that dropping a "hi" and expecting me to pull a conversation out of my arse when I'm doing something else is not okay either.

But each to their own. 

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6 hours ago, AyelaNewLife said:

I'm actually okay with people IMing me inworld straight away. Forum PMing me first just seems like those "gentlemen" that will write you a 300 word roleplay wall of text of nonsense that can be boiled down to "am I allowed to say hi?". It's just a total waste of time. If someone wants to talk to me, then just talk to me; but that also means that dropping a "hi" and expecting me to pull a conversation out of my arse when I'm doing something else is not okay either.

But each to their own. 

I'd rather they not write that 300 word roleplay at all. Having a conversation with someone is not roleplay. If someone wants to talk to me they can but I am NOT going to carry the conversation. They're going to have to put as much effort into it as they want out of it. No effort on their part means absolutely zero effort on mine.

Asking first is called common courtesy. Something humans need more of, not less.

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