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Hollie Leavitt

RP.... I don't get it

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Why should I? My life is more important than a game or any RP story. It may seem mean but it is what it is. I am not a mean person. I WOULD explain myself to a girlfriend or a romantic interest in REAL life.

Except, the people you're just Rping with are real people behind the keyboard. Their time is just as valuable to them as yours is to you. Common courtesy would be to tell them beforehand that you won't be on when you can. That way, they can make plans that don't include you and don't wind up waiting for a never show. If you do, then well and fine, if not then they aren't the jerks in that scenario.

Not to mention letting them know you might be gone for stretches of time before they involve themselves in a storyline with you. If you let them know the deal beforehand, then they have no room for complaint when it happens.

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1 hour ago, Roxy Couturier said:

 

Except, the people you're just Rping with are real people behind the keyboard. Their time is just as valuable to them as yours is to you. Common courtesy would be to tell them beforehand that you won't be on when you can. That way, they can make plans that don't include you and don't wind up waiting for a never show. If you do, then well and fine, if not then they aren't the jerks in that scenario.

Not to mention letting them know you might be gone for stretches of time before they involve themselves in a storyline with you. If you let them know the deal beforehand, then they have no room for complaint when it happens.

Especially when they are also the sim owners. I've seen this happen on several  RP sims that I played on. First comes the worry - is this person alright? then frustration - we can't reach them, now what do we do about tier? then disappointment - guess we let it lapse, nothing we can do. In none of these cases was the missing person mortally ill or anything like that. They just were 'busy with RL'.  Apparently too busy to send a quick message to anyone. Sure, they owe us nothing, but it's like inviting people to your house for dinner then when they arrive, you lock the door and don't answer. Lack of common courtesy 😛

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7 hours ago, Roxy Couturier said:

 

Except, the people you're just Rping with are real people behind the keyboard. Their time is just as valuable to them as yours is to you. Common courtesy would be to tell them beforehand that you won't be on when you can. That way, they can make plans that don't include you and don't wind up waiting for a never show. If you do, then well and fine, if not then they aren't the jerks in that scenario.

Not to mention letting them know you might be gone for stretches of time before they involve themselves in a storyline with you. If you let them know the deal beforehand, then they have no room for complaint when it happens.

 

5 hours ago, Akane Nacht said:

Especially when they are also the sim owners. I've seen this happen on several  RP sims that I played on. First comes the worry - is this person alright? then frustration - we can't reach them, now what do we do about tier? then disappointment - guess we let it lapse, nothing we can do. In none of these cases was the missing person mortally ill or anything like that. They just were 'busy with RL'.  Apparently too busy to send a quick message to anyone. Sure, they owe us nothing, but it's like inviting people to your house for dinner then when they arrive, you lock the door and don't answer. Lack of common courtesy 😛

Exactly these points. I used to run a weekly D&D group at my house, between 7-10 players. We had one player that would sporadically not show up with no call. This went on for a few months until we all decided that enough was enough and cut him from the group. His response was very similar to @chrisinfamous, "My personal time is my own and I don't owe anyone an explanation." Sorry, but if you are involved in an RP with someone, you do owe them a reason why you weren't around.

I dont know about anyone else, but sporadic RP is ridiculous. "Oh, you want to RP but cant commit to any sort of time schedule.. Suuuuure." 

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My father passed away on February 14, 2014. According to a few posts above I was supposed to log in to SL and let everyone know I wouldn't be logging in for the next 4 years (even though I didn't know at the time I wouldn't be logging in). 

Life and people don't work that way.

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22 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

My father passed away on February 14, 2014. According to a few posts above I was supposed to log in to SL and let everyone know I wouldn't be logging in for the next 4 years (even though I didn't know at the time I wouldn't be logging in). 

Life and people don't work that way.

Did you tell any of your friends in SL what happened, in any form of media (email, skype, discord, IMs whatever.) I would be willing to bet you told them. When my mother died over the summer and barely any of my family came to the wake or funeral i was devastated. I did log in and talk to some of my friends here. Some i told, some i haven't, well, now i guess i just did. There are always exceptions. 

In my scenario this guy just didn't show up, no huge reasons, one of the times he decided to sit at the local park... In 40F degree weather. Yep, that was his reason for not showing up. "I felt like sitting at the park." "I forgot." "I was bing watching a tv show." "I had ordered Chinese food and didn't want to share it. (we, my wife and I, always provided food of some sort, so this was BS.)" I think this part of the RP discussion was more the , "mheh i didn't feel like logging in to RP play for a week and couldn't be bothered telling anyone." That's is just a bad RPer. 

I would never belittle anyone who lost a loved one. You have my deepest condolences on your loss. And a virtual hug if you would accept it. 

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43 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

Did you tell any of your friends in SL what happened, in any form of media (email, skype, discord, IMs whatever.) I would be willing to bet you told them.

Nope. I hadn't told anyone in SL about my father passing until now. The only person in SL I ever had outside of SL contact with hasn't logged in in 5 years or more.

My mother passed away in 2005. Didn't tell anyone in SL about that either.

Why didn't I? If you had seen the crap that was thrown at me for mentioning my mother's death on the old Skiffy (SciFi not SyFy) forums you wouldn't want to tell anyone either. It's not very pleasant to be told you are lying about your mother dying among other not so nice things. 

48 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

I would never belittle anyone who lost a loved one. You have my deepest condolences on your loss. And a virtual hug if you would accept it. 

Thank you. I like hugs. Especially warm furry ones.

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I expect reactions from others on public forums concerning something I said.

I stand by my feelings. I owe explanations to no one who I am only RPing with. I guess I should mention, however, that a few of my bad experiences involved ladies who, despite what they initially said, DID develop feelings. We had contact outside of SL via discord or other apps. I would actively chat with them even while away from SL. I would explain that due to RL I could not log in. Still, drama and negativity.

That being said, it may seem cold of me to feel the way I do but I do so for no bad reason. You don't have to agree with me or understand it.

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55 minutes ago, chrisinfamous said:

That being said, it may seem cold of me to feel the way I do but I do so for no bad reason. You don't have to agree with me or understand it.

I understand that. While it may be courtesy to offer up explanations, you're correct that you do not owe it. 

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1 hour ago, MirandaBowers said:

I understand that. While it may be courtesy to offer up explanations, you're correct that you do not owe it. 

Thanks for understanding and not assuming that I am simply an ***** :P

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9 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

My father passed away on February 14, 2014. According to a few posts above I was supposed to log in to SL and let everyone know I wouldn't be logging in for the next 4 years (even though I didn't know at the time I wouldn't be logging in). 

Life and people don't work that way.

I said it would be courteous for someone who made plans to engage with people online on an ongoing basis (ie opening an RP sim and inviting them to come play) to let said people know if they won't be able to be around (the reason they can keep private if they want to, far as I'm concerned). There is of course no obligation, but I'd tend to avoid such people once I know that's how they behave (ie vanish without a word).

We all have tragedy hit us, and do strange things to us. I'm private about it too. However, it's also hurtful to be left in silence and worry by someone you trusted, even just an "online friend". That's the other side of the coin. I bet we've all felt it at some point. 

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40 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said:

I said it would be courteous for someone who made plans to engage with people online on an ongoing basis (ie opening an RP sim and inviting them to come play) to let said people know if they won't be able to be around (the reason they can keep private if they want to, far as I'm concerned). There is of course no obligation, but I'd tend to avoid such people once I know that's how they behave (ie vanish without a word).

We all have tragedy hit us, and do strange things to us. I'm private about it too. However, it's also hurtful to be left in silence and worry by someone you trusted, even just an "online friend". That's the other side of the coin. I bet we've all felt it at some point. 

I believe you will rethink that if something like what happened to me ever happens to you.

Or didn't you bother to read the entirety of my post. You know, the part where I was called a liar when I told friends on another forum about my mother's death. Not by my friends but by others.

When I did finally log back in to SL there wasn't one single offline left by anyone wondering where or how I was. Conclusion? No one gave a damn.

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1 hour ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I believe you will rethink that if something like what happened to me ever happens to you.

Or didn't you bother to read the entirety of my post. You know, the part where I was called a liar when I told friends on another forum about my mother's death. Not by my friends but by others.

When I did finally log back in to SL there wasn't one single offline left by anyone wondering where or how I was. Conclusion? No one gave a damn.

So, if I am understanding correctly, a possible reason for a person to vanish and not inform anyone is to avoid someone judging them negatively for doing so. Fair enough. I can't say I find that forgives all as people who genuinely do care still are hurt, but that is only my opinion.

Also, I was referring to a rather specific situation - RP sim owners who vanish leaving their community in the lurch. I still think that is discourteous. 

Hope that clarifies.

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8 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said:

So, if I am understanding correctly, a possible reason for a person to vanish and not inform anyone is to avoid someone judging them negatively for doing so. Fair enough. I can't say I find that forgives all as people who genuinely do care still are hurt, but that is only my opinion.

Also, I was referring to a rather specific situation - RP sim owners who vanish leaving their community in the lurch. I still think that is discourteous. 

Hope that clarifies.

I haven't disputed anything you said prior to making my first post in this thread or after. I'd appreciate it if you'd get off my back about whatever it is that got up your nose.

All I am saying is sometimes things happen that makes it difficult, if not down right impossible, to notify any/everyone. It isn't always other people's business anyway. No one likes being "collateral damage" yet it does happen.

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6 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

When I did finally log back in to SL there wasn't one single offline left by anyone wondering where or how I was. Conclusion? No one gave a damn.

After 4 years you would have capped a long time ago and none of them would show up. That's why mine go to my email. 

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On February 14, 2019 at 6:32 AM, Drake1 Nightfire said:

I dont know about anyone else, but sporadic RP is ridiculous. "Oh, you want to RP but cant commit to any sort of time schedule.. Suuuuure." 

As a non RPer, I agree with this, one of the reasons I do not get involved with RP is that my RL schedule does not allow the time commitment. There is plenty of things to do in SL that allow for sporadic schedules. Do those and do not create issues for others.

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4 hours ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

After 4 years you would have capped a long time ago and none of them would show up. That's why mine go to my email. 

One would think that it wouldn't take 4 long years for anyone to notice. A month maybe. But 4 years? No. There were a few notices waiting for me to log in that were dated 2015, not 2014. No one noticed or cared in the first year I was gone. That is the truth. However much it may hurt.

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6 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

One would think that it wouldn't take 4 long years for anyone to notice. A month maybe. But 4 years? No. There were a few notices waiting for me to log in that were dated 2015, not 2014. No one noticed or cared in the first year I was gone. That is the truth. However much it may hurt.

When some of my friends disappeared, I did not have a contact method other than SL. Then they reappeared, explained what happened, and disappeared again. I didn’t feel like bugging them to ask are they ok, where are they, etc. Other friends from the same crew are on Facebook, we never lost contact.

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After all these posts, I feel the need to mention that I received negativity after not being able to log in for only a handful of days. People got upset with me over this, despite ongoing communication outside of SL. So - I DID keep in touch and I DID tell them that I would not be able to play.

This means that while it was supposed to be RP with no strings attached and no real feelings involved, they did have feelings and took it out on me despite being straightforward with them. I was never the bad guy or wrong for doing what I have done in the past, nor will I feel like the bad guy for continuing to do so in the future.

Life happens at the blink of an eye and if I would rather go out on the town on Friday night than get on SL, that's my choice. A Good RP partner would understand that and not get upset that I am not spending enough time with them. Again - it's a RP relationship, not a real relationship. Would I act this way towards a girlfriend that I see physically or even a friend that I have met? Of course not. A RP friend online? Yes.

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17 hours ago, chrisinfamous said:

After all these posts, I feel the need to mention that I received negativity after not being able to log in for only a handful of days. People got upset with me over this, despite ongoing communication outside of SL. So - I DID keep in touch and I DID tell them that I would not be able to play.

This means that while it was supposed to be RP with no strings attached and no real feelings involved, they did have feelings and took it out on me despite being straightforward with them. I was never the bad guy or wrong for doing what I have done in the past, nor will I feel like the bad guy for continuing to do so in the future.

Life happens at the blink of an eye and if I would rather go out on the town on Friday night than get on SL, that's my choice. A Good RP partner would understand that and not get upset that I am not spending enough time with them. Again - it's a RP relationship, not a real relationship. Would I act this way towards a girlfriend that I see physically or even a friend that I have met? Of course not. A RP friend online? Yes.

I mean, if you made plans with that RP friend for FRiday night, i would hope you would let them know you were going out in RL instead. RL or SL, you made plans with someone. Not letting them know is a crappy thing to do. 

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20 hours ago, chrisinfamous said:

After all these posts, I feel the need to mention that I received negativity after not being able to log in for only a handful of days. People got upset with me over this, despite ongoing communication outside of SL. So - I DID keep in touch and I DID tell them that I would not be able to play.

This means that while it was supposed to be RP with no strings attached and no real feelings involved, they did have feelings and took it out on me despite being straightforward with them. I was never the bad guy or wrong for doing what I have done in the past, nor will I feel like the bad guy for continuing to do so in the future.

Life happens at the blink of an eye and if I would rather go out on the town on Friday night than get on SL, that's my choice. A Good RP partner would understand that and not get upset that I am not spending enough time with them. Again - it's a RP relationship, not a real relationship. Would I act this way towards a girlfriend that I see physically or even a friend that I have met? Of course not. A RP friend online? Yes.

It kinda sounds like you're not one worth to engage role play with. If someone take time of their day, which is as precious as yours, to do a game with you that you both planned beforehand and you simply decide that you rather go out and not let them know? That is really selfish, basically all of your posts came out as you're very selfish, might been not what you wanted, but that's how it looks like. Of course real life ALWAYS comes first, there are occasions where it'll be hard to talk to them like an accident, sickness, whatever is that keep you from being able to contact them, but courtesy is part of a friendship, even if it's a virtual one restricted to SL. It's basic niceness 101.

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You are both making vast assumptions. I never said that I made plans with people in SL beforehand. Just that if a Friday night presented an opportunity to go out and have fun that I would rather do that than sit at home.

I am not selfish and I am a very generous RPer. I have feelings too. I have let people know in the past whether I could play or not on any given day. Those people couldn't handle the fact that RL prevented me from getting online at times.

That's because despite my RP rule - No real feelings  - real feelings were there for my RP partner. They were the selfish ones for getting upset when I told them that I couldn't play SL because I was going out with friends or with my brother. Yes; real life always comes first.

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I have a RP friend in another game with a story that has been ongoing for over 2 years. She and I have never had any drama whatsoever because we both understand that RL comes first. If either of us is gone for an extended period of time, we send messages via email or discord to ask. Then we always reply back that RL is keeping us busy at the moment. No biggie. We get it. When an opportunity presents itself to play again, we usually take it.

She doesn't get upset if I want to go out and have dinner with my family. I don't get upset if she wants to spend time with her family on a night when I am available. That's what this all boils down to. Selfish feelings have no place in a RP relationship or any kind of relationship.

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21 hours ago, chrisinfamous said:

Life happens at the blink of an eye and if I would rather go out on the town on Friday night than get on SL, that's my choice. A Good RP partner would understand that and not get upset that I am not spending enough time with them. Again - it's a RP relationship, not a real relationship. Would I act this way towards a girlfriend that I see physically or even a friend that I have met? Of course not. A RP friend online? Yes.

   As Drake and Sylvannas already stated, that's bad form - and not just for RP, but for any and all virtual commitments. 

   The people on the other end are still people, and you not showing up to a planned engagement is a highly disrespectful breach of social convention in accordance with most civilised cultures across the globe for obvious reasons.

2 minutes ago, chrisinfamous said:

I have a RP friend in another game with a story that has been ongoing for over 2 years. She and I have never had any drama whatsoever because we both understand that RL comes first. If either of us is gone for an extended period of time, we send messages via email or discord to ask. Then we always reply back that RL is keeping us busy at the moment. No biggie. We get it. When an opportunity presents itself to play again, we usually take it.

She doesn't get upset if I want to go out and have dinner with my family. I don't get upset if she wants to spend time with her family on a night when I am available. That's what this all boils down to. Selfish feelings have no place in a RP relationship or any kind of relationship.

   That's great, that both parties in this case feel that you have a mutual understanding and an equal level of engagement. But that's one instance, and its mutual understanding is not a universally accepted agreement. It's not uncommon for online role play congregations to have requirements of minimum participation, and it's pretty much the norm that people are expected to participate at certain peaks of the week. It's difficult to comment on your specific case as you've provided no details on it that suggests there being any specific schedules or requirements. It's exactly the same as joining a role play group in RL - D&D, Tuesdays and Thursdays, 19.00-22.00. If you've broken your arm, sure, you'll be excused. If you've notified the DM that you can't attend because you've been asked to work late, you'll be excused. Don't turn up because 'I felt like watching Dr Who and pick navel lint' one time too many and you won't be welcome anymore.

   Just hearing your side of the story doesn't tell us very much at all. You feel you've been treated unfairly - fair enough, we could take your word for it and assume you have indeed been treated in a way which is universally reprehensible and sympathise, and tell you to distance yourself from those people. No one here is going to able to stop them from saying whatever they are saying or doing whatever they are doing anyway. Alternatively, we might suggest that maybe part of the problem is at your end of the ballpark, which would be just excellent, as you could then reconsider the circumstances and work to improve on your end and thus make your RP experience more enjoyable for yourself as well as those you engage with.

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I both agree and disagree because as stated more than once I have never broken a planned engagement. The negativity I received is that I couldn't or wouldn't make it onto SL on days where nothing was planned due to RL happenings.

That does not jusitfy anyones reasoning to give me negative remarks.

Again - I DID NOT break any planned engagements.

Honestly, what is so hard to understand about all of this? The more this goes on, the naysayers replying to my comments seem to be the ones who would be upset if I decided to go out on a night where nothing was planned ahead of time.

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