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Hollie Leavitt

RP.... I don't get it

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1 hour ago, Orwar said:

The people on the other end are still people, and you not showing up to a planned engagement is a highly disrespectful breach of social convention in accordance with most civilised cultures across the globe for obvious reasons.

Are you trying to say my people are not civilized? ¬¬

http://riic.ca/the-guide/in-the-field/indian-time/

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33 minutes ago, chrisinfamous said:

I both agree and disagree because as stated more than once I have never broken a planned engagement. The negativity I received is that I couldn't or wouldn't make it onto SL on days where nothing was planned due to RL happenings.

That does not jusitfy anyones reasoning to give me negative remarks.

Again - I DID NOT break any planned engagements.

Honestly, what is so hard to understand about all of this? The more this goes on, the naysayers replying to my comments seem to be the ones who would be upset if I decided to go out on a night where nothing was planned ahead of time.

They don't agree because they aren't understanding it. They are completely overlooking the fact that we do not have full control over our lives. Things happen that we can't control and those things don't always give us the time needed to log in and message everyone on our friends lists on every site we are members of. They don't realize what they are asking others to do.

In the years I've been a resident I've lost my mother, one brother and then my father. Others now know about my parents but no one (in SL) knew until this thread. And frankly, it's none of their business unless I choose to tell them. My life, my decisions. They can either get over it and deal with it or not. Either way, it is my decision to make, not theirs.

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2 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

They don't agree because they aren't understanding it. They are completely overlooking the fact that we do not have full control over our lives. Things happen that we can't control and those things don't always give us the time needed to log in and message everyone on our friends lists on every site we are members of. They don't realize what they are asking others to do.

In the years I've been a resident I've lost my mother, one brother and then my father. Others now know about my parents but no one (in SL) knew until this thread. And frankly, it's none of their business unless I choose to tell them. My life, my decisions. They can either get over it and deal with it or not. Either way, it is my decision to make, not theirs.

Exactly. Our lives - our decisions.  We can be courteous and let people know ahead of time that we can't make it to SL - whether planned engagements ahead or not - yet some will still choose to be upset and say that we are being rude.

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5 minutes ago, chrisinfamous said:

Exactly. Our lives - our decisions.  We can be courteous and let people know ahead of time that we can't make it to SL - whether planned engagements ahead or not - yet some will still choose to be upset and say that we are being rude.

They don't realize they are being selfish themselves (and discourteous) in demanding to know why someone doesn't log in. If a person wants them to know what is going on, they will be told, when the time comes. IF it comes. If not, they should try to be understanding and compassionate, rather than beat the person up for not making immediate contact. 

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I may be reading his posts incorrectly, but when people responding to chrisinfamous are writing, they seem to be assuming that he's roleplaying in a region where there may be multiple storylines on the go: a full-blown RP region with GMs and mini-plots, etc. What I'm taking away from him comes across very clearly in his first post in this thread:

On 2/14/2019 at 12:57 AM, chrisinfamous said:

Generally, I like to have a good idea of what the idea is so that I don't feel completely lost on the spot. I have always found it best to advertise on the forums and seek out a RP partner, as I enjoy romantic RP within SL as well as many other online games.

I get the impression that Chris's roleplay is intimate, one-to-one RP with a female partner. In short: an SL-based romantic relationship. He says that he will -

On 2/14/2019 at 12:57 AM, chrisinfamous said:

not put up with a woman who, her real self, becomes upset if I do not play SL for a few days and tell her nothing. It's RP, not real.

Engage a woman in romantic roleplay for any length of time, whisper sweet nothings to her, treat her like a lady and a lover, and then expect her NOT to get emotionally involved in any way? I trust that - at the very outset of these roleplay relationships - the women concerned are informed very clearly that "This is roleplay and nothing else. I don't want your feelings and emotions involved, nor should you care about or hassle me if I don't log in to RP with you".

I guess that since -

On 2/14/2019 at 12:57 AM, chrisinfamous said:

This has killed so many RP experiences in the past for me

- you've done just that, and discovered that many women do not like being treated that way.

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1 hour ago, chrisinfamous said:

I both agree and disagree because as stated more than once I have never broken a planned engagement. The negativity I received is that I couldn't or wouldn't make it onto SL on days where nothing was planned due to RL happenings.

That does not jusitfy anyones reasoning to give me negative remarks.

Again - I DID NOT break any planned engagements.

Honestly, what is so hard to understand about all of this? The more this goes on, the naysayers replying to my comments seem to be the ones who would be upset if I decided to go out on a night where nothing was planned ahead of time.

Again, i didn't say you made plans, i said IF you made plans. Not sure why it would matter if you logged in or not if you didnt have any SL plans. You made it sound like you didnt care about SL RP. 

 

On 2/15/2019 at 2:11 PM, chrisinfamous said:

if I would rather go out on the town on Friday night than get on SL, that's my choice.

That comes across as not caring about your SL RP. If you had no plans, it really doesn't make any difference if you logged in or not. 

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21 minutes ago, Skell Dagger said:

I may be reading his posts incorrectly, but when people responding to chrisinfamous are writing, they seem to be assuming that he's roleplaying in a region where there may be multiple storylines on the go: a full-blown RP region with GMs and mini-plots, etc. What I'm taking away from him comes across very clearly in his first post in this thread:

I get the impression that Chris's roleplay is intimate, one-to-one RP with a female partner. In short: an SL-based romantic relationship. He says that he will -

Engage a woman in romantic roleplay for any length of time, whisper sweet nothings to her, treat her like a lady and a lover, and then expect her NOT to get emotionally involved in any way? I trust that - at the very outset of these roleplay relationships - the women concerned are informed very clearly that "This is roleplay and nothing else. I don't want your feelings and emotions involved, nor should you care about or hassle me if I don't log in to RP with you".

I guess that since -

- you've done just that, and discovered that many women do not like being treated that way.

I fully got that he meant one on one Romantic RP. Its still a good idea to let someone know if you wont be around. IF you can. 

As to the clingy needy women he is talking about, did he really think that romancing someone for weeks/months wouldn't involve RL feelings? There was  an old psychologist phrase, Fake it till you make it. IE fake being happy and you will be happy, scarily, it worked. If you fake loving someone long enough, guess what, you might actually have feelings for them. I truly find people who say, "SL is SL and RL is RL and never the two shall meet" pathetic. If that was truly the case you would never have to tell anyone anything about RL. age, location, how your day was, no small talk at all about the real world. Yet they are the first to talk about RL things. RL happens, even in SL. I know for a fact that if one of anyone's friends in SL vanished with no notice they would worry. I know i would, and i have. 

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57 minutes ago, Skell Dagger said:

I may be reading his posts incorrectly, but when people responding to chrisinfamous are writing, they seem to be assuming that he's roleplaying in a region where there may be multiple storylines on the go: a full-blown RP region with GMs and mini-plots, etc. What I'm taking away from him comes across very clearly in his first post in this thread:

I get the impression that Chris's roleplay is intimate, one-to-one RP with a female partner. In short: an SL-based romantic relationship. He says that he will -

Engage a woman in romantic roleplay for any length of time, whisper sweet nothings to her, treat her like a lady and a lover, and then expect her NOT to get emotionally involved in any way? I trust that - at the very outset of these roleplay relationships - the women concerned are informed very clearly that "This is roleplay and nothing else. I don't want your feelings and emotions involved, nor should you care about or hassle me if I don't log in to RP with you".

I guess that since -

- you've done just that, and discovered that many women do not like being treated that way.

I don't disagree with you but I do have to say that if the agreement before beginning the RP is to not get RL emotionally involved, than it's not really on the person who isn't emotionally involved. They have kept their end of the bargain. 

What should take place is, once that person begins to develop real feelings, they should discuss the situation with the other person so that they can either continue the RP or end it permanently.

I do know from my own experience that I have had to end a romantic RP or two because I was the one getting emotionally involved when I should not have. I am very much attached to the man who has been my other half in RL for 19 years now. No romantic RP is worth endangering our relationship.

Edited by Selene Gregoire

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7 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I don't disagree with you but I do have to say that if the agreement before beginning the RP is to not get RL emotionally involved, than it's not really on the person who isn't emotionally involved. They have kept their end of the bargain. 

What should take place is, once that person begins to develop real feelings, they should discuss the situation with the other person so that they can either continue the RP or end it permanently.

I do know from my own experience that I have had to end a romantic RP or two because I was the one getting emotionally involved when I should not have. I am very much attached to the man who has been my other half in RL for 19 years now. No romantic RP is worth endangering our relationship.

Well said Selene!

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11 hours ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

 Its still a good idea to let someone know if you wont be around. IF you can. 

Yep. Seems a pretty simple concept to me. And could salvage friendships if/when we decide to come back.  

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15 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

II do know from my own experience that I have had to end a romantic RP or two because I was the one getting emotionally involved when I should not have. I am very much attached to the man who has been my other half in RL for 19 years now. No romantic RP is worth endangering our relationship.

Completely agree, that's why I don't do romance rp when I'm in a relationship in RL life and I don't se why would one need oto engage in a romantic RP when this can put something else at risk.

 

On the other hand, ff it's a rp made just to get off and no romance involved, then yes, there is no need to talk about feelings. but one is being way to naive thinking that a lot of people in SL are here and they are emotionally stable and completely happy in life, they are not and many of them use role play as very unhealthy way to find online what they crave for in real life but are unable to find, so if a person is going to be romantic and fake that they have feelings for someone else and expect nothing comes from there, they're being selfish and careless. Unless they make it 100% clear in the very start that they do not care at all for whatever happens in SL they just want a quick release and keep going with their lives.

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I always make it clear that I want only RP within SL. I am very happy with my life even being single. I am not looking for love online. I have tried that in the past and just doesn't work nor give me the feelings I desire.

I always let people know if I may or may not be around. I can't help if a female RP partner agrees to carry on RP only, knowing that I want nothing more from the very start and decides to start getting feelings for me.

 

This has happened a few times. Once or twice I recall explaining that I only wanted RP, in better details. Those one or two ladies were mature and understanding and decided they should find someone else to play with and I didn't get upset.

The others were very selfish and rude -  saying that I should like them too and want more than RP. No. I refused to be that way due to their desire. So what did I end up getting? Drama. Keep it away from me.

 

I want to have fun - not put up with emotionally needy people online.

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1 hour ago, chrisinfamous said:

I always make it clear that I want only RP within SL. I am very happy with my life even being single. I am not looking for love online. I have tried that in the past and just doesn't work nor give me the feelings I desire.

I always let people know if I may or may not be around. I can't help if a female RP partner agrees to carry on RP only, knowing that I want nothing more from the very start and decides to start getting feelings for me.

 

This has happened a few times. Once or twice I recall explaining that I only wanted RP, in better details. Those one or two ladies were mature and understanding and decided they should find someone else to play with and I didn't get upset.

The others were very selfish and rude -  saying that I should like them too and want more than RP. No. I refused to be that way due to their desire. So what did I end up getting? Drama. Keep it away from me.

 

I want to have fun - not put up with emotionally needy people online.

You will always have "drama" when you interact romantically with people online. Whether or not its RP or other, feeling of some sort happen. Thats just human nature. 

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1 hour ago, chrisinfamous said:

I want to have fun - not put up with emotionally needy people online.

Hello, welcome to SL. We hope you enjoy your time engaging in one-on-one "romantic" roleplay.

 

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19 hours ago, chrisinfamous said:

I want to have fun - not put up with emotionally needy people online.

   People engage with RP differently, though. For some, it's 'here is my character, here's the great wall of China, and here's me', for others it's more of 'here's my character, it's basically me, but younger, more fashionable, more attractive, and totally into all that sexual stuff that I've never dared to try'. You must communicate with the person to set up the where the line is to be drawn before you engage with them. Solipsism doesn't tend to work out very well when interacting with others.

   A healthy role play relationship, in my opinion, must have an OOC communication that is maintained as well as the IC relationship. If, when you log on, you immediately go IC and ask your partner how they are today, if they have no means to OOC tell you that 'I just heard my high school class mate died in a car crash so I'm pretty upset as the realisation of mortality has dawned upon me in such a powerful way that my anxiety is through the roof', they're quickly going to figure out an IC reason to feel terrible. And then you comfort them, and then they translate that comfort into something more tangible, and then they're going to start projecting onto you, and suddenly when they say 'I wish I could be snuggled up to you right now', when their avatar already is snuggled up to your avatar, you're going to be in a well awkward situation. 

   If you don't like people to become attached to you, I'd advise you just steer clear of RP altogether. If you're more than happy being single in RL, why pursuit a fictional relationship in SL? If you want intimacy without emotion, there are higher definition, no-hassle fixes available through your browser. AdBlock and a decent firewall is advised. 

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I never understood this corner of SL, but I usually just put it plainly that I'm not interested in RP, and then the situation diffuses itself. I am however interested in what makes those people 'tick' (apologies if that comes off strong, I just can't find proper wording). Like I completely understand wanting to RP as something interesting and exciting, but family RP goes over my head.

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1 hour ago, Parx Oran said:

I never understood this corner of SL, but I usually just put it plainly that I'm not interested in RP, and then the situation diffuses itself. I am however interested in what makes those people 'tick' (apologies if that comes off strong, I just can't find proper wording). Like I completely understand wanting to RP as something interesting and exciting, but family RP goes over my head.

I've lost more immediate relatives than most people have at my age. For reasons I won't bore you with, family RP was never going to be a coping strategy for me. I do, however, very much understand why others might choose it. It's for much the same reason that anyone might develop a parental/filial/fraternal/sororal relationship with someone in real life. It fills a void.

Even if you haven't lost a relative, an SL familial relationship or RP gives you some of the benefit of a family-like connection, while being able to choose a person you like and get on with. This is often not the case with blood relations.

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On 2/13/2019 at 9:12 PM, chrisinfamous said:

Why should I? My life is more important than a game or any RP story. It may seem mean but it is what it is.

While I agree that your RL is more important than any game or role play you participate in, you need to keep in mind that the games or role play you participate INCLUDE other people behind the keyboard, despite the character they play while role-playing. The characters they play may not be real, but the people behind them very much are and you should still consider, if you made plans to role play with them that you need to cancel due to RL, letting them know so that way they won't be left waiting on you because they think your gonna log in and haven't been told other wise. Just because you've encountered people wont don't get upset if you don't show up, doesn't mean you should justify not letting them know.

 

I try my best, if something comes up, whether it be I am simply not feeling up to it or a RL emergency to come up, to let the people I made plans with know

On 2/13/2019 at 9:12 PM, chrisinfamous said:

I WOULD explain myself to a girlfriend or a romantic interest in REAL life.

And I'm glad, but just because it isn't real, or because its happening in SL, doesn't mean you shouldn't let them know that theirs been a change in plans. Yes, SL is virtual, but the people who use it are not

Edited by IvyLarae
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4 hours ago, IvyLarae said:

While I agree that your RL is more important than any game or role play you participate in, you need to keep in mind that the games or role play you participate INCLUDE other people behind the keyboard, despite the character they play while role-playing. The characters they play may not be real, but the people behind them very much are and you should still consider, if you made plans to role play with them that you need to cancel due to RL, letting them know so that way they won't be left waiting on you because they think your gonna log in and haven't been told other wise. Just because you've encountered people wont don't get upset if you don't show up, doesn't mean you should justify not letting them know.

I try my best, if something comes up, whether it be I am simply not feeling up to it or a RL emergency to come up, to let the people I made plans with know

 

And I'm glad, but just because it isn't real, or because its happening in SL, doesn't mean you shouldn't let them know that theirs been a change in plans. Yes, SL is virtual, but the people who use it are not

- I can only remember a few times where I didn't get on SL for a planned thing and I did let the other person know.

When I originally started posting on this thread I mentioned that one or two RP partners got upset if I didn't log in after only a few days with no plans made in game. They took it beyond upset and actually griefed me over it. That is why I feel the way I feel. I still let people know if I can't make it to a scheduled event. I'm just not going to put up with any negativity regarding my real life sometimes getting in the way of everyday SL play time.

Otherwise I agree. It would be rude to neglect a real person who sits behind their screen somewhere in the world by not showing up to a planned event.

Way too many people in this thread have gathered that I simply don't care about the RP partner I am engaged with at any given time. This is incorrect. I do care enough to let them know if I have other plans that get in the way and have done so in the past. What bothers me in those situations is when a RP friend goes above and beyond and begins griefing me as if we were actually dating. Big no no in my book.

 

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3 hours ago, chrisinfamous said:

What bothers me in those situations is when a RP friend goes above and beyond and begins griefing me as if we were actually dating. Big no no in my book.

 

oh yes, that's quite understandable. As some others in this thread have said, romantic roleplay is tricky, as you can never be quite sure what the other person thinks it's all about - even when you are crystal clear from your side of things. I wouldn't say avoid it altogether (because it is fun) but my "been there done that" advice is do the romantic RP with an OOC platonic friend that you've known for a while. That's great fun, and no pressure, with the added benefit of keeping the stalker types at bay (if you roleplay in a community). Otherwise... you kinda take your chances. 

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On 2/17/2019 at 10:06 AM, Drake1 Nightfire said:

You will always have "drama" when you interact romantically with people online. Whether or not its RP or other, feeling of some sort happen. Thats just human nature. 

Oh great! You tell me this After I crashed the sim 🙄

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On 2/17/2019 at 5:04 PM, chrisinfamous said:

 can't help if a female RP partner agrees to carry on RP only, knowing that I want nothing more from the very start and decides to start getting feelings for me.

Can you spot the error in thinking in this? It's in the last clause.

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